Not Enough...

Well, this week i think i kinda found that inspiration thing...i mean by the end of this week i think i've got into that passionate mood again...so charged again rite now...but i guess this time it stems from something really emotional, a moving kinda feeling, and just my desire for so much in life. I feel really like now i don't really know anything anymore, i kinda feel so humbled rite now, and i've just given up on complaining about life, and its kinda negative but a desire for becoming more positive, and i just know that there's so much for me to learn about life and to learn from others, maybe a time i should stop feeling sorry for myself...to really not let any of my so called limitations prevent me from living a full life, a time to remove the shackels and experience life more fully. I should just do what i want, not let my fear drag me down...i feel like there's something i'm not doing right, and i don't know how to be a part of much more and to do my best in everything in my life...Right now, i'm just taking thoughts straight from my head, so its pretty messy and random but my main point is that i feel that i'm not doing ENOUGH in my life, besides perhaps all i do is study...and i'm not even good at my studies...i don't even invest enough time to even study and revise my work, yea so all those out there who know that u need to at least study a few hours a day to like ACE school...u can see what i mean, but anw so clearly even in the more important things in my life at this point i can't do right. In that sense, i kinda feel inadequate, not in that i don't have the potential or ability but i feel that i'm not doing justice to the potential for so much in life, by not fully experiencing it. I admit, i don't know how to go about doing justice to life, how to live it fully. I really do need people to maybe show me and to really help me be more a part of some sort of life...i mean, i really wanna do so much but i can't do it on my own...and it wouldn't even be meaningful if i could enjoy and give so much for life, and experience so much but have no one to share it with. I kinda feel that i'm like someone whose been out of touch with the outside world or reality and like coming out of prison, no disrespect, and that i don't know so much going on in this world, like i was left behind, that i need to learn how to live in this day and age. That's where i feel i need to be in touch with some form of the outside world in terms of real friends and not even just friends in the like online world. I think I'd even dare do things i never thought i would and stuff that maybe would make my life a whole lot fuller, if i had the support of people, i would be so much more friendler so much more able to relate to the people around me...tts if i had people beside, who would allow me to know more about living life to the fullest, not that everyone would know and yea its true that we'll never know certain answers..but i guess it'll help. Well, for starters i guess, maybe i should be more involved i school events, even maybe in co-curricular stuff, but funny thing is that perhaps now isn't the time, haha, with like A levels not far away and like the year will be over in the blink of an eye, but i guess its never too late. And, perhaps, really have friends that i can really part of something and make the most of what is left, and even go out sometime. Stuff, i haven't done even is like attend a single school performance or even support any cca like so far. I mean so there's so much more i wanna do.

Then right now, i wanna think about what it really means to live life to the fullest, am i trying too hard, pushing myself too hard, giving myself unecessary pressure...is it too idealistic, my view on life...something unattainable. And, perhaps. i'm doing the best i can in my life, and maybe i'm actually already living life to the fullest, but i think i need more when actually i need less...i mean now, what is the place in life, that is the good things and experiences in life...and like i've said so many times that i mean, shouldn't living life according to God's purposes and just living for God and having a relationship with God that is all that matters in living life to the fullest. I guess, i'm getting too caught up in life, too materialistic maybe, too much seeking experiences...perhaps, all i need is to know that i'm living for God and trying my best to live life to the fullest, but anyway...Joyful living i guess is living for God, and experiences of life which i've mentioned in another blog post can be worship to God...but is a small part of what life is, the focus i guess should still be on seeking God, and nothing else. So yea, i'll just need to try i guess to live life to the fullest and not be too greedy and maybe i need a dose of contentment, maybe reality. I try to ensure as much as possible that i'm living fully, and enough...such that i can say even when i have nothing, i am not living in a way that is not enough. I guess, then, its enough to know that God is with me, and all i need is God. Just try and just learn guess, to experience life much but just take comfort in the fact of my relationship with God....to never again say, that i'm not doing enough...

Lord help me be content, and just know that you r all i need and all i want...!!!...Amen.