Nothing i can do...behind the facade...now who i really am...

The week did not end on a high note...but of course of actually i'm ok...just that the same feeling is bugging me again...

Just feel so lonely...and i'm starting to feel that its true that there really isn't much i can do about the situation...i guess, it seems like i have almost resigned to my fate, but i think thats not the case, in a way, i've learned to try not to bother myself with my situation...and to just be happy with the situation i'm in no matter what...at the same time i must admit, i'm pretty upset about my situation. I don't think its cause i'm negative but its to do with my personality i guess...i guess, i tend to seek to build strong relationships with others...from what i gather, i have too idealistic views of relationships...although nothing unrealistic i feel at this point...However, i really don't want to put on a facade...and pretend that nothing's wrong, in a way maybe thats the trouble...i need to have closer friends in sku so that i can show the real person i am...which from what i hear is very different from what i actually am...maybe i'm putting on a facade unintentionally and because of that upset feeling in me, i hide myself behind a further facade...so no one sees my true feelings...

I hope to sort of clarify that in this post...sort of like reveal the true person that i am...i guess the only time that i mentioned much about my personality and stuff was in my post, the lonely idealist...in which i mentioned that my personality type being of an INFP...BUT REALLY NOW I WILL TRY TO SHOW WHO I TRULY AM INSIDE...so here goes...

This may sound similar to the general description of my personality type and i may overlook stuff but i'll just try i guess...

So, firstly...i'm introverted...with the focus on making the world a better place for people, primary goal= find meaning in life, purpose and to find out how to serve humanity...i'm idealistic and am a perfectionist, so strive very hard to achieve my goals...and i use my intuition...for the goal in life which i've just mentioned above...and i'm perceptive too...so this is a general picutre..

The details now, i guess generally, i'm thoughtful and considerate, am a good listener and put people at ease...but i'm RESERVED IN EXPRESSING EMOTION...ok, now i'll elaborate here, well, i hear that people sometimes do wanna approach me or let's say maybe say hi or somethin, but it seems that because i look too serious, and don't smile often...and so i'm not approachable...well, although i look so serious almost most of the time, that really isn't me, thats probably my usual look...so really please don't get the wrong idea, i actually am pretty approachable...in fact, i'm seemingly unapproachable but i really honestly want to be friendly...and love to be involved in the lives of others and just wanna be extroverted i guess...say hi to as many people as possible and make like tons of friends...but the trouble is that i'm pretty awkward when it comes to being friendly(extroverted)...its out of my element...so when it seems like i don't wanna to have anything to do with anyone...essentially, i'm saying the opposite...i love the hi's, mixing with people and just the friendliness i guess. I have DEEP WELL OF CARING...and i'm sincerely interested in understanding people, i'm sure i'm more than capable of being a valued friend confidante. So yea, i can be really warm with people i know well...which obviously can only come if people are willing to know me well...ya.

Furthermore, i hate conflict and go to great lengths to avoid it...and i'm a good mediator in conflicts...i'm generally flexible and laid back but fight passionately when a value is violated..finally, i have great determination in the things i do...

Other stuff are like, that i overlook mundane details of life, dislike hard logic, am a perfectionist and don't work well in groups...people with my personality tend to be talented writers...and so i am not very comfortable expressing myself in words but do well on paper...so tts about it...

Still, there's a last bit i wanna say and it is about the relationship arena...most importantly, the kind of friend i am...

I have a deep capacity to love, though reserved...supportive, have genuine concern and care for others, trusting and loyal; and adaptive...

My strengths...

Warmly concerned and caring towards others
Sensitive and perceptive about what others are feeling
Loyal and committed - they want lifelong relationships
Deep capacity for love and caring
Driven to meet other's needs
Strive for "win-win" situations
Nurturing, supportive and encouraging
Likely to recognize and appreciate other's need for space
Able to express themselves well
Flexible and diverse

My weaknesses...

May tend to be shy and reserved
Don't like to have their "space" invaded
Extreme dislike of conflict
Extreme dislike of criticism
Strong need to receive praise and positive affirmation
May react very emotionally to stressful situations
Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship
Have difficulty scolding or punishing others
Tend to be reserved about expressing their feelings
Perfectionistic tendancies may cause them to not give themselves enough credit
Tendency to blame themselves for problems, and hold everything on their own shoulders

Finally, this is how i am in terms of friendships...genuine, altruistic, deep, caring and original.

So in closing, i'm not going hide anything, i'm just gonna be myself...that's just me...however, i'm still wishing to express the good in me to friends...

I just pray that God will give me strength and help me to not be discouraged by my situation...and to help me look for opportunties to express the person HE made me to be...and I'm proud of who i am...because of God alone...even though i may not be in the best of moods, i'm trusting the Lord...and i'm just trying to stay happy...so ya...

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