Life Complete...

This time i guess, my only wish is to be able to feel that my life is totally complete and that i'm living my life as fully as possible. Sometimes, i wonder if we really need certain things or people for our lives to be complete...or perhaps God is all we need. As the song goes, that " i will be complete in you(Christ)", i guess its true that life is complete with Christ in or lives. But, we were definitely made for certain things in our lives like doing what we love and having people who genuinely care for us in our lives, friends and family. In that sense, my life still doesn't feel that complete. I feel that like i'm so distant from the people around me, the people i care about, people i know and stuff. Not necessarily physically apart, but i guess that lack of closeness kinda. Right now, i feel like and i know its true that my life just lacks that couple more things that would indeed make my life complete totally. That mainly as i've always said has been down to the whole relationships thing and how it matters the most in life, thats where i got to say that the only things missing in my life is friendship. In addition, right now i fear that i may not be able to get into university and do the course i want, which i feel would lead me to the kinda things i wanna do with my life later on. And, things aren't going totally great at home with family and stuff, and i really miss the time where we could go out together do stuff happily, peacefully and with no clash of opinion stuff. Oh wait, i wonder if there even was such a time. Yea and i do feel like i need to do more spiritually and work on my relationship with God much each day. So yea, to me that is really to me how life should be lived, doing what we wanna do in job and leisure i guess, having friends, family and most importantly God in everything. In my life, i mean, i'm always glad and really want to live life so passionately, its just that i'm frustrated with the conflict of balancing my high ideals about life with the requirements of every day living. Which brings me nicely back to my point of friendships missing in my life, yea, i feel in that sense i'm not being idealistic. My other parts of my life are actually quite ok, and the friendship part of my life is that only one i'm pretty concern about the most as always. I understand that its difficult in my situation and all, and i know that like some of the people around me do say hi and stuff and help me and i'm grateful for that and i don't expect anything. Just that, somehow i feel i need to take that to a slightly different level, and i'm not saying that i'm looking for a super super close friends that sticks with you thru thick and thin, and not like what we probably call a true true friend, although that would be great too. But, i just wanna feel like more of the class kinda, and have people to be with and stuff, i mean prob a few had made some sort of attempt, just that i think its still abit distant kinda still. I mean, think about if i was perfectly normal i.e. without my condition, i would clearly look much better and i be much more of a candidate to be friends with alot more people. One might say that, than that frienship is superficial but one has to understand that frienships that last prob come out of something that started out superficially. But, u know what i mean the moment they see i'm the way i am, i suddenly not even considered able to be friends with whoever, i know it isn't always that the case but only the rare majority are not like that, and even if not intentional the vast majority of people subconsciously are superficial. Also, i must admit that i still haven't been able to break out of my shell and bravely make friends and get out of my comfort zone to be much more friendly. But, i guess, its because although, my condition won't really restrict me, somehow, theres this difficult element in that i'm not comfortable to join people and mix and stuff, with trouble with eye contact, low from my wheelchair which make it look like i'm not looking at a person when i talk to em, and much more other issues. And, i feel that without my condition, only then would i feel free and be comfortable mixing and be able to do stuff together with my classmates and stuff. This is cause i would take part in alot more stuff and that would provide me the opportunity much more to mix. And, i would have more confidence in joining people and stuff. The thing also is that even though just being able to do that wouldn't mean it would work, but i feel i would give myself much more of a chance. so yea...i'm just feeling like my life would be absolutely perfect and complete if only i had it that way, i'm really passionate about life and am inspired and charged, and just happy about life but just feel friends would make it truly satisfying and amazing such that i'd never need to complain ever and also just improve some stuff in my life and thats all i ask and gives me great joy, and will make my posts never dull...

A LIFE COMPLETE IS ALL I WANT...!!!...