Breakthrough...Better Person, Better Life...
Well, before i get to the main gist of my blog post...there's something very important for me to say on my blog, and that is that, ITS BEEN A YEAR SINCE I FIRST BEGAN MY BLOG...!!!! to be exact it was ytd. Anw, I'm really really glad that I had started my blog a year ago, and that since then, till now, i've already written over 100 plus posts. It's been quite a long journey for me since i first started my blog, and i really hope that through my blog that i have in some way made an impact, positively i hope on anyone who's read my blog...I still really wonder how many people have actually read my blog, but hopefully i have done more than scare everyone from my blog with alot of negative stuff in my blog posts and the fact that through my posts i've put across alot of the ugly side of things...but at the end of the day, i hope a transformation in me has been seen through my about a year of blogging and that i've made a difference in anyone who's read my blog. And, well, being a bit forward looking, i hope to continue to improve my blog and perhaps show more of the positive and fun side of me. Since, i began this blog, i had opened up my world alot more, and i hope that i can continue to make the most of my blog and continue to write and just really keep track of my progress as a person...and make a difference with what i've got...so yea. I just really wanna thank the people who supported me in and encouraged me to create a blog, i just hope that i'll continue to have the support and produce more with my blog....
yupp....
Now, anw, continuing from where i left of, I've finally got my head sorted out and got rid of that "holiday blues", i mean, i'm really beginning to feel much more like my usual self, sort of like back in my element kinda feeling...and i've finally cleared much of the confusion that has shrouded my life in the past couple of months, and i've come to terms with everything i guess. I just feel much more focussed, settled, comfortable, energized and passionate about life and everything again. Most of all i really feel God's presence ever so strongly in my life again, and its not just a feeling, its more than that. Many months ago, i had slipped into a sort depressed sort of state and it was probably due to my constant lost, lonely feeling in having few real close friends or even just friends more than just acquaitances coupled with the stress of school and stuff. Now though, i sort of understand the situation better, and i'm learning each day how to be a better person and friend to avoid this lonely situation and also i've come to terms with the limitation of my circumstance without being fatalistic. Just before that time, i was actually, in high spirits and i thought i had sort of unlocked all i needed to know about living life to the fullest, the meaning in life and living for God...all in a category i call from what i read, "JOYFUL LIVING"; i managed to draw the distinction between indulgence and enjoying life as something of worship to God, in that we praise God for blessing us with so much. However, as that depressed sort of state made me lose the joy, suddenly i also got lost somewhere and seemed to forget what i had learned about life and stuff, along the way i got confused as i immersed myself alot more in the world i guess. New questions began to pop up in my life again, and i didn't again seem to get what life was all about, even though it was somewhere in me, and I was faced with the already faded feeling of emptiness, which suddenly came back, almost with a venegence and at greater force than before, and i wondered how i could possibly feel this way if i'm living for God, at least tried with all my heart. This took a long time, and was at its worst as i hit holidays with that i mean just until this week, of course there were moments in between that i felt i got totally better but it came back. But, now I seemed to have broken through and gotten over that empiness and finally again understanding all there is to life with greater conviction, and i know i still got plenty to learn about life, so i realise i will never absolutely get it, coz it is life's experiences especially the painful ones like troubles that shape us...and i'll only understand fully after i've seen it all. But, rite now, i'm really clear about life again at this point...so thats a great thing again. I guess, also, my trips to botanical gardens and watching my dad and bro play tennis ( where i ended up reading a book), gave me time to think things in my life through and i finally got my life sorted out...so yea.
Also, through my reflections the other couple of days. I realise that my happiness depends not on getting what i want but being contented with what i have. I realise that my life only felt empty some months ago coz i was searching for more in my life at the wrong places, when actually, i already knew what life's meaning was about and i just needed to keep my life simple. One other thing i gotta say is that, that doesn't even mean that we can't enjoy the pleasures that perhpas even royalty get to...coz the nice things in life really are very simple and its just plain hype that makes what the rich and famous people enjoy seem so out of reach. But, anw, happines actually depends on what happens, so if we get good things we'll be happy but if bad things happen we'll feel sad, but what i feel this says is that we should feel happy for what we already have the good things and blessings upon us, and not feeling like we need more coz it'll just bring unhappiness. More importantly, we also need joy, which is being happy regardless of the situation, coz life has its problems. However, i need to perhaps learn to show the joy within me, the smile of my heart even in sad situations, coz in these situations, i'm unhappy but what i have is joy, so people just think that i'm a sad person when actually what i have is actually the happiness on the inside. Another thing i realise is that people seem to feel that i'm an ungrateful person, coz i seem to also complain. But, i don't know what to say coz actually, i'm really really appreciative of every act done in kindness to me. I just hope to continue to improve that and show my appreciation for people around me, coz i do, its just that i don't show it often enough. Hopefully it'll improve my relationships with others.
Furthermore, one other thing is that, i seem to need to live up to some sort of expectation and keep like sort of like reputation, coz only then can i maintain my relationships better. What i mean, is something like that, but not exactly...so i'm saying that, i'm a shy and reserved person, so they say that i need to breal out of that if i'm going to have friends, but problem is that thats just my personality flaw, but as the personality tests all say, we aren't bound to those and we need to learn from the personality tests. However, my question to that is that is it wrong to just be ones ownself? I know that we can improve but is there really RIGHT AND WRONG when it comes to flaws? Should i somehow push myself to be something i'm not, just so i can make friends i don't think so? Really then, that isn't true friends at all. I guess, though there are certain personality flaws that we can't erase really, but we can try to make a concerted and conscious effort to avoid making the same mistakes with those flaws in our personality, yet stay clear of keeping personality traits that make us do things that are perhaps wrong. But, i guess, in any case we have the choice to do what we want but i feel there is an extent that our human minds can change and certain things will remain, but God is here to help us do the impossible i guess. So, all i just want people to know about me is that i'm trying hard to be a more open cheerful and friendly person which i am but don't show due to my personality, and i'm trying to be good friends so just bear with me and help me to really make that transition. Coz, all i want is to have friends it just isn't my personality to be as open and outgoing as others. Anw, back to my point about, expectations, i guess, there'll always be expectations to live up to but we should try as much to improve andbe who we really are and be happy with that and do what we want within what is right.
Finally, the past few days, i've felt a change in myself and a pleasant one distinct from what i've been talking alot about, is that i've finally decided to read more, and i started with a sort of kid book but, anw been reading the chronicle of narnia book, the prince caspian one coz i really want to watch the movie soon and can't wait coz its actually very very very good the movie, and i'm so sure of that. Oh ya, and anw i think this weekend i'm also gonna watch kungfu panda, its really funny and cute..haha. Ok, but now anw enough of this randomness, i've got to end in a more flowy way. Which this randomness doesn't do. So, ya overall, i think i've made another breakthrough in my life to becoming a better person and to live a better life, i felt a change in so many areas of my life and even my studies but i hope of course to continue to improve and especially in my relatioships and all. Anw, rite now i'm just so happy, feeling God's presence, feeling passionate about life again and i feel so much like i know how to really live my life again. And, i hope it shows more in my life...Life really is so great and is so worth living for God, i'm just trusting in God and living for Him...and i'm just glad i'm getting better...yea...
yupp....
Now, anw, continuing from where i left of, I've finally got my head sorted out and got rid of that "holiday blues", i mean, i'm really beginning to feel much more like my usual self, sort of like back in my element kinda feeling...and i've finally cleared much of the confusion that has shrouded my life in the past couple of months, and i've come to terms with everything i guess. I just feel much more focussed, settled, comfortable, energized and passionate about life and everything again. Most of all i really feel God's presence ever so strongly in my life again, and its not just a feeling, its more than that. Many months ago, i had slipped into a sort depressed sort of state and it was probably due to my constant lost, lonely feeling in having few real close friends or even just friends more than just acquaitances coupled with the stress of school and stuff. Now though, i sort of understand the situation better, and i'm learning each day how to be a better person and friend to avoid this lonely situation and also i've come to terms with the limitation of my circumstance without being fatalistic. Just before that time, i was actually, in high spirits and i thought i had sort of unlocked all i needed to know about living life to the fullest, the meaning in life and living for God...all in a category i call from what i read, "JOYFUL LIVING"; i managed to draw the distinction between indulgence and enjoying life as something of worship to God, in that we praise God for blessing us with so much. However, as that depressed sort of state made me lose the joy, suddenly i also got lost somewhere and seemed to forget what i had learned about life and stuff, along the way i got confused as i immersed myself alot more in the world i guess. New questions began to pop up in my life again, and i didn't again seem to get what life was all about, even though it was somewhere in me, and I was faced with the already faded feeling of emptiness, which suddenly came back, almost with a venegence and at greater force than before, and i wondered how i could possibly feel this way if i'm living for God, at least tried with all my heart. This took a long time, and was at its worst as i hit holidays with that i mean just until this week, of course there were moments in between that i felt i got totally better but it came back. But, now I seemed to have broken through and gotten over that empiness and finally again understanding all there is to life with greater conviction, and i know i still got plenty to learn about life, so i realise i will never absolutely get it, coz it is life's experiences especially the painful ones like troubles that shape us...and i'll only understand fully after i've seen it all. But, rite now, i'm really clear about life again at this point...so thats a great thing again. I guess, also, my trips to botanical gardens and watching my dad and bro play tennis ( where i ended up reading a book), gave me time to think things in my life through and i finally got my life sorted out...so yea.
Also, through my reflections the other couple of days. I realise that my happiness depends not on getting what i want but being contented with what i have. I realise that my life only felt empty some months ago coz i was searching for more in my life at the wrong places, when actually, i already knew what life's meaning was about and i just needed to keep my life simple. One other thing i gotta say is that, that doesn't even mean that we can't enjoy the pleasures that perhpas even royalty get to...coz the nice things in life really are very simple and its just plain hype that makes what the rich and famous people enjoy seem so out of reach. But, anw, happines actually depends on what happens, so if we get good things we'll be happy but if bad things happen we'll feel sad, but what i feel this says is that we should feel happy for what we already have the good things and blessings upon us, and not feeling like we need more coz it'll just bring unhappiness. More importantly, we also need joy, which is being happy regardless of the situation, coz life has its problems. However, i need to perhaps learn to show the joy within me, the smile of my heart even in sad situations, coz in these situations, i'm unhappy but what i have is joy, so people just think that i'm a sad person when actually what i have is actually the happiness on the inside. Another thing i realise is that people seem to feel that i'm an ungrateful person, coz i seem to also complain. But, i don't know what to say coz actually, i'm really really appreciative of every act done in kindness to me. I just hope to continue to improve that and show my appreciation for people around me, coz i do, its just that i don't show it often enough. Hopefully it'll improve my relationships with others.
Furthermore, one other thing is that, i seem to need to live up to some sort of expectation and keep like sort of like reputation, coz only then can i maintain my relationships better. What i mean, is something like that, but not exactly...so i'm saying that, i'm a shy and reserved person, so they say that i need to breal out of that if i'm going to have friends, but problem is that thats just my personality flaw, but as the personality tests all say, we aren't bound to those and we need to learn from the personality tests. However, my question to that is that is it wrong to just be ones ownself? I know that we can improve but is there really RIGHT AND WRONG when it comes to flaws? Should i somehow push myself to be something i'm not, just so i can make friends i don't think so? Really then, that isn't true friends at all. I guess, though there are certain personality flaws that we can't erase really, but we can try to make a concerted and conscious effort to avoid making the same mistakes with those flaws in our personality, yet stay clear of keeping personality traits that make us do things that are perhaps wrong. But, i guess, in any case we have the choice to do what we want but i feel there is an extent that our human minds can change and certain things will remain, but God is here to help us do the impossible i guess. So, all i just want people to know about me is that i'm trying hard to be a more open cheerful and friendly person which i am but don't show due to my personality, and i'm trying to be good friends so just bear with me and help me to really make that transition. Coz, all i want is to have friends it just isn't my personality to be as open and outgoing as others. Anw, back to my point about, expectations, i guess, there'll always be expectations to live up to but we should try as much to improve andbe who we really are and be happy with that and do what we want within what is right.
Finally, the past few days, i've felt a change in myself and a pleasant one distinct from what i've been talking alot about, is that i've finally decided to read more, and i started with a sort of kid book but, anw been reading the chronicle of narnia book, the prince caspian one coz i really want to watch the movie soon and can't wait coz its actually very very very good the movie, and i'm so sure of that. Oh ya, and anw i think this weekend i'm also gonna watch kungfu panda, its really funny and cute..haha. Ok, but now anw enough of this randomness, i've got to end in a more flowy way. Which this randomness doesn't do. So, ya overall, i think i've made another breakthrough in my life to becoming a better person and to live a better life, i felt a change in so many areas of my life and even my studies but i hope of course to continue to improve and especially in my relatioships and all. Anw, rite now i'm just so happy, feeling God's presence, feeling passionate about life again and i feel so much like i know how to really live my life again. And, i hope it shows more in my life...Life really is so great and is so worth living for God, i'm just trusting in God and living for Him...and i'm just glad i'm getting better...yea...
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