Happy but lonely, unproductive holidays...

One week into my holidays, i had complained so much about the holiday, but the holiday has gotten better after the second week has just flown by, but into the third week of holiday, strangely i miss school and all the people i know at school and stuff, although i know i was never close to anyone anyway...weirdly though, it doesn't feel the same without seeing people i see so often when i'm in school. It makes me wonder if i've taken for granted, people around me, even if they haven't been the nicest in the world to me, or the closest of friends or even just, acquaitances. Like i said in my other posts, yea, i feel like my life is getting better and i'm feeling like i've sorted things out, figured out stuff and i'm feeling good about my life at the moment, and even the problems though making life miserable, hadn't really got to me. And i must say its the joy that comes from God, so yea i'm still pretty happy. And, now all the troubles seem to have disappeared, and i'm kinda at peace with things going on in my life at the moment. The only trouble at the moment i guess is that, even though i've gone out with family alot, and that really matters to me a lot more than anything else in the world, it doesn't feel that great having really almost in a certain sense broken off my connections with the outside world. Strangely, i do feel kinda lonely, yet i'm not lonely in that i've got family and God is always there for me. Should i really feel this way? i don't know. But, i really envy in a certain way the fact that some people are still able to meet up from time to time, and even people who go back to school for activities, coz at least there are still people around. Of course, for me it isn't the case, so in some sense, i miss the people i guess. Haha, not that anyone would miss me...(= Would have been good if i could somehow still get to be around people again. Anw, apart from that, my life is almost perfect i guess, i mean looking at my life at the moment: occassion outings to movies and stuff with family, playing com and watching tv and listening to music and reading, doing homework, sleeping in, food's not bad, coz i get to go out sometimes...oops i think i sound like i'm promoting some hotel stay, no not so actually thats my life at home..haha. What more could i expect of my life? I've got almost all i want...or least i could think i want, or maybe its a vacation that's missing, not really though, i would get to do all that after the A levels this year, and whatever else i could possibly one are all like in the future kinda stuff. So, i'm quite happy, in that i've done and've had all the things i need for my life at this point. So yea, i'm happy tts all. The only thing is the lonely part. But, the funny thing is that there's still a hint of discontentment within me, i wonder if its only just the fact that i wanna be able to have friends to spend time with or is there more to it. The more, confusing part is that, the truth is that, nothing on earth means anything and will give us contentment in this world except what we do for God on earth, living for Him and having a relationship with Him. I mean, being a christian, why would i still feel discontentment, is it a false feeling or are there parts in my life that i haven't fully surrended, or that i'm not totally living my life to the purposes for my life or that i'm not doing something in my life which God wants me to do? i really don't know, it can't be the case rite if i'm really living for God...? i should even know if there something in my life the God wants me to do, and He will lead me to life in accordance to His will, so maybe, its a false feeling. But, anw at least i'm not feeling the discontentment too much, and overall i feel happy still. Perhaps, well, i could only just do with more of being involved in friends. And, i always seem to be talking about this, but i don't why...Anw, so my point after all this is that, i'm happy, but feel lonely without friends around and a little discontented, although the latter is only in a small way. The only other issue i guess, is that, i haven't started my revision for this holidaes yet which is a bad thing, coz i'm short of time. The only thing is that, at least i'm making progress in holidae hw although i could do with doing it faster so i can revise.

After all i've said, i'm pretty glad lah, about the holidae and the direction its going, its been getting better since the start of it. Just hope i can be more contented and truly confidently say i'm happy. Because i really am, but i don't feel it, so i hope i can feel it coz its there and hopefully it'll shine through. I guess, i don't need to do anymore than just stick to what i'm doing, coz its enough, its just a state of mind i guess. Just pray that God will allow me to apply myself more in fufilling the purpose God has for my life. And, yea just gonna try my best to live life as enjoyably and as fully as possible.

There's really no need for me to ramble about this on my blog anymore...!!!...coz i'm happy really, and my life's not bad at this point...the discontentment's just probably an illusion.
Perhaps, all i miss is just having people around me, and nothing more. Life isn't about having enough or even, more, and there is perhaps nothing that i'm missing in life...maybe i'm completely happy afterall...I guess, i could still say i'm living life to the fullest...cause it isn't about doing as much with life as possible, its making the best of the situation.