Stop and Reflect...Realisation of Times Gone By...
Coming to the end of this June Holidays, its been a year and a half of my life gone by, one and a half years of JC life, i can't help but think about it and realise that i'm seriously coming to the end of my JC life. I realise that life goes so fast and we tend to take things as they come, JC life is really like that, things go so fast, and as much as you remind yourself about the pace of life and how we need to stop and think about where you are going and to make the most of JC life, it goes so fast that we end up not even doing that. And, sometimes when we look back we wonder why we lived like that and about all the things we missed and should have done. When things work out the way they do, we also wonder what went wrong and was there anything else we should have done. Right now, i'm just really pondering about how my life, relationships: family and especially friends and academically and also spiritually. I mean, by no means am i regretting anything, even though there are regrets and stuff i wish were different about my life in ACJC...it all turns out for what is best so in that sense i'm not regretting anything, but i just can't remember how life was exactly from like the start, from orientation to first three months to after PAE, i.e. from JAE, onward, when we got our permanent classes to the JC1 june holidays, to JC1 terms to pre promos to post promos, to start of JC2 to JC2 terms to Funorama to rite now. I wonder if things were always as they are now, like rite now i'm so distant from my classmates, i wonder if things were better b4 and i wonder if there was something that didn't go rite that brings me to where i am rite now. So, i dun know if things got worst or improved, i dun know if theres something i didn't do rite or why things turned out the way they did, i dun know whether i regret anything at all; i dun know if i should have done something better...i guess, just that there probably were regretful moments, not that i regret any of those regretful moments, coz it made me what i am after almost two 2 years. Mainly, i guess, i just dun know why i could never really get closer to my class at all?...and i dun know if things at any time were better than they are rite now. But, rite now i'm just quite feeling great, thing is that, i wish that i didn't have to use my life in ACJC as just only a stepping stone to greater things, but i wish i could've taken out more from my life in ACJC, in terms of the fact that, most people could say that they made their lifetime friends from college and stuff, but i guess, the people that i've known in all my years in ACJC, will sort of fade from my life and they'll just be bygones. To be fair yea, even if its good friends, family, watever, one day separation is inevitable..but, i just feel its such a waste if i really, i never got the chance, don't have something to show for, and memories of times spent with people on a diferent level than just acquaitances. The trouble i guess, is that, once the first impressions and stuff were made, theres no turning back and it seems how stuff didn't work out between me and my classmates and stuff, may have made me become a better person but i wonder really why it had to sort of like a testing ground my life in ACJC, like even if what i've learned now, makes me friends later on it would be a good thing, still, i would've wished that my friends were made now instead of having to go through something sort of like trial and error. I guess, in that sense, i can't go back and change things, coz perhaps if i had been more open from the start i'd made more friends. Then again, like what i read in the last issue of the Mind Your Body, in the living section, about attributing things that we do to circumstances or to the personal. So i dun know if i should think that its because of the situation that its hard for me to be friends, or if its in some way a result of my personality. The funny thing is that usually when people make a mistake they blame the situation, but instead i actually blame myself too much actually. But, i guess, in what i have written u might have felt that i'm complaining about the friends things as i've done for a lot, but i just really will miss having all the people around me, but the thing is i never really had that many friends in school, so i just in a way feel that i never really made the best of my opportunities to make lifelong friends in ACJC, i never stopped to think and see my situation and realise how my life wasn't really headed in the rite direction in that sense. And, i realise that everythings just going to pass me by. In a sense, i sort of rather have a nostalgic feeling at this moment than that of any regret, i miss the fact that at that time i still had a chance and things weren't totally as bad as they are now, i just never knew that it tear me down so much, i guess, i sort of didn't realise all this while i was longing for friends was never as strong as they are now, they were actually always there its just that, i tried to tell myself i was happy even if i had no friends, though deep inside thats all i ever cared for. So, i realise that time is going away so quickly, perhaps theres nothing more i could say, but i've got to move on...like the song by carrie underwood goes, moving on with the rest of your life starts with goodbye. But, what i got to say is that in life, we need to really stop and reflect and see where we're headed, so that we are really in the know about what we're doing and not just moving through life without appreciating every step of the way.
And, as i conclude on that point, i got to say one more thing, about life. I guess, in my life, i always take time and think about what the significance of what i'm doing is, and really try to think about all the things i really want to spend my life doing, to know what matters most to me and accomplish those things. That way, we can only then really live. And, i guess, in that sense it really focusses your life and make everything we do each day count. I mean, so many times , i've written about the way we should live our lives, and after many things i written, read , seen and heard about life and even experienced, i wrote many things that i've realised about what it really means to live and not just make a living, about how to live life to the fullest, how to live life joyfully. But, in a certain sense my definition of life that way it should be lived is too idealistic, and i failed to sort of take into account its practicality in daily life. I mean, think about it, we spend so much time studying, then once we complete our education there's more, we need to work 5days every week. I mean, through school and our work, we can be doing the purpose we were put on earth to do, which is to live for God, and i mean, if we find a job we love, we wouldn't have to work a day in our lives. But, then, what happens to our dreams, doing all the stuff we enjoy, and what is this, only seeing family and friends mainly on weekends. All the stuff that matters more than just our jobs, which only allow us to make a living. I mean, its important, but there are stuff that matter more. After watching shows, where people's lives in an instant were nearly lost, i think about how fragile life is, and thinking about what we are actually living for, i wonder why we waste our lives doing less important things. Just like the story in my A level chinese exam about two persons who had a nose problem and both said that they would draw up plans on what to do b4 they die if it was cancer, and in the end, one person really had cancer the other had a benign tumour. So, the person with cancer did all He wanted to do b4 He died, even writing a book and stuff. And, they realised that all this while they should have been living for what was more important, their dreams and aspirations. I mean, it could be our time anytime, we never know, we really need to live in the moment and really live it up now. Why should we wait till we are going to die b4 wwe decide to really live? Then, again, i'm not sure if this thought is rite or not, should we really do something like, work until we have enough money, than go and retire to do all the things we ever wanted to do. I think its really hard to live up to the motto to live each day like its your last. But, then, perhaps, its contentment that is necessary, maybe even if we haven't lived all our dreams, it doesn't really, as long as we are happy, and we really don't those dreams to make us happy. I guess, we could just be happy living each day for God. However, in the end, i think, we need a balance in life, and just find the time to do things we wanna do in our lifetimes on top of all the necessary things we got to do in life. I mean, we can't go on working and just working, we need to give ourselves a break. But, importantly, its our relationship with God, that requires the most time and in whatever we do be it work or play, we should stay true to our purpose in life and that is to live for God through, WORSHIP, FELLOWSHIP, DISCIPLESHIP, EVANGELISM& MINISTRY.
Finally, to end this post, i guess, we need to really, stop and reflect and realise what we are doing in our lives each day, coz if we just drift through life, we might end up realising that we've wasted so much time in life and realise that the times have gone by just like that. We need to know what really matters to us and really, what we hoped to do in life, including all our dreams and stuff, and also what we really want. Once we know that, we need to really make use of every single second in our lives to go and fulfill all these things and to live for what we were made for. So, b4 its too late, living should start today...start now...!!!...b4 time passes too quickly, we have got to make the most of our time and make what matter most to us count...
And, as i conclude on that point, i got to say one more thing, about life. I guess, in my life, i always take time and think about what the significance of what i'm doing is, and really try to think about all the things i really want to spend my life doing, to know what matters most to me and accomplish those things. That way, we can only then really live. And, i guess, in that sense it really focusses your life and make everything we do each day count. I mean, so many times , i've written about the way we should live our lives, and after many things i written, read , seen and heard about life and even experienced, i wrote many things that i've realised about what it really means to live and not just make a living, about how to live life to the fullest, how to live life joyfully. But, in a certain sense my definition of life that way it should be lived is too idealistic, and i failed to sort of take into account its practicality in daily life. I mean, think about it, we spend so much time studying, then once we complete our education there's more, we need to work 5days every week. I mean, through school and our work, we can be doing the purpose we were put on earth to do, which is to live for God, and i mean, if we find a job we love, we wouldn't have to work a day in our lives. But, then, what happens to our dreams, doing all the stuff we enjoy, and what is this, only seeing family and friends mainly on weekends. All the stuff that matters more than just our jobs, which only allow us to make a living. I mean, its important, but there are stuff that matter more. After watching shows, where people's lives in an instant were nearly lost, i think about how fragile life is, and thinking about what we are actually living for, i wonder why we waste our lives doing less important things. Just like the story in my A level chinese exam about two persons who had a nose problem and both said that they would draw up plans on what to do b4 they die if it was cancer, and in the end, one person really had cancer the other had a benign tumour. So, the person with cancer did all He wanted to do b4 He died, even writing a book and stuff. And, they realised that all this while they should have been living for what was more important, their dreams and aspirations. I mean, it could be our time anytime, we never know, we really need to live in the moment and really live it up now. Why should we wait till we are going to die b4 wwe decide to really live? Then, again, i'm not sure if this thought is rite or not, should we really do something like, work until we have enough money, than go and retire to do all the things we ever wanted to do. I think its really hard to live up to the motto to live each day like its your last. But, then, perhaps, its contentment that is necessary, maybe even if we haven't lived all our dreams, it doesn't really, as long as we are happy, and we really don't those dreams to make us happy. I guess, we could just be happy living each day for God. However, in the end, i think, we need a balance in life, and just find the time to do things we wanna do in our lifetimes on top of all the necessary things we got to do in life. I mean, we can't go on working and just working, we need to give ourselves a break. But, importantly, its our relationship with God, that requires the most time and in whatever we do be it work or play, we should stay true to our purpose in life and that is to live for God through, WORSHIP, FELLOWSHIP, DISCIPLESHIP, EVANGELISM& MINISTRY.
Finally, to end this post, i guess, we need to really, stop and reflect and realise what we are doing in our lives each day, coz if we just drift through life, we might end up realising that we've wasted so much time in life and realise that the times have gone by just like that. We need to know what really matters to us and really, what we hoped to do in life, including all our dreams and stuff, and also what we really want. Once we know that, we need to really make use of every single second in our lives to go and fulfill all these things and to live for what we were made for. So, b4 its too late, living should start today...start now...!!!...b4 time passes too quickly, we have got to make the most of our time and make what matter most to us count...
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