Giving...God's Will...Classmates...
My title for this blog post again has a couple of topics, thus the title with three seemingly random titles mixed together to form one long title. Haha, i really don't know why i use alot of words to explain silly technicalities and even sound like so boring almost sort of like "preachy" in a way. Anw, yea watever...this really isn't the best way for me to start the post...so enough of this gibberish, to the post proper....
Yea, so really this week i kinda had alot of thoughts, really wanted to blog them but didn't with so much work to do, so i can't really rmb all of them thoughts...but it really doesn't matter as much those forgotten thoughts, in that i had a more important thought that came from the sermon at church service ytd.
My other thoughts, came from how like, i seem to have gotten out of a spell where i began to question even more about contentment and happiness...and perhaps still everything's been fine, but in some issues here and there, not totally feeling that i fully understand and still kinda feeling like a little lost maybe, a little like missing something and i guess still not completely satisfied, happy and passionate enough about life again.
I mean i rmb in one of other posts not too long ago, i said about this spell where i felt like everything was going wrong and i was lost and down; i mentioned then, how it been going away as i approach i guess the third week. I had gotten my head sorted out then, and then there was this problem, i rode over but was still relatively happy and feeling as if nothing could bring me down, and the bad things just served to give me opportunities to worship at an even deeper level.
This time its completely different, its actually more like, i'm fine and doing great and happy, but somehow still not totally at peace with my life and not really joyful and not able to be happy for no reason...the sort of happiness that makes one feel everythings perfect when its not and one that is felt when you know you're doing a 100% full life. I mean, i can't really explain, but its sort of like being close to yea saying, theres nothing more i could ask for, and yet not being there.
Then, now...i kinda, suddenly just felt like life is so great, and has so so much potential and like i have just so much i wanna, give show and really live up my dreams and live so fully, i had that sort of passion for life as strongly as i would usually feel is as strongly as it possibly could and should get. Suddenly, everything seem to matter even more to me, like the things i'm doing in my life, and just the peole around i guess. I felt as if i'm truly at the point where i could seriously say my life is as good as it gets. At the peak of that feeling was just the saturday tts just passed only. And, i mean, i also had quite a fun day and i seem to have done all i needed to do. And, i was just so happy, excited about life, and i was laughing like nobodies business, and i had joy that seem to defy reason. I believe its God that really made me break out of this sort of discontentment, and assured me that i'm living life fully and the way wants me to and according to His will for my life and give me greater conviction of how truly a relationship with God is absolutely the only key to a happiness, called joy that is lasting a not based on anything fallible, but on the amazing God that we have. That nite, i was happy, then, we visited my cousins and it was a pretty good nite i guess.
But, out of that, we came home late and slept late and that affected my mood for the next morning, and something didn't feel rite, and oh gosh it had to be on Fathers' Day. Then, in the car on the way to church, i suddenly thought about the strange thing for that time, about like assurance of salvation, i kinda asked the question if we could really be 100% certain about we as christians going to Heaven at the end of our time on Earth, my mum answered my sort of reflective question with a quick and firm, without even thinking, YES. Then, i kinda thought oh man, how could i even be asking a question such as this when it really should i guess, be quite an obvious question. Was i doubting in anyway? But, i mean, i don't doubt the truth. I just feared that somehow, i was having a faith based on the fact that i choose to believe for some reason or another, coz i guess, faith is based on that fact that i believe coz i truly believe.
However, thinking about it i thought maybe, its natural as humans for us to sometimes doubt, so i needed to have faith that i truly had faith. I guess, that affected me in a way, but i realise that, just like i believe the sun will rise every morning, i do truly believe in God. If not why would i be doing what i'm doing and feeling what i feel about the joy in all those trials...and after all i've experienced, a conviction of the joy of having a relationship with God. Anw, so that morning wasn't that great, but after church, had a couple of mishaps but the Fathers' day celebration in the end turn out fine. Then, the good feeling i mentioned at its peak on saturday came back. And, i realise that when God seems distant, it was merely to strengthen my faith again...this of course i already knew but it just reminded me.
Now, anw to the sermon in church on Sunday. It was entitled: God Driven Generosity. The speaker talked about how the new testament gives a radical and new way of looking at Giving. More than just that 10% of your income and stuff. But, a giving based on the fact that God is gives to us everything, and God doesn't take from us but is the source of all that we have. He gives us more to give. The example of a man who gave really based on the fact that, God's work is the most important to us(the great commission), and really God gives us all that we have and really that passion for God, and giving knowing that the Lord has done so much for us. And, that is one of the founders of the methodist church if i'm not wrong, when his imcome rose by about twice his current income, instead of using that money to increase his standard of living, he kept aside only the money he needed to just be able to make a living, and the rest he gave to the church to grow the church and give back to the Lord. The amazing part is that we would in today's society find it hard to do(, especially with inflation)-jk.
But, anw the main way that this message spoke to me was in the sense that, here i am always complaining about how i can live life to the fullest and do the stuff i want in life and pursue my dreams and about enjoying life and stuff, and i always lament about my lack of friends and stuff. All this when, the purpose for life is really to serve God and share the gospel. And, i mean, yes all of the things that we do like for our dreams and passions these are things that God want us to be able to pursue but how could i be thinking so much about that and not just think about taking but giving. And, perhaps even, much of the stuff we pursue seem to take the wrong priority and even serving the Lord is more important...perhaps, i need to focus more on what God wants me to do in terms of serving Him. And i mean, sometimes, i wonder if i'm doing enough in my life, in that like we need to to do our part in our lives and God will do the rest pushing our lives in the direction of His will for our lives. Like, for example, in me reaching out and making friends, i always wonder if i'm doing enough to make friends, and such that my life is in line with God's will for my life. So yea, we really need to give our all to the Lord so that by His will, we can do God's work and that is more important than anything we want to do with our life.
Finally, anw, today, I went back to school for extra economics class, and its the first time i've gone back to school in this June Holidays other than my chinese A level which was at the start of the holidays. So yea, it was great to see most of my classmates after not seeing them for ages, even though perhaps i didn't really mix with them, at least it was great to just be with them. And, i've finally come to terms with my difficulty in really mixing that well in class...the friends issue. But, at least i feel that i've learned how to be a better friend and i guess i also understand the way that its difficult for me to really get close to anyone. And, yea, i'm just hoping to be a better friend and i feel like i'm more cheerful and approachable. So, i'm just going to do even more i guess to just be happy being a friend rather than having friends coz that matters more. But, anw i really appreciate that at least some are quite nice and possibly friendlier i guess, and i'm feel grateful even if i only a few friends though not the closest in the world. Nonetheless, i'm just super happy to see my classmates again. Really...
Lord, help me to put you first in everything...!!!...let me continue to be happy and feel your presence...yea...(=
Yea, so really this week i kinda had alot of thoughts, really wanted to blog them but didn't with so much work to do, so i can't really rmb all of them thoughts...but it really doesn't matter as much those forgotten thoughts, in that i had a more important thought that came from the sermon at church service ytd.
My other thoughts, came from how like, i seem to have gotten out of a spell where i began to question even more about contentment and happiness...and perhaps still everything's been fine, but in some issues here and there, not totally feeling that i fully understand and still kinda feeling like a little lost maybe, a little like missing something and i guess still not completely satisfied, happy and passionate enough about life again.
I mean i rmb in one of other posts not too long ago, i said about this spell where i felt like everything was going wrong and i was lost and down; i mentioned then, how it been going away as i approach i guess the third week. I had gotten my head sorted out then, and then there was this problem, i rode over but was still relatively happy and feeling as if nothing could bring me down, and the bad things just served to give me opportunities to worship at an even deeper level.
This time its completely different, its actually more like, i'm fine and doing great and happy, but somehow still not totally at peace with my life and not really joyful and not able to be happy for no reason...the sort of happiness that makes one feel everythings perfect when its not and one that is felt when you know you're doing a 100% full life. I mean, i can't really explain, but its sort of like being close to yea saying, theres nothing more i could ask for, and yet not being there.
Then, now...i kinda, suddenly just felt like life is so great, and has so so much potential and like i have just so much i wanna, give show and really live up my dreams and live so fully, i had that sort of passion for life as strongly as i would usually feel is as strongly as it possibly could and should get. Suddenly, everything seem to matter even more to me, like the things i'm doing in my life, and just the peole around i guess. I felt as if i'm truly at the point where i could seriously say my life is as good as it gets. At the peak of that feeling was just the saturday tts just passed only. And, i mean, i also had quite a fun day and i seem to have done all i needed to do. And, i was just so happy, excited about life, and i was laughing like nobodies business, and i had joy that seem to defy reason. I believe its God that really made me break out of this sort of discontentment, and assured me that i'm living life fully and the way wants me to and according to His will for my life and give me greater conviction of how truly a relationship with God is absolutely the only key to a happiness, called joy that is lasting a not based on anything fallible, but on the amazing God that we have. That nite, i was happy, then, we visited my cousins and it was a pretty good nite i guess.
But, out of that, we came home late and slept late and that affected my mood for the next morning, and something didn't feel rite, and oh gosh it had to be on Fathers' Day. Then, in the car on the way to church, i suddenly thought about the strange thing for that time, about like assurance of salvation, i kinda asked the question if we could really be 100% certain about we as christians going to Heaven at the end of our time on Earth, my mum answered my sort of reflective question with a quick and firm, without even thinking, YES. Then, i kinda thought oh man, how could i even be asking a question such as this when it really should i guess, be quite an obvious question. Was i doubting in anyway? But, i mean, i don't doubt the truth. I just feared that somehow, i was having a faith based on the fact that i choose to believe for some reason or another, coz i guess, faith is based on that fact that i believe coz i truly believe.
However, thinking about it i thought maybe, its natural as humans for us to sometimes doubt, so i needed to have faith that i truly had faith. I guess, that affected me in a way, but i realise that, just like i believe the sun will rise every morning, i do truly believe in God. If not why would i be doing what i'm doing and feeling what i feel about the joy in all those trials...and after all i've experienced, a conviction of the joy of having a relationship with God. Anw, so that morning wasn't that great, but after church, had a couple of mishaps but the Fathers' day celebration in the end turn out fine. Then, the good feeling i mentioned at its peak on saturday came back. And, i realise that when God seems distant, it was merely to strengthen my faith again...this of course i already knew but it just reminded me.
Now, anw to the sermon in church on Sunday. It was entitled: God Driven Generosity. The speaker talked about how the new testament gives a radical and new way of looking at Giving. More than just that 10% of your income and stuff. But, a giving based on the fact that God is gives to us everything, and God doesn't take from us but is the source of all that we have. He gives us more to give. The example of a man who gave really based on the fact that, God's work is the most important to us(the great commission), and really God gives us all that we have and really that passion for God, and giving knowing that the Lord has done so much for us. And, that is one of the founders of the methodist church if i'm not wrong, when his imcome rose by about twice his current income, instead of using that money to increase his standard of living, he kept aside only the money he needed to just be able to make a living, and the rest he gave to the church to grow the church and give back to the Lord. The amazing part is that we would in today's society find it hard to do(, especially with inflation)-jk.
But, anw the main way that this message spoke to me was in the sense that, here i am always complaining about how i can live life to the fullest and do the stuff i want in life and pursue my dreams and about enjoying life and stuff, and i always lament about my lack of friends and stuff. All this when, the purpose for life is really to serve God and share the gospel. And, i mean, yes all of the things that we do like for our dreams and passions these are things that God want us to be able to pursue but how could i be thinking so much about that and not just think about taking but giving. And, perhaps even, much of the stuff we pursue seem to take the wrong priority and even serving the Lord is more important...perhaps, i need to focus more on what God wants me to do in terms of serving Him. And i mean, sometimes, i wonder if i'm doing enough in my life, in that like we need to to do our part in our lives and God will do the rest pushing our lives in the direction of His will for our lives. Like, for example, in me reaching out and making friends, i always wonder if i'm doing enough to make friends, and such that my life is in line with God's will for my life. So yea, we really need to give our all to the Lord so that by His will, we can do God's work and that is more important than anything we want to do with our life.
Finally, anw, today, I went back to school for extra economics class, and its the first time i've gone back to school in this June Holidays other than my chinese A level which was at the start of the holidays. So yea, it was great to see most of my classmates after not seeing them for ages, even though perhaps i didn't really mix with them, at least it was great to just be with them. And, i've finally come to terms with my difficulty in really mixing that well in class...the friends issue. But, at least i feel that i've learned how to be a better friend and i guess i also understand the way that its difficult for me to really get close to anyone. And, yea, i'm just hoping to be a better friend and i feel like i'm more cheerful and approachable. So, i'm just going to do even more i guess to just be happy being a friend rather than having friends coz that matters more. But, anw i really appreciate that at least some are quite nice and possibly friendlier i guess, and i'm feel grateful even if i only a few friends though not the closest in the world. Nonetheless, i'm just super happy to see my classmates again. Really...
Lord, help me to put you first in everything...!!!...let me continue to be happy and feel your presence...yea...(=
Comments
Great to hear your thoughts! I think you are very real...keep your seeking for God!