Reality...
One of the nights in the past week, I felt like I took a dose of reality. I really don't know how to explain it, but I feel like in looking back at my life...and how perhaps I was naive, I feel like I never really realised how real life really is, like there was so much about life I didn't know. And, by no means am I saying that we should lose that innocence, coz there's still great value being naive. I still believe in believing the best in everything.
Maybe it's coz I'm growing up and becoming an adult, I mean I'm like 20 already. I'm maybe finally seeing life for what it is, it isn't all rosy and perfect, there are real issues...I've always known that like nothing in life is perfect and there is always good and bad, but it's like now it's much more real, it's like things we have to face for real. It's like I have this completely new perspective on life.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about facing bad things in life, for bad circumstances never faze me coz I know that God is in control and has a purpose to accomplish, and He will bring good out of all circumstances good and bad. I do admit that I get problems in my life, in fact there are some that still persist that trouble me but I've learned to try to trust and leave it to God.
In fact, the sermon at church today was from psalms 46, about depression. About being downcast and troubled. So yea, I mean, we all have times when we face troubles and get depressed. However, instead of focussing on the troubles, we should focus on God who is our hope and he will comfort and help us.
But, my point is just that everything just feels so real now, like I'm really living this life and
And, in feeling like everything is so real, I began to think about my life and how I've been living it. Like, I really want to know if I've improved myself especially socially and as a person, that I'm not isolating myself, coz there are of course certain kinds of people that people stay away from like bitter people or nasty people. And, I got to be honest, I don't really think I'm like a total geek or something that is socially awkward. I'm more like someone who's like everyone else, just that I used to be very introverted, quiet and kind of closed off, kept to myself and not very open, therefore didn't have many friends.
For example, like in the movie yes man, the lead was not very open and was afraid to commit to anything and therefore, as his friend said, was going to make him become all alone. Well, it's a different thing but the point is that there was something about his way of life that was not right that caused his plight. So like for me personally, I just want to know if I'm making myself as approachable as possible and living in a way that is the best of me. I totally understand that our differences make us unique and I celebrate diversity.
But, in this case, when I talk about being like everyone else, I mean like a certain way we as people normally behave, like there is a right way to live our lives that allow us to really live our lives, like that allows us to have friends and socialise, and just lead a normal life, doing the things we as humans are created to do. Some people say it's because I choose to be who I am and not bother about what other people think of me that I have no friends, or that I choose to be honest and say what's on my mind, coz I don't believe in saying things just for the sake of being nice.
But, believe me I'm generally a nice person and I care about other people's feelings, so I say things not to hurt anyone but just to be honest and I try my best to speak the truth with love. Others say it's because I'm too quiet, or I don't join or mix with others enough or that I'm not open enough, or that I'm not being a friend or that I'm different. I can never quite understand why I've never really had many friends, but that's just the way it's been. I just want the reassurrance that on my part I've done all I can, that's all.
So yea, it never really felt so real to me, all these things I'm facing and about acceptance. I must say that I've always been like nervous when mixing with other people especially we people I don't know too well, and like I just don't know what to say or talk about. I have probably improved in this area a lot coz I 've tried to practise and step out of my comfort zones several times already, also I've been reading and watching stuff to try to improve myself. But, I still need to really have real friends to go out and do stuff together and do what friends would do for me to really break out and really make the final breakthrough, solving this problem once and for all. So suddenly thinking back on the people I 've met over the past several years and the things I've done, I realise that these things and these people coz it used to feel surreal to be involved in other people. And, so I'm also hoping to be able to be more involved in other people's lives, coz it is a joy to be able to and to I never want to be just by myself.
Anyway, in a separate thing this past week, I've been listening to songs by tyler ward and the whole bunch of people he sings with on youtube, they're like super good. This makes me kind of impatient, coz I'm still not sure if I'm good enough to start recording my own singing on youtube but I want to be able to sing well and record it to youtube. And, in fact, recently having got the iPad I downloaded some music software, and have been trying to write my own songs and play some of my favourite songs and learn to sing better. So, i'm still hoping and dreaming that one day I can be a great singer haha.
Finally, recently I've been going through so much, like I've never kept myself so occupied before, suddenly everything else doesn't matter to me but just living my life for the purpose I've been put here for. It's like I've learned to let go of what I can't control in life and leave it to God. And, I'm just doing my best in whatever I'm doing and trusting that the Lord knows what is best for my life, and that he will guide me in whatever path he has set for me.
Maybe it's coz I'm growing up and becoming an adult, I mean I'm like 20 already. I'm maybe finally seeing life for what it is, it isn't all rosy and perfect, there are real issues...I've always known that like nothing in life is perfect and there is always good and bad, but it's like now it's much more real, it's like things we have to face for real. It's like I have this completely new perspective on life.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about facing bad things in life, for bad circumstances never faze me coz I know that God is in control and has a purpose to accomplish, and He will bring good out of all circumstances good and bad. I do admit that I get problems in my life, in fact there are some that still persist that trouble me but I've learned to try to trust and leave it to God.
In fact, the sermon at church today was from psalms 46, about depression. About being downcast and troubled. So yea, I mean, we all have times when we face troubles and get depressed. However, instead of focussing on the troubles, we should focus on God who is our hope and he will comfort and help us.
But, my point is just that everything just feels so real now, like I'm really living this life and
And, in feeling like everything is so real, I began to think about my life and how I've been living it. Like, I really want to know if I've improved myself especially socially and as a person, that I'm not isolating myself, coz there are of course certain kinds of people that people stay away from like bitter people or nasty people. And, I got to be honest, I don't really think I'm like a total geek or something that is socially awkward. I'm more like someone who's like everyone else, just that I used to be very introverted, quiet and kind of closed off, kept to myself and not very open, therefore didn't have many friends.
For example, like in the movie yes man, the lead was not very open and was afraid to commit to anything and therefore, as his friend said, was going to make him become all alone. Well, it's a different thing but the point is that there was something about his way of life that was not right that caused his plight. So like for me personally, I just want to know if I'm making myself as approachable as possible and living in a way that is the best of me. I totally understand that our differences make us unique and I celebrate diversity.
But, in this case, when I talk about being like everyone else, I mean like a certain way we as people normally behave, like there is a right way to live our lives that allow us to really live our lives, like that allows us to have friends and socialise, and just lead a normal life, doing the things we as humans are created to do. Some people say it's because I choose to be who I am and not bother about what other people think of me that I have no friends, or that I choose to be honest and say what's on my mind, coz I don't believe in saying things just for the sake of being nice.
But, believe me I'm generally a nice person and I care about other people's feelings, so I say things not to hurt anyone but just to be honest and I try my best to speak the truth with love. Others say it's because I'm too quiet, or I don't join or mix with others enough or that I'm not open enough, or that I'm not being a friend or that I'm different. I can never quite understand why I've never really had many friends, but that's just the way it's been. I just want the reassurrance that on my part I've done all I can, that's all.
So yea, it never really felt so real to me, all these things I'm facing and about acceptance. I must say that I've always been like nervous when mixing with other people especially we people I don't know too well, and like I just don't know what to say or talk about. I have probably improved in this area a lot coz I 've tried to practise and step out of my comfort zones several times already, also I've been reading and watching stuff to try to improve myself. But, I still need to really have real friends to go out and do stuff together and do what friends would do for me to really break out and really make the final breakthrough, solving this problem once and for all. So suddenly thinking back on the people I 've met over the past several years and the things I've done, I realise that these things and these people coz it used to feel surreal to be involved in other people. And, so I'm also hoping to be able to be more involved in other people's lives, coz it is a joy to be able to and to I never want to be just by myself.
Anyway, in a separate thing this past week, I've been listening to songs by tyler ward and the whole bunch of people he sings with on youtube, they're like super good. This makes me kind of impatient, coz I'm still not sure if I'm good enough to start recording my own singing on youtube but I want to be able to sing well and record it to youtube. And, in fact, recently having got the iPad I downloaded some music software, and have been trying to write my own songs and play some of my favourite songs and learn to sing better. So, i'm still hoping and dreaming that one day I can be a great singer haha.
Finally, recently I've been going through so much, like I've never kept myself so occupied before, suddenly everything else doesn't matter to me but just living my life for the purpose I've been put here for. It's like I've learned to let go of what I can't control in life and leave it to God. And, I'm just doing my best in whatever I'm doing and trusting that the Lord knows what is best for my life, and that he will guide me in whatever path he has set for me.
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