A Time When Everything Seemed Just Perfect...
It’s been slightly more than a week since my last blog post, but so anw just thought that I will share about the past week, which btw isn’t anything greatly exciting, well it’s not like it’s gonna be a best-seller or something. The past week though was rather uneventful but surprisingly last week was a really an important week. I mean, I had gone through another troubled spell last week and overcoming that was crucial for my life as I move into a whole new level. Basically, last week was a huge learning curve for me and it was like a period of self-discovery you could call it.
I was pretty much not feeling that good again after ironically I was feeling like the New Year was feeling good again, just the week before. Well I must stress that last week has been not bad actually, it’s just that a few issues troubled me that’s all. I was troubled by the fact that somehow with all my mistakes and the way I life my life, I feel like I’m not such a great person, I almost felt like I was responsible for the things not going well in my life, for all the things I’ve done, especially with regards to the lack of friends. Also, been having problems in that I always fight for what I think is right and many a times it sounds like I’m being self-righteous, so really trying to find a way so that I may do what is right, by following the Word and yet be able to speak up for what is right without sounding like I’m the one who knows everything.
Anw, I was not exactly the most joyful too last week and spiritually I must say it hasn’t been great. It was like my faith was being tested and I was not really having God’s presence being appropriated in all the areas of my life, not that I was not allowing that but it just was not feeling that way. But most troubling of all was, when pastor emailed me asking me if I was interested in doing research and coming up with an outline of The Purpose of Life, not that the task was daunting or something, it was just that this sparked off a period of self-reflection. And, also, I began to lose the conviction that the purposes of life are worship, discipleship, fellowship, mission and evangelism, as I asked myself what the purpose of life is.
It’s like in head knowledge I know that life is about these five purposes which are under the umbrella of the ultimate purpose of life which is to live for God’s glory, but somehow my heart was not feeling it. That made me fearful because the five purposes for life are based on the assumption that God is truly as He is, the creator of everything, so the fact that I was lacking the conviction that life is about these five purposes ONLY, I was afraid that I was in some way doubting who God truly is, but in my heart I know that God is real and is the creator. So, I was wondering why I was not convicted that the five purposes are all that life is about.
Thus, I decided to go read my blog, well the archives to find out how last time when I didn’t really see that all to life are these five purposes to see how I came to the conclusion that the five purposes are really all there is to life, so that I could get back my conviction and also I did that to try to figure out why I once had difficulty in seeing these five purposes as all there is to life. I realised that in the very beginning, what started my search into the purpose of life was actually not the desire to find purpose of life but was the search for the meaning in life. I was like doing everything but without feeling like there was any meaning in them. Then, I realised that the true meaning of life is our relationship with Christ and following Christ, and I also concluded that our relationship with God and others is what really matters. But, there is so much more to life, and I began getting lost in all that and couldn’t figure out where all that fitted in. So, after the first time when I read the Purpose Driven Life which didn’t seem to help clear my uncertainty, I decided to read it again. Thereafter, initially I still had trouble fitting things in life into the five purposes, but with many moments of reflection and reading up of other things like daily bread and internet research and stuff, I finally could see how things fitted in. Then, there was also a time when my concern was with living life to the fullest…and I was like looking at what I want from life, I mean it wasn’t wrong that I was thinking about what I wanted from life, but I must admit at one point it was turning worldly. But, ultimately all of that searching led me to only one conclusion that A LIFE LIVED TO THE FULLEST IS A LIFE LIVED FOR GOD…this was what I said in a post a while ago.
So anw, this reminded me of what I had known is the purpose of life…coz I realised that since we were created by God, life is all about living for God’s purpose for our lives and so to live life to the fullest which is about living life as completely would mean doing all that we were put here for. And, after a whole week of praying and reading up, I would say that I’ve finally sort of gotten back my passion and desire to live for God’s glory, and most importantly I’ve finally felt the conviction of once before that the purpose of life is to do the five purposes that God has for us. So, it’s amazing how I went from losing the conviction about the purposes of life and then finding it back…just really believe again in my heart that life is really all about the five purpose, like I just probably got out of this rough patch spiritually and it feels great again. I mean, it was a pressing issue and crucial coz that is so fundamental to the Christian life, and figuring it all out again and rekindling the passion and conviction for that is really important for my spiritual growth, as I’ve experienced the past week.
Anw, just at the start of this week, I learned even more about life. Well, I learned stuff from the movie Yes Man in the theatre and No Reservations on HBO. First, I realised that I’ve been so like the lead in Yes Man, not taking all opportunities and well, sometimes negative at least I appear to be and losing a lot of friends with all the bitterness and focussing inwardly. So, it made me realise that perhaps that I could be more positive by taking all the chances and opportunities that come my way, of course not as extreme as the show but to take the right opportunities that come my way…and I realise that I should focus more on others and make things happen in my life instead of being unhappy about the not so good things in my life and the things I can’t change.
And, in No Reservations, the last line at the end of the show gave me some food for thought, like it was said that, “The best recipes in life are your own”. It made me realise that yea life is about living for God’s will but life is also about what we make of it, the best way to live is to life the way you were made to be as God created us. So, it made me realise that we cannot compare ours lives with others, what we ourselves make with our lives in our own way is what is important. Life is about living the way we like to regardless of what everyone else is doing, and God who is our creator knows best as to what we are created to be, all our dreams and ambitions God knows best, therefore we are to surrender our lives to Christ and let God create the recipe for our lives that way we can be true to ourselves and the life we were made to live and that is the best way to live. Basically, life is about following your heart as led by God.
Anw, so really good insights I guess these gave me on life. And, I must say that as last week ended and we are into this week, I’ve began to feel like everything is really gonna get better although it took a nose dive again after the week I dubbed from then on as feeling good again. I gotta say sort of like the weather lol…I mean it’s been nice, sunny and windy.
But, finally as I’ve thought much about last week and just the start of this week, I realised that perhaps God is actually working in my life that is why I’ve had these moments of ups and downs again, and sort of like a spiritual drought. I mean, last week, the purpose of life issue made me think back and reflect about what it means again. Truth is, as I’ve mentioned a number of posts before at the start of the holiday’s last year, much of what I’ve known and learned throughout the course of last year I’ve forgotten. At the start till the end of A levels I’ve been at my strongest ever in my whole life spiritually and in my faith, but I’ve hit one of my worst spiritual lows ever as of after A levels till now. And, I’m very concerned because I feel really guilty that I’ve not trusted the Lord enough and at the same time I fear that I may not be able to get back to how I used to be, which is being a person of great faith. But, I realise that I can make this choice as in all things to have faith and most importantly, I know that on my own I’m not capable of this for only by God’s grace do we have the faith to trust in Him, so I’m praying that God will truly fill me again and help me to strengthen my faith so that I shine for God and bring glory to God. Coz, really it would be disastrous if I were to not be able to be this way, since there’s no more important thing the world is my relationship with God. So, I’m really hoping to get back to those heights of faith, so that I can live life fully the way it should be lived in Christ for Christ.
However, it’s is not just the isolated issue of the purpose of life that led me to believe that truly as it is God working in my life to develop my faith. Also, as I began this week one other outstanding issue also really caused me to realise that my faith has been going thru some tests and tough times. And, that has been how I felt like my life is not good and that all I ever want is all I never get, and I just felt like my whole life has been sad and I’ve not been able to do all the things I wanted to do with my life, and that all my dreams and hopes have eluded me. And, like I seem to think that I’ve been so unblessed and like my future seem so bleak. But, I didn’t realise that all these unhappy, negative thoughts were born out of the lack of faith…I mean, we all know as Christians that God causes all the things to work for the good of those who love Him and that we can trust that as long as we do our best, God will do the rest and wherever we end up, it is where we are meant to be according to God’s perfect plan, so there is nothing to worry about in life and whatever not so good things that have happened in our lives in our past, it doesn’t matter for God is working out His perfect plan in us, we just got to follow Him.
Ironically, I’ve been the one trying previously to encourage others that we should trust in the Lord about the A levels and Uni stuff and whatever uncertainties in life or dreams yet to come true. Yet, now I’m the one who’s struggling to trust the Lord and all I saw were just all the things in my life that are not and that my life doesn’t have. Like, I mean, I have so many dreams for my life that have not come true and like I feel that in many areas of my life I’ve failed and have not been blessed. But, after being upset about all this and creating a mess because I was so unhappy about this, in all my brokenness and quiet reflection, I finally realise breaking out from the depressed feeling, that I’ve really let my self down by complaining about all that my life has become, coz it showed a lack of faith, in it came upon me that God was testing my faith and I failed but it was very much like a wake up call for me to trust God…I realised that I needed to trust God again as I’ve been always strong at. I mean, this all reminded me that I need to surrender my life, all my dreams, ambitions and my whole life to Christ and let Him work out His awesome plan in my life, for delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart, and I realise that truly God knows us better than ourselves and His plan is the best and the one that will bring us the greatest joy and fulfilment. And, even looking ahead, I didn’t trust and have enough faith to trust that God is going to do something great with my life, coz I merely thought about how I felt I did really badly for my A’s, but I lost sight of what is really important and on God the Almighty who is faithful and just. So really, hearing about other people’s blessings, I failed to also look at what God has done for me so far. I’m hoping therefore now to get back to being a person of great faith, because truly I know that God is faithful and I’ve always been so trusting up till now, and I know that is only the right way, to trust in God, for He is God.
Now to end, I just wanna say that all I want to do is to go back to A TIME WHEN EVERYTHING SEEMED JUST PERFECT. In that I mean, to a time when, I felt I was living completely the way God intended for me, essentially living life to the fullest in respect to God plan for my life in a passionate way for His glory, a time when I had such great joy in God despite all circumstances, a time when my faith was firmly grounded in the Lord and I trusted the Lord in a way that I was not afraid of anything and knew that something good would come out of everything in God’s perfect plan, a time when I was doing well spiritually, a time when I was feeling good and healthy and enjoying my life greatly, a time where I had great friends to be with, a time when I was living in a truly Godly way. I just want my life to be at a point again where nothing could stand in my way, for in God I had great faith, love and joy. I want to desire for God so greatly again that I’ll I ever want is God. And, I want to live out the Christian life well in a way that pleases God and brings glory to His name. For perfect is not in all that life is, but perfect in life is when we are trusting in Christ and living for Christ, for God is truly the one and only perfect and holy and amazing God. I want to honour God with my life and I want God to truly bless me and also let me be a blessing to others, to shine for Jesus. Whatever I am now or where I’m at, I know all I want is to be a strong Christian with great faith and living out the life that glorifies God…that is where I wanna a time when everything is perfect in Christ. I just want my life to be only good, only positive, where things happen and there is nothing wrong or bad, where I can live knowing that I have no regrets and that I’m doing justice to the life God intended for me. I want my life to be completely according to God’s will and that is so right and that is the way that it should be. Just to be glad about my life and have everything good great for me…how great that would be!!!
A TIME WHEN EVERYTHING IS PERFECT…THAT IS WHERE I WANT TO BE AT IN MY LIFE…!!!!!
This week was just a tough time I had to go through to be reminded of where I should be at in my life…
I was pretty much not feeling that good again after ironically I was feeling like the New Year was feeling good again, just the week before. Well I must stress that last week has been not bad actually, it’s just that a few issues troubled me that’s all. I was troubled by the fact that somehow with all my mistakes and the way I life my life, I feel like I’m not such a great person, I almost felt like I was responsible for the things not going well in my life, for all the things I’ve done, especially with regards to the lack of friends. Also, been having problems in that I always fight for what I think is right and many a times it sounds like I’m being self-righteous, so really trying to find a way so that I may do what is right, by following the Word and yet be able to speak up for what is right without sounding like I’m the one who knows everything.
Anw, I was not exactly the most joyful too last week and spiritually I must say it hasn’t been great. It was like my faith was being tested and I was not really having God’s presence being appropriated in all the areas of my life, not that I was not allowing that but it just was not feeling that way. But most troubling of all was, when pastor emailed me asking me if I was interested in doing research and coming up with an outline of The Purpose of Life, not that the task was daunting or something, it was just that this sparked off a period of self-reflection. And, also, I began to lose the conviction that the purposes of life are worship, discipleship, fellowship, mission and evangelism, as I asked myself what the purpose of life is.
It’s like in head knowledge I know that life is about these five purposes which are under the umbrella of the ultimate purpose of life which is to live for God’s glory, but somehow my heart was not feeling it. That made me fearful because the five purposes for life are based on the assumption that God is truly as He is, the creator of everything, so the fact that I was lacking the conviction that life is about these five purposes ONLY, I was afraid that I was in some way doubting who God truly is, but in my heart I know that God is real and is the creator. So, I was wondering why I was not convicted that the five purposes are all that life is about.
Thus, I decided to go read my blog, well the archives to find out how last time when I didn’t really see that all to life are these five purposes to see how I came to the conclusion that the five purposes are really all there is to life, so that I could get back my conviction and also I did that to try to figure out why I once had difficulty in seeing these five purposes as all there is to life. I realised that in the very beginning, what started my search into the purpose of life was actually not the desire to find purpose of life but was the search for the meaning in life. I was like doing everything but without feeling like there was any meaning in them. Then, I realised that the true meaning of life is our relationship with Christ and following Christ, and I also concluded that our relationship with God and others is what really matters. But, there is so much more to life, and I began getting lost in all that and couldn’t figure out where all that fitted in. So, after the first time when I read the Purpose Driven Life which didn’t seem to help clear my uncertainty, I decided to read it again. Thereafter, initially I still had trouble fitting things in life into the five purposes, but with many moments of reflection and reading up of other things like daily bread and internet research and stuff, I finally could see how things fitted in. Then, there was also a time when my concern was with living life to the fullest…and I was like looking at what I want from life, I mean it wasn’t wrong that I was thinking about what I wanted from life, but I must admit at one point it was turning worldly. But, ultimately all of that searching led me to only one conclusion that A LIFE LIVED TO THE FULLEST IS A LIFE LIVED FOR GOD…this was what I said in a post a while ago.
So anw, this reminded me of what I had known is the purpose of life…coz I realised that since we were created by God, life is all about living for God’s purpose for our lives and so to live life to the fullest which is about living life as completely would mean doing all that we were put here for. And, after a whole week of praying and reading up, I would say that I’ve finally sort of gotten back my passion and desire to live for God’s glory, and most importantly I’ve finally felt the conviction of once before that the purpose of life is to do the five purposes that God has for us. So, it’s amazing how I went from losing the conviction about the purposes of life and then finding it back…just really believe again in my heart that life is really all about the five purpose, like I just probably got out of this rough patch spiritually and it feels great again. I mean, it was a pressing issue and crucial coz that is so fundamental to the Christian life, and figuring it all out again and rekindling the passion and conviction for that is really important for my spiritual growth, as I’ve experienced the past week.
Anw, just at the start of this week, I learned even more about life. Well, I learned stuff from the movie Yes Man in the theatre and No Reservations on HBO. First, I realised that I’ve been so like the lead in Yes Man, not taking all opportunities and well, sometimes negative at least I appear to be and losing a lot of friends with all the bitterness and focussing inwardly. So, it made me realise that perhaps that I could be more positive by taking all the chances and opportunities that come my way, of course not as extreme as the show but to take the right opportunities that come my way…and I realise that I should focus more on others and make things happen in my life instead of being unhappy about the not so good things in my life and the things I can’t change.
And, in No Reservations, the last line at the end of the show gave me some food for thought, like it was said that, “The best recipes in life are your own”. It made me realise that yea life is about living for God’s will but life is also about what we make of it, the best way to live is to life the way you were made to be as God created us. So, it made me realise that we cannot compare ours lives with others, what we ourselves make with our lives in our own way is what is important. Life is about living the way we like to regardless of what everyone else is doing, and God who is our creator knows best as to what we are created to be, all our dreams and ambitions God knows best, therefore we are to surrender our lives to Christ and let God create the recipe for our lives that way we can be true to ourselves and the life we were made to live and that is the best way to live. Basically, life is about following your heart as led by God.
Anw, so really good insights I guess these gave me on life. And, I must say that as last week ended and we are into this week, I’ve began to feel like everything is really gonna get better although it took a nose dive again after the week I dubbed from then on as feeling good again. I gotta say sort of like the weather lol…I mean it’s been nice, sunny and windy.
But, finally as I’ve thought much about last week and just the start of this week, I realised that perhaps God is actually working in my life that is why I’ve had these moments of ups and downs again, and sort of like a spiritual drought. I mean, last week, the purpose of life issue made me think back and reflect about what it means again. Truth is, as I’ve mentioned a number of posts before at the start of the holiday’s last year, much of what I’ve known and learned throughout the course of last year I’ve forgotten. At the start till the end of A levels I’ve been at my strongest ever in my whole life spiritually and in my faith, but I’ve hit one of my worst spiritual lows ever as of after A levels till now. And, I’m very concerned because I feel really guilty that I’ve not trusted the Lord enough and at the same time I fear that I may not be able to get back to how I used to be, which is being a person of great faith. But, I realise that I can make this choice as in all things to have faith and most importantly, I know that on my own I’m not capable of this for only by God’s grace do we have the faith to trust in Him, so I’m praying that God will truly fill me again and help me to strengthen my faith so that I shine for God and bring glory to God. Coz, really it would be disastrous if I were to not be able to be this way, since there’s no more important thing the world is my relationship with God. So, I’m really hoping to get back to those heights of faith, so that I can live life fully the way it should be lived in Christ for Christ.
However, it’s is not just the isolated issue of the purpose of life that led me to believe that truly as it is God working in my life to develop my faith. Also, as I began this week one other outstanding issue also really caused me to realise that my faith has been going thru some tests and tough times. And, that has been how I felt like my life is not good and that all I ever want is all I never get, and I just felt like my whole life has been sad and I’ve not been able to do all the things I wanted to do with my life, and that all my dreams and hopes have eluded me. And, like I seem to think that I’ve been so unblessed and like my future seem so bleak. But, I didn’t realise that all these unhappy, negative thoughts were born out of the lack of faith…I mean, we all know as Christians that God causes all the things to work for the good of those who love Him and that we can trust that as long as we do our best, God will do the rest and wherever we end up, it is where we are meant to be according to God’s perfect plan, so there is nothing to worry about in life and whatever not so good things that have happened in our lives in our past, it doesn’t matter for God is working out His perfect plan in us, we just got to follow Him.
Ironically, I’ve been the one trying previously to encourage others that we should trust in the Lord about the A levels and Uni stuff and whatever uncertainties in life or dreams yet to come true. Yet, now I’m the one who’s struggling to trust the Lord and all I saw were just all the things in my life that are not and that my life doesn’t have. Like, I mean, I have so many dreams for my life that have not come true and like I feel that in many areas of my life I’ve failed and have not been blessed. But, after being upset about all this and creating a mess because I was so unhappy about this, in all my brokenness and quiet reflection, I finally realise breaking out from the depressed feeling, that I’ve really let my self down by complaining about all that my life has become, coz it showed a lack of faith, in it came upon me that God was testing my faith and I failed but it was very much like a wake up call for me to trust God…I realised that I needed to trust God again as I’ve been always strong at. I mean, this all reminded me that I need to surrender my life, all my dreams, ambitions and my whole life to Christ and let Him work out His awesome plan in my life, for delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart, and I realise that truly God knows us better than ourselves and His plan is the best and the one that will bring us the greatest joy and fulfilment. And, even looking ahead, I didn’t trust and have enough faith to trust that God is going to do something great with my life, coz I merely thought about how I felt I did really badly for my A’s, but I lost sight of what is really important and on God the Almighty who is faithful and just. So really, hearing about other people’s blessings, I failed to also look at what God has done for me so far. I’m hoping therefore now to get back to being a person of great faith, because truly I know that God is faithful and I’ve always been so trusting up till now, and I know that is only the right way, to trust in God, for He is God.
Now to end, I just wanna say that all I want to do is to go back to A TIME WHEN EVERYTHING SEEMED JUST PERFECT. In that I mean, to a time when, I felt I was living completely the way God intended for me, essentially living life to the fullest in respect to God plan for my life in a passionate way for His glory, a time when I had such great joy in God despite all circumstances, a time when my faith was firmly grounded in the Lord and I trusted the Lord in a way that I was not afraid of anything and knew that something good would come out of everything in God’s perfect plan, a time when I was doing well spiritually, a time when I was feeling good and healthy and enjoying my life greatly, a time where I had great friends to be with, a time when I was living in a truly Godly way. I just want my life to be at a point again where nothing could stand in my way, for in God I had great faith, love and joy. I want to desire for God so greatly again that I’ll I ever want is God. And, I want to live out the Christian life well in a way that pleases God and brings glory to His name. For perfect is not in all that life is, but perfect in life is when we are trusting in Christ and living for Christ, for God is truly the one and only perfect and holy and amazing God. I want to honour God with my life and I want God to truly bless me and also let me be a blessing to others, to shine for Jesus. Whatever I am now or where I’m at, I know all I want is to be a strong Christian with great faith and living out the life that glorifies God…that is where I wanna a time when everything is perfect in Christ. I just want my life to be only good, only positive, where things happen and there is nothing wrong or bad, where I can live knowing that I have no regrets and that I’m doing justice to the life God intended for me. I want my life to be completely according to God’s will and that is so right and that is the way that it should be. Just to be glad about my life and have everything good great for me…how great that would be!!!
A TIME WHEN EVERYTHING IS PERFECT…THAT IS WHERE I WANT TO BE AT IN MY LIFE…!!!!!
This week was just a tough time I had to go through to be reminded of where I should be at in my life…
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