God Presence, everything else so insignificant...

Really, really...I can really feel God's presence in my life again, not that God was never there, in fact He is always there for us whether or not we feel it, just that it so happens that i can feel His presence this time round. You know, i held on strongly to the belief that the troubles and moments which i felt distant from God, were here to grow my faith. Furthermore, really when everyone seemed to desert me, with relationships not going right, i.e. family and friends. I mean not to say that my family relationships were so bad, but i mean, people even family aren't always perfect, so i guess at times we hurt each other...like they say we tend to hurt the ones we love the most. I guess, u got to say, I'm guilty of that too. The friends thing is still an issue in terms of how much i treasure it, and almost depend on it and have in the process nearly become desperate. I feel that by the way that things didn't work out, it made me realise how small and insignificant i am and reminded me of how dependent on God we all are, and that we can not do anything without God. It also taught me to really let go of all my worries, disappointments and sadness about the circumstances all falling apart...so yea, it taught me to not let my life depend on the circumstances but just know that God is all we ever ever need. Still, though sometimes i ask, why do i still not have friends i seek to have so desperately?...But, now i realise that, because God's plan for our lives are only to prosper us, and everything God does is according to His perfect will, I'll just have to trust that maybe its not the right time. I mean, the funny thing is that since young i had to grapple with this same issue in a different circumstance, like i mean, even now, my physical disability...i could really ask why this as to happen to me?...But, now i've learned to really just trust God's purpose and to know that in His time he will do great things with my life...no matter what situation i'm in right now and even in future.

Today, when the day began, had kinda like a "debate"...ok, i mean, like something between a squabble and a quarrel. So, in the car on the way to school, i just prayed with all my heart that the day will be good and that i will be happy no matter what happens, coz i have the joy from God; and that i'll be able to use my day, everyday to glorify God in the way i live. And, i can't tell you how amazingly God just lifted me and really made my day the way i just prayed for it to be. So, sometimes feeling unmotivated and weary and so not happy, today all that wasn't affecting me, and in fact i was so filled with joy today and feeling inspired and again energized...You know, today, it wasn't particularly nice in the fact that i'm kinda still so lonely, as usual...coz tts how cruel it is sometimes. But, strangely...i still managed to be happy, and i don't know why, it not like my circumstance was so good that i could be happy, but i was just genuinely happy. But, if you really want an explanation, it was a combination of knowing that God is with me and trusting that God has a plan in all that happens in my life. So, God is so so real...and i'm just feeling it again. Every thing that happens, it seems so insignificant...compared to such an amazing, wonderful, all powerful, almighty and great God. I'm just so happy and i'm really enjoying God's presence in my life.

Whatever it is, though...I'm still seeking to find real friends and to break out of this lonely situation which has so many times, got me down...The only question that i have to ask is...how much does it matter to have friends?...and if i'm not having 'em and it matters, what is the plan then? But, i just have to trust God's plan, and be happy...the thing is, God is all we need and it does not matter what situation we're in coz it is God who is the centre of our lives...then, i shouldn't even be unhappy that i don't really have friends...still, really God i don't think wants us to be alone, actually tts for sure...so maybe i should just trust and always be happy...tts probably part of God's plan whatever situation i'm in, coz in His time i'll be able to fill that void of friendship. I should be happy and optimistic about my future, draw my joy from what God will do with my life in future coz in His time God's perfect plan will unfold in our lives. I'll just not focus on my present, and even if things don't work out...it's enough i guess to know that everything is in God's hand, but just hope and look to the future for what God may do about the issues in our lives, coz God may do great thing with these or even solve these problems, and even if it's whatever it is, whether good or bad, God has a plan...

To love Him, trust Him and work hard for Him thats all we need to do, God will do the rest and we can rejoice no matter what...!!!

Even as i say this, i know that things are going to be ok, friendships don't elude me that much, there's much to be optimistic about in the few people who still care, maybe they might just be the ones i'm waiting for...the friendships that in His time i will find...i never know, but i'm filled with joy and optimism, knowing that God has a great plan for my life, and i'm trusting it...

God is so good all the the time...!!!