Chasing Life
It almost feels like I've lost a piece of myself, for the way I used chronicle my life so regularly to be reduced to a rare once in a few months update...and right now i just don't know how to describe how my life has changed so much in the time that i've been away from here.
On one hand I wish I had grown up in my thinking and view of life earlier so that I could have been on the track i wanted to earlier, yet on the other hand there are so many things about me that I have lost as I've grown up that I wish i had back. If only there was way to combine my simple old self with my new found understanding of life and maturity.
But, i kinda like the way taylor swift puts it in on her official website that growing up "doesn't mean I should become somebody completely new and stop loving the things I used to love. It means I've just added more things to my list." So i guess there's a way to grow up without losing any part of who you are, I just really need to find the parts of me I lost back again.
I don't really know how to say how I feel like I've matured in my thinking but I just feel like I've a better understanding of who i am and who i want to be, and I feel like I'm seeing the world in a broader and clearer way. i also feel like I've learned how to be a better person and deal with what life throws at me in a better way. Just in every way, mentally and emotionally i've grown.
But, one negative thing about my life nowadays is that the busyness of my life has coz me to suffer spiritually and to have less time to reflect about life, which helps to keep my life centered. As for how my busy life has been since my last post before the start of the last semester to now the holiday after the first half of year 2...yea, it's just been completely about studying. And, yet my results for the last sem is 3.2 but thank God my overall gpa is still at 3.5. This however means that for the next half of year 2 I have to get slightly more 3.5 to maintain an overall gpa of 3.5.
As my course has gotten tougher and as I've struggled to get my drawing up to scratch, I've began to face doubts about my choice for my life. That was basically the biggest issue that plagued me in the last sem. I always kinda felt that my passion for my course would help me overcome any obstacles but my struggles with drawing has really caused me to question if I have what it takes. But, I've just got to trust the Lord and never give up, and hopefully if I'm doing the will of God, things will definitely work out.
Well, my life for the last sem was basically mostly school but I've also continued to be involved in singing. But, during the last sem i did become so busy that i barely attended choir and I stopped singing lessons during the whole month of August. And, yea i continue to stay away from playing chess, even though I've been asked to represent the country. But, now that it's the holiday I've returned to my singing lessons, and this up coming sem I intend to keep singing. And, i do admit that I had been so busy that I have not really gone for young adults class at church and I've not really been following my bible reading plan. But, i intend to continue these things regardless. And, the holiday has been good time for me to catch up on everything. I hope to ensure i'm well-prepared for the new sem especially in getting my drawing up to standard.
Sometimes I just can't understand about how the things that I seem to be chasing after seem to always get away from me and the things that i'm not after seems to present itself to me. Like how all this time playing chess wasn't really something I chose, it just happened that it was what i had access to. But it's only in recent years that I have begun to live on purpose, making deliberate decision on what i want in my life. So I've finally brought my life closer to the way i want it and closer to who i am and I couldn't be happier. I'm just really concern that I'm doing what i want kinda selfishly and not following what God wants me to do.
The way i came to the conclusion on what I want to do was because God has a calling for each and every one of us and he wants us to do something we are passionate about to serve him and glorify him and so i found out what i have a passion for and am pursuing these things. But, truth is that what I want to do isn't exactly what I seem to be good at. So I'm just not sure if I'm doing the right thing but I'm hoping that in doing that which I may not seem suited to it, God will help me to achieve what I can only do through him and the process point to how nothing is impossible with God.
And choosing the path i've chosen has been a huge sacrifice in the sense that I feel kinda left behind by my peers. Like while everyone else is either starting or finishing their university be it locally or abroad and starting to venture out into the world and experiencing life, here i am still trying to get a diploma and hopefully make it to university, mixing with people about 3 years younger. Somehow i feel like I'm missing out on the experience of getting through university together with my peers, but then again it's not like I've been able to ever hold down a proper group of friends or been able to actively participate in anything.
It's kinda of frustrating to have never been able to truly experience life in it's entirety, I mean aren't we all supposed to have great memories of when we were in school, the things we did and the experiences we shared with our friends. Truthfully speaking, I can't say I've had an eventful school life or the memories of school i can look back on because my life used to just revolve around finishing my homework, taking examinations, playing chess as my only co-curricular activity, playing computer games and watching tv as my only leisure activity, going to church and occasional family outings.
And even after I've made improvements in my life by finally making decisions on what I like to do with my life with the design and singing, I'm still missing out a lot. But I really wish that I had made those decisions early in my life so I could put myself in a better position to do design. Like I should have totally taken art earlier on, then again, i don't know if i would have done well enough in the exams for a subject like art. Just like how my maths used to be really crappy but now that I'm like in poly I breezed through maths. So now starting over has been tough but i guess i can take comfort that I'm doing what I love, just hope that I can make up for my lack of talent in it.
I admit that many others are less fortunate than me, with just surviving a day being the only thing they hope for. I just feel that there's just so much more I can do with what I've been given. So while I feel that I'm making positive progress with my life in trying to do the things I feel express who I am, I feel I'm losing out on the experiences I would have had in terms of uni life, and to experience life. But anyway, there are still so many other barriers I would have to break through even if I did make it to university and do a course in product design as planned thru A levels. To sum up really how I'm feeling about my life right now is that I feel like I'm making progress but I'm still being left behind...
That's basically how my life's been in my time away from here and how I'm feeing in all of this, but you know while some of my feelings here are not completely rational, I feel like these are legitimate concerns that we face at some point in our lives...but i guess it's a process we have to go through growing up and trying to find our place in this world, and in time I'm sure I'll see how some of these things didn't really matter and I'll come to terms with my decisions for my life...
On one hand I wish I had grown up in my thinking and view of life earlier so that I could have been on the track i wanted to earlier, yet on the other hand there are so many things about me that I have lost as I've grown up that I wish i had back. If only there was way to combine my simple old self with my new found understanding of life and maturity.
But, i kinda like the way taylor swift puts it in on her official website that growing up "doesn't mean I should become somebody completely new and stop loving the things I used to love. It means I've just added more things to my list." So i guess there's a way to grow up without losing any part of who you are, I just really need to find the parts of me I lost back again.
I don't really know how to say how I feel like I've matured in my thinking but I just feel like I've a better understanding of who i am and who i want to be, and I feel like I'm seeing the world in a broader and clearer way. i also feel like I've learned how to be a better person and deal with what life throws at me in a better way. Just in every way, mentally and emotionally i've grown.
But, one negative thing about my life nowadays is that the busyness of my life has coz me to suffer spiritually and to have less time to reflect about life, which helps to keep my life centered. As for how my busy life has been since my last post before the start of the last semester to now the holiday after the first half of year 2...yea, it's just been completely about studying. And, yet my results for the last sem is 3.2 but thank God my overall gpa is still at 3.5. This however means that for the next half of year 2 I have to get slightly more 3.5 to maintain an overall gpa of 3.5.
As my course has gotten tougher and as I've struggled to get my drawing up to scratch, I've began to face doubts about my choice for my life. That was basically the biggest issue that plagued me in the last sem. I always kinda felt that my passion for my course would help me overcome any obstacles but my struggles with drawing has really caused me to question if I have what it takes. But, I've just got to trust the Lord and never give up, and hopefully if I'm doing the will of God, things will definitely work out.
Well, my life for the last sem was basically mostly school but I've also continued to be involved in singing. But, during the last sem i did become so busy that i barely attended choir and I stopped singing lessons during the whole month of August. And, yea i continue to stay away from playing chess, even though I've been asked to represent the country. But, now that it's the holiday I've returned to my singing lessons, and this up coming sem I intend to keep singing. And, i do admit that I had been so busy that I have not really gone for young adults class at church and I've not really been following my bible reading plan. But, i intend to continue these things regardless. And, the holiday has been good time for me to catch up on everything. I hope to ensure i'm well-prepared for the new sem especially in getting my drawing up to standard.
Sometimes I just can't understand about how the things that I seem to be chasing after seem to always get away from me and the things that i'm not after seems to present itself to me. Like how all this time playing chess wasn't really something I chose, it just happened that it was what i had access to. But it's only in recent years that I have begun to live on purpose, making deliberate decision on what i want in my life. So I've finally brought my life closer to the way i want it and closer to who i am and I couldn't be happier. I'm just really concern that I'm doing what i want kinda selfishly and not following what God wants me to do.
The way i came to the conclusion on what I want to do was because God has a calling for each and every one of us and he wants us to do something we are passionate about to serve him and glorify him and so i found out what i have a passion for and am pursuing these things. But, truth is that what I want to do isn't exactly what I seem to be good at. So I'm just not sure if I'm doing the right thing but I'm hoping that in doing that which I may not seem suited to it, God will help me to achieve what I can only do through him and the process point to how nothing is impossible with God.
And choosing the path i've chosen has been a huge sacrifice in the sense that I feel kinda left behind by my peers. Like while everyone else is either starting or finishing their university be it locally or abroad and starting to venture out into the world and experiencing life, here i am still trying to get a diploma and hopefully make it to university, mixing with people about 3 years younger. Somehow i feel like I'm missing out on the experience of getting through university together with my peers, but then again it's not like I've been able to ever hold down a proper group of friends or been able to actively participate in anything.
It's kinda of frustrating to have never been able to truly experience life in it's entirety, I mean aren't we all supposed to have great memories of when we were in school, the things we did and the experiences we shared with our friends. Truthfully speaking, I can't say I've had an eventful school life or the memories of school i can look back on because my life used to just revolve around finishing my homework, taking examinations, playing chess as my only co-curricular activity, playing computer games and watching tv as my only leisure activity, going to church and occasional family outings.
And even after I've made improvements in my life by finally making decisions on what I like to do with my life with the design and singing, I'm still missing out a lot. But I really wish that I had made those decisions early in my life so I could put myself in a better position to do design. Like I should have totally taken art earlier on, then again, i don't know if i would have done well enough in the exams for a subject like art. Just like how my maths used to be really crappy but now that I'm like in poly I breezed through maths. So now starting over has been tough but i guess i can take comfort that I'm doing what I love, just hope that I can make up for my lack of talent in it.
I admit that many others are less fortunate than me, with just surviving a day being the only thing they hope for. I just feel that there's just so much more I can do with what I've been given. So while I feel that I'm making positive progress with my life in trying to do the things I feel express who I am, I feel I'm losing out on the experiences I would have had in terms of uni life, and to experience life. But anyway, there are still so many other barriers I would have to break through even if I did make it to university and do a course in product design as planned thru A levels. To sum up really how I'm feeling about my life right now is that I feel like I'm making progress but I'm still being left behind...
That's basically how my life's been in my time away from here and how I'm feeing in all of this, but you know while some of my feelings here are not completely rational, I feel like these are legitimate concerns that we face at some point in our lives...but i guess it's a process we have to go through growing up and trying to find our place in this world, and in time I'm sure I'll see how some of these things didn't really matter and I'll come to terms with my decisions for my life...
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