Nothing Better than This...
For the past few weeks, nothing much has gone on in my life...I mean I’ve just been at home doing my usual stuff and like the only times I’ve been out was for chess training and Church during weekends. Been sort of like that for long time now, coz I took a long break. But, of course I did more stuff last year. Anyway, haven’t been doing much recently because I’m going to be starting school in several days time already. I need to kind of get mentally prepared to go back into the academic life.
What I did have last week and accumulated over some weeks are some thoughts about stuff, reflections and stuff that inspired me. So, that’s what my post is going to be about this time...oh and forgive me if it is all kind of random, coz its stuff in my head being unloaded altogether into this post. Yea, my brain just works that way; it’s kind of all over the place...
Firstly, I’ve just been feeling like where I'm at now in my life feels so different from the way it was before...I mean, like I’ve never been on such a long break doing nothing much for quite a while and to be going to study in poly soon, which is so different from the path I was on when I first headed to junior college. The experience of JC is just has had such a different impact on me spiritually, emotionally and mentally than the way having had such a long break has influenced me. It’s just a completely new perspective to life, to something unconventional but just going where my heart leads me.
Which brings me nicely to my next point about my decision to go to poly after JC...starting out as a freshman again at poly is really like a second chance and like being 17 again. I mean, I get to relive my pre-uni days again. And, to make things greater, I’m now able to take in the experience more fully, because I would say I’m more mature and know how to appreciate school life a lot more. And, I’m doing a course I love. For me on a personal level it’s just really an opportunity to make up for how I missed out a lot before in JC where I didn't open myself up enough to make the most of school life, so yea. So I mean, who says we can only be 17 once haha...I felt bad with myself for trying to check and double check to make sure I was making the right decision to go to poly but, I realise it is the best choice in my situation because I can’t make it to the course I want at any uni and the second best way into uni is thru poly, so I know I’ve made the right decision. But, I guess I should trust the Lord more that His plans for me are best, coz double checking was kind of doubting...
Anyway, last week I was pretty upset that I care enough for certain friend to try to find out how they’re doing coz I know they’ve been through a tough time recently. And, I’ve been trying to talk to the person, who probably doesn’t see me as a true friend coz we barely know each other and I got ignored. And, she’d been complaining of knowing who her true friends are as being does who bother to talk to her or try to meet up. Here I am, trying to be a friend and it gets completely ignored...as if it’s for my benefit to care. I guess that’s how life is, we choose who our friends are and sometimes we reject others’ sincere desire for friendship. I must say too that I am guilty of that... But, it’s just kind of crazy that sometimes we overlook the ones who truly care...
However, one thing I’ve loved about last week was the few days where there were just like clear blue skies. It is always the clear blue skies on a sunny day that make me feel like life is wonderful that we need to truly enjoy the gift of life God has given us because it’s so beautiful. And, having been stuck at home for a long time, it makes me want to just go out and enjoy the nature. You know I always talk about living life to the fullest, I feel none more passionate about this than when see such nice weather and I just feel like going out there and basking in the glorious sunshine.
And, there is something else too that I have a strong passion for and that is music and singing. I never really mention it coz people probably think I’m crazy and that I’m such a dreamer, but one of my dreams is to be a lead singer in a band. Watching the video of the song Fearless by Taylor Swift made me feel so inspired and story is just amazing. So when I say I want to be a singer, think about it not in terms of the rock band kind of image but more like the person next door rising to stardom kind of thing. It really isn’t such a far-fetched dream, I mean being a recording artist and performing at the some concerts ain’t that out of reach. For me I feel inspired by her story because she was like the odd one out in school and when she gave out demos of her singing people didn’t take her seriously but in the end she has become such a huge hit star. It makes me feel this way: That it doesn't get better than going from being nobody to becoming a star and performing at sold out stadiums, showing everyone who didn't take you seriously who you really are...And, I admire how she has from her humble beginnings, breakout to become such a huge star, it gives everyone hope to truly believe they can achieve their dreams...
Anyway, recently I’ve been trying to find music from bands that are similar to my favourite band Boys Like Girls, and I found this band called Rocket to the Moon and I love their song If Only They Knew. Also I found this band called Maine and I like their song Into Your Arms. Also, MTV has recently played the song Hey, Soul Sister by Train several times and I think it’s quite a cool song too...
Finally, last but not least, the thing that inspired me maybe most last week was the message at Church on Sunday. It’s been awhile since I felt such a connection with a sermon message, not that other messages have not spoke to me, I’m they all do but this one in particular was sort of like a message I needed to hear. The message was about delighting in the presence of God. I must say that since my highs of the past few years and going through baptism and everything, I haven’t really hit the same highs spiritually this year. Not that I haven’t grown a lot in the past few years and even as I go through this year, but just still that same passion and spiritual feelings haven’t been strong. There were two points in the message one about the brokenness before the delighting and the other is about the Bacas in delighting, i.e. the valleys. Firstly, strangely I must say having got over the whole not being able to go into uni last year, having had such a long break and seeing the exciting new path of poly for me open up, things have been going quite well for me. Ironically, it should be in good times that it seems easier to praise God, feel His presence and to be spiritually feeling on top of the world. However, because things have been going relatively smoothly, I haven’t been able to worship at as deep a level than perhaps before.
Not that I’m ungrateful for the things the Lord has blessed me with in fact, I thank God for the good things He has done in my life. But, just haven’t been able to reach the previous highs spiritually that brokenness that some of my past experiences produced; that kind of delighting in spite of all the troubles. And, it’s not like things have been completely smooth this year that I’ve breezed through in an almost apathetic way, I still have faced some issues in my life, just that there hasn’t been something that has broken me in any way. Aside from this, I’m just like kind of at the valleys now spiritually if compared to how I was in the past few years. But, it is actually in bad times that we can truly come to really delight in God in a deeper way and reach those spiritual highs. And, I feel staying at home so much has not allowed me to really have experiences that will help me grow spiritually, but when I start going out and doing stuff soon, as God’s plan unfolds for me, I know it will improve the situation.
And, really prayer is the major mode by which we delight in God’s presence. And, I’ve been feeling like have been more mechanical than heartfelt coz I’ve been praying pretty much following like a general format. I believe that when we delight in God’s presence it should come naturally to prayer in a heartfelt and spontaneous way. So I’m just really praying that God will renew and fuel my passion for His Name that I can really commune in a heart to heart and fresh manner every time I talk to God. I want to just continue to draw closer to God and to feel His awesome presence for I know He exists within each and every one of us. And, because truly God is all we need and how great it is to delight in the presence of the Lord. If we can grasp even a little of how amazing our God is, we would rather be in His presence than have anything else. That is why in Psalms 23, the psalmist says that the Lord is my shepherd I shall not be in want. And, better is a day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere.
To end, everything is feeling great and I feel so inspired by so many things about life. So I just really want to go out there and life this amazing life coz there nothing better than being passionate and inspired in life. And, I just hope to get back to the highs in the many aspects of my life, even if it takes breaking down or going thru the valleys, coz I know there is the light at the end of the tunnel somewhere and the majestic view from the mountains highs in life just around the corner. Life is just so wonderful and I just can’t help but praise our glorious God, and I pray I will live my life fully and well bringing glory to God in all I do...
What I did have last week and accumulated over some weeks are some thoughts about stuff, reflections and stuff that inspired me. So, that’s what my post is going to be about this time...oh and forgive me if it is all kind of random, coz its stuff in my head being unloaded altogether into this post. Yea, my brain just works that way; it’s kind of all over the place...
Firstly, I’ve just been feeling like where I'm at now in my life feels so different from the way it was before...I mean, like I’ve never been on such a long break doing nothing much for quite a while and to be going to study in poly soon, which is so different from the path I was on when I first headed to junior college. The experience of JC is just has had such a different impact on me spiritually, emotionally and mentally than the way having had such a long break has influenced me. It’s just a completely new perspective to life, to something unconventional but just going where my heart leads me.
Which brings me nicely to my next point about my decision to go to poly after JC...starting out as a freshman again at poly is really like a second chance and like being 17 again. I mean, I get to relive my pre-uni days again. And, to make things greater, I’m now able to take in the experience more fully, because I would say I’m more mature and know how to appreciate school life a lot more. And, I’m doing a course I love. For me on a personal level it’s just really an opportunity to make up for how I missed out a lot before in JC where I didn't open myself up enough to make the most of school life, so yea. So I mean, who says we can only be 17 once haha...I felt bad with myself for trying to check and double check to make sure I was making the right decision to go to poly but, I realise it is the best choice in my situation because I can’t make it to the course I want at any uni and the second best way into uni is thru poly, so I know I’ve made the right decision. But, I guess I should trust the Lord more that His plans for me are best, coz double checking was kind of doubting...
Anyway, last week I was pretty upset that I care enough for certain friend to try to find out how they’re doing coz I know they’ve been through a tough time recently. And, I’ve been trying to talk to the person, who probably doesn’t see me as a true friend coz we barely know each other and I got ignored. And, she’d been complaining of knowing who her true friends are as being does who bother to talk to her or try to meet up. Here I am, trying to be a friend and it gets completely ignored...as if it’s for my benefit to care. I guess that’s how life is, we choose who our friends are and sometimes we reject others’ sincere desire for friendship. I must say too that I am guilty of that... But, it’s just kind of crazy that sometimes we overlook the ones who truly care...
However, one thing I’ve loved about last week was the few days where there were just like clear blue skies. It is always the clear blue skies on a sunny day that make me feel like life is wonderful that we need to truly enjoy the gift of life God has given us because it’s so beautiful. And, having been stuck at home for a long time, it makes me want to just go out and enjoy the nature. You know I always talk about living life to the fullest, I feel none more passionate about this than when see such nice weather and I just feel like going out there and basking in the glorious sunshine.
And, there is something else too that I have a strong passion for and that is music and singing. I never really mention it coz people probably think I’m crazy and that I’m such a dreamer, but one of my dreams is to be a lead singer in a band. Watching the video of the song Fearless by Taylor Swift made me feel so inspired and story is just amazing. So when I say I want to be a singer, think about it not in terms of the rock band kind of image but more like the person next door rising to stardom kind of thing. It really isn’t such a far-fetched dream, I mean being a recording artist and performing at the some concerts ain’t that out of reach. For me I feel inspired by her story because she was like the odd one out in school and when she gave out demos of her singing people didn’t take her seriously but in the end she has become such a huge hit star. It makes me feel this way: That it doesn't get better than going from being nobody to becoming a star and performing at sold out stadiums, showing everyone who didn't take you seriously who you really are...And, I admire how she has from her humble beginnings, breakout to become such a huge star, it gives everyone hope to truly believe they can achieve their dreams...
Anyway, recently I’ve been trying to find music from bands that are similar to my favourite band Boys Like Girls, and I found this band called Rocket to the Moon and I love their song If Only They Knew. Also I found this band called Maine and I like their song Into Your Arms. Also, MTV has recently played the song Hey, Soul Sister by Train several times and I think it’s quite a cool song too...
Finally, last but not least, the thing that inspired me maybe most last week was the message at Church on Sunday. It’s been awhile since I felt such a connection with a sermon message, not that other messages have not spoke to me, I’m they all do but this one in particular was sort of like a message I needed to hear. The message was about delighting in the presence of God. I must say that since my highs of the past few years and going through baptism and everything, I haven’t really hit the same highs spiritually this year. Not that I haven’t grown a lot in the past few years and even as I go through this year, but just still that same passion and spiritual feelings haven’t been strong. There were two points in the message one about the brokenness before the delighting and the other is about the Bacas in delighting, i.e. the valleys. Firstly, strangely I must say having got over the whole not being able to go into uni last year, having had such a long break and seeing the exciting new path of poly for me open up, things have been going quite well for me. Ironically, it should be in good times that it seems easier to praise God, feel His presence and to be spiritually feeling on top of the world. However, because things have been going relatively smoothly, I haven’t been able to worship at as deep a level than perhaps before.
Not that I’m ungrateful for the things the Lord has blessed me with in fact, I thank God for the good things He has done in my life. But, just haven’t been able to reach the previous highs spiritually that brokenness that some of my past experiences produced; that kind of delighting in spite of all the troubles. And, it’s not like things have been completely smooth this year that I’ve breezed through in an almost apathetic way, I still have faced some issues in my life, just that there hasn’t been something that has broken me in any way. Aside from this, I’m just like kind of at the valleys now spiritually if compared to how I was in the past few years. But, it is actually in bad times that we can truly come to really delight in God in a deeper way and reach those spiritual highs. And, I feel staying at home so much has not allowed me to really have experiences that will help me grow spiritually, but when I start going out and doing stuff soon, as God’s plan unfolds for me, I know it will improve the situation.
And, really prayer is the major mode by which we delight in God’s presence. And, I’ve been feeling like have been more mechanical than heartfelt coz I’ve been praying pretty much following like a general format. I believe that when we delight in God’s presence it should come naturally to prayer in a heartfelt and spontaneous way. So I’m just really praying that God will renew and fuel my passion for His Name that I can really commune in a heart to heart and fresh manner every time I talk to God. I want to just continue to draw closer to God and to feel His awesome presence for I know He exists within each and every one of us. And, because truly God is all we need and how great it is to delight in the presence of the Lord. If we can grasp even a little of how amazing our God is, we would rather be in His presence than have anything else. That is why in Psalms 23, the psalmist says that the Lord is my shepherd I shall not be in want. And, better is a day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere.
To end, everything is feeling great and I feel so inspired by so many things about life. So I just really want to go out there and life this amazing life coz there nothing better than being passionate and inspired in life. And, I just hope to get back to the highs in the many aspects of my life, even if it takes breaking down or going thru the valleys, coz I know there is the light at the end of the tunnel somewhere and the majestic view from the mountains highs in life just around the corner. Life is just so wonderful and I just can’t help but praise our glorious God, and I pray I will live my life fully and well bringing glory to God in all I do...
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