My Story of 2009...

The year 2009 was unlike any of the previous other years for me, and it brought with it both joy and heartbreak. However, I have certainly learned a lot as a person, have grown a lot spiritually and even managed to do some things that I wanted to do this past year. Perhaps the most important few things I have learnt are to trust in the Lord with joy in all circumstances, that God has a plan for my life to prosper and not to harm me and that God is in control with all things good or bad all working for the good of those who love Him. Also, I realised how blessed I have actually been in my life despite all that I have had to face and overcome. On top of that, I have gained a deeper understanding into Christian living and what it means to live for God’s glory.

And, this past year has been a milestone for me spiritually as with my baptism and my undertaking of a Bible reading plan in trying to learn God’s Word more. 2009 has indeed been an eventful year which I have gained much from and has been so amazing even though it has been something of gap year for me this year. So I just want to share how God has been able to do so much in my life this past year despite some huge setbacks and in fact I would say that no matter how painful some of the situations I faced were, they turned out to be blessings in disguise as
God showed me the even greater plans He had and has in store for me in my life.

Well, it all began with a 2009 where I had just recently graduated from Junior College and I was very upbeat and optimistic about the year as I looked forward to taking the next step of going to university. And, I couldn’t wait for the opportunities I felt would come my way during the year in living life to the fullest and taking what I had learnt from the previous year into the New Year. I had a positive outlook for 2009 coz I felt in my heart that if truly I believed that God was going to make this year good it would definitely be a good year. But, after hitting such a high spiritually the year before, things were not quite as great as they were and in fact I struggled to find that same level spiritually as I somehow allowed some problems in my life affect me and I had trouble having the same trust I had in God to give thanks and be joyful in all circumstances whether good or bad. The passion I had for God’s glory was just less fuelled and I had forgotten how I had that great conviction that a life lived to the fullest is a life lived for God. But, I realised that my spiritual drought so to speak was perhaps a test of my faith since in the year before I felt like my faith grew to the extent that I truly committed my life to Christ in a greater and more informed way, since it was as child that I accepted Christ. And, it helped that I worked with Pastor on the Purpose of Life giving my insights into living for God’s glory through the living out of His purposes for our lives. Also, I learnt much more about the existence of God and it really tied in with the whole theme of living for God’s glory coz He is our Creator God. It didn’t stop just there, at one point though I began to feel like I was so not blessed by God and God had to remind me to have faith and trust in Him coz He has a plan for my life. Like I realised that being in the body of Christ itself is a blessing, that every breath I breathe is a blessing, my family is a blessing, my needs being taken care of is a blessing and God’s grace has seen me through many years of education. And, that I been blessed by what the Lord has taught me and blessed coz I know the Lord has a plan to prosper me as much as at that point I didn’t see it. And, as I began to feel lonely while on the holiday coz I hadn’t seen anyone since school was out which in fact was all too familiar even when I was in school, but I turned to the book God’s answers to life’s difficult questions and I found something about loneliness that both comforted me and taught me how I could be responsible for my plight coz I built walls around me in my bitterness about being so alone, and that we are never alone for God is with us always. In another instance, I felt like I was so far from my dreams, wants and things were not going well for me, which is where I learn to trust that God has a good plan for me to live a good life.

But then, just a life is such a roller coaster ride, things got better again and I felt great again. I felt great again as I began to find back that faith that I had from my JC experience. I learnt more about loving others and living my life. I learned the reason to love that is that we are part of the body of Christ, love is the only thing that really matters coz we have nothing even if we have everything if we have not loved, love is a commandment and God is love, and we love because He first loved us. And, as for life, these were the verses that spoke to me... Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart, seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you. Christ came so that we may have life and life in full. As you know the Lord better he will in his power give you everything you need to live a truly good life. All these spoke to me because at that time there was so much I wanted in my life and for my life to be. I felt like my life was way too boring and uneventful. But, I learnt that Christian living is not meant to be boring but that life should be an adventure and there is certainly more to life than just chasing all these things that life has to offer. I learnt that in living for God’s glory it is not what we do or how much we do but that we do whatever we for God’s glory to the best of our abilities. And in no one but God alone can we truly live the good life. And, also the lessons in youth class about Romans strengthened my understanding that we are saved by faith not works, although we do make mistakes sometimes, we try our best to live a life pleasing to God and that life is but just a process of sanctification. So all these things encouraged me, and I began to feel so much better again. Things in my life began to take shape as I started to more things in my life that I wanted, my A level results were released and thankfully I did better than expected. But, I knew it would be hard to get into university because of the competition. However, that didn’t faze me and I trusted the Lord would help me. Later on though sometime after that I learned of my rejection and had to appeal, but I never gave up and I still continued to trust God. And, I came across this quote: If I have any worth it is to live my life for God. This reminded me about what I had already learnt which was that life is only meaning when we live for God’s glory. But, somehow, I lost some of that passion and I turned to God to rekindle that passion.

I also was on a Bible reading plan which up to today I have completed the New Testament and have half way through the Old Testament. And, by this time, I had already began baptism class, and the verse that says If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins helped me a lot and struggled through my mistakes and failures. And, I grew as a person as I got out of my shell and improved myself socially and managed to at least meet up with friends on one occasion despite being so distant from everyone. And, sometime just before my baptism, there were stuff that weren’t going well again and I began to question myself if I was really indeed ready for baptism. But, I was reminded that God is in control and I learnt even more to consider it pure joy when we face trials and tribulations. And, I realised that I had been trying too hard to fit God into my plans rather than surrendering to God but I needed to surrender to God for that is truly the best life. And, as I wrote a testimony of my faith for my baptism I was sort of comforted coz I realised that truly I had a testimony of true faith. So finally, I got baptised a step I felt I needed to take in faith.

Then, I had some things to be happy about as I got a new laptop and I even appeared in the Today Newspaper for chess. But, as day after day passed by with no reply regarding my appeal to the universities, I was reminded of this verse to: Be anxious for nothing but by prayer and supplication present you requests to the Lord. And, as I was upset that I was unable to make my life all the things I wanted my life to be. However, this disappointment brought me down to earth and made me realise that I should let go and let God do what He wills for my life, coz I can trust that He knows what is best for me. Following this, I went for the Church camp, which was the first time I really spent time with the younger youths and young adults from Church. Somehow of all the things the Church camp did for me, it actually made me feel insecure about how much I actually understood faith and in delving into the subject, I learnt to a greater extent that faith is not just believing but submitting to God’s authority coz God is God, it is not just intellectual but also involves cleaving to the Lord with all our heart. And, at this time my sis came back from overseas for a short holiday and we spent a lot of time out shopping. This made me think about what contentment really is in this materialistic world, coz as I looked around there was really so much to entice. Like when is enough really enough, and I basically came to the conclusion that it is fine to shop, just that money and material things should not become too important coz it is like a bonus on top of what is necessary and we should be thankful to God for all the things He has blessed us with when we are able to get ourselves something that we wanted.

Then, this is where things than took a serious nosedive, as I hit one of the lowest points ever in my life. For the second time I was disappointed and this time it hit me very hard, coz I never gave up and trusted that God would make a way for me but it seem God didn’t hear me. I was very upset, thinking why God would give me all my hopes and dreams and have them dashed. Everything felt hopeless. I had all my hopes in the year pinned on getting into university but now I had no choice but to take this year off. It felt like my life was all falling apart before my eyes. However, I convinced myself I needed to trust God and it was especially in such bleak moments that I had to have faith. I tried to find meaning in my circumstances and I placed my hope in God even when my world came crashing down. For as I read the book soul cravings on destiny about dreams. I realised that God gives us dreams for a reason. And, the verses the really kept me going were these: For I know the plans I have for u declares the Lord plans to prosper and not to harm you; All things work for the good of those who love him. All this was because I could not get into university and I felt like it was the worst year ever as all my hopes of going uni for the year were lost. But, God showed me the way and I realised that it was actually a blessing in the midst of storm as I learnt of my participation in my first ever ASEAN Para games, and best of all it was also a blessing in disguise coz I realised that I would not have been able to do the course I wanted to do since I had no skills or portfolio but now with the fact that I was unable to get into uni, I could use the poly route where I can get to do my dream course of PD in poly while honing my skills before going to do the same course in university later on. But, of course I had to wait for next year. And, it wasn’t like my JC years were a waste in fact, it made me grow spiritually. With this knowledge and how amazing it was that God was showing His sovereignty in my life that He indeed has a plan to prosper me, I felt like my life was great again coz I could still achieve in terms of my SHAPE what God wants me to do with my life in service through my vocation.

And, I began to do so much more with my life, living life to the fullest as I wanted. I went places, began swimming again, tried to start up a online shop, got myself some design books to work towards my poly course which requires a lot of drawing that I’m not used to and I went for the ASEAN Para Games in KL where I represented Singapore in Chess, which was one of my best experiences ever and a blessing from God for sure. To make things even greater I went with the whole family to KL to play in the open chess tournament which was sort of like a holiday for us.
Then, upon returning home, I faced some issues in my life that affected me physically and mentally, and I just faced so many troubles. Also, I felt very self conscious about my weaknesses. But, I learnt about God’s power in our weakness, and it allowed me to not be so affected by all my imperfections. So in a way I learnt to live with my weakness or thorn in the flesh so to speak. And, I also read the book the power to change your life, and it encouraged me as I looked to becoming a better person through all my short comings. And, as to the conflicts I faced, I learnt about restoring broken relationships and how to find resolution to disagreements and to seek reconciliation rather than resolution where there are differing opinions. Also, I learnt to seek God’s guidance in affairs of right and wrong, so as to be able to know whether to confront others and to do it in a non-judgemental way.

And, by October things in my life began to feel so far from what it was it the middle of the year, everything for the first time in a long time in my life was falling in place. I also began to improve myself in terms of taking the initiative of making things happen in my life, to go out and do stuff to fuel my passion for the things I love and my love for life. It was a new way of thinking, to go and do stuff and be more open. And, yea the fact that my year turned into a gap year, it gave me the blessing of spend more time with my dad going places. I lost track of who I am and I tried to rediscover my feelings i.e. song feel. It’s just that I wasn’t used to going out that much, I almost got too caught up with going out. It’s like I was losing sight of my goal and purpose, I was not sure if I was really fulfilling my inner passion and desire. So, I had to take some time to take everything in my stride, and recollect myself. It really brought back to understanding that sometimes we can fill our lives with so many things but can be meaningless if we lose track of our goal, it is more important to know what we are living for than just filling our lives with things.
Then as the end of the year loomed, I believed that God send some people to me to show me that perhaps I wasn’t as indiscriminate as I thought and that I was probably too unforgiving of people not being a friend to me. But, the key thing was that I realise that yes we should accept everyone regardless of who they are but that just as Jesus choose a select group of disciples whom He was slightly closer to, that it is a choice as to who we want to befriend more. And, it was most likely that I was worn down by the long year that I lost some of my passion and I didn’t have much happiness, as much as I always tried to be joyful in the many difficult circumstances I faced in my life so far. So I realised that just wanted be passionate and happy in life more, to really genuinely have something happen in the way that would make me happy and be driven by a love for life. What I learnt was that I had to really go out and make things happen to create the life that would make me happy, the life I want. And, to achieve a life beyond our dreams, I realised that I had to take chances in my life to really be able to achieve the greater reward outside of my comfort zone. After that, there were troubles that I faced, which somehow was like the pain that fuelled my passion again. And, in trying to share the gospel with a friend after I gained back my passion for things such as evangelism, I looked into the proof that Jesus is our God and how I feel Jesus Christ is real in my life. Then, everything just seem to come together to improve my life and myself, and I felt refreshed in my faith, with all the passion for God’s glory and heart of worship filling me again. And, things started to go well in my life, almost so much so that I could feel that God was working in my life for some greater work to come. I also began to open up and really start to pursue my dreams and my heart. I enrolled myself in singing lessons for one and I open my eyes to what I wanted as I consciously sought the things I wanted and in fact got many things that I really wanted both in tangible and intangible ways.

And, as the year drew to a close I began to reflect about life again and one thing in particular that came to my mind was this quote: Live like we’re dying dream as if we’ll live forever. And, anyway I took part in the Commonwealth Chess Championships, and it sort of took me out of my usual routines, so I kind of forgot my state of mind in the present, and the state of mind in the past which was of great faith, was inspired and was passionate. It is sort of like the state where I felt so at peace with my life in Christ. Finally, Christmas gave me an opportunity to invite a friend although for me turned out the friend of mine could not make it. And, in the midst of the Christmas parties I didn’t have and greetings from friends which I received only one, the service really allowed me to focus on Jesus Christ our Saviour and reminded me of the true message of Christmas and that is that God sent to us a light, a Saviour to not just the Jews but everyone who would put their faith in God that their sins would be forgiven in His death.

To end, on reflection upon this whole year I must say God has blessed me more than I imagined, sure there were difficult moments and bad things happened, but there were so many other positives and through the bad times I learnt so much, drew closer to God and in some cases it turned out to be blessings in disguise. I had such great hopes for the year, and as much as it seemed like my great hopes were going to be disappointed, things turned out such that now I have every reason to believe that this year has in fact been better than I expected and it is all thanks to God’s blessing on me.

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