Fallin' into Place...
Last week was a good week, and it was a week of things changing for the better, a week where i felt like everything seem to be falling back in place. Sure, things haven’t become different a great deal, like i still have issues in my life, but certainly mostly things are going pretty well and i just feel for a fact that I’m making strides in improving my life and myself, and that everything is just finding its space in my life. Again, there are many things i have still yet to achieve but definitely I’m on the right track and there are all mostly within reach. And, like I’ve been occupied with lots of stuff to do, even if there aren’t big things and even if they are just seemingly mundane at times, i’ve been occupied with these things in a purposeful way. The things i’ve been doing at home have been, like my Bible reading, my chess, my usual social networking on the com, going out and visiting places in Singapore, watching TV, blogging, singing, playing and exercising. And things i have yet to do are like my online store, practise my drawing and swimming.
But, I just know that I’ve got to not procrastinate and just complete the things i wanna do, like i’ve started this week finishing a lot of my work. On a whole, the week was pleasant and i managed to avert any of the unhappy feelings i have been plagued by before, as much as there was one thing that should have, which thankfully i avoided. It was sort of like a rest week for me, since i went out a lot the week before. Strangely though, with all things i did, i did feel somewhat tired after last week. I went out once during the week to Pasir Ris park, where i check out the Ehub too. I got many brochures when i was there, so now i have more ideas on how to spend my time doing things around the island. Overall, it was a not bad week, and i had lots of inspirations and thoughts that have empassion me. So, i hope to share some of that in this post.
Thus, it all began with the first three days in which i rested at home mostly doing my usual stuff. Having spend time at home, i had some unpleasant and tense moments in relating to one another. This coupled with my own realisations like how i used to be more idealistic and how kind i was to others before. And, even with the Obama getting the Nobel Peace prize, it made me think about he’s preference for diplomacy over deterrence stance, and how i used to stand more strongly for that, but seem to have lost that abit. So that’s why i really felt like in the face of realism and realists, i have sort of lost some of my idealism as that try to say you can’t change the world. And, that is also why i say i wish i had back some of the old things that were good about me and the good things in my old way of life.
It is not that I’m looking back but in improving myself to make up for my personality weaknesses, i’m losing my old side which had some good things. So, i just want to retain the good things in me from before while embracing the new me, which is generally about being more open and living fully beyond my comfort zone. So, i really wanted to improve my relations with people too and find back some of my idealism. And, by the end of the week, i felt i made some progress which was good. Anw, for me the only thing i had fun watching and looked forward to was watching S Idol at least in the first three days of the week.
Next, on Thursday, I went out with my dad to Pasir Ris Park, where we walked the whole length of it, was pleasant but i still prefer East Coast, ok duh who doesn’t. We saw the mangrove swamps, the sea and even a snake! Then, later we went to the Ehub. And, i collected some brochures about Singapore attractions at the nearby shop houses just outside wild wild wet. Alright, so as you know I’ve been on a trip to explore all the national parks in Singapore, and this was one of the many trips i’ve had already. But, now with the brochures I get to have more places to visit in my gap year that I’m taking now.
So, it dawned on me once again, why the Lord might have allowed me to end up having this gap year, well there have been other reasons, but i realised a new one. That is to let me do what i said i wanted to be able to do in my grand scheme of living life to the fullest, that is to do the things we otherwise may not have the time for if we had work or school for me for that matter. Sure, i don’t get to travel around the world, but at least i get to explore our very own country, that’s amazing enough. So, i’m happy and determined to enjoy and make the most of my gap year. Yeah, i get to live life to the fullest my way!
And, furthermore, these are some of the thoughts i had regarding parenting, love and improving social skills which came about from watching TV. No and it’s not mindless TV or me trying to take only what happens in TV and replace reality, it’s real things that happen in real life. Firstly, about parenting, ok maybe I’m not in a position to say, but i have my views. My view generally relates to disciplining a child but is not what I’m going to discuss here. Rather, the topic is about who should be blamed when kids go bad, parents or the kids themselves. It is easy to start debating this and blame one or the other, or even both for that matter. But, the conclusion about this matter from the show i watched was, that it doesn’t really matter whose fault it is, and that neither parents nor kids should blame themselves, as much as it could be either, coz sometimes kids learn bad examples from parents or kids make wrong decisions. The key is that it is not important. What is more important is that parents’ never give up in guiding and teaching their kids no matter how old they are. Parents should look ahead, to try to improve the present and make the future better. Same goes for kids, they should try their best to be good and repay their parents by taking care of them when they grow older.
As for love and social skills, I got the realisation from the show MTV Made. Basically, watching how they turn geeks into socially adept individuals. I wouldn’t really compare myself with these people, but i must honestly admit that I’m that socially awkward person that sits alone at a table, has few friends and is in his own world, either studying (actually, i don’t study as much as people think i do), evidence is in that i didn’t get good grades, or playing computer games, which again is only partially true. But, anw i realised that i always say the reason i don’t communicate well socially is because i don’t know what to talk about. What i realised though, is the that is not really what is important, it is how i present myself and about being confident and going up and talking with people, just being myself and sharing in a natural way. And, that comes with practise which i don’t have coz i’m not really in many social situations, but i can work on it.
And, for love and dating, i feel that from my personal experience which i don’t have, i can say that i blew even the slightest bit of a friendship with someone i liked. And, that was because things were awkward due to my poor social skills, and after one phone conversation, we never spoke again. And, it began with just simple messages. Then, i wanted to let her know how i felt, but didn’t know the words to say. And, i ended up saying something that wasn’t nice. In fact, she probably was offended in a way. And, i don’t even know if she knew how i felt still. I apologised and we remained just acquaintances. But, i finally decided to say that she not reply me if she saw nothing between us. And, she never replied, but we did message sometimes but rarely, almost never. So that was how we left things, I never knew if i ever stood a chance or whether she knew how i felt, or I how she felt. And, i guess, in love sometimes there no second chances, as much as i wished. Till now, i don’t know if we are still even friends, coz she won’t chat with me but she’d reply some of my message if i did send them. I feel though I probably need to accept that nothing ever started and whatever there is between us it’s over. And, about what love is... Is love an attraction or something that has been nurtured? I know love as in the Bible which is unconditional. But, i mean i know that is the definition, just that doesn’t there still need to be that attraction also. I think it is important to feel that connection but that it also certainly needs to be worked on. Sometimes, though, i feel that friendships cannot be confused with love, although friendship can become love.
And, recently, i had people who tried to be friends with me and one of which was someone i don’t really like and in fact a lot of people find this person irritating. The person tried to start a conversation with me which was intrusive. It made me realise that perhaps, my situation is just like what is on the end, like I’m this person who people don’t really like, not because of anything i did wrong but just people find me strange, and i like certain people to be my friends, so i try making an effort to reach out to them. I realise why are people so harsh. I realised i myself have been so arrogant and harsh. Why can’t we accept people as friends when they genuinely want to be friends, even yea they are not like everyone else? I think we as a human race have think about what we are doing when we exclude others. We are called to love and befriend others for we are all God’s creation and He loves us all the way we are. I know everyone deserves the right to choose their friends carefully and mix with people they like, but if everyone keeps to this primitive way of thinking how can we ever as a society cater to these people who no one cares about? Coz, if everyone thinks that someone else will do this job of being friends to these lonely people, nothing will ever get done at all. And, as for love and the special someone, that is different of course, we can’t force anything. But, we should be open about it, let go and when one you’ve been waiting on passes by, you will, or perhaps the one you’re waiting for has been there all this while...
Finally, i just want to share about how i’m feeling like my life and the person that I am is falling into place and that things are great the way they are now. Well, it’s not that there is something drastic happening in my life, but that i feel like I’m growing more mature as a person, and i see all the areas of my life coming together to form my ideals of what living life to the fullest is. And, really i feel at peace with my life, like everything is going well, and i’m just trusting in God and having joy even with some issues still in my life. And, to top things all off, Pastor’s message on Sunday, really is something i feel is my next step. It was about using our gifts to serve in the Church. And, i been feeling for a long while now that i want to contribute to the Church coz seeing the others involved in Church more than me, i find it inspiring and i want to be a part of it. And, i totally agree, the most important thing for a Church to grow is for every member to contribute as one body as God meant for the Church. So yea, that was my wonderfully inspiring week that i had.
I’m just really learning so much about life right now, and everything seem to be falling into place in my life now, like now i know more clearly where i fit into in this world. And, I was to end remembering that everything in life i do is and should be for God’s glory alone, for that is our purpose in life to glorify God. I’m just feeling so joyful and inspired, I’m so passionate about life now, I just want to go out there and live this wonderful life out...
But, I just know that I’ve got to not procrastinate and just complete the things i wanna do, like i’ve started this week finishing a lot of my work. On a whole, the week was pleasant and i managed to avert any of the unhappy feelings i have been plagued by before, as much as there was one thing that should have, which thankfully i avoided. It was sort of like a rest week for me, since i went out a lot the week before. Strangely though, with all things i did, i did feel somewhat tired after last week. I went out once during the week to Pasir Ris park, where i check out the Ehub too. I got many brochures when i was there, so now i have more ideas on how to spend my time doing things around the island. Overall, it was a not bad week, and i had lots of inspirations and thoughts that have empassion me. So, i hope to share some of that in this post.
Thus, it all began with the first three days in which i rested at home mostly doing my usual stuff. Having spend time at home, i had some unpleasant and tense moments in relating to one another. This coupled with my own realisations like how i used to be more idealistic and how kind i was to others before. And, even with the Obama getting the Nobel Peace prize, it made me think about he’s preference for diplomacy over deterrence stance, and how i used to stand more strongly for that, but seem to have lost that abit. So that’s why i really felt like in the face of realism and realists, i have sort of lost some of my idealism as that try to say you can’t change the world. And, that is also why i say i wish i had back some of the old things that were good about me and the good things in my old way of life.
It is not that I’m looking back but in improving myself to make up for my personality weaknesses, i’m losing my old side which had some good things. So, i just want to retain the good things in me from before while embracing the new me, which is generally about being more open and living fully beyond my comfort zone. So, i really wanted to improve my relations with people too and find back some of my idealism. And, by the end of the week, i felt i made some progress which was good. Anw, for me the only thing i had fun watching and looked forward to was watching S Idol at least in the first three days of the week.
Next, on Thursday, I went out with my dad to Pasir Ris Park, where we walked the whole length of it, was pleasant but i still prefer East Coast, ok duh who doesn’t. We saw the mangrove swamps, the sea and even a snake! Then, later we went to the Ehub. And, i collected some brochures about Singapore attractions at the nearby shop houses just outside wild wild wet. Alright, so as you know I’ve been on a trip to explore all the national parks in Singapore, and this was one of the many trips i’ve had already. But, now with the brochures I get to have more places to visit in my gap year that I’m taking now.
So, it dawned on me once again, why the Lord might have allowed me to end up having this gap year, well there have been other reasons, but i realised a new one. That is to let me do what i said i wanted to be able to do in my grand scheme of living life to the fullest, that is to do the things we otherwise may not have the time for if we had work or school for me for that matter. Sure, i don’t get to travel around the world, but at least i get to explore our very own country, that’s amazing enough. So, i’m happy and determined to enjoy and make the most of my gap year. Yeah, i get to live life to the fullest my way!
And, furthermore, these are some of the thoughts i had regarding parenting, love and improving social skills which came about from watching TV. No and it’s not mindless TV or me trying to take only what happens in TV and replace reality, it’s real things that happen in real life. Firstly, about parenting, ok maybe I’m not in a position to say, but i have my views. My view generally relates to disciplining a child but is not what I’m going to discuss here. Rather, the topic is about who should be blamed when kids go bad, parents or the kids themselves. It is easy to start debating this and blame one or the other, or even both for that matter. But, the conclusion about this matter from the show i watched was, that it doesn’t really matter whose fault it is, and that neither parents nor kids should blame themselves, as much as it could be either, coz sometimes kids learn bad examples from parents or kids make wrong decisions. The key is that it is not important. What is more important is that parents’ never give up in guiding and teaching their kids no matter how old they are. Parents should look ahead, to try to improve the present and make the future better. Same goes for kids, they should try their best to be good and repay their parents by taking care of them when they grow older.
As for love and social skills, I got the realisation from the show MTV Made. Basically, watching how they turn geeks into socially adept individuals. I wouldn’t really compare myself with these people, but i must honestly admit that I’m that socially awkward person that sits alone at a table, has few friends and is in his own world, either studying (actually, i don’t study as much as people think i do), evidence is in that i didn’t get good grades, or playing computer games, which again is only partially true. But, anw i realised that i always say the reason i don’t communicate well socially is because i don’t know what to talk about. What i realised though, is the that is not really what is important, it is how i present myself and about being confident and going up and talking with people, just being myself and sharing in a natural way. And, that comes with practise which i don’t have coz i’m not really in many social situations, but i can work on it.
And, for love and dating, i feel that from my personal experience which i don’t have, i can say that i blew even the slightest bit of a friendship with someone i liked. And, that was because things were awkward due to my poor social skills, and after one phone conversation, we never spoke again. And, it began with just simple messages. Then, i wanted to let her know how i felt, but didn’t know the words to say. And, i ended up saying something that wasn’t nice. In fact, she probably was offended in a way. And, i don’t even know if she knew how i felt still. I apologised and we remained just acquaintances. But, i finally decided to say that she not reply me if she saw nothing between us. And, she never replied, but we did message sometimes but rarely, almost never. So that was how we left things, I never knew if i ever stood a chance or whether she knew how i felt, or I how she felt. And, i guess, in love sometimes there no second chances, as much as i wished. Till now, i don’t know if we are still even friends, coz she won’t chat with me but she’d reply some of my message if i did send them. I feel though I probably need to accept that nothing ever started and whatever there is between us it’s over. And, about what love is... Is love an attraction or something that has been nurtured? I know love as in the Bible which is unconditional. But, i mean i know that is the definition, just that doesn’t there still need to be that attraction also. I think it is important to feel that connection but that it also certainly needs to be worked on. Sometimes, though, i feel that friendships cannot be confused with love, although friendship can become love.
And, recently, i had people who tried to be friends with me and one of which was someone i don’t really like and in fact a lot of people find this person irritating. The person tried to start a conversation with me which was intrusive. It made me realise that perhaps, my situation is just like what is on the end, like I’m this person who people don’t really like, not because of anything i did wrong but just people find me strange, and i like certain people to be my friends, so i try making an effort to reach out to them. I realise why are people so harsh. I realised i myself have been so arrogant and harsh. Why can’t we accept people as friends when they genuinely want to be friends, even yea they are not like everyone else? I think we as a human race have think about what we are doing when we exclude others. We are called to love and befriend others for we are all God’s creation and He loves us all the way we are. I know everyone deserves the right to choose their friends carefully and mix with people they like, but if everyone keeps to this primitive way of thinking how can we ever as a society cater to these people who no one cares about? Coz, if everyone thinks that someone else will do this job of being friends to these lonely people, nothing will ever get done at all. And, as for love and the special someone, that is different of course, we can’t force anything. But, we should be open about it, let go and when one you’ve been waiting on passes by, you will, or perhaps the one you’re waiting for has been there all this while...
Finally, i just want to share about how i’m feeling like my life and the person that I am is falling into place and that things are great the way they are now. Well, it’s not that there is something drastic happening in my life, but that i feel like I’m growing more mature as a person, and i see all the areas of my life coming together to form my ideals of what living life to the fullest is. And, really i feel at peace with my life, like everything is going well, and i’m just trusting in God and having joy even with some issues still in my life. And, to top things all off, Pastor’s message on Sunday, really is something i feel is my next step. It was about using our gifts to serve in the Church. And, i been feeling for a long while now that i want to contribute to the Church coz seeing the others involved in Church more than me, i find it inspiring and i want to be a part of it. And, i totally agree, the most important thing for a Church to grow is for every member to contribute as one body as God meant for the Church. So yea, that was my wonderfully inspiring week that i had.
I’m just really learning so much about life right now, and everything seem to be falling into place in my life now, like now i know more clearly where i fit into in this world. And, I was to end remembering that everything in life i do is and should be for God’s glory alone, for that is our purpose in life to glorify God. I’m just feeling so joyful and inspired, I’m so passionate about life now, I just want to go out there and live this wonderful life out...
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