When it all falls apart...
Well, there really isn't much i can say about last week, coz nothing much actually went on and so I can't remember anything eventful that happened in the past week...but the only thing I can say is that last week was a really sad week...Everything was just not great, it was depressing and a pretty dark moment...But, the most worrying part is that I seemed to suffer a crisis in faith and trust, coz I let these unhappy things in my life right now upset me and i felt like everything was wrong and my life just feels so bad somehow. It's just that I seemed to being doing badly at everything in my life, in terms of relationships, living life, my goals, and even spiritually...things aren't going smoothly yet again...tts what i can say...I just wish that I was able to trust God better in all these circumstances as well as i should've and not that everything has to be perfect but i also wished that i could've conducted myself in a better way and to live my life well to be able to achieve my dreams, and just ride out whatever storms smoothly no matter how rough life gets sometimes...
Basically, I've seem to lost some passion, desire, faith, joy, trust and love. And, somehow I having been feeling as great as i used to spiritually anymore, i don't know but for some reason I'm far from the spiritual high back in the day last year. I was much able to worship the Lord at a very deep level inspite of all my difficult circumstances before, but now somehow i don't feel as inspired and just like i don't feel as deeply impacted and moved by God amazing love and presence. And, perhaps a little of the closeness to God too although not exactly and it's like previously God really gave me through things He did in my life the feeling, faith and conviction of the realness of God in my life. Somehow, it's like I've lost that deep sense of how amazing God really is and that feeling of being so full of worship for God and it's like I've lost a little not just passion but the . This week is like I faced all the same issues that I've been facing for awhile now in my life, it's like a cycle, i always seem to come back to these issues. So well, it was the fact again that I feel like I haven't been doing much in my life again, although I'm trying hard to really figure out the stuff i really wanna do and do them. So in that sense I don't feel great coz I've yet to do anything meaningful with my holiday. Furthermore, things aren't going great either, like I'm not sure what's going to happen to me, my uni application and just everything. I just feel like I'm so far away from my dreams, goals and ambitions for my life. I don't feel also that I'm living my life in a way that i would like to. I don't know but i can't list that many things that are really not going well for me, just felt really depressed this past week that everything seems to be not going great in my life.
And, in terms of relationships i don't think I've been as nice a person as i could and perhaps should. I've been pretty impatient with people lately and a little nasty...haha. And, of course, you know the same issue, feel so lonely without friends around, not like i really had any close connections. But, I be honest the only human beings i see and communicate is my family rite now apart from the only one or two people who care to talk to me on msn, even then, I just feel like why should have to rely on people being online so that I can have any social interactions...it's sad and pathetic don't you think. And, looking at others going out meeting friends and doing stuff together makes me jealous i got to admit, I'm grateful that i met my old classmates once but i want more...haha. Need to meet more different people...argh. So basically that's my issues with relationships rite now, but of course there are others which I'm not that concern about but also exists is like finding that one person that's for me...haha. Finally, the other issue is about the mistakes part again, I've been feeling pretty about myself since like the past week, but i've sort of gotten over it knowing that truly in Christ I am forgiven. But, I'm just really hoping to continue to grow and be a better person. And, just spiritually I just wanna get back to being so passionate and strong in my faith, which has taken a knock like after baptism, but I guess I have to trust the Lord even in these times of trials sort of. I guess, having just gone through such a big step like in baptism, it would be normal to face that kind of thing just really need to trust the Lord and be assurred of His promises and ask for the Lord's protection and to strengthen my faith. But, one thing I'm glad about is that my baptism has really been such a testimony to others of the reality of God.
So yea, last week was just like everything in my life felt like it had fallen apart. Everything was just falling apart and it was really stressful and sad for me. I just felt so upset and disappointed, like all this a blow to me and I began to be filled with unhappy thought and i felt like not very optimistic about everything especially since me and family are really going through a difficult time where the future seems uncertain and i need to trust the Lord. So this is where i feel i've failed, like why sho uld I be so upset and think my life is so bad and be so negative about life in my outlook and everything, coz i should know that the Lord is in control and does what is best for me and i should trust and know that everything will be great coz God has a great and perfect plan for me. It was like a test of my faith and in all my failures. I guess again the Lord was telling me to truly trust in Him and surrender all to Him.
Yea, that is much of how I felt this past was a pretty dark period felt so bad about everything, maybe the flu i'm having contributed to that and staying home bored and alone for so long. But, anw I'm just praying and hoping that my life will get better and I'll be able to trust the Lord more and be more passionate again and feel great again. Speaking of passion, this week was like crazy i even tried to take out all my books on design to try and get myself all excited about industrial design which i hope to get into. And, also like some Christian books and devotionals to try get better spiritually again. But, now then back to the point, I've just been pretty depressed this past week, just want to make my life better coz everything just seemed to fall apart, i just want everything to be great again in my life especially to trust the Lord in faith more. However, again i must say that WHEN IT ALL FALLS APART, IT IS GOD THAT I CAN ONLY LOOK TO...I want to turn my life around, help me Lord to trust you and have great faith in you and bring glory to your Name, and Lord just help me to live my life in the best way possible Amen. I must really stop procrastinating and do the stuff i really wanna do with my life...
To end, here are some songs which I feel relates to how i feel...
Lyrics to Don't Forget :
Did you forget
That I was even alive
Did you forget
Everything we ever had
Did you forget
Did you forget
About me
Did you regret
Ever standing by my side
Did you forget
What we were feeling inside
Now I'm left to forget
About us
But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it
So now I guess
This is where we have to stand
Did you regret
Ever holding my hand
Never again
Please don't forget
Don't forget
We had it all
We were just about to fall
Even more in love
Than we were before
I won't forget
I won't forget
About us
But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it
Somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it
At all
And at last
All the pictures have been burned
And all the past
Is just a lesson that we've learned
I won't forget
I won't forget us
But somewhere we went wrong
Our love is like a song
But you won't sing along
You've forgotten
About us
"When It All Falls Apart"
I'm having the day from hell,
it was all going so well (before you came)
And you told me you needed space,
With a kiss on the side my face (not again)
And not to mention (the tears I shed)
But I should have kicked your (*** instead)
I need intervention
Attention to to stop temptation to scream
'cause baby
[chorus:]
Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start'
cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No
Don't know where I parked my car
Don't know who my real friends are (anymore)
I put my faith in you
What a stupid thing to do (when it rains it pours)
And not to mention (I drank too much)
I'm feeling hung over (and out of touch)
I need intervention
Attention to to stop temptation to scream
'cause baby
[chorus]
Can it be easier?
Can I just change my life?
'cause it just seems to go bad everytime
Will I be mending?
another one ending once again
[chorus x2]
Falls apart
Gotta pick myself up
'cause things are messed up
The Only Way that I Know how to Feel by Boys Like Girls
Before you let me fall, Kill me so I don't feel it at all
And Push my body up against the wall
And pick your poison
Cuz everything feels wrong
And I don't know where I belong
Take me for granted
Make me feel used
Leave me in pieces
Misery is company
Cuz I know that it's real
I've learned to love the pain
Cuz that's the only way that I know how to feel
Maybe it's a phase
Maybe I'll break out of it someday
Maybe this is just my twisted fate
I always feel like everything is wrong
And I don't know where I belong
Take me for granted
Make me feel used
Leave me in pieces
Misery is company
Cuz I know that it's real
I've learned to love the pain
Cuz that's the only way that I know how...
To feel your arms around my neck
I'm suffocating with regret from all the wasted hours spent
Believing I was never meant
To touch the face of something real
These "so called" scars will never heal
And I put down a deal
Cuz that's only way that I know how to feel
Take me for granted
Make me feel used
Leave in pieces
Broken and bruised
Take me for granted
Make me...
I promise that you'll Never keep on fallin' to pieces
Misery is company
Cuz I know that it's real
I've learned to love the pain
Cuz that the only way that I know how to feel
I know how to feel...
You're the only way that I know how to feel
Alrite, would love to get the video here from these but oh well...anw so I really don't know what I'm doing with this post...
Basically, I've seem to lost some passion, desire, faith, joy, trust and love. And, somehow I having been feeling as great as i used to spiritually anymore, i don't know but for some reason I'm far from the spiritual high back in the day last year. I was much able to worship the Lord at a very deep level inspite of all my difficult circumstances before, but now somehow i don't feel as inspired and just like i don't feel as deeply impacted and moved by God amazing love and presence. And, perhaps a little of the closeness to God too although not exactly and it's like previously God really gave me through things He did in my life the feeling, faith and conviction of the realness of God in my life. Somehow, it's like I've lost that deep sense of how amazing God really is and that feeling of being so full of worship for God and it's like I've lost a little not just passion but the . This week is like I faced all the same issues that I've been facing for awhile now in my life, it's like a cycle, i always seem to come back to these issues. So well, it was the fact again that I feel like I haven't been doing much in my life again, although I'm trying hard to really figure out the stuff i really wanna do and do them. So in that sense I don't feel great coz I've yet to do anything meaningful with my holiday. Furthermore, things aren't going great either, like I'm not sure what's going to happen to me, my uni application and just everything. I just feel like I'm so far away from my dreams, goals and ambitions for my life. I don't feel also that I'm living my life in a way that i would like to. I don't know but i can't list that many things that are really not going well for me, just felt really depressed this past week that everything seems to be not going great in my life.
And, in terms of relationships i don't think I've been as nice a person as i could and perhaps should. I've been pretty impatient with people lately and a little nasty...haha. And, of course, you know the same issue, feel so lonely without friends around, not like i really had any close connections. But, I be honest the only human beings i see and communicate is my family rite now apart from the only one or two people who care to talk to me on msn, even then, I just feel like why should have to rely on people being online so that I can have any social interactions...it's sad and pathetic don't you think. And, looking at others going out meeting friends and doing stuff together makes me jealous i got to admit, I'm grateful that i met my old classmates once but i want more...haha. Need to meet more different people...argh. So basically that's my issues with relationships rite now, but of course there are others which I'm not that concern about but also exists is like finding that one person that's for me...haha. Finally, the other issue is about the mistakes part again, I've been feeling pretty about myself since like the past week, but i've sort of gotten over it knowing that truly in Christ I am forgiven. But, I'm just really hoping to continue to grow and be a better person. And, just spiritually I just wanna get back to being so passionate and strong in my faith, which has taken a knock like after baptism, but I guess I have to trust the Lord even in these times of trials sort of. I guess, having just gone through such a big step like in baptism, it would be normal to face that kind of thing just really need to trust the Lord and be assurred of His promises and ask for the Lord's protection and to strengthen my faith. But, one thing I'm glad about is that my baptism has really been such a testimony to others of the reality of God.
So yea, last week was just like everything in my life felt like it had fallen apart. Everything was just falling apart and it was really stressful and sad for me. I just felt so upset and disappointed, like all this a blow to me and I began to be filled with unhappy thought and i felt like not very optimistic about everything especially since me and family are really going through a difficult time where the future seems uncertain and i need to trust the Lord. So this is where i feel i've failed, like why sho uld I be so upset and think my life is so bad and be so negative about life in my outlook and everything, coz i should know that the Lord is in control and does what is best for me and i should trust and know that everything will be great coz God has a great and perfect plan for me. It was like a test of my faith and in all my failures. I guess again the Lord was telling me to truly trust in Him and surrender all to Him.
Yea, that is much of how I felt this past was a pretty dark period felt so bad about everything, maybe the flu i'm having contributed to that and staying home bored and alone for so long. But, anw I'm just praying and hoping that my life will get better and I'll be able to trust the Lord more and be more passionate again and feel great again. Speaking of passion, this week was like crazy i even tried to take out all my books on design to try and get myself all excited about industrial design which i hope to get into. And, also like some Christian books and devotionals to try get better spiritually again. But, now then back to the point, I've just been pretty depressed this past week, just want to make my life better coz everything just seemed to fall apart, i just want everything to be great again in my life especially to trust the Lord in faith more. However, again i must say that WHEN IT ALL FALLS APART, IT IS GOD THAT I CAN ONLY LOOK TO...I want to turn my life around, help me Lord to trust you and have great faith in you and bring glory to your Name, and Lord just help me to live my life in the best way possible Amen. I must really stop procrastinating and do the stuff i really wanna do with my life...
To end, here are some songs which I feel relates to how i feel...
Lyrics to Don't Forget :
Did you forget
That I was even alive
Did you forget
Everything we ever had
Did you forget
Did you forget
About me
Did you regret
Ever standing by my side
Did you forget
What we were feeling inside
Now I'm left to forget
About us
But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it
So now I guess
This is where we have to stand
Did you regret
Ever holding my hand
Never again
Please don't forget
Don't forget
We had it all
We were just about to fall
Even more in love
Than we were before
I won't forget
I won't forget
About us
But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it
Somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it
At all
And at last
All the pictures have been burned
And all the past
Is just a lesson that we've learned
I won't forget
I won't forget us
But somewhere we went wrong
Our love is like a song
But you won't sing along
You've forgotten
About us
"When It All Falls Apart"
I'm having the day from hell,
it was all going so well (before you came)
And you told me you needed space,
With a kiss on the side my face (not again)
And not to mention (the tears I shed)
But I should have kicked your (*** instead)
I need intervention
Attention to to stop temptation to scream
'cause baby
[chorus:]
Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start'
cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No
Don't know where I parked my car
Don't know who my real friends are (anymore)
I put my faith in you
What a stupid thing to do (when it rains it pours)
And not to mention (I drank too much)
I'm feeling hung over (and out of touch)
I need intervention
Attention to to stop temptation to scream
'cause baby
[chorus]
Can it be easier?
Can I just change my life?
'cause it just seems to go bad everytime
Will I be mending?
another one ending once again
[chorus x2]
Falls apart
Gotta pick myself up
'cause things are messed up
The Only Way that I Know how to Feel by Boys Like Girls
Before you let me fall, Kill me so I don't feel it at all
And Push my body up against the wall
And pick your poison
Cuz everything feels wrong
And I don't know where I belong
Take me for granted
Make me feel used
Leave me in pieces
Misery is company
Cuz I know that it's real
I've learned to love the pain
Cuz that's the only way that I know how to feel
Maybe it's a phase
Maybe I'll break out of it someday
Maybe this is just my twisted fate
I always feel like everything is wrong
And I don't know where I belong
Take me for granted
Make me feel used
Leave me in pieces
Misery is company
Cuz I know that it's real
I've learned to love the pain
Cuz that's the only way that I know how...
To feel your arms around my neck
I'm suffocating with regret from all the wasted hours spent
Believing I was never meant
To touch the face of something real
These "so called" scars will never heal
And I put down a deal
Cuz that's only way that I know how to feel
Take me for granted
Make me feel used
Leave in pieces
Broken and bruised
Take me for granted
Make me...
I promise that you'll Never keep on fallin' to pieces
Misery is company
Cuz I know that it's real
I've learned to love the pain
Cuz that the only way that I know how to feel
I know how to feel...
You're the only way that I know how to feel
Alrite, would love to get the video here from these but oh well...anw so I really don't know what I'm doing with this post...
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