Christmas and Everything...
Well, as uneventful and troubled as this week was, it actually, has been a run up to an amazing end to this week. I’ve finally broken out of my despair and out of my depressed state, and I’m quite sure that I’ve found back the person that I truly am and I feel so much better, and the rest of this year, whatever remains of this year will be good for me. And, what better way to feel, with the air positivity and optimism that I feel now, as the year draws to a close with Christmas and the new year of 2009 beckons. I’m now confident that I’ll be able to live life with no regrets and the best way possible and I really hope to really have the courage to do things in my life which I wish I had but because I was sticking to my comfort zone too much, didn’t do, like the friendships and life experiences thing, where I just complained about my life not being at the level I wish it was but wasn’t able to take the initiative to make things happen in my life so that I could do all things I wanna do with my life. But, anw, just really wanna share how the past month of holidae and last week just led up to this point, from the low to a high and back to a low, and finally now, how I think the dark clouds seem to have passed over my life and I’m beginning to see the sunshine after the storm, as the joy and warmth is starting to return in my life right now.
Well, for much of the holiday, mostly in the past month of holiday, the issue in my life, has been trying to recapture the joy and trust that I had in the Lord for much of this year, as I face the most difficult year in my whole life academically. I struggled to regain that feeling of knowing that God’s presence was with me and just feeling the love and mercy showered upon me by God. I was becoming totally uninspired and losing touch with what living life really means, the joy and fulfilment seemed to be slipping away. Also, I was beginning to feel as lonely as ever this holiday, as I wasn’t able to see my friends and people I know from school anymore, and how after school it seemed to me that I had been forgotten by everyone I knew from school. But, the most important and difficult issue was about how my holiday in all its boredom seemed to be a far cry from what the holidae should be and what life should be for that matter. Even though, I knew that everything we do however mundane can have meaning if we do it for God’s glory and as worship to God, but still I struggled to understand God’s plan for me this holiday and like I really didn’t know if I needed to do more in this holiday and I wanted so much to not just enjoy my holiday more than staying home and playing but to also to do more meaningful things as much as whatever we do can have meaning if we do it for God as a form of worship to thank God and stuff, which is a purpose that we were put on this Earth for but ultimately is not what really gives us and our lives true meaning…well, true meaning comes from a relationship with God and making contributions, so yea, I really wanted that for my holiday but failed to with like an art course I wanted to do not being available, not being able to get a job to do, not able to go out as much as I liked to with friends and family, not being able to engage in fun and enriching activities and just fill my holiday with stuff to do that would make my holiday for fulfilling, joyful, exciting and meaningful. It’s like I just felt that my life just had not enough, like I was wondering if all I did was just this am I really living life fully? What I’m really trying to say is that, I know that I want to live for God’s glory and I know the purposes He has for our lives and my life for that matter, but I don’t know what I should do with my life.
The point is that assuming as it truly is, to live life to the fullest means living for God’s glory, this is because we were created for God’s glory and so by living for the purpose that God put us here for, we bring glory to God and live life fully since that’s what life is all about, doing what God wants us to do and bringing glory to God. But, the issue is God won’t specifically tell us what to do but He sets in our hearts to do what He wants us to do according to His will, so how do we know if that is just what we want to do or it is God who sets in our hearts to do so, I mean it is especially confusing when we talk about how God also wants us to enjoy our time on earth, so how would God want us to enjoy our time on earth?...I guess, we can only seek God’s guidance, and the only thing that helps is probably the boundary set by what is right and what is wrong, if we want to do something and it is not wrong and is beneficial to us and others, then it is likely that we should do that.
This now then, brings me nicely to my next point, and that is that in the past weeks I was pondering about something on these lines in respect to living life. I was like thinking about how I’ve done so little during this holiday and really wanted to do so much more, but was also confused about what I actually want from this holiday and how everything fits into God’s purposes for our lives. I was like trying to reconcile two ideas, living life to the fullest and living a meaningful life lived for God’s glory, not in the sense that I mentioned above about like living for the purposes that God puts us here for to bring glory to His name, but on a more practical note. Basically, on one hand I was thinking about doing all the things I want to do with the holiday, which I’ve failed to achieve considering that for the most part, this holiday I’ve been either on the computer, watching TV or out shopping with my family on the weekends. On the other hand, living for God’s glory means doing what God wants us to do. So the problem is that, yea I’m sure God wants me to enjoy the holiday but I just really don’t know what God wants me to do with my holiday, and I know that there are things I would like to do during the holiday to try and make it more fun and meaningful, then again I’m not even sure exactly what I want either, but it seems if I do nothing about it I will accomplish nothing and clearly that is not living life to the fullest if I stayed at home everyday, yet if that is what God wants me to do and perhaps if I did all my stuff at home with an attitude of worship I would be living life for God’s glory and thus living life to the fullest, so I really don’t know how to decide what to do with my holiday and life for that matter.
I mean God sets in our hearts what He wants us to do with our lives, but it would be strange if I were to do what I want to do since to live for God’s glory means to do what God wants us to do, I mean I mentioned earlier about how right and wrong, and perhaps how the activity glorifies God helps, the trouble is it seems quite weird that since its holiday, it is a time to enjoy myself, like does that have anything to do with God’s will for my life?...I mean like it seems like a scenario of deciding to what to wear for example, I mean seriously does that matter at all, its all up to choice as long as it within the boundary of what is acceptable. So how should I be spending my holiday? It is like if I consider how I want to enjoy my holiday as the basis of my decision of what to do with the holiday, the enjoyment of life seems to be what I’m living for. What I’ve realise is that actually all really want is to spend time with family, mix with friends, have life experiences, do stuff I’m interested in, in future do a job I enjoy, pursue hobbies, be involved in mission work and community work, visit places, learn new things, achieve my dreams and do stuff that we only get one chance to before I die, take part in activities and just have an eventful life I guess. And, what I can probably conclude and figure out about what to do with my life and holiday, is that to live for God’s glory may be to what God wants us and to do and as much as thinking about how to enjoy the holiday is seemingly contrary to this, just doing what God created us as humans to do and enjoying being what God created us to be and enjoying all that God has given to us actually brings glory to God. Now, the most difficult part is then, trying to live the best way possible, truly, I know that based on my own effort obviously I can’t do so and so I’m trusting in the Lord to help me. But, from the perspective of what I can do and my effort to try my best, I find it hard to know what to do specifically, like I know that to glorify God and live life fully as in for the purposes that God has for my life, involves trusting God, obeying God, praising and giving thanks to God, and using our abilities, in terms of enjoying life with our five senses and contributing with our skills and pursuing our passions. And, it involves doing things that are related to worshipping God by doing everything for God, having fellowship with God and Man, growing spiritually, to serve the Lord by helping others and using our jobs to meet needs, and finally to share the word of God with others.
The thing is that I really don’t know how to live each day for these purposes like, how should go about finding things to do in my life to fulfil all these purposes, like how can I enjoy myself, help others, serve God and do meaningful things that bring glory to God and just spend time in worship with God each and every day. I’m really struggling to do that, it is like everyday, I don’t feel I’ve been really doing the things I enjoy, or serving God and others, or even doing anything that would make much more of a difference to this world or anything or anyone for that matter. Like, it really doesn’t feel right if I spent the whole of my holiday doing nothing but eat, sleep, play and go out occasionally. So for the longest time this past one month plus of holiday, I’ve been really asking God to show me what He wants me to do, so that I don’t just waste away my time and I’m not doing enough and taking enough initiative to make things happen in my life so that I can have more avenues to do things in my life that allow me to maximise my efforts in living life fully according to God’s will for my life for His glory and I need strength from God to be able to come up with things I could do and to really make the best of my life by God’s power.
Now then, because of these issues as I’ve talked about earlier, the whole of last week, well, accumulated over the part of the holiday gone by, I felt confused, upset, depressed, useless, joyless and with a lack of fulfilment in my life. But, this Sunday morning when I got up, it seemed like I had forgotten all about my unhappiness and discontentment with my life, I was afraid that perhaps the problem was still somewhere lurking just that I didn’t feel or rmb it, but suddenly I seem to be clear as to what life was all about and what I really needed to do, and I felt that I could truly break out of this whole thing, it was like I was being chained up and unable to freely life live the way I wanted to and something was holding me back from living a good life with no regrets and just well living as I would have it. I mean, like previously I was complaining that I wish I could do this and that and have this or that in my life but I was so unable to really make any plans and materialise these plans and to really fill my life with these things I wanted to do and stuff I wish were a part of my life. All because I really don’t know how to find and make opportunities for myself to get involved in things and activities, take for instance, the going out with friends thing, I’ve done absolutely nothing to make something like that happen, but it’s been like hard to, since I’m so distant from everyone and I’m so afraid it will backfire and I’ll like fall flat on the face. And, like finding places to engage in stuff that I’m interested in, imagine it’s like so not the easiest thing to do, clueless as to what is actually out there. As for like, a job, I’ll have to wait till next year to see, but even like a sketch art course was impossible to find within this period that would be suitable. I’ve basically run out of ideas as to what to do with my holiday to rid myself of this boredom and aimless days spent just scrolling around on my com, while listening to music. And, I just don’t have any clues as to what activities I can fill my life with to be able to live life fully and to satisfy all the purposes God has put me here for, and bring glory to His name, I just really have a passion for life, and really want to not just make the most of life which I am not even close to doing but also to also contribute with my life as much as possible, and to do all that God wants me to do with my life, which I believe God gave me for a purpose so that I could very well live life to the fullest despite my disability and bring glory to God’s name. However, I’ve so been unable to do so this holiday. Now though, I starting to believe that I can do better at it with God’s help and nothing seems to be able to hold me back anymore I think. Just gotta start coming up with new ideas and trying harder to materialise things and really do the things I wanna do with my life and not complain but really make a change and do things so that my life will be at it’s best possible by God’s grace. And, I’ve learned or at least subconsciously become at peace with my situation, and perhaps I think sometimes it’s just gotta do with making the most of what I’ve got and not searching for more. But, just that somehow, I just feel I really need to do more, and try hard to really give my all and my best in everything to ensure that I really live life as fully as possible.
Anw, so today as I went to church it sorta marked the point where I’ve put behind me all of the unhappiness before this from the beginning of the holidays. And, I’ve moved on and now I’m filled with joy again. Church service today was just such a refresher and now really I think my life is starting to feel so much better again, like I’m really much more joyful again and I’m feeling positive about my life. And, I just know that everything is so going to be great as Christmas and the new year approaches, and my life seems more in place now and I’m no longer that confused anymore, and God seems to have place direction, fulfilment and joy into my life again, although, I know I’m going to have to do a lot more to achieve it, the main thing now is that I’m clear about the whole issue, just a matter of putting it altogether. I’m trusting in the Lord, even if I know its gonna be tough, so let’s just hope this time I’m able to do it, coz if I fail I probably go through another of these problematic and lost moments again.
Anw, so this week on top of my struggle to grapple with understanding the idea of living life to the fullest and living for God’s glory in a more practical sense in relation to my holiday, I’ve had other problems of like feeling distant from God and roller coaster ride in terms of my faith levels, and just a low point spiritually, and really going to church today just highlighted how important it is to daily be in God’s presence and to go to church on Sunday, as it really lifted my spirits and I could begin to feel God’s presence ever so strongly again in my life. And, the message really had a huge impact on me again, and even the songs were just giving me the joy of praising God and it was awesome. Most importantly, I must stress that I know that worship at church is not about us but about God and whether or not we enjoyed or felt it touched us that is not the point, however, it just happened that today again I felt touched and rejuvenated by it, and that really helped to lift my spirits and allow me to draw nearer to God. It just felt good to truly worship the Lord in spirit and in truth, it’s like the passion I had at its strongest for God’s name seem to come back, something really amazing. And, just really I felt God seem to take the load of my chest, and allowed me not to be upset or bogged down by things not going right in my life and really God reminded too of His mercy, that even as Christians, we are not perfect but make mistakes too, just that all we need to do is seek God’s forgiveness, and strength to get through whatever we are facing.
God really is so amazing and even as I lost my direction slightly this past week and felt bad for the way I live my life and just all my failures and stuff, God works so marvellously and once I sought God out, He just made everything clearer, took the weight of all the unhappy feelings away and brought me back into the right direction and made everything work out better. And, an example of how God showed me direction was in that even as I was going to church this morning, I flipped open my bible and some section of a one page of devotional type message regarding the application of God’s word was there, and I read it and on this particular one, it mentioned that holidays are there so that we can have fun and God also wants us to have fun and do the things we love to do, if not life would be too boring, so it reminded me that really even if my holidays I spent having fun, it really is part of God’s plan for my life.
But, just digressing a bit, the past week, I listened to this song by Carrie Underwood, but this time paying attention to the lyrics, and I realised something so relevant for me, the chorus goes like this:
'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sandWhat you've been up there searching forforever is in your handsWhen you figure out love is all that matters after allIt sure makes everything else seem so small
Some other parts were about keeping the faith and do something about it when we face problems or get blocked by a wall in life, and not worry and be upset about what we can’t change, but try our best to make the best of what we’ve got.
In all of my pursuits for having an eventful life and to do the many things I want to do in life, actually, I’ve been searching for something to make my life more meaningful, exciting and fun, but actually, I’ve got the Lord with me, what more could I ask for or search for. The bible says delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart, I mean what I’m struggling to understand is not this but, really just not sure what I need to do at this point in my life there is still desire in my heart that I had certain things in my life, but I’m just really learning how to truly live life fully and to live for God’s glory, to truly, delight myself in the Lord. Just that, this song made me realise that truly, LOVE IS ALL THAT MATTERS AFTER ALL AND THERE IS NO NEED TO SEARCH FOR ANYTHING MORE. Only our relationship with God, our love for God and Man, and love given to us is all that matters. How appropriate as today sermon at church, was about God’s Christmas gift to us that by sending Jesus down to earth to be born to save us, by eventually dying on the cross, all this because of His love for us and just as we can only love God for His great love for us, truly the gifts that we can give for Christmas is to love the others around us and to share the message of Jesus Christ and God’s message of love. And, well, to not just receive gifts but to give to others in love.
So anw, just before I go into the message, firstly, linking from LOVE BEING ALL THAT MATTERS, this year as many editors on newspapers and as one forum page article puts it, it is a time to really consider what matters most, to be thankful and to reflect upon the year, which saw so many good, amazing moments but was a year of doom and gloom too. Truly, Christmas is A TIME OF REFLECTION, well, also the new year, but really don’t make a difference just around this time really one really is made to really reflect upon the year. The thing to really note is that, truly we will realise in a year where for many people things seemed to fall apart with all the troubles in the world and how tough life has been this year that, really, LOVE IS ALL THAT MATTERS, just the company of friends and family, is all that really means anything, and most importantly to be reminded that OUR SECURITY IN LIFE IS NOT OF THIS WORLD OR FROM THIS WORLD, WHETHER FINANCIAL OR WHATEVER IT IS THAT PEOPLE HOLD ON TO FOR SECURITY, LIKE POWER AND STUFF, BUT OUR SECURITY LIES IN THE ONE AND ONLY JESUS CHRIST, WHO IS THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE LIGHT. Material things, pleasures, experiences, comfort and luxury, all the world has to offer is meaningless, just as in this tough year, this Christmas is going to have less of these things, and it will make us realise what truly matters most. We only realise and hold on to what is important, when we lose everything, we will now be more thankful for all that we have as we look back at a not so great year, and look ahead to the tough times with the impending recession. As, for reflecting on our personal lives, it sure will be bittersweet, it seems like that is the feeling we all seem to get every time the end of the year comes around. Not that we will have many regrets together with remembering the good times this year. But just that there is always many bad, sad and unhappy memories which gives us a bitter taste in the mouth. Nonetheless, more importantly, there are at least some sweet memories which make the year worthwhile. For me the main events of the past year would be, becoming J2, CNY, FUNORAMA, retaking A Level Chinese, visit to Henderson Waves and the June Holidays, PassionAC, I finally got facebook, had a zoo outing with my classmates, courage award, Baccalaureate, A Levels and holidays at the end of JC life where I am at now. In the year, I had many brief moments that were great, but I also had many prolonged periods of unhappiness due to the friendship issue and how I struggled to live up to my expectations of how life should be lived. So yea, that sums up the reflections for this year.
Finally, the message at church was about the gifts this Christmas. Well, the first thing that usually comes to mind when Christmas gifts are mentioned is material things and stuff like, that just like the stuff I found on gifts.com. But, basically, the message was about a very different kind of gift. However, truly, it is this gift that gives Christmas its meaning, not santa claus, dwarfs and snowmen. It is the gift of Jesus Christ who was born on Christmas day. Well, that is just one of the gifts that we can give this Christmas, and that is that, since God sends His son down to save us to give our lives meaning and provide us with salvation, we can share Christ with those who do not know Him yet. And, truly that is the best gift because God is the only one way. He is the way, the truth and the light. But, we can also learn from the gift of Mary. Mary gave birth to Jesus Christ, and in that way she allowed God to use her life, she surrendered her life to Christ. While we think about how God gave us a gift of Jesus for Christmas, we are forced to actually consider this, truly, since God saved us, we indebted to Christ, and our gift to God has to be a surrendered life. Being Christians, we have given our lives to God, but many a times we try to take control of our own lives, so let this remind us to really surrender our lives to God for THE BEST LIFE IS A SURRENDERED LIFE. Let God have our dreams, desires, talents and whatever we have. Offer our time and our lives to God, and let God direct our paths, for He will by His power enable us to live a good life. God ultimately knows what is best for us, He will allow us in doing His will through us to achieve more than we could ever dream of. Really, it’s like if one had the dream to become a rock star, but is unable to, it is likely that God has a better plan and perhaps that is not necessarily a good thing for that particular person. But, be sure that where ever you end up as long as you are following God’s leading by way of a surrendered life, you can be sure that that is the best and the joy will be much greater than achieving your own dream. Perhaps, you just didn’t realise that your dream was actually the one that God helped you to achieve, not what you initially thought was your dream. Next, we can learn from the gift that the shepherds gave, and that is testimony. We can testify with our lives about how real God is and bring others to Christ. Really to share how God has touched our lives is a gift we should give, for to bring someone to Christ by ones testimony is the best thing ever, and Heaven will rejoice. It is really like saving someone’s life in fact better. Finally, the wise men gave gifts that they treasured, in that case gold. But, what we can take away is that, we can give to God a gift of our very best and to offer all that we hold dear to God. For God, is deserving of all glory, shown by His gift of His son in all His love for us. We should do what God wants us to do with our lives and do everything we do for Christ and we must give of our best, simply because there is nothing else we rather do, we should offer our lives as living sacrifices and worship God with all that we are. And, even as we are busy with all the Christmas preparations, do it all as doing it for the Lord, after all, Christmas only means something because it marks the day that God sent His son to earth to save us.
To end, truly a life lived for Christ is the best way to live and we should always strive to do our best to live life to the fullest, after all a surrendered life that is lived for God’s glory involves not sitting back with a fatalistic attitude but sacrificing our lives to change what needs to be changed and to take initiative to do what God wants us to do which is all about enjoying our lives as much as possible and contributing as much as possible, to bring more people to Christ, to worship God by doing everything for Him, to grow to become more like Christ and to bring glory to God’s name. So, this Christmas really let us be reminded of Christ gift to us and be thankful for all He has done for us and this life that He has given to us no matter how difficult. Most importantly, we should truly offer our lives to God this Christmas and to let God take control and help us to live the best way possible, that is to live for God’s glory, which will give our lives joy and fulfilment, as we enjoy our lives and make a difference. So, yea, I’m so determined to live life well from now on and I’m filled with joy that God is in control and helping to do so for His glory which is of lasting significance, and I’m not worried about not doing justice to live anymore.
So, Lord truly, help me to offer my life to you completely and do my best to live life well for your glory. Amen.
Yupp, so now it’s time to really enjoy the time of celebration that is Christmas together with friends and family. God bless and MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE…!!!
Well, for much of the holiday, mostly in the past month of holiday, the issue in my life, has been trying to recapture the joy and trust that I had in the Lord for much of this year, as I face the most difficult year in my whole life academically. I struggled to regain that feeling of knowing that God’s presence was with me and just feeling the love and mercy showered upon me by God. I was becoming totally uninspired and losing touch with what living life really means, the joy and fulfilment seemed to be slipping away. Also, I was beginning to feel as lonely as ever this holiday, as I wasn’t able to see my friends and people I know from school anymore, and how after school it seemed to me that I had been forgotten by everyone I knew from school. But, the most important and difficult issue was about how my holiday in all its boredom seemed to be a far cry from what the holidae should be and what life should be for that matter. Even though, I knew that everything we do however mundane can have meaning if we do it for God’s glory and as worship to God, but still I struggled to understand God’s plan for me this holiday and like I really didn’t know if I needed to do more in this holiday and I wanted so much to not just enjoy my holiday more than staying home and playing but to also to do more meaningful things as much as whatever we do can have meaning if we do it for God as a form of worship to thank God and stuff, which is a purpose that we were put on this Earth for but ultimately is not what really gives us and our lives true meaning…well, true meaning comes from a relationship with God and making contributions, so yea, I really wanted that for my holiday but failed to with like an art course I wanted to do not being available, not being able to get a job to do, not able to go out as much as I liked to with friends and family, not being able to engage in fun and enriching activities and just fill my holiday with stuff to do that would make my holiday for fulfilling, joyful, exciting and meaningful. It’s like I just felt that my life just had not enough, like I was wondering if all I did was just this am I really living life fully? What I’m really trying to say is that, I know that I want to live for God’s glory and I know the purposes He has for our lives and my life for that matter, but I don’t know what I should do with my life.
The point is that assuming as it truly is, to live life to the fullest means living for God’s glory, this is because we were created for God’s glory and so by living for the purpose that God put us here for, we bring glory to God and live life fully since that’s what life is all about, doing what God wants us to do and bringing glory to God. But, the issue is God won’t specifically tell us what to do but He sets in our hearts to do what He wants us to do according to His will, so how do we know if that is just what we want to do or it is God who sets in our hearts to do so, I mean it is especially confusing when we talk about how God also wants us to enjoy our time on earth, so how would God want us to enjoy our time on earth?...I guess, we can only seek God’s guidance, and the only thing that helps is probably the boundary set by what is right and what is wrong, if we want to do something and it is not wrong and is beneficial to us and others, then it is likely that we should do that.
This now then, brings me nicely to my next point, and that is that in the past weeks I was pondering about something on these lines in respect to living life. I was like thinking about how I’ve done so little during this holiday and really wanted to do so much more, but was also confused about what I actually want from this holiday and how everything fits into God’s purposes for our lives. I was like trying to reconcile two ideas, living life to the fullest and living a meaningful life lived for God’s glory, not in the sense that I mentioned above about like living for the purposes that God puts us here for to bring glory to His name, but on a more practical note. Basically, on one hand I was thinking about doing all the things I want to do with the holiday, which I’ve failed to achieve considering that for the most part, this holiday I’ve been either on the computer, watching TV or out shopping with my family on the weekends. On the other hand, living for God’s glory means doing what God wants us to do. So the problem is that, yea I’m sure God wants me to enjoy the holiday but I just really don’t know what God wants me to do with my holiday, and I know that there are things I would like to do during the holiday to try and make it more fun and meaningful, then again I’m not even sure exactly what I want either, but it seems if I do nothing about it I will accomplish nothing and clearly that is not living life to the fullest if I stayed at home everyday, yet if that is what God wants me to do and perhaps if I did all my stuff at home with an attitude of worship I would be living life for God’s glory and thus living life to the fullest, so I really don’t know how to decide what to do with my holiday and life for that matter.
I mean God sets in our hearts what He wants us to do with our lives, but it would be strange if I were to do what I want to do since to live for God’s glory means to do what God wants us to do, I mean I mentioned earlier about how right and wrong, and perhaps how the activity glorifies God helps, the trouble is it seems quite weird that since its holiday, it is a time to enjoy myself, like does that have anything to do with God’s will for my life?...I mean like it seems like a scenario of deciding to what to wear for example, I mean seriously does that matter at all, its all up to choice as long as it within the boundary of what is acceptable. So how should I be spending my holiday? It is like if I consider how I want to enjoy my holiday as the basis of my decision of what to do with the holiday, the enjoyment of life seems to be what I’m living for. What I’ve realise is that actually all really want is to spend time with family, mix with friends, have life experiences, do stuff I’m interested in, in future do a job I enjoy, pursue hobbies, be involved in mission work and community work, visit places, learn new things, achieve my dreams and do stuff that we only get one chance to before I die, take part in activities and just have an eventful life I guess. And, what I can probably conclude and figure out about what to do with my life and holiday, is that to live for God’s glory may be to what God wants us and to do and as much as thinking about how to enjoy the holiday is seemingly contrary to this, just doing what God created us as humans to do and enjoying being what God created us to be and enjoying all that God has given to us actually brings glory to God. Now, the most difficult part is then, trying to live the best way possible, truly, I know that based on my own effort obviously I can’t do so and so I’m trusting in the Lord to help me. But, from the perspective of what I can do and my effort to try my best, I find it hard to know what to do specifically, like I know that to glorify God and live life fully as in for the purposes that God has for my life, involves trusting God, obeying God, praising and giving thanks to God, and using our abilities, in terms of enjoying life with our five senses and contributing with our skills and pursuing our passions. And, it involves doing things that are related to worshipping God by doing everything for God, having fellowship with God and Man, growing spiritually, to serve the Lord by helping others and using our jobs to meet needs, and finally to share the word of God with others.
The thing is that I really don’t know how to live each day for these purposes like, how should go about finding things to do in my life to fulfil all these purposes, like how can I enjoy myself, help others, serve God and do meaningful things that bring glory to God and just spend time in worship with God each and every day. I’m really struggling to do that, it is like everyday, I don’t feel I’ve been really doing the things I enjoy, or serving God and others, or even doing anything that would make much more of a difference to this world or anything or anyone for that matter. Like, it really doesn’t feel right if I spent the whole of my holiday doing nothing but eat, sleep, play and go out occasionally. So for the longest time this past one month plus of holiday, I’ve been really asking God to show me what He wants me to do, so that I don’t just waste away my time and I’m not doing enough and taking enough initiative to make things happen in my life so that I can have more avenues to do things in my life that allow me to maximise my efforts in living life fully according to God’s will for my life for His glory and I need strength from God to be able to come up with things I could do and to really make the best of my life by God’s power.
Now then, because of these issues as I’ve talked about earlier, the whole of last week, well, accumulated over the part of the holiday gone by, I felt confused, upset, depressed, useless, joyless and with a lack of fulfilment in my life. But, this Sunday morning when I got up, it seemed like I had forgotten all about my unhappiness and discontentment with my life, I was afraid that perhaps the problem was still somewhere lurking just that I didn’t feel or rmb it, but suddenly I seem to be clear as to what life was all about and what I really needed to do, and I felt that I could truly break out of this whole thing, it was like I was being chained up and unable to freely life live the way I wanted to and something was holding me back from living a good life with no regrets and just well living as I would have it. I mean, like previously I was complaining that I wish I could do this and that and have this or that in my life but I was so unable to really make any plans and materialise these plans and to really fill my life with these things I wanted to do and stuff I wish were a part of my life. All because I really don’t know how to find and make opportunities for myself to get involved in things and activities, take for instance, the going out with friends thing, I’ve done absolutely nothing to make something like that happen, but it’s been like hard to, since I’m so distant from everyone and I’m so afraid it will backfire and I’ll like fall flat on the face. And, like finding places to engage in stuff that I’m interested in, imagine it’s like so not the easiest thing to do, clueless as to what is actually out there. As for like, a job, I’ll have to wait till next year to see, but even like a sketch art course was impossible to find within this period that would be suitable. I’ve basically run out of ideas as to what to do with my holiday to rid myself of this boredom and aimless days spent just scrolling around on my com, while listening to music. And, I just don’t have any clues as to what activities I can fill my life with to be able to live life fully and to satisfy all the purposes God has put me here for, and bring glory to His name, I just really have a passion for life, and really want to not just make the most of life which I am not even close to doing but also to also contribute with my life as much as possible, and to do all that God wants me to do with my life, which I believe God gave me for a purpose so that I could very well live life to the fullest despite my disability and bring glory to God’s name. However, I’ve so been unable to do so this holiday. Now though, I starting to believe that I can do better at it with God’s help and nothing seems to be able to hold me back anymore I think. Just gotta start coming up with new ideas and trying harder to materialise things and really do the things I wanna do with my life and not complain but really make a change and do things so that my life will be at it’s best possible by God’s grace. And, I’ve learned or at least subconsciously become at peace with my situation, and perhaps I think sometimes it’s just gotta do with making the most of what I’ve got and not searching for more. But, just that somehow, I just feel I really need to do more, and try hard to really give my all and my best in everything to ensure that I really live life as fully as possible.
Anw, so today as I went to church it sorta marked the point where I’ve put behind me all of the unhappiness before this from the beginning of the holidays. And, I’ve moved on and now I’m filled with joy again. Church service today was just such a refresher and now really I think my life is starting to feel so much better again, like I’m really much more joyful again and I’m feeling positive about my life. And, I just know that everything is so going to be great as Christmas and the new year approaches, and my life seems more in place now and I’m no longer that confused anymore, and God seems to have place direction, fulfilment and joy into my life again, although, I know I’m going to have to do a lot more to achieve it, the main thing now is that I’m clear about the whole issue, just a matter of putting it altogether. I’m trusting in the Lord, even if I know its gonna be tough, so let’s just hope this time I’m able to do it, coz if I fail I probably go through another of these problematic and lost moments again.
Anw, so this week on top of my struggle to grapple with understanding the idea of living life to the fullest and living for God’s glory in a more practical sense in relation to my holiday, I’ve had other problems of like feeling distant from God and roller coaster ride in terms of my faith levels, and just a low point spiritually, and really going to church today just highlighted how important it is to daily be in God’s presence and to go to church on Sunday, as it really lifted my spirits and I could begin to feel God’s presence ever so strongly again in my life. And, the message really had a huge impact on me again, and even the songs were just giving me the joy of praising God and it was awesome. Most importantly, I must stress that I know that worship at church is not about us but about God and whether or not we enjoyed or felt it touched us that is not the point, however, it just happened that today again I felt touched and rejuvenated by it, and that really helped to lift my spirits and allow me to draw nearer to God. It just felt good to truly worship the Lord in spirit and in truth, it’s like the passion I had at its strongest for God’s name seem to come back, something really amazing. And, just really I felt God seem to take the load of my chest, and allowed me not to be upset or bogged down by things not going right in my life and really God reminded too of His mercy, that even as Christians, we are not perfect but make mistakes too, just that all we need to do is seek God’s forgiveness, and strength to get through whatever we are facing.
God really is so amazing and even as I lost my direction slightly this past week and felt bad for the way I live my life and just all my failures and stuff, God works so marvellously and once I sought God out, He just made everything clearer, took the weight of all the unhappy feelings away and brought me back into the right direction and made everything work out better. And, an example of how God showed me direction was in that even as I was going to church this morning, I flipped open my bible and some section of a one page of devotional type message regarding the application of God’s word was there, and I read it and on this particular one, it mentioned that holidays are there so that we can have fun and God also wants us to have fun and do the things we love to do, if not life would be too boring, so it reminded me that really even if my holidays I spent having fun, it really is part of God’s plan for my life.
But, just digressing a bit, the past week, I listened to this song by Carrie Underwood, but this time paying attention to the lyrics, and I realised something so relevant for me, the chorus goes like this:
'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sandWhat you've been up there searching forforever is in your handsWhen you figure out love is all that matters after allIt sure makes everything else seem so small
Some other parts were about keeping the faith and do something about it when we face problems or get blocked by a wall in life, and not worry and be upset about what we can’t change, but try our best to make the best of what we’ve got.
In all of my pursuits for having an eventful life and to do the many things I want to do in life, actually, I’ve been searching for something to make my life more meaningful, exciting and fun, but actually, I’ve got the Lord with me, what more could I ask for or search for. The bible says delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart, I mean what I’m struggling to understand is not this but, really just not sure what I need to do at this point in my life there is still desire in my heart that I had certain things in my life, but I’m just really learning how to truly live life fully and to live for God’s glory, to truly, delight myself in the Lord. Just that, this song made me realise that truly, LOVE IS ALL THAT MATTERS AFTER ALL AND THERE IS NO NEED TO SEARCH FOR ANYTHING MORE. Only our relationship with God, our love for God and Man, and love given to us is all that matters. How appropriate as today sermon at church, was about God’s Christmas gift to us that by sending Jesus down to earth to be born to save us, by eventually dying on the cross, all this because of His love for us and just as we can only love God for His great love for us, truly the gifts that we can give for Christmas is to love the others around us and to share the message of Jesus Christ and God’s message of love. And, well, to not just receive gifts but to give to others in love.
So anw, just before I go into the message, firstly, linking from LOVE BEING ALL THAT MATTERS, this year as many editors on newspapers and as one forum page article puts it, it is a time to really consider what matters most, to be thankful and to reflect upon the year, which saw so many good, amazing moments but was a year of doom and gloom too. Truly, Christmas is A TIME OF REFLECTION, well, also the new year, but really don’t make a difference just around this time really one really is made to really reflect upon the year. The thing to really note is that, truly we will realise in a year where for many people things seemed to fall apart with all the troubles in the world and how tough life has been this year that, really, LOVE IS ALL THAT MATTERS, just the company of friends and family, is all that really means anything, and most importantly to be reminded that OUR SECURITY IN LIFE IS NOT OF THIS WORLD OR FROM THIS WORLD, WHETHER FINANCIAL OR WHATEVER IT IS THAT PEOPLE HOLD ON TO FOR SECURITY, LIKE POWER AND STUFF, BUT OUR SECURITY LIES IN THE ONE AND ONLY JESUS CHRIST, WHO IS THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE LIGHT. Material things, pleasures, experiences, comfort and luxury, all the world has to offer is meaningless, just as in this tough year, this Christmas is going to have less of these things, and it will make us realise what truly matters most. We only realise and hold on to what is important, when we lose everything, we will now be more thankful for all that we have as we look back at a not so great year, and look ahead to the tough times with the impending recession. As, for reflecting on our personal lives, it sure will be bittersweet, it seems like that is the feeling we all seem to get every time the end of the year comes around. Not that we will have many regrets together with remembering the good times this year. But just that there is always many bad, sad and unhappy memories which gives us a bitter taste in the mouth. Nonetheless, more importantly, there are at least some sweet memories which make the year worthwhile. For me the main events of the past year would be, becoming J2, CNY, FUNORAMA, retaking A Level Chinese, visit to Henderson Waves and the June Holidays, PassionAC, I finally got facebook, had a zoo outing with my classmates, courage award, Baccalaureate, A Levels and holidays at the end of JC life where I am at now. In the year, I had many brief moments that were great, but I also had many prolonged periods of unhappiness due to the friendship issue and how I struggled to live up to my expectations of how life should be lived. So yea, that sums up the reflections for this year.
Finally, the message at church was about the gifts this Christmas. Well, the first thing that usually comes to mind when Christmas gifts are mentioned is material things and stuff like, that just like the stuff I found on gifts.com. But, basically, the message was about a very different kind of gift. However, truly, it is this gift that gives Christmas its meaning, not santa claus, dwarfs and snowmen. It is the gift of Jesus Christ who was born on Christmas day. Well, that is just one of the gifts that we can give this Christmas, and that is that, since God sends His son down to save us to give our lives meaning and provide us with salvation, we can share Christ with those who do not know Him yet. And, truly that is the best gift because God is the only one way. He is the way, the truth and the light. But, we can also learn from the gift of Mary. Mary gave birth to Jesus Christ, and in that way she allowed God to use her life, she surrendered her life to Christ. While we think about how God gave us a gift of Jesus for Christmas, we are forced to actually consider this, truly, since God saved us, we indebted to Christ, and our gift to God has to be a surrendered life. Being Christians, we have given our lives to God, but many a times we try to take control of our own lives, so let this remind us to really surrender our lives to God for THE BEST LIFE IS A SURRENDERED LIFE. Let God have our dreams, desires, talents and whatever we have. Offer our time and our lives to God, and let God direct our paths, for He will by His power enable us to live a good life. God ultimately knows what is best for us, He will allow us in doing His will through us to achieve more than we could ever dream of. Really, it’s like if one had the dream to become a rock star, but is unable to, it is likely that God has a better plan and perhaps that is not necessarily a good thing for that particular person. But, be sure that where ever you end up as long as you are following God’s leading by way of a surrendered life, you can be sure that that is the best and the joy will be much greater than achieving your own dream. Perhaps, you just didn’t realise that your dream was actually the one that God helped you to achieve, not what you initially thought was your dream. Next, we can learn from the gift that the shepherds gave, and that is testimony. We can testify with our lives about how real God is and bring others to Christ. Really to share how God has touched our lives is a gift we should give, for to bring someone to Christ by ones testimony is the best thing ever, and Heaven will rejoice. It is really like saving someone’s life in fact better. Finally, the wise men gave gifts that they treasured, in that case gold. But, what we can take away is that, we can give to God a gift of our very best and to offer all that we hold dear to God. For God, is deserving of all glory, shown by His gift of His son in all His love for us. We should do what God wants us to do with our lives and do everything we do for Christ and we must give of our best, simply because there is nothing else we rather do, we should offer our lives as living sacrifices and worship God with all that we are. And, even as we are busy with all the Christmas preparations, do it all as doing it for the Lord, after all, Christmas only means something because it marks the day that God sent His son to earth to save us.
To end, truly a life lived for Christ is the best way to live and we should always strive to do our best to live life to the fullest, after all a surrendered life that is lived for God’s glory involves not sitting back with a fatalistic attitude but sacrificing our lives to change what needs to be changed and to take initiative to do what God wants us to do which is all about enjoying our lives as much as possible and contributing as much as possible, to bring more people to Christ, to worship God by doing everything for Him, to grow to become more like Christ and to bring glory to God’s name. So, this Christmas really let us be reminded of Christ gift to us and be thankful for all He has done for us and this life that He has given to us no matter how difficult. Most importantly, we should truly offer our lives to God this Christmas and to let God take control and help us to live the best way possible, that is to live for God’s glory, which will give our lives joy and fulfilment, as we enjoy our lives and make a difference. So, yea, I’m so determined to live life well from now on and I’m filled with joy that God is in control and helping to do so for His glory which is of lasting significance, and I’m not worried about not doing justice to live anymore.
So, Lord truly, help me to offer my life to you completely and do my best to live life well for your glory. Amen.
Yupp, so now it’s time to really enjoy the time of celebration that is Christmas together with friends and family. God bless and MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE…!!!
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