Life...and How I Feel...
Somehow I just don’t know how I feel at this point…I mean, last week went pretty well, with only last Monday having been not so great when I went out to town and hurt my neck going on a steep slope, just goes to show how “good” the wheelchair access is in the city, fine it wasn’t really that, coz well I had added a plank of wood under my cushion which made me sit higher so my centre of gravity higher and therefore, my chair prone to flipping which it did and so hurt my neck. But, other than that, although I didn’t really go out at all on the weekdays last week, it all was really good. And, since refreshing my memory on the important message that has kept me going for the longest time about being joyful and rejoicing in all circumstances, I’ve been generally joyful the past week. I forgot to mention, though, in my last post that it was the DVD that I watched of Nick Vujicic that was one of the contributors to reminding me to be joyful in all circumstances. The main highlights of last week I guess was that on one of the days I went out with my sis to the pool and relaxed, and rented CDs at a nearby place and watched. While, on the other day, I went with my brother who just returned from Germany last Thursday and my sis again to hang out at the pool and rented more CD’s to watch. Well, fine, on two of the days I had most fun we did the exact same things but somehow by God’s grace I was able to enjoy myself however mundane my life seemed last week. But, of course, the weekends were the best, I went out with my mum, sis and brother to watch, yea, I know its kinda uncool that I’m watching a movie that is like out for so long already but well it was fun watching a movie with my family at PS. Then, I also bought two new CD’s from Sembawang. And, we finally got Guitar Heroes World Tour. Finally, Sunday was my grandmother’s birthday, so at night, we had our cousins over and we had like pizza and satay for dinner, and we spent almost the whole night playing Guitar Heroes. And, of course, this time no such thing as a half-cake here…haha, since my aunt bought the cake, well last time out we got a half cake coz we knew my mum was gonna get one, so not that the thot was less, it is the thot that counts and that time the thot was really there.
But, now anw, before all that took place, of course there was Church in the morning and it was really amazing how a sharing by this group called the Doulos really reminded me of something that I’ve always had a strong conviction about, but like the idea of being joyful in all circumstances, I had lost that deep connection with those words in respect to the application of the truth to my life. Well, it was about surrendering all to Jesus and take up the cross and following the Lord Jesus, and how even if we have nothing, that as long as we have Christ, we have everything and that as Paul in the Bible mentioned, “to die is to gain”. I must say that I seem to lose that conviction of what it means to truly feel so empty and so broken as I once felt that my life was lacking in meaning, my life felt like it didn’t have enough and I was so lonely and my life was seemingly with nothing I ever wanted for it. But, I trusted that Lord knowing that all I needed and need is Jesus since He provides all I need and His grace is sufficient for me and that the Lord knows what is best and all I need to do is do all I do for God’s glory. Somehow this time when after having a period where I thought of all the things that I wanted to do and had the idea of all the things that if I could have I would be happy, and when none of what I wished for happened in this holiday and with boredom and troubles and all, I forgot the important truth that in the end ultimately that all that matters is my relationship with God and that whatever my situation that God knows best and directs my paths and will provide what I need to live life that way He intends for me. But, since the message by this group reminded me of that, I began to realise that truly even if I were to lose everything, family, friends, material possessions and missing many of the experiences in life, all that I need is God and in Him I have everything. Again, I felt this strong feeling of knowing that God is all I need. I must say at first and slightly now still, I felt bad that I had got too caught up in all my dreams, desires and in thoughts about enjoying holiday and my life, that I failed to realise that God is all I need. So, I searched my own blog for what I once wrote about having nothing and yet having everything in Christ Jesus, and I began to register this truth back into my heart and mind, and so now again I feel this overwhelming truth, as I concluded that post and it goes like this:
Therefore, the conclusion of the matter than I think is that EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NOTHING, I HAVE EVERYTHING IN CHRIST JESUS. For as long as we have God in our lives, we can be sure that we have life and life in full, for God is our provider, healer, protector, strength and our joy. And, just as one of the other songs I listened to and sang says that Jesus is (our) best friend. I mean God is just everything. And, everything else means nothing at all…as long as we doing what we do for God’s glory. The only thing is that, I don’t know why that when I’m with friends, family, God and doing things that I love doing or just doing whatever I do for God’s glory and serving God, I feel as if I’m living life completely the way God intended for me and I’m content and don’t ask for more, and I am satisfied. But, whenever I’m unable to do these things my life seems to feel empty. So, I really don’t know what this means. All I know is that God is really all we need, and He will make all things work out such that we can fully live life the way He wants us to, and that makes everything else not matter, not that friends and life experiences don’t matter, but in that God will provide the path for us to life live the way He intended for us to, if we will just trust God and do everything for His glory. Well, what can I say, the Bible says, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you”. So, truly, no matter how sad life seems to get at times when all the troubles overwhelm me, I know in all of my heart filled with emotion, just crying out for a way out of all the troubles and to live a life fully the way God intended for me, when my life feels like I have nothing left, I know that God is there for me and that all I have to do is live for God’s glory and seek Him, and the Lord will do the rest.
Finally, anw so, the message at Church last Sunday was about the person God uses, and it was a fitting message since, we had a presentation by the mission team from the Doulos, talking about their mission work. Well, one of the purposes of our existence is to be involved in mission work, and therefore it makes it so relevant to know the kind of person God uses for His work, so that we can be that person God uses to do His work by His will. A summary of the traits are these, first the person must have a track record of faithfulness, to be committed, loyal and to always be a close follower of God. Next, one needs to have humble spirit, all our strength comes from God by His grace, whatever that is that we have achieve and all that we have is from God, so we cannot boast in ourselves but in Christ. And, God uses our weaknesses and use them to bring glory to His name, and it is not our ability but our hearts that God looks at. To be used by God one also needs to pay a price for following Jesus Christ, living in a fallen world, clearly as a follower of Christ, we will face persecution of some sort and we will be in conflict with the world. After all, following Christ, means to take up the cross daily and following Jesus, by living out the Christian life. Also, as a person to be used by God, that person must regularly worship the Lord, I mean, as a person used by God, how can we not worship the Lord always? God is the one that empowers us and in doing the mission for which the Lord has created us for, it is to be done for God’s glory, so naturally our lives are worship to God, since we are doing everything with God in mind, like doing it for God not for man our ourselves for that matter. Finally, to be used by God, of course, one needs to be sensitive and responsive to God’s voice, since that God’s voice is what sets in our hearts what He wants us to do, so how can God use us to do His work if we don’t hear His calling for us. So the conclusion is that, God looks at everyone different from the world, all God needs is a willing and obedient heart and He will use us for His glory and that is no greater thing in the world than being used by God to bring glory to His name and that is the only thing we can live for and that is God’s glory, so need to pray and ask God for a passion for His glory and to allow us to be the kind of person He wants to use, so that since we have such a passion for God’s name, we can be used to bring glory to God’s name. God’s plan for our lives is to use us in a way that He created us to bring glory to His name, which is the purpose of our whole existence, and that is coz God is glorious and it will bring joy and fulfilment into our lives. To truly live life, we need to surrender everything to God, our regrets, ambitions, dreams, hopes and desires to God and let God direct our paths, for He knows what is best for us and we can be sure that we living life fully in that we are living completely the way God wants us to which is the best and only way to truly live life.
So yea, right now I may not be sure of what I’m feeling, in that like, I’m trying my best to be joyful in all circumstances which I’ve done reasonably alrite at, and yet inside of me there feels like there is something not right or perhaps lacking, maybe you could say discontentment, but still not quite, I guess, its mixed emotions, like wanting to do much more with my holiday yet trying to be content with my holiday as it is and missing having more people around and seemingly feeling lost and like I’ve been wasting time doing meaningless stuff, getting little joy out of my life and just feeling like I’m not living the way I should be. My life may feel like it is not meaningful, since all I’m doing everyday, is watch TV, play computer, play WII, go for walks, and have outings on weekends, eat and sleep. But, I was reminded that life is about bringing glory to God and there is meaning and joy and fulfilment in our lives when we are living life for God’s glory which is our main purpose of our existence, and everything can be used to bring glory to God’s name if we do it for God and to bring glory to His name. So I realised that even if I’m at home doing mundane things or even just playing, it can have meaning if it is done for God, in the sense that God wants us to enjoy ourselves too and when we thank God for all that we have enjoyed, it is an act of worship. Thus, I conclude knowing that it doesn’t matter how I feel, and whatever it is, which I’m not even sure of, the important thing is that whatever is going on in my life as long as I do it for God’s glory there is meaning in my life, because there is a purpose and that is to glorify God. And, in Christ I have peace, joy and fulfilment in my life. Yea…
But, now anw, before all that took place, of course there was Church in the morning and it was really amazing how a sharing by this group called the Doulos really reminded me of something that I’ve always had a strong conviction about, but like the idea of being joyful in all circumstances, I had lost that deep connection with those words in respect to the application of the truth to my life. Well, it was about surrendering all to Jesus and take up the cross and following the Lord Jesus, and how even if we have nothing, that as long as we have Christ, we have everything and that as Paul in the Bible mentioned, “to die is to gain”. I must say that I seem to lose that conviction of what it means to truly feel so empty and so broken as I once felt that my life was lacking in meaning, my life felt like it didn’t have enough and I was so lonely and my life was seemingly with nothing I ever wanted for it. But, I trusted that Lord knowing that all I needed and need is Jesus since He provides all I need and His grace is sufficient for me and that the Lord knows what is best and all I need to do is do all I do for God’s glory. Somehow this time when after having a period where I thought of all the things that I wanted to do and had the idea of all the things that if I could have I would be happy, and when none of what I wished for happened in this holiday and with boredom and troubles and all, I forgot the important truth that in the end ultimately that all that matters is my relationship with God and that whatever my situation that God knows best and directs my paths and will provide what I need to live life that way He intends for me. But, since the message by this group reminded me of that, I began to realise that truly even if I were to lose everything, family, friends, material possessions and missing many of the experiences in life, all that I need is God and in Him I have everything. Again, I felt this strong feeling of knowing that God is all I need. I must say at first and slightly now still, I felt bad that I had got too caught up in all my dreams, desires and in thoughts about enjoying holiday and my life, that I failed to realise that God is all I need. So, I searched my own blog for what I once wrote about having nothing and yet having everything in Christ Jesus, and I began to register this truth back into my heart and mind, and so now again I feel this overwhelming truth, as I concluded that post and it goes like this:
Therefore, the conclusion of the matter than I think is that EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NOTHING, I HAVE EVERYTHING IN CHRIST JESUS. For as long as we have God in our lives, we can be sure that we have life and life in full, for God is our provider, healer, protector, strength and our joy. And, just as one of the other songs I listened to and sang says that Jesus is (our) best friend. I mean God is just everything. And, everything else means nothing at all…as long as we doing what we do for God’s glory. The only thing is that, I don’t know why that when I’m with friends, family, God and doing things that I love doing or just doing whatever I do for God’s glory and serving God, I feel as if I’m living life completely the way God intended for me and I’m content and don’t ask for more, and I am satisfied. But, whenever I’m unable to do these things my life seems to feel empty. So, I really don’t know what this means. All I know is that God is really all we need, and He will make all things work out such that we can fully live life the way He wants us to, and that makes everything else not matter, not that friends and life experiences don’t matter, but in that God will provide the path for us to life live the way He intended for us to, if we will just trust God and do everything for His glory. Well, what can I say, the Bible says, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you”. So, truly, no matter how sad life seems to get at times when all the troubles overwhelm me, I know in all of my heart filled with emotion, just crying out for a way out of all the troubles and to live a life fully the way God intended for me, when my life feels like I have nothing left, I know that God is there for me and that all I have to do is live for God’s glory and seek Him, and the Lord will do the rest.
Finally, anw so, the message at Church last Sunday was about the person God uses, and it was a fitting message since, we had a presentation by the mission team from the Doulos, talking about their mission work. Well, one of the purposes of our existence is to be involved in mission work, and therefore it makes it so relevant to know the kind of person God uses for His work, so that we can be that person God uses to do His work by His will. A summary of the traits are these, first the person must have a track record of faithfulness, to be committed, loyal and to always be a close follower of God. Next, one needs to have humble spirit, all our strength comes from God by His grace, whatever that is that we have achieve and all that we have is from God, so we cannot boast in ourselves but in Christ. And, God uses our weaknesses and use them to bring glory to His name, and it is not our ability but our hearts that God looks at. To be used by God one also needs to pay a price for following Jesus Christ, living in a fallen world, clearly as a follower of Christ, we will face persecution of some sort and we will be in conflict with the world. After all, following Christ, means to take up the cross daily and following Jesus, by living out the Christian life. Also, as a person to be used by God, that person must regularly worship the Lord, I mean, as a person used by God, how can we not worship the Lord always? God is the one that empowers us and in doing the mission for which the Lord has created us for, it is to be done for God’s glory, so naturally our lives are worship to God, since we are doing everything with God in mind, like doing it for God not for man our ourselves for that matter. Finally, to be used by God, of course, one needs to be sensitive and responsive to God’s voice, since that God’s voice is what sets in our hearts what He wants us to do, so how can God use us to do His work if we don’t hear His calling for us. So the conclusion is that, God looks at everyone different from the world, all God needs is a willing and obedient heart and He will use us for His glory and that is no greater thing in the world than being used by God to bring glory to His name and that is the only thing we can live for and that is God’s glory, so need to pray and ask God for a passion for His glory and to allow us to be the kind of person He wants to use, so that since we have such a passion for God’s name, we can be used to bring glory to God’s name. God’s plan for our lives is to use us in a way that He created us to bring glory to His name, which is the purpose of our whole existence, and that is coz God is glorious and it will bring joy and fulfilment into our lives. To truly live life, we need to surrender everything to God, our regrets, ambitions, dreams, hopes and desires to God and let God direct our paths, for He knows what is best for us and we can be sure that we living life fully in that we are living completely the way God wants us to which is the best and only way to truly live life.
So yea, right now I may not be sure of what I’m feeling, in that like, I’m trying my best to be joyful in all circumstances which I’ve done reasonably alrite at, and yet inside of me there feels like there is something not right or perhaps lacking, maybe you could say discontentment, but still not quite, I guess, its mixed emotions, like wanting to do much more with my holiday yet trying to be content with my holiday as it is and missing having more people around and seemingly feeling lost and like I’ve been wasting time doing meaningless stuff, getting little joy out of my life and just feeling like I’m not living the way I should be. My life may feel like it is not meaningful, since all I’m doing everyday, is watch TV, play computer, play WII, go for walks, and have outings on weekends, eat and sleep. But, I was reminded that life is about bringing glory to God and there is meaning and joy and fulfilment in our lives when we are living life for God’s glory which is our main purpose of our existence, and everything can be used to bring glory to God’s name if we do it for God and to bring glory to His name. So I realised that even if I’m at home doing mundane things or even just playing, it can have meaning if it is done for God, in the sense that God wants us to enjoy ourselves too and when we thank God for all that we have enjoyed, it is an act of worship. Thus, I conclude knowing that it doesn’t matter how I feel, and whatever it is, which I’m not even sure of, the important thing is that whatever is going on in my life as long as I do it for God’s glory there is meaning in my life, because there is a purpose and that is to glorify God. And, in Christ I have peace, joy and fulfilment in my life. Yea…
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