Real Life
Well, it’s been such a long while that I’ve been on this break in my life, and haven’t really been anywhere this year although occasionally I have. Like its been one year and a few months already, it’s crazy how time flies. So much in my life has changed since I left school, and so much has happened it feels like it’s been a long time that I’ve been living this way, at home doing whatever want to do. And, now I’ve got this new beginning in my life in this new year, as I go back to school again, it in a way like old times coz I’ll back to school life and stuff but different in that it’s a whole new path I’m taking in the pursuit of my dreams. I kind of miss the old times a lot but yet there’s so much in the past I wish I could undo. Ok, I must stress that I’m a believer in having no regrets coz like everything that has happened to me is for a reason good and bad...But, there are regrets I have in my life, about how immature I used to be, how naive and the mistakes I’ve made. The point is though that in spite of these regrets i have in my life I still don’t regret anything in my life in view of the greater scheme of things. And, that is not to say that I have given up on some of the positive childlike qualities, like the childlike faith and believing in the good in people. And, after all there have been good times too, coz no matter how brief it is worth it going through the bad times just for the moments of joy, besides I’ve found much joy even in the toughest of times.
For some reason, after tiring myself out for a few days in a row coz I was watching some Korean Drama series, like sitting up the whole day...one night, as I lay in bed trying to sleep, it felt like my life flashed before my eyes, as I just looked back at my life so far. It’s just that I feel like I’m at such a different place in my life right now and it’s like I can now see in retrospective with a much bigger picture, seeing like how far I’ve come. Everything’s just so different now...It’s like I’ve come full circle, I’ve made my mistakes and learned from them and now I’m moving on to a different stage.
Anyway, between last week and the week before, I went out twice, once to shop in town for Chinese New Year and the other to visit pastor. There was someone wearing a shirt that had the words, “the greatest blessing 4 dreams to come true.” The seemed to strike a chord with me and it was like reminding about how blessed I am to be pursuing my dreams. Apart from the chess, the singing lessons, shoe artwork, and playing on the computer, I watched quite a bit of TV. Like the Korean drama I watched and like this new show on discovery Sci-fi Science.
And, somehow I felt bad about the way I reacted to something during the week. I always feel like I think about achieve a certain quality that would make me a better person, it’s like seeking a kind of perfection, God’s standard, holiness...trying hard to live in way contrary to human nature. You know it’s like I’m being hard on myself, when I was even in the slightest way selfish, when I failed to love others selflessly, or maybe being ungrateful. It’s like being disappointed with oneself over something that every normal human being would struggle with. And, sometimes because of the high standards I set for myself, people seem to expect much more from me, not that I care about people expectations of me. The truth I know is that it is humanly impossible to make God’s standard’s but only with the help of the spirit, and of course, our faith in Christ is credited to us as righteousness. The thing though is that I don’t know whether I’m being too hard on myself by always pushing myself to better myself in areas it’s all too human to slip up in and feeling so bad about my mistakes. I guess it should be the aim to always better ourselves but I guess we’re all human so there’s no need to be so hard on ourselves.
In another instance, I was watching this show on TV where someone was sharing about coming to terms with tragedy. It was a person who had lost the whole family to a car accident and I was like thinking to myself yea indeed this is an amazing story because like how do we continue to live life when we face tragedy, like how do we have the hope to live on? I think the starting point should be to remember that bad things happen not because of God but because we live in this fallen world, and yes God can and does prevent bad things from happening, in the cases where He chooses not to prevent the tragedy from happening, we don’t know why but God’s will is perfect and He has reason for it. Of course, when tragedy strikes it is a painful experience, and it is perfectly alright and normal to be sad. There is certainly a time of grieving and a time to pull ourselves together. So there are three things that I feel we should keep in mind in coming to terms with tragedy. Firstly, there is meaning even in tragedy...Pain is God’s megaphone as C.S Lewis puts it, God uses the pain of tragedy to speak to us and remind us that we live in a fallen world but that He loves us and has a better place for us in Heaven. Also, it helps us to grow spiritually and leads us to seek God. Next, he who has a why to live can bear with almost any how. Hope is essential for life, where we have hope, we can overcome any obstacle. The hope that we as Christians have is in Christ, we have the hope of eternal life with Christ and judgement. Also, we the hope of knowing that our lives have a purpose, we have a destiny, a future and through our suffering the Lord is using for His glory. This brings me to my next point, and that is in life we have an ultimate goal and that is the purpose of bringing glory to God, it is not about the circumstances but using the circumstances in our lives to glorify God. So, we should not give up on our lives when we face tragedy because we are alive for a reason. From the book Soul Cravings, “A sense of destiny gives us the strength to face overwhelming obstacles and hardships. At the same time living a life with a powerful sense of purpose gives us the energy and enthusiasm to get up every morning and face the day.”
Anyway, here are the songs I've been listening to...
Innocence by Avril Lavigne
Waking up I see that everything is ok
The first time in my life and now it's so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling
[Chorus]
This innocence is brilliance
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect
Please don't go away
I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by
I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling
[Chorus]
It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
This innocence is brilliance
Makes you wanna cry
This innocence is brilliance
Please don't go away
Cus I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by
The Truth by Kris Allen
[Chorus]
Lyin' next to you
Wishing I could disappear, hey
Let you fall asleep
And vanish out into thin air, hey
It's the elephant in the room
And we pretend that we don't see it
It's the avalanche that looms
Above our heads, but we don't believe it
Tryin' to be perfect
Tryin' not to let you down, yeah
Honesty is honestly
The hardest thing for me right now, yeah
While the floors underneath our feet are crumblin'
The walls we built together tumblin'
I still stand here holdin' up the roof
'Cause it's easier than telling the truth
I still keep your photographs
I remember how we used to laugh
I can keep on losin' sleep
If you're okay with being torn in half
It's the elephant in the room
And we pretend that we don't see it
It's an avalanche that looms
Above our heads but we don't believe it
Tryin' to be perfect
Tryin' not to let you down, yeah
Honesty is honestly
The hardest thing for me right now, yeah
While the floors underneath our feet are crumblin'
The walls we built together tumblin'
I still stand here holdin' up the roof
'Cause it's easier than telling the truth
Stop ignoring that our hearts are mourning
And let the rain come in
Stop pretending that it's not ending
And let the end begin, oh yeah
Tryin' to be perfect,
Tryin' not to let you down, yeah
Honesty is honestly
The hardest thing for me right now, yeah
While the floors underneath our feet are crumblin'
The walls we built together tumblin'
I still stand here holdin' up the roof
'Cause it's easier than telling the truth
It's easier than telling the truth
For some reason, after tiring myself out for a few days in a row coz I was watching some Korean Drama series, like sitting up the whole day...one night, as I lay in bed trying to sleep, it felt like my life flashed before my eyes, as I just looked back at my life so far. It’s just that I feel like I’m at such a different place in my life right now and it’s like I can now see in retrospective with a much bigger picture, seeing like how far I’ve come. Everything’s just so different now...It’s like I’ve come full circle, I’ve made my mistakes and learned from them and now I’m moving on to a different stage.
Anyway, between last week and the week before, I went out twice, once to shop in town for Chinese New Year and the other to visit pastor. There was someone wearing a shirt that had the words, “the greatest blessing 4 dreams to come true.” The seemed to strike a chord with me and it was like reminding about how blessed I am to be pursuing my dreams. Apart from the chess, the singing lessons, shoe artwork, and playing on the computer, I watched quite a bit of TV. Like the Korean drama I watched and like this new show on discovery Sci-fi Science.
And, somehow I felt bad about the way I reacted to something during the week. I always feel like I think about achieve a certain quality that would make me a better person, it’s like seeking a kind of perfection, God’s standard, holiness...trying hard to live in way contrary to human nature. You know it’s like I’m being hard on myself, when I was even in the slightest way selfish, when I failed to love others selflessly, or maybe being ungrateful. It’s like being disappointed with oneself over something that every normal human being would struggle with. And, sometimes because of the high standards I set for myself, people seem to expect much more from me, not that I care about people expectations of me. The truth I know is that it is humanly impossible to make God’s standard’s but only with the help of the spirit, and of course, our faith in Christ is credited to us as righteousness. The thing though is that I don’t know whether I’m being too hard on myself by always pushing myself to better myself in areas it’s all too human to slip up in and feeling so bad about my mistakes. I guess it should be the aim to always better ourselves but I guess we’re all human so there’s no need to be so hard on ourselves.
In another instance, I was watching this show on TV where someone was sharing about coming to terms with tragedy. It was a person who had lost the whole family to a car accident and I was like thinking to myself yea indeed this is an amazing story because like how do we continue to live life when we face tragedy, like how do we have the hope to live on? I think the starting point should be to remember that bad things happen not because of God but because we live in this fallen world, and yes God can and does prevent bad things from happening, in the cases where He chooses not to prevent the tragedy from happening, we don’t know why but God’s will is perfect and He has reason for it. Of course, when tragedy strikes it is a painful experience, and it is perfectly alright and normal to be sad. There is certainly a time of grieving and a time to pull ourselves together. So there are three things that I feel we should keep in mind in coming to terms with tragedy. Firstly, there is meaning even in tragedy...Pain is God’s megaphone as C.S Lewis puts it, God uses the pain of tragedy to speak to us and remind us that we live in a fallen world but that He loves us and has a better place for us in Heaven. Also, it helps us to grow spiritually and leads us to seek God. Next, he who has a why to live can bear with almost any how. Hope is essential for life, where we have hope, we can overcome any obstacle. The hope that we as Christians have is in Christ, we have the hope of eternal life with Christ and judgement. Also, we the hope of knowing that our lives have a purpose, we have a destiny, a future and through our suffering the Lord is using for His glory. This brings me to my next point, and that is in life we have an ultimate goal and that is the purpose of bringing glory to God, it is not about the circumstances but using the circumstances in our lives to glorify God. So, we should not give up on our lives when we face tragedy because we are alive for a reason. From the book Soul Cravings, “A sense of destiny gives us the strength to face overwhelming obstacles and hardships. At the same time living a life with a powerful sense of purpose gives us the energy and enthusiasm to get up every morning and face the day.”
Anyway, here are the songs I've been listening to...
Innocence by Avril Lavigne
Waking up I see that everything is ok
The first time in my life and now it's so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling
[Chorus]
This innocence is brilliance
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect
Please don't go away
I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by
I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling
[Chorus]
It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
This innocence is brilliance
Makes you wanna cry
This innocence is brilliance
Please don't go away
Cus I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by
The Truth by Kris Allen
[Chorus]
Lyin' next to you
Wishing I could disappear, hey
Let you fall asleep
And vanish out into thin air, hey
It's the elephant in the room
And we pretend that we don't see it
It's the avalanche that looms
Above our heads, but we don't believe it
Tryin' to be perfect
Tryin' not to let you down, yeah
Honesty is honestly
The hardest thing for me right now, yeah
While the floors underneath our feet are crumblin'
The walls we built together tumblin'
I still stand here holdin' up the roof
'Cause it's easier than telling the truth
I still keep your photographs
I remember how we used to laugh
I can keep on losin' sleep
If you're okay with being torn in half
It's the elephant in the room
And we pretend that we don't see it
It's an avalanche that looms
Above our heads but we don't believe it
Tryin' to be perfect
Tryin' not to let you down, yeah
Honesty is honestly
The hardest thing for me right now, yeah
While the floors underneath our feet are crumblin'
The walls we built together tumblin'
I still stand here holdin' up the roof
'Cause it's easier than telling the truth
Stop ignoring that our hearts are mourning
And let the rain come in
Stop pretending that it's not ending
And let the end begin, oh yeah
Tryin' to be perfect,
Tryin' not to let you down, yeah
Honesty is honestly
The hardest thing for me right now, yeah
While the floors underneath our feet are crumblin'
The walls we built together tumblin'
I still stand here holdin' up the roof
'Cause it's easier than telling the truth
It's easier than telling the truth
Comments