Unconventional Life
I don’t know why but it feels like I’m the only one in the world in the situation I’m in, in my life...Well, while everyone else is getting on with their lives, making the most of their lives, just enjoying unhindered relationships and seemingly going through life as though every is perfect in their personal lives, and like no problem can get in their way, I’m like in a vastly different place in my life... I know they say the grass is always greener on the other side, but somehow it feels like I’m the only one with withered grass in a sea of green grass.
Just looking at the way the past week in the first like 7 days of Chinese New Year went by for me, it seems like the way it was for me is so different from many others. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the good things we were able to enjoy this Chinese New Year, not that I don’t thank God for what He has done for me and my family, coz I do in fact appreciate these things, but there’s a certain expectation that is placed on the celebration of Chinese New Year which I felt wasn’t there...maybe it was the missing atmosphere I’m not sure. It just seems like there is always more for me to be unhappy about than be happy about, like I don’t want to be negative or anything, you know i do see the good in things even when good is not around, and I also see the side of the glass that is filled, it’s just I don’t understand why my life can’t be like everybody else’s?
It’s really like I’m living an unconventional life, I mean unconventional can be good coz it’s like unique but for me it’s more like a strange kind of unconventional. I’ve seen people surprised at the way things go in my life. Ok, with my family I think we are generally quite good, although I do think we’re not as close as I would like I would say, the way things are run at home probably not what one would expect, like we rarely help out at home and could do with less clashes I guess. Then, we are quite close to our paternal side immediate relatives, but for the maternal side it is a very different story...we are not close to our cousins at all I guess, it used to be better though not the case anymore.
And, to the way we celebrated Chinese New Year, we and all our relatives and cousins on the maternal side had dinner at our maternal grandmother’s house on the first day of Chinese New Year. Of course, for our own family we had the reunion dinner just among ourselves on the eve. But, anyway, my point is that like on the day we had dinner at our grandmother’s place, it’s like we didn’t really mix with each other, there just isn’t any bond there. Like, I mean the other people I see around, when the families come together they have fun and celebrate together, there is like some connection there which is present that is missing with us. And, that is like the only visitations we have on Chinese New Year.
And, personally like I didn’t have any chance to celebrate with friends, well this probably isn’t the case with everyone, but yea. And, moving away from the celebration of Chinese New Year, my life generally is unconventional, like my life I would say is pretty boring and uneventful compared to most people, for example, others seem to be doing so much more with their lives, going out and doing stuff I guess. I know I’ve lamented about this before many times but still feel that way coz I haven’t broken out of this shell.
Finally, I’m always facing so many personal issues and problems, it’s almost always so overwhelming and there are only few occasions where I feel unaffected by it, and I feel like everything is great. Again, I know that problems are part of life, in the process of growing and that every negative can be positive if we respond in the right way. But, this is a different kind of problem and a different kind of pain; it is something that I need to overcome coz it’s more of a problem, than a learning experience.
To end, I just really want a resolution to everything in my life, to all the different issues affecting me. Like, I don’t want to let anything get in the way of putting everything right, I want to break any barrier that is preventing from reaching out to others and from living the life the way I want to. I genuinely believe that there is a certain convention, a way of life that should exist...I feel like my life is kind of unconventional in some ways in that sense, just like you would expect a family to be close knit, just like you would expect there to be an atmosphere on a happy occasion, just like you would expect someone to enjoy this one life we have that is so short and just like I can live my life without worrying about the things everyone else wouldn’t have to. Life can’t be perfect and we can’t have everything but I just want my life to be at a certain level. I realise that in truth, everyone has their own fair share of things to deal with in their lives and we all are trying to do our best to live our lives, we each have a unique set of certain things going for us and another set not going for us. But, that’s where God has a plan to use our different lives and circumstances, to come together to accomplish the ultimate purpose for our lives that is to bring glory to God. Whatever, issues, flaws, faults, weaknesses and painful experiences, it is all part of who we are. It is about accepting who we are, and doing the best we can with what we’ve got. So I’m just hoping to be positive and work toward the goal and set things right in my life.
Just looking at the way the past week in the first like 7 days of Chinese New Year went by for me, it seems like the way it was for me is so different from many others. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the good things we were able to enjoy this Chinese New Year, not that I don’t thank God for what He has done for me and my family, coz I do in fact appreciate these things, but there’s a certain expectation that is placed on the celebration of Chinese New Year which I felt wasn’t there...maybe it was the missing atmosphere I’m not sure. It just seems like there is always more for me to be unhappy about than be happy about, like I don’t want to be negative or anything, you know i do see the good in things even when good is not around, and I also see the side of the glass that is filled, it’s just I don’t understand why my life can’t be like everybody else’s?
It’s really like I’m living an unconventional life, I mean unconventional can be good coz it’s like unique but for me it’s more like a strange kind of unconventional. I’ve seen people surprised at the way things go in my life. Ok, with my family I think we are generally quite good, although I do think we’re not as close as I would like I would say, the way things are run at home probably not what one would expect, like we rarely help out at home and could do with less clashes I guess. Then, we are quite close to our paternal side immediate relatives, but for the maternal side it is a very different story...we are not close to our cousins at all I guess, it used to be better though not the case anymore.
And, to the way we celebrated Chinese New Year, we and all our relatives and cousins on the maternal side had dinner at our maternal grandmother’s house on the first day of Chinese New Year. Of course, for our own family we had the reunion dinner just among ourselves on the eve. But, anyway, my point is that like on the day we had dinner at our grandmother’s place, it’s like we didn’t really mix with each other, there just isn’t any bond there. Like, I mean the other people I see around, when the families come together they have fun and celebrate together, there is like some connection there which is present that is missing with us. And, that is like the only visitations we have on Chinese New Year.
And, personally like I didn’t have any chance to celebrate with friends, well this probably isn’t the case with everyone, but yea. And, moving away from the celebration of Chinese New Year, my life generally is unconventional, like my life I would say is pretty boring and uneventful compared to most people, for example, others seem to be doing so much more with their lives, going out and doing stuff I guess. I know I’ve lamented about this before many times but still feel that way coz I haven’t broken out of this shell.
Finally, I’m always facing so many personal issues and problems, it’s almost always so overwhelming and there are only few occasions where I feel unaffected by it, and I feel like everything is great. Again, I know that problems are part of life, in the process of growing and that every negative can be positive if we respond in the right way. But, this is a different kind of problem and a different kind of pain; it is something that I need to overcome coz it’s more of a problem, than a learning experience.
To end, I just really want a resolution to everything in my life, to all the different issues affecting me. Like, I don’t want to let anything get in the way of putting everything right, I want to break any barrier that is preventing from reaching out to others and from living the life the way I want to. I genuinely believe that there is a certain convention, a way of life that should exist...I feel like my life is kind of unconventional in some ways in that sense, just like you would expect a family to be close knit, just like you would expect there to be an atmosphere on a happy occasion, just like you would expect someone to enjoy this one life we have that is so short and just like I can live my life without worrying about the things everyone else wouldn’t have to. Life can’t be perfect and we can’t have everything but I just want my life to be at a certain level. I realise that in truth, everyone has their own fair share of things to deal with in their lives and we all are trying to do our best to live our lives, we each have a unique set of certain things going for us and another set not going for us. But, that’s where God has a plan to use our different lives and circumstances, to come together to accomplish the ultimate purpose for our lives that is to bring glory to God. Whatever, issues, flaws, faults, weaknesses and painful experiences, it is all part of who we are. It is about accepting who we are, and doing the best we can with what we’ve got. So I’m just hoping to be positive and work toward the goal and set things right in my life.
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