Sunshine after the Storm...

Well, I guess I’ve finally had the breakthrough and have gotten out of the dark moment and out of a rough patch…I’ve put aside most of the depressing things, the stress and all my frustrations. But, I must say that it hasn’t been easy at all for the last couple of months, things weren’t going well and perhaps being stuck bored at home for a long time was a struggle and made me kind of depressed. Basically, in the past few weeks you could tell from what I wrote that I was definitely not in a good place in my life. And, last week was no different, I was so upset and stressed out about everything. The good news though is that all that is now gone, well mostly. By the end of last week, I guess I’ve begun to feel better and at the beginning of this new week. I don’t know but somehow, it is in the bad times and the sad and dark moments that the passion inside of me is fuelled and I’m able to gain strength from it. I feel empowered and inspired in these difficult circumstances. And, I’m spiritually awakened and my spirit is drawn to the Lord as I fall to my knees and look to the Lord, well figuratively speaking. I can truly worship at an amazingly deep level in my darkest moments. I feel a certain sense of joy that defies reason and just as in the fact that we are to consider it pure joy when we face trials. That is not to say that I’m perfectly good at this, in fact I’ve failed to do that in the past many months that I’ve been struggling with feeling a little depressed and been in difficult situations. But, fortunately now, I’m able to see it and understand that it really doesn’t matter all these unhappy and bad things, but to have joy in spite of whatever tough circumstances again. The trouble with last week and the past few months for that matter, is that I did not consider the issues I was facing in my life as problems or troubles, to me they were not classified as circumstances that were trials that I could consider as pure joy in that I could grow through them and something that I know are problems in my life that the Lord I know can and will handle not that I don’t believe that God is bigger that all my problems combined which He truly is actually, but it was that to me it was like a personal issue that I had to solve myself and I was just frustrated at things that kept affecting me. And, also I guess I was being overly perfectionist that I felt bad and not good enough and I just couldn’t deal with the fact that no matter how hard I try everything won’t ever work out the way I want them to, but in actual fact that was alright. Furthermore, I really should have been more trusting in the Lord to realise that He has a good and perfect plan for my life and that all the bad things will work for my good in keeping with God’s ultimate purpose and will for my life. But, what has really helped get out of this depression is that somehow the Lord has given me a new perspective on things, just as I mentioned about asking God to change my life which is about changing the way I think about life and everything. God really also answered my prayers not just in this sense but also in giving back the passion by putting my through some pain. And, now I guess I really don’t consider the issues I’ve been having as anything other than what they are, just troubles that don’t matter as far as everything other than spiritual growth and responding to these in a way that would be positive rather than negative. And, I’m trying to tell myself that really everything is fine even with all the things that can sometimes get me down and that affect me negatively, I just need to avoid allowing these things to take away my joy and happiness. Even crazier is the fact that, I seriously don’t even know exactly what the things that are making me unhappy and that are giving my problems and that are stressing me out are. I being upset basically by something I don’t even know what. And, so I’m really just putting my complete trust in the Lord knowing that He will direct my paths. Now then, I’m truly feeling much better and I slowly finding back myself and the joy that I should be having regardless of what is going on in my life. I just know that last week, I felt like everything in my life was not going right and now it doesn’t matter anymore, coz I’m feeling good again and I know that the Lord is with my and will put the pieces back together and bring out the best in me and in my life. There is so much emotion that I want to share but I can only say up till this point. And, just want to share one last thing in this post and that is that on Sunday I won my first gold medal in chess from playing in the disability league that was one of the contributing factors to me feeling quite good again. But, I just want to say that, things haven’t been great for me, however, by God’s grace I think I’m feeling good again and I’m sure things are going to get better. And, I just feel passionate about really living my life again and putting all the troubles aside. And, really I realised that things are not as bad as they seem, and what more can I ask for other than having the Lord as my personal Lord and Saviour, and to truly live out the life that God intends for me. I’m starting to wonder why I even cared or was affected by all the unhappy things, like just forget them already and stop wasting time on these things when there is a whole life out there waiting for me, and I’ve realised that I’ve wasted 7 months of my life already. Anw, so I’m happy again right now, and hopefully things will keep getting better.

Therefore, to end, I’ve broken out of the rut that I’ve been in, upset about all the unhappy things. But, I’m out of the depression. And, really I realise that pain has fuelled my passion and joy again…and facing these struggles in my life has made me stronger and inspired me to live my life fully even more than before, and no matter what my past, my regrets, my mistakes and my weaknesses, I putting all my life into God hands to make out of me what He so wills, and I know I can trust that He’ll allow me to live in the best way. I’m really feeling like everything is great again, and it is truly the sunshine after the storm if feel right now…Thank God.

This then is the song that I've been hooked on recently by David Cook, really touching...

Permanent lyrics
Songwriters: Cook, David; Kreviazuk, Chantal; Maida, Raine;

Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry
And everything, it will surely change
Even if I tell you I won't go away today

Will you think that you're all alone
When no one's there to hold your hand?
When all you know seems so far away
And everything is temporary, rest your head
I'm permanent

I know he's living in hell every single day
And so I ask, oh God is there some way for me to take his place?
And when they say it's all touch and go
I wish I could make it go away but still you say

Will you think that you're all alone
When no one's there to hold your hand?
When all you know seems so far away
And everything is temporary, rest your head
I'm permanent, I'm permanent

Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my promise that you'll never see me cry

And, finally, the song of the moment to take my out of my misery...

Lord REIGN IN ME
Reign in your power
Over all my dreams, IN MY DARKEST HOUR