Searching for the Life of my Dreams...

I don’t know why but I feel like blogging even though right now I don’t really have much to say…it’s strange, I’m feeling like everything is fine again, apart from the fact that I’m uncertain about my future, bored at home and not doing much with my life and feeling lonely even though I’m at home, worst still my mum and bro are going overseas in three days. But then, again, that is actually everything. But, somehow, I have this strange peace in my heart now that makes me not feel that worried or upset about these things, I would say it’s of course that the Lord has given me peace, joy and hope in that I’ve been feeling for weeks now, really upset and hopeless…but somehow I kinda feel numb or should I say I feel like I’ve forgotten about it all. It’s like for the past three days I’ve been busy playing chess and well for the past week I’ve been busy wasting my time…that like I haven’t had time to really be concerned about these things. But, before i forget, I must say that I've somehow become so much happier at the start of this new week even as I look back to last week where I've been sad and spiritually I'm definitely feeling right again, so want to really thank God for restoring joy in me even without reason, and perhaps it's just that I feel much more connected but i don't care all i know is that I'm happy again and hoping my life will be great. Now then basically, about last week, I spent the first two days blogging and doing random stuff on the com, then the next two, were just more of the same with time spent as usual on the com and TV. And, then, the rest of last week was spent at the May Day chess tournament. But, the several things, though, that were on my mind the past week till now I can probably share a little about. Well, they were, about doing more stuff with my life coz I’ve been wasting the best part of this several months break as I’ve been saying umpteen times in my other blog posts, then about the fact that I don’t think I’m making the best of my situation, and why should my disability stop me from having a quality of life any better than anyone else, and that I’ve been wanting so much to live my life the best way possible and to be able to achieve those dreams, I dream for my life which seem so far away but somehow, I lack the creativity and knowledge of myself to know enough of the things I really want and how to spend my time in both a meaningful and enjoyable way, and also whatever stuff that I know I want in life I haven’t been able to get close to achieving. To put it simply, I just know that I want something for my life but I don’t know what it is, dreams, significance, meaning, enjoyment and so much more. And, my life just doesn’t seem to fit in with the way I believe life should be lived which is to embrace every moment, enjoy every moment, achieving dreams and to have meaning in everything that we do. Wasting and being bored every moment doesn’t seem to be the way to live life. I know that God’s purpose for our lives is to bring glory to His name in the areas of worship, discipleship, evangelism, ministry and fellowship. So that is where meaning is in my life. But, I want to be able to do more in my life of course with the ultimate goal of glorifying the Lord, coz I feel like yea I can stay at home and do the same old stuff but I don’t feel like it’s enough, I feel like there’s gotta be more for me to do with my life in living for the purpose of glorifying the Lord. Somehow, it’s just that my life hasn’t gone the way I want it to, in that I’m sitting at home bored and not doing much with my life. And, I truly believe that the Lord intended for our lives to be exciting in our pursuit of His will for our lives, so I don’t believe that God intends us to have a passive life in the faith but one that bears fruit and manifests itself in action. It is not like I’m selfish and materialistic, and am searching for pleasures and riches, but I do feel that my life has got to been filled with much more activities and my desires for my life, may be somewhat for myself but I’m just trying my best to have my desires be for what the Lord desires for me, and I believe the Lord would want me to do more with my life. Right now, I just don’t know what I have to do to achieve this, but there’s this burning passion in me to live life fully. All I want is to be able to live true to this saying that suggests that we Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today. I want to have friends that I could spend some awesome times together, I want to experience life, I want to pursue my dreams and my interests, contribute to society, serve the Lord, to enjoy every moment with meaning and purpose in all that I do, and I don’t know what else, but all I know is that I want to live a full life and one that will glorify the Lord and is according to His perfect will and purpose for my life. And, in Christ alone is where I know I will find this for delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart, seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you, and as you know Him better, He will give you through His great power, everything you need to live a truly good life. Just that right now, it is hasn’t happened yet, but I will continue to wait on the Lord, and perhaps the Lord is saying to me now that He will do this for me to help me live the life of my dreams and that all I have to do now is trust the Lord not passively but to step out of my comfort zone and beyond my disability and live the dream life that is in Christ, beginning with action today…Lord I just need your help to help me find the way, to know that things which are from you that you want me to fill my life with, and to be able to take action to achieve these things in my life, coz I know that you can do great things with my life coz nothing is impossible with you oh God and I truly pray and hope that you will help me to live a life beyond my wildest dreams that will be an inspiration and bring glory to your name. Amen.

So to end, that’s me searching for the life of my dreams, that is to make the most of this life the Lord has given me…Lord help me.