Boys Like Girls...
Well, haven’t really felt like blogging since I posted three posts after Chinese New Year and I feel that it’s such a pity that I also haven’t uploaded pictures from Christmas, The New Year and Chinese New Year. But, at least now I’ve decided to post again and about the rest of Chinese New Year week and the start of this week.
I must say that after a week plus of feeling like everything is just perfect, it’s starting to slip away...still anw everything is ok, alright and fine. I mean I can’t expect everyday of my life to be perfect, but I know that life’s a series of ups and downs, and as long as I’m trusting in the Lord things will be fine. So it’s only a matter of time before everything seems perfect again….and right now I must say things are pretty good still. Anw then, the past several days there were a few issues that troubled me and on the other hand stuff I’ve been doing which are all good. I have to say, though, again the week hasn’t been all that eventful.
So, I begin then with the Wednesday after the Chinese New Year break. Was really tired after the Chinese New Year break, perhaps the good food and the late nights, so was glad I didn’t have work or school to contend with, and managed to get some much needed rest and got up later than usual. Actually spent that whole day studying chess openings and stuff…and finally found a line of opening I like to play, since I’ve decided to change it but only by Friday of that week. Of course, the effort from that day led up to it, so yea. And then, yea, have been catching American Idol season 8, watched again that night too. So yea, since I’m talking about that now, I’ve wanted to say that I’m a fan of the show. Well, so at least you know a little more of the other things I do…if I seem boring.
Then, Thursday, again spent more time on my chess and just slacked. Friday, watched the EPIC semi-final between Verdasco and Nadal, amazing game, so much so that it didn’t at all feel like a tennis match anymore, and I must say I was tired watching the match, their play was almost miraculous.
On Saturday, slept in, decided to start playing chess games, well on msn games to try out my new openings and watched my brother and sister play cricket IN THE HOUSE!!! Ok, you didn’t hear me wrong…well must be mad right, but really did and played with a tennis ball even coz we couldn’t find the ball, and I must say it was really hilarious. I mean like my sis tossed the ball at my brother instead of…and like my brother whacked the bat into the wicket before my sis could even toss...and best of all my sis tossed the ball off the wall which then bounced of the stairs and hit the wicket down…lol…brilliant way to score, oh and it was all planned.
Anw, then also that night went to watch my brother and sister play tennis. And, on the other court was actually our class Literature Teacher, yes I live in the same condo…and this one’s for the Lit people in my class, coz I don’t take Lit, so yea interesting fact for you. Then, finally, on Sunday, went for Church and stayed back for Youth Class, which I stopped going for a year now, but I’m back so that’s good news. At night then, watched of course the Federer Vs Nadal game I had so wanted to watch at the Australian Open…for me I’ve always been for Federer from the start…sadly we know the result…it seems like Federer may now only equal Pete Sampras record if he plays in a grand slam without Nadal in it.
So that was how I spent the rest of the Chinese New Year week. Before I forget, anw, the message at Church was God’s question to Solomon which was to ask for anything he wanted, and which he chose wisdom, so that he could govern well. It showed that he valued serving the Lord above all other things…and the learning point I guess, is to learn to have a heart of service and David’s influence on Solomon was also mentioned and brought up the point of parent’s being a role model for their children. And, as for Youth Class we did a chapter of revelations.
But, the thing is that since last Wednesday, spiritually I’m not feeling all that good again, don’t why but I seem to be struggling in my faith. It is like I believe but I don’t know how real or genuine it really is, and it is close to the feeling of separation but not like that, it’s like there aren’t things happening in my life that allow me to feel God’s presence as much as there used to be. It’s like my faith don’t feel as strong as it once was, and the conviction is missing. I’m just really unsure of what I could say as a testimony of my faith in God, like why I believe in God, I just know that it’s true that’s all. And, the only thing that I can fall back on is on the things that the Lord has done for me, like how He has made everything fall perfectly into place for me and how at times in the past of felt God presence so strongly.
Well, right now I can’t really say that I have all the reasons as to why I believe in God. But, perhaps since it is a fact, there doesn’t need to be a reason. And, about trusting not feeling, I guess that it means believing even when you don’t feel His presence even if there seems to be no reason, because of the trust. And, this is just part of the process of growing in faith, this period of spiritual dryness. And, perhaps it doesn’t help that things are going really well, I mean since we can worship at a deeper level in spite of circumstances, since now I face little of that. Well, coz other than some occasional friction with people right now things are still ok and spiritually a just going through a phase at this point. But, I’m just gonna talk to God and focus and trust in Him and remember what He has already done for me. So, I just really pray for God to stir my heart up and to revive in me the strength of passion and faith in Him in me again. And, as for all the mistakes I’ve made, the Lord is merciful, faithful and just, so I just pray for forgiveness for all that I’ve done and help me to be transformed by the holy spirit, and be more like Him and I really pray for a desire to bring glory to God’s name. I just really want to have a pure heart and live a life that is pleasing to God. I want to have faith of even greater proportion back to a time when I felt so spiritually blessed; to be ever so strong in my faith again and to know that God is with me and to be spiritually great again.
Now then, the next point, is that this week I’ve so far been playing a lot of chess on msn games, to be honest I’m starting to get bored again. But, anw, I happened to watched a small portion of an episode of a Korean Drama series on TV during the weekend which gave me some thoughts in respect to my own life. And, I’ve been listening a lot to the Boys Like Girls album that I have again recently, and for a long time I’ve wanted to share stuff about it, coz really after hearing the song Thunder on MTV only last year, I bought it last year, and I started listening to all their songs at the time just before my A Levels and since then, I’ve listened to their other songs and I must say I’m really loving their music and they are now my all-time favourite artiste.
First, there were three things that struck me about the Korean Drama that I watched. One, about the girl who was pretending to be blind, the guy who was very nice to her even when it appeared she was blind, was talking with another guy and a little boy at his home. And, they were saying something about being nice to a handicapped person which may give the person the wrong idea and hurt the person. And, the girl heard this and was angry as the felt that they hurt her pride. She didn’t want it to seem like she was the one who liked him. Well, something to do with dignity that I don’t think I know how to explain. So as much as I hate to admit against my own pride, I must say that this is issue that is real to me and even if it hasn’t will be given my situation. The whole sympathy and love issue. In fact, a couple of days before I also watched a show about overcoming disability that also talked about this issue. And, it’s funny how once when I was about 11 I think, I received a birthday card which mentioned encouraging words with that same issue in mind, finding a soul mate given my circumstances. I know it’s kind of not the time to think about such issue, what this person said to me I have now understood, it was never a thing I thought about when I was younger but it seems more real as I get older. I must say that there have been a few instances of someone I had a crush on who was nice to me, the first was just as a senior and the other probably just being a friend to me when few would in my time in ACJC. And, in the end I guess it hurt me more than anyone. Sometimes, I still wonder if it’s just sympathy.
And, right now, I’ll be honest, I’m still not over it yet, it’s like I’m holding on to something that probably will never be. Clearly I know it had and has always been one-sided…and truly I’d be a fool if I still think things would work out. The second issue was about trying to be a person one is not, in the show it was because the girl was forced to pretend to be blind, something she wasn’t of course. I’m she was a serious and reserved person, trying to be the opposite. The guy who asked her to pretend actually said something about it being hard to change our personalities. I must say this is something I’ve struggled with and that is that I wanted to make lots of friends in my time in school but I’m just not that extroverted sort.
But, again I must say that I still trust the plan God has for me and in Rick Warren’s God’s answers to life’s difficult questions, I’ve learned how to handle my loneliness and to try and change myself to be more the person God wants me to be…but I’m aware also that by being myself I’m actually being who God created me to be. Thirdly, there was this video of another of girl in the show where she said something liking a mysterious kind of guy. I kind of realise that actually most people in school at least see me as this mysterious and super-intelligent guy when to me clearly I’m not. Perhaps, part of the reason for few people getting to know me and be my friend is due to the mysterious guy I seem to be. But, perhaps the reason why some do bother to try is that it’s the mystery that I am to everyone that attracts them.
And, recently, I’m starting to feel that desire for belonging again and like to need for love and to have a group of friends again, something I felt was missing sometime in ago in my post about love as in the book Soul’s Cravings. Just wish I could like have a bunch of friends that I can ask out anytime, talk with everyday and invite over to my house, and just share experiences with and do things together. SERIOUSLY LIKE THE ONLY TIME I’M GOING TO SEE MY CLASSMATES AGAIN IS WENT OUR A LEVEL RESULTS ARE RELEASED AND AFTER THAT THAT’S IT. And, I’m dying to go on a holiday soon, and escape from the boredom at home. And, I really wish I could have gone back to ACJC with some friends to crash orientation, then again, as if I have that kind of friends and as if I’m that kind of person, but I love to seriously. That’s why I always say, I love the things that I’m not. Like, I like sciences but I’m an arts kind of person, I’m like mixing with large groups of people but it’s not my thing, I’m like getting involve in stuff but I never dare venture. The list goes on and on, so I really wonder how I can live like that and be content but believe me I’m trying hard to. And, in fact, I’m also good at the things I do not like, like writing, I blog so regularly but I tell you I dislike writing…and see, I see your sceptical look, but it’s true and I don’t read books at all…with the exception of course. So yea those are my random thoughts in my head now.
Finally, these are a pick of the songs from Boys Like Girls that I’m addicted to at the moment…it’d be too long for me to give my thoughts but I highlighted the stuff that meant something to me…
Hero/ Heroine
It's too late baby, there's no turning around
I've got my hands in my pocket and my head in a cloud
This is how I do
When I think about you
I never thought that you could break me apart
I keep a sinister smile and a hole in my heart
You want to get inside
Then you can get in line
But not this time
Cause you caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming
I feel like a hero and you are my heroine
I won't try to philosophize
I'll just take a deep breath and I'll look in your eyes
This is how I feel
And it's so surreal
I got a closet filled up to the brim
With the ghosts of my past and the skeletons
And I don't know why
You'd even try
But I won't lie
You caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming
I feel like a hero and you are my heroine
Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?
And I feel a weakness coming on
It never felt so good to be so wrong
Had my heart on lock down
And then you turned me around
And I feel just like a new born child
Every time I get a chance to see you smile
It's not complicated
I was so jaded
And you caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming
I feel like a hero and you are my heroine
Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?(I feel like a hero and you are my heroine)
And I feel a weakness coming on
Never felt so good to be so wrong
Had my heart on lockdown
And then you turned me around(Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?)
I feel just like a new born child
Every time I get a chance to see you smile
It's not complicated
I was so jaded
(repeat)
On Top of The World
Look up, the stars are fading
And I am still here waiting to see you again
Be with you my friend
When the moon is gone forever
I hope you're up there somewhere, I'll see you again
Be with you my friend
Cause all the roads they lead to where you are
And all the streetlights shine like they were stars
That's where you are
Let's spend tonight on top of the world
And we can do anything
We can be anything
I'll meet you tonight on top of the world
As real as it seems
You're only in my dreams
Look out across the water
Faces of lonely daughters and mothers who care
But just can't be there
Swear that I will see you someday
I have to find a way
To show you I care
Even if you're not there
So I'm following the road to where you are(Meet you tonight on top of)
The streetlights they will guide me to the stars
That's where you are
Let's spend tonight on top of the world
And we can do anything
We can be anything
I'll meet you tonight on top of the world
As real as it seems
You're only in my dreams
My heart is empty without you
Sometimes you don't know what to do
And I need you tonight
I'll fall asleep and it's alright
Close my eyes and I'll be by your side
Let's spend tonight on top of the world
And we can do anything
We can be anything
I'll meet you tonight on top of the world
As real as it seems
You're only in my dreams
Let's spend tonight on top of the world(On top of the world)
As real as it seems
You're only in my dreams
Thunder
Today is a winding road that's taken me to places that I didn't want to go
Whoa (whoa, whoa, whoa)
Today in the blink of an eye I'm holding on to something and I do not know why
I tried
(I tried)
I tried to read between the lines(I tried to look in your eyes)
I want a simple explanation(For what I'm feeling inside)
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out
CHORUS:
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder
Today is a winding road
Tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know
Whoa(Whoa, whoa, whoa)
Today I'm on my own
I can't move a muscle and I can't pick up the phone
I don't know(I don't know, I don't know, I don't know)
And now I'm itching for the tall grass
And longing for the breeze
I need to step outside
Just to see if I can breathe
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out
CHORUS:
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
Yeah I'm walking on a tightrope
I'm wrapped up in vines
I think we'll make it out
But you just gotta give me time
Strike me down with lightning
Let me feel you in my veins
I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain
Today is a winding road that's taken me to places that I didn't want to go
Whoa
CHORUS:
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder, and said
Your voice (this is getting colder)
Was the soundtrack of my summer (and the summer's over)
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain (well today's a winding road)
Oh baby bring (today I'm on my own)
On the pain
And listen to the thunder
Me, You and My Medication
Found my way to the highway, I don't wanna tell you the state I'm in
I've had too much to smoke, too much to drink, where have I been?
I feel like the stars are getting closer and the sky is closing in
And I don't know where to begin
We're all looking for something, to take away the pain
Me, and you, and my medication(Making the best of it)
Love is just a chemical creation(Will it be permanent?)
Synthetic sensation
Me, you, and my medication
The way back to the right track, maybe you can help me find the door
Is it too much to ask, too much too fast, too much to ignore?
It feels like your body's getting closer but you seem so far away
Medicine make it ok
We're all looking for someone, to take away the pain
Me, and you, and my medication(Making the best of it)
Love is just a chemical creation(Will it be permanent?)
Synthetic sensation
Me, you, and my medication
So can you feel it?
Do you feel it coming down?
You gotta get up
Can you get up off the ground?
Can you hear it?
Can you hear me screaming?
So can you feel it?
Do you feel it coming down?
You gotta get up
Can you get up off the ground?
I wanna hear it
Wanna hear you breathing
We're all addicted to something, that takes away the pain
Me, and you, and my medication(Making the best of it)
Love is just a chemical creation(Will it be permanent?)
Synthetic sensation
Me, you, and my medication
Up Against The Wall
It's over, look out below
And I'm wasted, I still taste it
Yeah it's so hard to let go
So breathe in now, and breathe it out
The forecast; A car crash
It's looking like another
Breakdown, rebound
This could be my last goodbye
You crossed your heart, I hope to die
And I can't deny your eyes
You know I tried to read between the lines, I saw a warning sign
And then you threw me up against the wall
Who said that it's better to have loved and lost?
I wish that I had never loved at all
No rewinds, no second times
I won't break, I won't waste
Everything you left behind
So don't follow, just let it go
But the weather's been better
Don't let it be another
Breakdown, rebound
This could be my last goodbye
You crossed your heart, I hope to die
And I can't deny your eyes
You know I tried to read between the lines, I saw a warning sign
And then you threw me up against the wall
Who said that it's better to have loved and lost?
I wish that I had never loved at all
All the nights I spent sitting at home
While you were out there on your own
All the nights I waited by the phone
While you were going it alone
And all your different faces
And all your different ways
Of making everything a mess(And all I'm saying is that)
All your different places and
All the complications laid to rest
And I can't deny your eyes
You know I try to read between the lines, I saw a warning sign
And then you threw me up against the wall
Who said that it's better to have loved and lost?
I wish that I had never loved at all
(repeat)
Learning To Fall
Today is the day
The worst day of my life
You sulk until it hurts me
I don't know why
The cost of misery
Is at an all time high
I keep it hidden
Close to the surface
Inside
I'm learning to fall
I can't hardly breathe
When I'm going down don't worry about me
Don't try this at home
Pretend you don't see
I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me
Could you be with him?
Or was it just a lie?
He doesn't catch you like I do
And you don't know why
You change your clothes and your hair
But I can't change your mind
Oh, I'm uninvited
So unrequited now
I'm learning to fall
I can't hardly breathe
When I'm going down don't worry about me
Don't try this at home
Pretend you don't see
I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me
Words screaming in my head
Why did you leave?
And I can't stop dreaming
Watching you and him
When it should have been
It should have been me
Today is the day
The worst day of my life
I'm learning to fall
I can't hardly breathe
When I'm going down don't worry about me
Don't try this at home
Pretend you don't see
I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me
Whoa (I'm learning to fall, I can't hardly breathe)
(I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me)
Tell me that you know, it should have been me
Whoa (Don't try this at home, You said you don't see)
I don't want to know that you know, it should've been me
Whoa (I'm learning to fall, I can't hardly breathe)
(I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me)
Tell me that you know, it should have been me
Whoa (Don't try this at home, You said you don't see)
I don't want to know that you know, it should've been me
Broken Man
I want to scream until no sound comes out and you've learned your lesson
I want to swallow these pills to get to sleep
So I don't have to make a bad impression
I need to start to be myself'
Cause I'm sick of everybody else
I won't let you bring me down
It's here
And now I'm breaking out
I will learn to love again
But I will stand a broken man
I wanna run, but only far enough to make you miss me
I wanna take back all the **** that I have done
But I guess you were better off without me
I need to start to be myself'
Cause I'm sick of everybody else
I won't let you bring me down
It's here and now
I'm breaking out
I will learn to love again
But I will stand a broken man
I took one big step and I looked away
And then I thought of all the things that I wanted to say
I'm always too late
You never got your story straight
I'm always up late
I think I'm everything you hate
I took one big step and I looked away
And then I thought of all the things that I wanted to say
I'm always too late
You never got your story straight
I'm always up late
I think I'm everything you hate
I took one big step and I looked away
And then I thought of all the things that I wanted to say
I'm always too late
You never got your story straight
I'm always up late
I think I'm everything you hate
I won't let you bring me down
It's here and now
I'm breaking out
I will learn to love again
But I will stand a broken man
I won't let you bring me down (I took one big step and I looked away)
It's here and now
I'm breaking out(and I thought of all the things that I wanted to say)
I'm always too late
You never got your story straight
I'm always up late
I think I'm everything you hate
I will learn to love again (I took one big step and I looked away)
But I will stand a broken man (And I thought of all the things that I wanted to say).
So that's it....
I must say that after a week plus of feeling like everything is just perfect, it’s starting to slip away...still anw everything is ok, alright and fine. I mean I can’t expect everyday of my life to be perfect, but I know that life’s a series of ups and downs, and as long as I’m trusting in the Lord things will be fine. So it’s only a matter of time before everything seems perfect again….and right now I must say things are pretty good still. Anw then, the past several days there were a few issues that troubled me and on the other hand stuff I’ve been doing which are all good. I have to say, though, again the week hasn’t been all that eventful.
So, I begin then with the Wednesday after the Chinese New Year break. Was really tired after the Chinese New Year break, perhaps the good food and the late nights, so was glad I didn’t have work or school to contend with, and managed to get some much needed rest and got up later than usual. Actually spent that whole day studying chess openings and stuff…and finally found a line of opening I like to play, since I’ve decided to change it but only by Friday of that week. Of course, the effort from that day led up to it, so yea. And then, yea, have been catching American Idol season 8, watched again that night too. So yea, since I’m talking about that now, I’ve wanted to say that I’m a fan of the show. Well, so at least you know a little more of the other things I do…if I seem boring.
Then, Thursday, again spent more time on my chess and just slacked. Friday, watched the EPIC semi-final between Verdasco and Nadal, amazing game, so much so that it didn’t at all feel like a tennis match anymore, and I must say I was tired watching the match, their play was almost miraculous.
On Saturday, slept in, decided to start playing chess games, well on msn games to try out my new openings and watched my brother and sister play cricket IN THE HOUSE!!! Ok, you didn’t hear me wrong…well must be mad right, but really did and played with a tennis ball even coz we couldn’t find the ball, and I must say it was really hilarious. I mean like my sis tossed the ball at my brother instead of…and like my brother whacked the bat into the wicket before my sis could even toss...and best of all my sis tossed the ball off the wall which then bounced of the stairs and hit the wicket down…lol…brilliant way to score, oh and it was all planned.
Anw, then also that night went to watch my brother and sister play tennis. And, on the other court was actually our class Literature Teacher, yes I live in the same condo…and this one’s for the Lit people in my class, coz I don’t take Lit, so yea interesting fact for you. Then, finally, on Sunday, went for Church and stayed back for Youth Class, which I stopped going for a year now, but I’m back so that’s good news. At night then, watched of course the Federer Vs Nadal game I had so wanted to watch at the Australian Open…for me I’ve always been for Federer from the start…sadly we know the result…it seems like Federer may now only equal Pete Sampras record if he plays in a grand slam without Nadal in it.
So that was how I spent the rest of the Chinese New Year week. Before I forget, anw, the message at Church was God’s question to Solomon which was to ask for anything he wanted, and which he chose wisdom, so that he could govern well. It showed that he valued serving the Lord above all other things…and the learning point I guess, is to learn to have a heart of service and David’s influence on Solomon was also mentioned and brought up the point of parent’s being a role model for their children. And, as for Youth Class we did a chapter of revelations.
But, the thing is that since last Wednesday, spiritually I’m not feeling all that good again, don’t why but I seem to be struggling in my faith. It is like I believe but I don’t know how real or genuine it really is, and it is close to the feeling of separation but not like that, it’s like there aren’t things happening in my life that allow me to feel God’s presence as much as there used to be. It’s like my faith don’t feel as strong as it once was, and the conviction is missing. I’m just really unsure of what I could say as a testimony of my faith in God, like why I believe in God, I just know that it’s true that’s all. And, the only thing that I can fall back on is on the things that the Lord has done for me, like how He has made everything fall perfectly into place for me and how at times in the past of felt God presence so strongly.
Well, right now I can’t really say that I have all the reasons as to why I believe in God. But, perhaps since it is a fact, there doesn’t need to be a reason. And, about trusting not feeling, I guess that it means believing even when you don’t feel His presence even if there seems to be no reason, because of the trust. And, this is just part of the process of growing in faith, this period of spiritual dryness. And, perhaps it doesn’t help that things are going really well, I mean since we can worship at a deeper level in spite of circumstances, since now I face little of that. Well, coz other than some occasional friction with people right now things are still ok and spiritually a just going through a phase at this point. But, I’m just gonna talk to God and focus and trust in Him and remember what He has already done for me. So, I just really pray for God to stir my heart up and to revive in me the strength of passion and faith in Him in me again. And, as for all the mistakes I’ve made, the Lord is merciful, faithful and just, so I just pray for forgiveness for all that I’ve done and help me to be transformed by the holy spirit, and be more like Him and I really pray for a desire to bring glory to God’s name. I just really want to have a pure heart and live a life that is pleasing to God. I want to have faith of even greater proportion back to a time when I felt so spiritually blessed; to be ever so strong in my faith again and to know that God is with me and to be spiritually great again.
Now then, the next point, is that this week I’ve so far been playing a lot of chess on msn games, to be honest I’m starting to get bored again. But, anw, I happened to watched a small portion of an episode of a Korean Drama series on TV during the weekend which gave me some thoughts in respect to my own life. And, I’ve been listening a lot to the Boys Like Girls album that I have again recently, and for a long time I’ve wanted to share stuff about it, coz really after hearing the song Thunder on MTV only last year, I bought it last year, and I started listening to all their songs at the time just before my A Levels and since then, I’ve listened to their other songs and I must say I’m really loving their music and they are now my all-time favourite artiste.
First, there were three things that struck me about the Korean Drama that I watched. One, about the girl who was pretending to be blind, the guy who was very nice to her even when it appeared she was blind, was talking with another guy and a little boy at his home. And, they were saying something about being nice to a handicapped person which may give the person the wrong idea and hurt the person. And, the girl heard this and was angry as the felt that they hurt her pride. She didn’t want it to seem like she was the one who liked him. Well, something to do with dignity that I don’t think I know how to explain. So as much as I hate to admit against my own pride, I must say that this is issue that is real to me and even if it hasn’t will be given my situation. The whole sympathy and love issue. In fact, a couple of days before I also watched a show about overcoming disability that also talked about this issue. And, it’s funny how once when I was about 11 I think, I received a birthday card which mentioned encouraging words with that same issue in mind, finding a soul mate given my circumstances. I know it’s kind of not the time to think about such issue, what this person said to me I have now understood, it was never a thing I thought about when I was younger but it seems more real as I get older. I must say that there have been a few instances of someone I had a crush on who was nice to me, the first was just as a senior and the other probably just being a friend to me when few would in my time in ACJC. And, in the end I guess it hurt me more than anyone. Sometimes, I still wonder if it’s just sympathy.
And, right now, I’ll be honest, I’m still not over it yet, it’s like I’m holding on to something that probably will never be. Clearly I know it had and has always been one-sided…and truly I’d be a fool if I still think things would work out. The second issue was about trying to be a person one is not, in the show it was because the girl was forced to pretend to be blind, something she wasn’t of course. I’m she was a serious and reserved person, trying to be the opposite. The guy who asked her to pretend actually said something about it being hard to change our personalities. I must say this is something I’ve struggled with and that is that I wanted to make lots of friends in my time in school but I’m just not that extroverted sort.
But, again I must say that I still trust the plan God has for me and in Rick Warren’s God’s answers to life’s difficult questions, I’ve learned how to handle my loneliness and to try and change myself to be more the person God wants me to be…but I’m aware also that by being myself I’m actually being who God created me to be. Thirdly, there was this video of another of girl in the show where she said something liking a mysterious kind of guy. I kind of realise that actually most people in school at least see me as this mysterious and super-intelligent guy when to me clearly I’m not. Perhaps, part of the reason for few people getting to know me and be my friend is due to the mysterious guy I seem to be. But, perhaps the reason why some do bother to try is that it’s the mystery that I am to everyone that attracts them.
And, recently, I’m starting to feel that desire for belonging again and like to need for love and to have a group of friends again, something I felt was missing sometime in ago in my post about love as in the book Soul’s Cravings. Just wish I could like have a bunch of friends that I can ask out anytime, talk with everyday and invite over to my house, and just share experiences with and do things together. SERIOUSLY LIKE THE ONLY TIME I’M GOING TO SEE MY CLASSMATES AGAIN IS WENT OUR A LEVEL RESULTS ARE RELEASED AND AFTER THAT THAT’S IT. And, I’m dying to go on a holiday soon, and escape from the boredom at home. And, I really wish I could have gone back to ACJC with some friends to crash orientation, then again, as if I have that kind of friends and as if I’m that kind of person, but I love to seriously. That’s why I always say, I love the things that I’m not. Like, I like sciences but I’m an arts kind of person, I’m like mixing with large groups of people but it’s not my thing, I’m like getting involve in stuff but I never dare venture. The list goes on and on, so I really wonder how I can live like that and be content but believe me I’m trying hard to. And, in fact, I’m also good at the things I do not like, like writing, I blog so regularly but I tell you I dislike writing…and see, I see your sceptical look, but it’s true and I don’t read books at all…with the exception of course. So yea those are my random thoughts in my head now.
Finally, these are a pick of the songs from Boys Like Girls that I’m addicted to at the moment…it’d be too long for me to give my thoughts but I highlighted the stuff that meant something to me…
Hero/ Heroine
It's too late baby, there's no turning around
I've got my hands in my pocket and my head in a cloud
This is how I do
When I think about you
I never thought that you could break me apart
I keep a sinister smile and a hole in my heart
You want to get inside
Then you can get in line
But not this time
Cause you caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming
I feel like a hero and you are my heroine
I won't try to philosophize
I'll just take a deep breath and I'll look in your eyes
This is how I feel
And it's so surreal
I got a closet filled up to the brim
With the ghosts of my past and the skeletons
And I don't know why
You'd even try
But I won't lie
You caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming
I feel like a hero and you are my heroine
Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?
And I feel a weakness coming on
It never felt so good to be so wrong
Had my heart on lock down
And then you turned me around
And I feel just like a new born child
Every time I get a chance to see you smile
It's not complicated
I was so jaded
And you caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming
I feel like a hero and you are my heroine
Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?(I feel like a hero and you are my heroine)
And I feel a weakness coming on
Never felt so good to be so wrong
Had my heart on lockdown
And then you turned me around(Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?)
I feel just like a new born child
Every time I get a chance to see you smile
It's not complicated
I was so jaded
(repeat)
On Top of The World
Look up, the stars are fading
And I am still here waiting to see you again
Be with you my friend
When the moon is gone forever
I hope you're up there somewhere, I'll see you again
Be with you my friend
Cause all the roads they lead to where you are
And all the streetlights shine like they were stars
That's where you are
Let's spend tonight on top of the world
And we can do anything
We can be anything
I'll meet you tonight on top of the world
As real as it seems
You're only in my dreams
Look out across the water
Faces of lonely daughters and mothers who care
But just can't be there
Swear that I will see you someday
I have to find a way
To show you I care
Even if you're not there
So I'm following the road to where you are(Meet you tonight on top of)
The streetlights they will guide me to the stars
That's where you are
Let's spend tonight on top of the world
And we can do anything
We can be anything
I'll meet you tonight on top of the world
As real as it seems
You're only in my dreams
My heart is empty without you
Sometimes you don't know what to do
And I need you tonight
I'll fall asleep and it's alright
Close my eyes and I'll be by your side
Let's spend tonight on top of the world
And we can do anything
We can be anything
I'll meet you tonight on top of the world
As real as it seems
You're only in my dreams
Let's spend tonight on top of the world(On top of the world)
As real as it seems
You're only in my dreams
Thunder
Today is a winding road that's taken me to places that I didn't want to go
Whoa (whoa, whoa, whoa)
Today in the blink of an eye I'm holding on to something and I do not know why
I tried
(I tried)
I tried to read between the lines(I tried to look in your eyes)
I want a simple explanation(For what I'm feeling inside)
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out
CHORUS:
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder
Today is a winding road
Tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know
Whoa(Whoa, whoa, whoa)
Today I'm on my own
I can't move a muscle and I can't pick up the phone
I don't know(I don't know, I don't know, I don't know)
And now I'm itching for the tall grass
And longing for the breeze
I need to step outside
Just to see if I can breathe
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out
CHORUS:
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
Yeah I'm walking on a tightrope
I'm wrapped up in vines
I think we'll make it out
But you just gotta give me time
Strike me down with lightning
Let me feel you in my veins
I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain
Today is a winding road that's taken me to places that I didn't want to go
Whoa
CHORUS:
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder, and said
Your voice (this is getting colder)
Was the soundtrack of my summer (and the summer's over)
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain (well today's a winding road)
Oh baby bring (today I'm on my own)
On the pain
And listen to the thunder
Me, You and My Medication
Found my way to the highway, I don't wanna tell you the state I'm in
I've had too much to smoke, too much to drink, where have I been?
I feel like the stars are getting closer and the sky is closing in
And I don't know where to begin
We're all looking for something, to take away the pain
Me, and you, and my medication(Making the best of it)
Love is just a chemical creation(Will it be permanent?)
Synthetic sensation
Me, you, and my medication
The way back to the right track, maybe you can help me find the door
Is it too much to ask, too much too fast, too much to ignore?
It feels like your body's getting closer but you seem so far away
Medicine make it ok
We're all looking for someone, to take away the pain
Me, and you, and my medication(Making the best of it)
Love is just a chemical creation(Will it be permanent?)
Synthetic sensation
Me, you, and my medication
So can you feel it?
Do you feel it coming down?
You gotta get up
Can you get up off the ground?
Can you hear it?
Can you hear me screaming?
So can you feel it?
Do you feel it coming down?
You gotta get up
Can you get up off the ground?
I wanna hear it
Wanna hear you breathing
We're all addicted to something, that takes away the pain
Me, and you, and my medication(Making the best of it)
Love is just a chemical creation(Will it be permanent?)
Synthetic sensation
Me, you, and my medication
Up Against The Wall
It's over, look out below
And I'm wasted, I still taste it
Yeah it's so hard to let go
So breathe in now, and breathe it out
The forecast; A car crash
It's looking like another
Breakdown, rebound
This could be my last goodbye
You crossed your heart, I hope to die
And I can't deny your eyes
You know I tried to read between the lines, I saw a warning sign
And then you threw me up against the wall
Who said that it's better to have loved and lost?
I wish that I had never loved at all
No rewinds, no second times
I won't break, I won't waste
Everything you left behind
So don't follow, just let it go
But the weather's been better
Don't let it be another
Breakdown, rebound
This could be my last goodbye
You crossed your heart, I hope to die
And I can't deny your eyes
You know I tried to read between the lines, I saw a warning sign
And then you threw me up against the wall
Who said that it's better to have loved and lost?
I wish that I had never loved at all
All the nights I spent sitting at home
While you were out there on your own
All the nights I waited by the phone
While you were going it alone
And all your different faces
And all your different ways
Of making everything a mess(And all I'm saying is that)
All your different places and
All the complications laid to rest
And I can't deny your eyes
You know I try to read between the lines, I saw a warning sign
And then you threw me up against the wall
Who said that it's better to have loved and lost?
I wish that I had never loved at all
(repeat)
Learning To Fall
Today is the day
The worst day of my life
You sulk until it hurts me
I don't know why
The cost of misery
Is at an all time high
I keep it hidden
Close to the surface
Inside
I'm learning to fall
I can't hardly breathe
When I'm going down don't worry about me
Don't try this at home
Pretend you don't see
I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me
Could you be with him?
Or was it just a lie?
He doesn't catch you like I do
And you don't know why
You change your clothes and your hair
But I can't change your mind
Oh, I'm uninvited
So unrequited now
I'm learning to fall
I can't hardly breathe
When I'm going down don't worry about me
Don't try this at home
Pretend you don't see
I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me
Words screaming in my head
Why did you leave?
And I can't stop dreaming
Watching you and him
When it should have been
It should have been me
Today is the day
The worst day of my life
I'm learning to fall
I can't hardly breathe
When I'm going down don't worry about me
Don't try this at home
Pretend you don't see
I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me
Whoa (I'm learning to fall, I can't hardly breathe)
(I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me)
Tell me that you know, it should have been me
Whoa (Don't try this at home, You said you don't see)
I don't want to know that you know, it should've been me
Whoa (I'm learning to fall, I can't hardly breathe)
(I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me)
Tell me that you know, it should have been me
Whoa (Don't try this at home, You said you don't see)
I don't want to know that you know, it should've been me
Broken Man
I want to scream until no sound comes out and you've learned your lesson
I want to swallow these pills to get to sleep
So I don't have to make a bad impression
I need to start to be myself'
Cause I'm sick of everybody else
I won't let you bring me down
It's here
And now I'm breaking out
I will learn to love again
But I will stand a broken man
I wanna run, but only far enough to make you miss me
I wanna take back all the **** that I have done
But I guess you were better off without me
I need to start to be myself'
Cause I'm sick of everybody else
I won't let you bring me down
It's here and now
I'm breaking out
I will learn to love again
But I will stand a broken man
I took one big step and I looked away
And then I thought of all the things that I wanted to say
I'm always too late
You never got your story straight
I'm always up late
I think I'm everything you hate
I took one big step and I looked away
And then I thought of all the things that I wanted to say
I'm always too late
You never got your story straight
I'm always up late
I think I'm everything you hate
I took one big step and I looked away
And then I thought of all the things that I wanted to say
I'm always too late
You never got your story straight
I'm always up late
I think I'm everything you hate
I won't let you bring me down
It's here and now
I'm breaking out
I will learn to love again
But I will stand a broken man
I won't let you bring me down (I took one big step and I looked away)
It's here and now
I'm breaking out(and I thought of all the things that I wanted to say)
I'm always too late
You never got your story straight
I'm always up late
I think I'm everything you hate
I will learn to love again (I took one big step and I looked away)
But I will stand a broken man (And I thought of all the things that I wanted to say).
So that's it....
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