In the Midst of Exams..lol

Yea, today was founder's day but i did not go to school...for valid reasons..haha. Anyway, as strange as it is...its rite smack in the middle of my term exams...!!! Well, GP paper was on thursday...and i did really badly...like short qns i didn't do properly and like wrote only one para for AQ so ya...combination of reasons led to this; poor time management being the main reason for my poor performance for the GP paper. But, that aside...i've been studying really hard, almost not even taking a break since after the GP paper...stoping only when i've sat up too long and when i had my meals...so i hope i'll be rewarded for my hard work...after the huge disappointment in my GP paper...just trying to make up for it in the other papers. The only thing is that i've been struggling to memorize all the notes...and i fear that i wouldn't do well for the rest so i'm working really hard now...and praying and trusting the Lord...and i'm confident i'll be fine...coz its just term exams...i'm mean what is a term exam?...so insignificant...for God...who's so great and will see me through...

Anyway, away from that now...i kinda thought abt stuff today...and i realise that i'm fine, i mean not upset anymore...knida happy...just a little anxious abt the exams, maybe coz my minds so preoccupied with exams...nonetheless gd i guess...So everythings fine i guess...ok i have no idea wat i'm saying here...lol.

Seriously, my post sounds boring, repetitive, and boring...haha. Coz, like nothing to type about...perhaps because its untimely that i post this coz...its the most no life part; STUDYING FOR EXAMS...abt life...but just been thinking about myself...

Well, but here's the thing i really want to post about...i surfed the internet a bit today...and i search about friendship stuff...and get like some tips about...well...restoring friendships and stuff like knowing if u annoy people or if they don't want to be friends or dun like u...tt kind of stuff..
And, that made me feel so self-conscious...and it suddenly made me more aware of my surrounding...the way people treat me, and like all the things i never notice abt people that clue me in on how people think of me...

Suddenly, i found myself wondering how do people think of me???...i really hope i'm not annoying people around me and that people have a good impression of me....Its funny that i just realised that i've been so preoccupied and looking at myself that i dun realise the things happening around me. I dun know but i'm really perceptive and can see through people...but certainly it seems as if i've been clouded out by something...Now, i dun even know, who are they people who really want to be friends, whether i annoy anyone...it makes even think that about silly stuff...like do people avoid me??...this is actually pretty crazy a thought...so dun bother abt this bit..haha...and yes i'm sane...

I mean, maybe people are just giving me mix signals...and maybe i've been looking too much at they way i dun have friends...as just a predicament i'm in...now i fear...i'm i actually turning away people...is there something abt me that needs to change...am i sort of at fault..? I'm kinda thinking tt i need to find out wat people think of me...here i need to say that NO...i'm not trying to act like someone just to wat become a person people like or just to be cool..but i'm thinking more of on the lines of...are there some things in my life that i dun do right?...like treating people badly or just bad habits or maybe annoying people in some way?...which btw is not the same as trying to be someone i'm not...to impress...its abt right and wrong i guess...the difference lies in fact the one is talking abbt personality,style but the one i'm more interested in is the a behavioural thing...

You know, i think i seemed to be looking at myself too much as i mentioned above but what i read on the net made me open my eyes more, and though it seems open my eyes to the things going on around me...i seems it sort of comes back to square one coz..i'm looking at the things around me as clues to know...how i'm like to the people around me...

Well, i guess its unhealthy to be so conscious abt myself but just need to be myself, yet this has reminded me to see myself through the eyes of others...and maybe see some of my faults...then again i'm not going to be too bothered...just hoping to know if i'm not doing the best things when it comes to friendships...yea. Sometimes, maybe we do have to be critical with ourselves it helps ...just a bit of it i guess...i mean anything in excess isn't good...

The thing is that i've almost drifted apart, from lets say the people around me and maybe the people i care abt...maybe i need to do something to fixed the...friendships that are like drifting apart...oops...i've just typed a whole chunk of stuff tts even confusing myself...and i have like almost no idea what i'm trying to say anymore...wow..Anw, just thought maybe i'm not as likeable as i think i am...thats the fear...and maybe theres something about me thats gotta change...dun know...

Ok, its a long post...and i thought i had nothing to write abt..wow...anw so theres some final stuff...i'll try to conclude by trying to bring back my main point which apparently was lost half way as i was typing...so ya...i'm now starting to look around to see how people see me...and i'm seeing the way that i may need to do things differently...coz maybe the thing lies with me...i don't really know...tts abt it...And, the reason i search abt stuff like tt on the net's coz...theres people who i really care abt and coz of certain things i said kinda made like the friendships not work out...and like i dun even know how the people think of me...dislike me, or i'm annoying...maybe, and just hoping to make it work out...

So ya, tts all i have to say...back to preparing for exams...and i'm working hard and trusting the Lord, who's the one who gives me strength...so hope i do well for the rest of the exams...all the best for terms ppl...!!!