The Blessing in the Midst of the Storms of Life...
Wow…last week was just mad, after I had been over all the issues and problems in my life learning to trust again in God not to let any of the problems faze me for the Lord is with me and in control. And, I basically got over the worst of the things that have been happening in my life. But, last week was unbelievable, it just epitomised the blessing in the midst of the storms in my life. And, I must say although more bad news came upon me, I didn’t feel like things were worst or anything, though in actual fact last week things even after in the last post I mentioned it already got worst than I had expected.
However, at the same time, it had some roller coaster bits with some good moments in between the very bad moments. But, by God’s grace I can say that I’ve made it through a tough week, and I felt pretty joyful last week even in the midst of the bad things happening in my life, and now I’m happy as ever even with all the unhappy things in my life. And, the good thing is that there is something good in my life that the Lord has prepared even in this present dark moment, and I believe He will turn this bad situation now around for good, as I look forward to the later part of June to know my fate as to the direction of my life in the years to come. If you need to know, I’m mainly referring to my acceptance into uni hopefully even though the prospects are bleak.
The week started with me feeling much better about everything, having given all my cares and worries to God. And, I was watching television one afternoon early last week, the shows I saw were most notably My Secret Sports Identity and Beyond the Dot and as usual my favourite shows on discovery relating to travel, food and design. But, this was really great as again I guess, I sort of felt like it fuelled again my passion in me that I’ve always had for living life and it reminded of all the things I love about life. It allowed me again to envision all of my hopes and dreams in life. So basically, the show on my secret sports identity wasn’t really to do with the actual sport the people featured in the show do which was skydiving and scuba diving; that was what spurred that passion and desire in me to live life to the fullest. But, in fact, it was the way that they look at life and go about their lives. They were people who pursued their dreams and passions and interests, and did fulfilling jobs, to me it just represents they way I want to live my life but haven’t been able to, to really do the things I want to do in life and find a job or as in this case now a course that I enjoy and have a passion for and to experience all that life brings.
And, not that I’m forgetting that life isn’t just about the here and now but I really think that since we are put here on earth for the short journey in the long journey towards eternity, we should enjoy every moment of or lives, sure this is an imperfect world and things are not always enjoyable but that should not stop us from enjoying the life here on earth. And, even last week as I read the MDAS magazine about people in similar conditions as me playing soccer on their wheelchairs and about the organisation, I realised that I missed out from not joining the organisation due to the fact that I felt that it might attached a stigma on me and I wanted to feel as normal as possible, but actually, it proves through the organisation more that people like me are like everyone else by it’s programmes that allow people in this condition to really do the things normal people do but in a different way that’s all. The learning point for me was that I should not let my condition also affect or stop me from pursuing my passions, and that I can live the life of my dreams.
Now, then as for the other shows, Beyond the Dot, the episode I watched was about a designer working in UK, and I wasn’t so much concerned about the part on identity and being a Singaporean but living elsewhere in the world but more about the stuff mentioned about lifestyle and his job which is as a designer something I aspire to be, so it was like an inspiration to me, like I really want to be a great designer that travels the world over and experiencing the amazing thing that is life. But, fine if you want me to comment on the being a Singaporean bit, actually this is my view, I’m actually a PR here, although I live here practically since I was 3 years old, so I’m very much a Singaporean actually, despite my citizenship, but I think I see people and myself for that matter as citizens of the world. However, being Singaporean is part of my identity in fact a lot, basically the environment, the people and the culture have some root in me. And, as for my usual shows yea, just love travel, food, music, design and stuff like that, so just was more like getting more doses of passion reminding myself of all the cool stuff I like. And, in fact I watched some short message on TV which cited the economic downturn as a great time to really find your passion in life and do the things you always wanted to do in life but never had the chance to, so that was another of the passion boosters I had last week. So in the beginning I was feeling good again. Then, I received the best news I’ve since a million years ago almost. That was that I got SELECTED TO PLAY CHESS AT THE ASEAN PARA GAMES THIS YEAR in KL and I am going to be interviewed by Today too. OK, truth be told initially I was not feeling really happy even though I got this very good piece of news, maybe all the bad things had made me numb to the good, but I should have been happy. But, no one could understand how I felt not even my parents coz they were thinking I must be crazy not to be as excited and as happy as they were for me. The reason is that Chess is honestly not one of my greatest passions, sure I do like playing chess but not really something I’m overly passionate about, I just like winning that’s all haha. But, the Lord has blessed me with this opportunity to be a player for the country. I don’t know what to have said really, to have a opportunity of a lifetime that is in something that I’m not very passionate about.
It was also like what writer Gary Hayden said about himself when he was young, he began to play chess for the fun of it and it turned into a self imposed burden to try and improve. And, my mum felt that I was being like the Israelites who were ungrateful after the Lord’s blessing on them. But, I really couldn’t force myself to feel for something I can’t feel for. I guess for the prestige I could tell myself I will accept this with joy but I’m not like many people out there these days who play sport for prestige or money, I need to do it because I’m passionate about it. I tell you something about my life, I’ve realised that everything I’m passionate for I’m not good at, and everything I’m not passionate for I’m good at. And, mind you, the only reason I’m selected is that I’m the only player who has had enough exposure in chess and actually compared to all the players in the squad I’m actually the weakest from the point of view of rating but take into account that I stopped chess for a year and a half during JC to focus on studying. I must stress that I don’t think I’m being ungrateful, I am thankful for this opportunity but I want to really play chess for the sake of chess alone. I guess I can find some passion in some areas in chess but like everything there can’t be perfection so there are things I don’t enjoy about it but I’ll just focus on what I like about it. And, I feel the conclusion of the matter is this, just like the philosophy of saying yes to opportunity I should seize this opportunity and maybe I’ll find that I actually enjoyed the experience. And, I’m sure that the Lord knows me better than I know myself, I’m sure He has a plan in me going to play in this chess tournament for the country. So that was the first signs of the storms to have come last week.
Then, the storms arrived in the form of the Art course I intended to take since I still have a few months before uni starts. Basically, I went to NAFA for the course where they used easels, which I can’t use since I can’t lift my hands, and the excuse when I suggested using a table was that it is different. And, I’ve not done art before so I don’t know but if someone could enlighten me about the easel situation that would be good. But, this was really the worst part of last week as it made me realise that maybe I can’t do what my passion is, coz of this “necessary” part of the sketching with easels? Basically, then all the unhappy began to sink in again. My life at the moment felt like it was devoid of meaning, purpose, my dreams and my hopes. It felt like the worst feeling I’ve ever had before, like my whole life was crumbling and falling apart again, coz all other areas of my life aren’t going well either. This was the height of the storm in my life. I had a breakdown, with all I thought life should be fade away. All my hopes and dreams seemed close to being dashed as it still is now. And, to compound matters after I had my medical check up on the same day, I found that my situation is actually deteriorating. And, I have to go get my wheelchair fixed again, what a dread. So basically, as you can see possibly everything wasn’t going well at all, in fact, this was one of the saddest and toughest I’ve had. But, I realised, that I was only actually standing on the borderline between greatness and a complete disaster in my life. Things may be going bad but there is still the hope that things could still turn out to be perfectly the way I want well almost. I must say it was really bleak and dark last week. I mean imagine everything going wrong for you, that was how I felt. But, I felt a joy trusting in the Lord and I’m excited to see what the Lord is planning for me even thru this difficult time by the end of last week. And, I’ve never felt better despite all the many uncertainties in my life. And, by the end of last week, I was able to break free from all the unhappiness and bad things in my life to feel joy instead. And, I feel great again now and my faith and passion are at an all time high. And, I’m just so happy and as bad as everything is, it still feels perfect. And, I know that things will get better sometime. Finally, then on the weekend, I watched a movie with my mum, i.e. Monsters Vs Aliens, was ok but not great. I thought it be funnier than it was. And, Church was good and I had my first holy communion.
So to end, I had a blessing last week but in the midst of a difficult time last week, with everything going badly and my hopes and dreams seeming so far away. But, I was able to break out of all my sadness and despair, and to trust the Lord and have a joy that defies reason. And, I’m now feeling better than I’ve ever felt before. But, I’m hoping that the Lord will bring the hopes and dreams into my life and allow me to live my best life possible to be able to do all the things I want in my life. And, then everything would really be great again, and I know that whatever that happens the Lord will never forsake me. Life without our passions is meaningless, and I know the Lord will not waste that in me, and I just hope that whatever happens the Lord be glorified through my life lived the way He shaped me to live. For as I like to quote, delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. So, that’s the blessing in the midst of the storms of life…
However, at the same time, it had some roller coaster bits with some good moments in between the very bad moments. But, by God’s grace I can say that I’ve made it through a tough week, and I felt pretty joyful last week even in the midst of the bad things happening in my life, and now I’m happy as ever even with all the unhappy things in my life. And, the good thing is that there is something good in my life that the Lord has prepared even in this present dark moment, and I believe He will turn this bad situation now around for good, as I look forward to the later part of June to know my fate as to the direction of my life in the years to come. If you need to know, I’m mainly referring to my acceptance into uni hopefully even though the prospects are bleak.
The week started with me feeling much better about everything, having given all my cares and worries to God. And, I was watching television one afternoon early last week, the shows I saw were most notably My Secret Sports Identity and Beyond the Dot and as usual my favourite shows on discovery relating to travel, food and design. But, this was really great as again I guess, I sort of felt like it fuelled again my passion in me that I’ve always had for living life and it reminded of all the things I love about life. It allowed me again to envision all of my hopes and dreams in life. So basically, the show on my secret sports identity wasn’t really to do with the actual sport the people featured in the show do which was skydiving and scuba diving; that was what spurred that passion and desire in me to live life to the fullest. But, in fact, it was the way that they look at life and go about their lives. They were people who pursued their dreams and passions and interests, and did fulfilling jobs, to me it just represents they way I want to live my life but haven’t been able to, to really do the things I want to do in life and find a job or as in this case now a course that I enjoy and have a passion for and to experience all that life brings.
And, not that I’m forgetting that life isn’t just about the here and now but I really think that since we are put here on earth for the short journey in the long journey towards eternity, we should enjoy every moment of or lives, sure this is an imperfect world and things are not always enjoyable but that should not stop us from enjoying the life here on earth. And, even last week as I read the MDAS magazine about people in similar conditions as me playing soccer on their wheelchairs and about the organisation, I realised that I missed out from not joining the organisation due to the fact that I felt that it might attached a stigma on me and I wanted to feel as normal as possible, but actually, it proves through the organisation more that people like me are like everyone else by it’s programmes that allow people in this condition to really do the things normal people do but in a different way that’s all. The learning point for me was that I should not let my condition also affect or stop me from pursuing my passions, and that I can live the life of my dreams.
Now, then as for the other shows, Beyond the Dot, the episode I watched was about a designer working in UK, and I wasn’t so much concerned about the part on identity and being a Singaporean but living elsewhere in the world but more about the stuff mentioned about lifestyle and his job which is as a designer something I aspire to be, so it was like an inspiration to me, like I really want to be a great designer that travels the world over and experiencing the amazing thing that is life. But, fine if you want me to comment on the being a Singaporean bit, actually this is my view, I’m actually a PR here, although I live here practically since I was 3 years old, so I’m very much a Singaporean actually, despite my citizenship, but I think I see people and myself for that matter as citizens of the world. However, being Singaporean is part of my identity in fact a lot, basically the environment, the people and the culture have some root in me. And, as for my usual shows yea, just love travel, food, music, design and stuff like that, so just was more like getting more doses of passion reminding myself of all the cool stuff I like. And, in fact I watched some short message on TV which cited the economic downturn as a great time to really find your passion in life and do the things you always wanted to do in life but never had the chance to, so that was another of the passion boosters I had last week. So in the beginning I was feeling good again. Then, I received the best news I’ve since a million years ago almost. That was that I got SELECTED TO PLAY CHESS AT THE ASEAN PARA GAMES THIS YEAR in KL and I am going to be interviewed by Today too. OK, truth be told initially I was not feeling really happy even though I got this very good piece of news, maybe all the bad things had made me numb to the good, but I should have been happy. But, no one could understand how I felt not even my parents coz they were thinking I must be crazy not to be as excited and as happy as they were for me. The reason is that Chess is honestly not one of my greatest passions, sure I do like playing chess but not really something I’m overly passionate about, I just like winning that’s all haha. But, the Lord has blessed me with this opportunity to be a player for the country. I don’t know what to have said really, to have a opportunity of a lifetime that is in something that I’m not very passionate about.
It was also like what writer Gary Hayden said about himself when he was young, he began to play chess for the fun of it and it turned into a self imposed burden to try and improve. And, my mum felt that I was being like the Israelites who were ungrateful after the Lord’s blessing on them. But, I really couldn’t force myself to feel for something I can’t feel for. I guess for the prestige I could tell myself I will accept this with joy but I’m not like many people out there these days who play sport for prestige or money, I need to do it because I’m passionate about it. I tell you something about my life, I’ve realised that everything I’m passionate for I’m not good at, and everything I’m not passionate for I’m good at. And, mind you, the only reason I’m selected is that I’m the only player who has had enough exposure in chess and actually compared to all the players in the squad I’m actually the weakest from the point of view of rating but take into account that I stopped chess for a year and a half during JC to focus on studying. I must stress that I don’t think I’m being ungrateful, I am thankful for this opportunity but I want to really play chess for the sake of chess alone. I guess I can find some passion in some areas in chess but like everything there can’t be perfection so there are things I don’t enjoy about it but I’ll just focus on what I like about it. And, I feel the conclusion of the matter is this, just like the philosophy of saying yes to opportunity I should seize this opportunity and maybe I’ll find that I actually enjoyed the experience. And, I’m sure that the Lord knows me better than I know myself, I’m sure He has a plan in me going to play in this chess tournament for the country. So that was the first signs of the storms to have come last week.
Then, the storms arrived in the form of the Art course I intended to take since I still have a few months before uni starts. Basically, I went to NAFA for the course where they used easels, which I can’t use since I can’t lift my hands, and the excuse when I suggested using a table was that it is different. And, I’ve not done art before so I don’t know but if someone could enlighten me about the easel situation that would be good. But, this was really the worst part of last week as it made me realise that maybe I can’t do what my passion is, coz of this “necessary” part of the sketching with easels? Basically, then all the unhappy began to sink in again. My life at the moment felt like it was devoid of meaning, purpose, my dreams and my hopes. It felt like the worst feeling I’ve ever had before, like my whole life was crumbling and falling apart again, coz all other areas of my life aren’t going well either. This was the height of the storm in my life. I had a breakdown, with all I thought life should be fade away. All my hopes and dreams seemed close to being dashed as it still is now. And, to compound matters after I had my medical check up on the same day, I found that my situation is actually deteriorating. And, I have to go get my wheelchair fixed again, what a dread. So basically, as you can see possibly everything wasn’t going well at all, in fact, this was one of the saddest and toughest I’ve had. But, I realised, that I was only actually standing on the borderline between greatness and a complete disaster in my life. Things may be going bad but there is still the hope that things could still turn out to be perfectly the way I want well almost. I must say it was really bleak and dark last week. I mean imagine everything going wrong for you, that was how I felt. But, I felt a joy trusting in the Lord and I’m excited to see what the Lord is planning for me even thru this difficult time by the end of last week. And, I’ve never felt better despite all the many uncertainties in my life. And, by the end of last week, I was able to break free from all the unhappiness and bad things in my life to feel joy instead. And, I feel great again now and my faith and passion are at an all time high. And, I’m just so happy and as bad as everything is, it still feels perfect. And, I know that things will get better sometime. Finally, then on the weekend, I watched a movie with my mum, i.e. Monsters Vs Aliens, was ok but not great. I thought it be funnier than it was. And, Church was good and I had my first holy communion.
So to end, I had a blessing last week but in the midst of a difficult time last week, with everything going badly and my hopes and dreams seeming so far away. But, I was able to break out of all my sadness and despair, and to trust the Lord and have a joy that defies reason. And, I’m now feeling better than I’ve ever felt before. But, I’m hoping that the Lord will bring the hopes and dreams into my life and allow me to live my best life possible to be able to do all the things I want in my life. And, then everything would really be great again, and I know that whatever that happens the Lord will never forsake me. Life without our passions is meaningless, and I know the Lord will not waste that in me, and I just hope that whatever happens the Lord be glorified through my life lived the way He shaped me to live. For as I like to quote, delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. So, that’s the blessing in the midst of the storms of life…
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