It's all cool man...
The past week has been really really amazing and yet was kind of crazy for me again. Well, I guess it was like the past couple weeks where I’ve not been feeling good about some issues in my life and I have sort of been struggling with stuff in my life lately especially spiritually, but somehow by the end of the week really awesome things happened for me that I feel has put me back on track again, and so hopefully everything will be good again. I mean, this has also been hard for me coz I’ve been so bored on top of all the other issues in my life, in like I feel like I’ve failed in so many ways. Right now though, after this week, I think the Lord has sort of helped me start to turn things around and has revealed His mercy towards me, so I’m just trying to get better spiritually and stuff, thank God that He is with me always. Anw, so in this post just wanna share about this roller coaster week, which ended in the best way possible…yea…
Well, so on Monday, spent the whole day doing some of the assignments I have to do for my application for Arts, Design and Media at NTU, if you’ve been following you realise that I’ve been on it for two weeks now, a lot longer than it should take, but well what can I say procrastination maybe or I guess, a combination of it being difficult to do and that yea. To think, I actually woke up feeling like HOW AM I GONNA GET THROUGH ANOTHER BORING DAY…!!! But, somehow, thank God I managed to have things to do, and I actually made progress into my application assignment, and now like I’m about done alr. I also, squeezed in my usual time for doing stuff on the com and watching so that was good too.
Then, Tuesday and Wednesday were kind of more slack coz I had done two of the essays for my application assignment on Monday and the other ones were a bit harder so I took a break sort of. I decided to take the heart-shaped box I had made, with the help of my sis, lucky I mentioned that coz she’d kill me for taking all the credit, for my mum on her birthday last year, and redo it abit. Well, I intend to use it as an example of my “skills” in making 3D objects which would be useful in my portfolio for my uni application if I want to do product design. So yea, I looked at it and the base was a little crooked, but I realise it was to remove and replace, so I left it alone. But, the cover was like not glued properly so I wanted to reposition everything and glue it back, however, it was glued too strongly, so I decided on making a new cover for the box. I spent like my whole afternoon doing it with the help of my maid.
Anw, so I was pleased that I redid the cover and it looks much better now, a job well done, I can now confidently use it, oh and I took the photographs of it alr for submission. But, my mum says she prefers the old but roughly made one, so much for redoing it but anw was cool. The next day, I had myself little to do too. But, in the end I actually got time out of the house coz I went for a walk in my condo area, by the pool and playground. Well, that was because I saw a AUDI dun know what model at the other block car park and I quite liked it so I wanted to go down to see it, as I had been trying to draw it but my memory did not serve me well with that. I went out, got some sun, took the pictures of the car, enjoyed the area took and leisurely walk and went back home. That was basically the highlight of my day and the thing to show for it was my very own drawing of the car. I was drawing coz I need to improve my drawing before I go into uni, so been practising, I would probably get a art course soon though coz only then will it be effective. Finally, at the end of the day watch more American Idol and that was that.
Thursday and Friday then, were the most difficult days of the past week for me as boredom set in and I started feeling not so great spiritually and I felt bad about my life and stuff coz I wasn’t doing enough, haven’t met friends (i.e. at that point I thought the class outing had been cancelled.), and just like feel bad about the mistakes and the wrong things that I do in my life also. It all goes back to that same issue about, sometimes feeling bad that as a Christian, we or in this case still do things that aren’t right. But, of course I know that like if we confess the Lord is faithful and just and forgives us, it’s just that sometimes we fall into that trap or feeling bad and stuff. Also, I was struggling with like somehow I just didn’t know what I was feeling anymore and spiritually it just doesn’t feel as great as I used to be.
But, I mean, I’ve been ok, just feeling like definitely my faith was stronger not long ago but in recent months I’ve sort of like regressed. I’m sure or at least I’m hoping to get through this spell and maybe things would get better eventually. And more on the part about doing more with my life, really at that point I was so stressed like thinking really how can I be like doing very little and staying home all day while people are doing useful things, earning money even and having fun. I also really can’t think that God intends for my life in the holiday to be so much about being stuck at home. So it has been sort of frustrating for me, and I mean I been staying optimistic knowing that the Lord will give me opportunities to do stuff, but it’s a little boring right now. But, I guess, as the week drew nearer to the weekend things started to look up again. It all began with like I was praying really for the Lord to just help me coz my life was just beginning to be not as good as it should be, especially when I felt like something was wrong with my life, like in every area I seemed to be failing the Lord in my life, so I didn’t know what to do.
And, then, later I received a message about the class meeting on Saturday, I was greatly delighted, like I get what I’m actually wishing for for like forever almost. But then, my mum was saying like would it be convenient and stuff, so in fact I was like going from super happy to utterly disappointed like my hopes being dashed. However, we later on realised that really I should say yes to all the opportunities coz that’s what life’s about, I mean we don’t know when our lives should end, so we should live each day without regrets, and we realised that no matter how difficult I’m sure God will see to it that I can go out with my old classmates. Here though I wanna stress that, I dun mean that we live each that as if it’s our last to the extent that we lose all sense and moral values, and just splurge but to really not let my physical limitations or fear or anything stop you from doing the things you wanna do as long as it is right. I mean sure, do what we want to do, but in the end we must realise what is the most important thing, and try our best to do what God would want us to do or what is in God’s plan for our lives. I have however one thing I’m not really sure about and that is like where do we draw the line between going crazy and just pursuing our dreams without limitations holding us back, coz I mean lets say you want to do something but don’t have the cash for it. I guess it all comes down to doing as much as you can to achieve and do the things you want to do in life, but ultimately doing God’s will for our lives. At end of the day the best part though was the fact that I actually went back to singing the worship songs again from my itunes that really brought me back closer to that level of worship not too long ago, so that was great…
So, then on Saturday, it was just awesome to be able to go out to Marina Square to meet up with some of my classmates from first three months in AC. I know it wasn’t exactly the most well turned up-ed class outing ever nor was it all planned out (coz it was sort of inpromtu…). But, I managed to meet a good bunch of them, so that was good. And, it fulfilled one of the things I really wanted to do this holiday. I had great fun being with them and as much as I wished that my social skills had improved, I didn’t say much but you it was like the best conversation even though not a word was said coz I mean for the company was heavenly, I wish every waking moment could be spend with friends and family for me, that’s really all I could ever ask for. Well, I shall in uncharacteristic fashion name those who were there…so it was like me, Hao, Justin, Weiyi, Claire, Gen and Shaheera who joined us later on. We actually invited all the rest but in the end no one else turned up so yea. So, we began, with meeting at the place, then, sat at Macs to wait and see who else would be turning up, at that time it was just 5 of us. We talked and at the same time tried to contact the rest but could not get most of the rest. We then decided after awhile on a place to eat which was at Secret Recipe, lucky everything went smoothly and we had lunch. They chatted a lot about all kinds of stuff, but I didn’t know where I could add anything haha. But, like conversation went from like stuff going on in our lives and plans for the near future and even gossip…=p Like, who’s attached to who…like whatever man. Not much of a conversation. But, no sooner than we begin to get a little bored, did drama happen. That was as soon as Claire got there, like the moment she got there was like blaming Justin for rushing her there, and oh yes, in classic first three months style, she began all that bickering almost with like Hao, in this case more like an onslaught of insults. And, like it went even down to breathing a sigh of relief that she doesn’t have the same taste in cakes as Hao lol. But, then like Justin was like saying hi and how are you sort of stuff, repeating even just in different words, to try to make some conversation. In the end they had to resort to almost like “quarrelling” as the mode of communication…But, then they also had to ask about Claire being together with my classmate in sec 4, I shall not mention a name here although it is kind of obvious for any of the AC people and stuff. Ok, that’s a big if, I don’t even know of many people who read my blog in fact I believe it’s rarely visited, but anw I’m good since it was always my intention for my blog to remain private, although I would welcome it if more people would read my blog. Anw, I bet they were so surprised that he was my old classmate, initially I couldn’t believe it too, but it was so obvious in school since they were always at the void deck. So it was really like woah when she said she was with him. I bet the rest were more surprised. I don’t know if I’m over looking into it but from the insistent repeated asking about that, it seems like they do really miss the old times, I mean like when Hao, weiyi and Justin were much closer, which is sort of different now that she’s with him. Anw, we were alr at Starbucks chatting by then, and the conversation was seriously funny when we were there, I laughed so much. Then, Justin left and we went to the arcade to play, well I just watched by was happy enough just being with them so yea. Soon after, Shaheera joined us and we went to Macs so she could eat something and some of us could have ice cream. Finally, I left earlier and that was the end of my outing with them, some hours later alr. That was a good outing for me really thankful that Gen made this possible, coz I’ve been dying to meet friends for forever almost. It’s really amazing how God works, using people, events and things to fulfil my desires in that sense I’m also grateful to God for that day. This satisfied what I was still a little upset wishing for. Later that evening, I went for our church pastor’s welcome party at church.
Then, this took away my frustration and unhappiness about stuff and I felt better. And, this set me up for the most uplifting part of the week, and that was church on Sunday. It was like any other church service but somehow it just had a strangely bigger impact on me today. It began with worship which was ordinary but great to feel God’s presence and praise Him. But, the bit that impacted me was the message by our old pastor who came to preach in our church in the morning. It was about God’s grace. The passage was from Judges, which was about all the failure of the Israelites but most importantly it was about God’s grace despite their failures, and it purpose of the book to point to God as our King of Kings. But, on a personal note this meant a lot to me for my spiritually life at the moment. It’s like previously, when in the earlier parts of my time in AC where I felt like everything was falling apart for me and I was “forced to look to God”, this helped me to grow spiritually like never before in my life. But, as time has gone on, things have been so much better, and in a certain sense I have like forgotten what the Lord has already done for me, and me faith has sort of stagnated for some months now, as least in terms of the level of growth then and now. Today’s message was about that and I felt that like it was reassuring for me to now that if that is the case we should just seek the Lord.
Also, there was a time in the past where I was so good that I could trust the Lord in difficult circumstances and know that he has a plan for me. But, I rmb just after my A levels, I felt like my life isn’t very blessed but today reminded me that true blessing is not found in worldly things like wealth or even health or the meeting of our wants, but in growing our relationship with God and that is what I’m really after. We can seek God’s true blessing if we ask for it. But, I can’t believe that time I actually forgot that and had the audacity to feel that I’m not blessed. That was a good reminder for me. The other thing was to trust God in time of crisis, like in this economic crisis, and well anything in life, it’s like it was good that I was reminded that we have nothing to be anxious of in our lives for God is in control. We should look to God in any difficult situation. The next thing is that God is merciful even when we sin against Him. That was the thing that was most amazing for me, I have to be honest here and say that I’m imperfect and I still sin from time to time, so it was reassuring for me to know and be reminded that truly God is merciful and forgives. While we were still sinners Christ died for us, we were not deserving of mercy but God by His love gave amazing grace. And, there was also the mention of the fact that when times are good we tend to slip back into our bad ways again, and that in bad times then we go to God. So, it was like the Israelites responded to God’s blessing with sin. Thus, the challenge is to look within ourselves and confess to God our sins and to respond to God’s blessing by honouring Him. All we have to do is turn our eyes and focus them on God and through His grace we can be righteous before Him.
Finally, my baptism class today was also amazing for me. The class was on prayer. And, the two things that struck me most were the verse
9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives. 1 John 1: 9-10
It was just the reminder I needed. Well, that’s as far as I’ll say for that, it speaks for itself…but that was amazing…
The other bit I wanna to mention is about the Lord answering prayer. Many times when bad things happen to people question God and why He lets these things happen and why He doesn’t answer prayers sometimes. This is echoed in the song YOU FOUND ME by THE FRAY, won’t put the lyrics coz the post is too long alr. But, the thing is that the truth is that all things work for the good of those who love Him, and whatever it is God has a plan for our lives thru all our suffering. Also, God is more interested about our character than He is in our happiness. Most importantly, God has an ultimate purpose and God is in control, we should never question Him but trust the Lord, anything else is not trusting.
Therefore, I end this post here; indeed I’ve had A WEEK…!!! I just thank God that He has helped me in the tough times this week and given me wonderful moments, and most importantly, I thank God for the insights into His word that He has given me. Everything that has happened to me this week, is all cool man, just really happy and I know my life is gonna get better…yea (=
Well, so on Monday, spent the whole day doing some of the assignments I have to do for my application for Arts, Design and Media at NTU, if you’ve been following you realise that I’ve been on it for two weeks now, a lot longer than it should take, but well what can I say procrastination maybe or I guess, a combination of it being difficult to do and that yea. To think, I actually woke up feeling like HOW AM I GONNA GET THROUGH ANOTHER BORING DAY…!!! But, somehow, thank God I managed to have things to do, and I actually made progress into my application assignment, and now like I’m about done alr. I also, squeezed in my usual time for doing stuff on the com and watching so that was good too.
Then, Tuesday and Wednesday were kind of more slack coz I had done two of the essays for my application assignment on Monday and the other ones were a bit harder so I took a break sort of. I decided to take the heart-shaped box I had made, with the help of my sis, lucky I mentioned that coz she’d kill me for taking all the credit, for my mum on her birthday last year, and redo it abit. Well, I intend to use it as an example of my “skills” in making 3D objects which would be useful in my portfolio for my uni application if I want to do product design. So yea, I looked at it and the base was a little crooked, but I realise it was to remove and replace, so I left it alone. But, the cover was like not glued properly so I wanted to reposition everything and glue it back, however, it was glued too strongly, so I decided on making a new cover for the box. I spent like my whole afternoon doing it with the help of my maid.
Anw, so I was pleased that I redid the cover and it looks much better now, a job well done, I can now confidently use it, oh and I took the photographs of it alr for submission. But, my mum says she prefers the old but roughly made one, so much for redoing it but anw was cool. The next day, I had myself little to do too. But, in the end I actually got time out of the house coz I went for a walk in my condo area, by the pool and playground. Well, that was because I saw a AUDI dun know what model at the other block car park and I quite liked it so I wanted to go down to see it, as I had been trying to draw it but my memory did not serve me well with that. I went out, got some sun, took the pictures of the car, enjoyed the area took and leisurely walk and went back home. That was basically the highlight of my day and the thing to show for it was my very own drawing of the car. I was drawing coz I need to improve my drawing before I go into uni, so been practising, I would probably get a art course soon though coz only then will it be effective. Finally, at the end of the day watch more American Idol and that was that.
Thursday and Friday then, were the most difficult days of the past week for me as boredom set in and I started feeling not so great spiritually and I felt bad about my life and stuff coz I wasn’t doing enough, haven’t met friends (i.e. at that point I thought the class outing had been cancelled.), and just like feel bad about the mistakes and the wrong things that I do in my life also. It all goes back to that same issue about, sometimes feeling bad that as a Christian, we or in this case still do things that aren’t right. But, of course I know that like if we confess the Lord is faithful and just and forgives us, it’s just that sometimes we fall into that trap or feeling bad and stuff. Also, I was struggling with like somehow I just didn’t know what I was feeling anymore and spiritually it just doesn’t feel as great as I used to be.
But, I mean, I’ve been ok, just feeling like definitely my faith was stronger not long ago but in recent months I’ve sort of like regressed. I’m sure or at least I’m hoping to get through this spell and maybe things would get better eventually. And more on the part about doing more with my life, really at that point I was so stressed like thinking really how can I be like doing very little and staying home all day while people are doing useful things, earning money even and having fun. I also really can’t think that God intends for my life in the holiday to be so much about being stuck at home. So it has been sort of frustrating for me, and I mean I been staying optimistic knowing that the Lord will give me opportunities to do stuff, but it’s a little boring right now. But, I guess, as the week drew nearer to the weekend things started to look up again. It all began with like I was praying really for the Lord to just help me coz my life was just beginning to be not as good as it should be, especially when I felt like something was wrong with my life, like in every area I seemed to be failing the Lord in my life, so I didn’t know what to do.
And, then, later I received a message about the class meeting on Saturday, I was greatly delighted, like I get what I’m actually wishing for for like forever almost. But then, my mum was saying like would it be convenient and stuff, so in fact I was like going from super happy to utterly disappointed like my hopes being dashed. However, we later on realised that really I should say yes to all the opportunities coz that’s what life’s about, I mean we don’t know when our lives should end, so we should live each day without regrets, and we realised that no matter how difficult I’m sure God will see to it that I can go out with my old classmates. Here though I wanna stress that, I dun mean that we live each that as if it’s our last to the extent that we lose all sense and moral values, and just splurge but to really not let my physical limitations or fear or anything stop you from doing the things you wanna do as long as it is right. I mean sure, do what we want to do, but in the end we must realise what is the most important thing, and try our best to do what God would want us to do or what is in God’s plan for our lives. I have however one thing I’m not really sure about and that is like where do we draw the line between going crazy and just pursuing our dreams without limitations holding us back, coz I mean lets say you want to do something but don’t have the cash for it. I guess it all comes down to doing as much as you can to achieve and do the things you want to do in life, but ultimately doing God’s will for our lives. At end of the day the best part though was the fact that I actually went back to singing the worship songs again from my itunes that really brought me back closer to that level of worship not too long ago, so that was great…
So, then on Saturday, it was just awesome to be able to go out to Marina Square to meet up with some of my classmates from first three months in AC. I know it wasn’t exactly the most well turned up-ed class outing ever nor was it all planned out (coz it was sort of inpromtu…). But, I managed to meet a good bunch of them, so that was good. And, it fulfilled one of the things I really wanted to do this holiday. I had great fun being with them and as much as I wished that my social skills had improved, I didn’t say much but you it was like the best conversation even though not a word was said coz I mean for the company was heavenly, I wish every waking moment could be spend with friends and family for me, that’s really all I could ever ask for. Well, I shall in uncharacteristic fashion name those who were there…so it was like me, Hao, Justin, Weiyi, Claire, Gen and Shaheera who joined us later on. We actually invited all the rest but in the end no one else turned up so yea. So, we began, with meeting at the place, then, sat at Macs to wait and see who else would be turning up, at that time it was just 5 of us. We talked and at the same time tried to contact the rest but could not get most of the rest. We then decided after awhile on a place to eat which was at Secret Recipe, lucky everything went smoothly and we had lunch. They chatted a lot about all kinds of stuff, but I didn’t know where I could add anything haha. But, like conversation went from like stuff going on in our lives and plans for the near future and even gossip…=p Like, who’s attached to who…like whatever man. Not much of a conversation. But, no sooner than we begin to get a little bored, did drama happen. That was as soon as Claire got there, like the moment she got there was like blaming Justin for rushing her there, and oh yes, in classic first three months style, she began all that bickering almost with like Hao, in this case more like an onslaught of insults. And, like it went even down to breathing a sigh of relief that she doesn’t have the same taste in cakes as Hao lol. But, then like Justin was like saying hi and how are you sort of stuff, repeating even just in different words, to try to make some conversation. In the end they had to resort to almost like “quarrelling” as the mode of communication…But, then they also had to ask about Claire being together with my classmate in sec 4, I shall not mention a name here although it is kind of obvious for any of the AC people and stuff. Ok, that’s a big if, I don’t even know of many people who read my blog in fact I believe it’s rarely visited, but anw I’m good since it was always my intention for my blog to remain private, although I would welcome it if more people would read my blog. Anw, I bet they were so surprised that he was my old classmate, initially I couldn’t believe it too, but it was so obvious in school since they were always at the void deck. So it was really like woah when she said she was with him. I bet the rest were more surprised. I don’t know if I’m over looking into it but from the insistent repeated asking about that, it seems like they do really miss the old times, I mean like when Hao, weiyi and Justin were much closer, which is sort of different now that she’s with him. Anw, we were alr at Starbucks chatting by then, and the conversation was seriously funny when we were there, I laughed so much. Then, Justin left and we went to the arcade to play, well I just watched by was happy enough just being with them so yea. Soon after, Shaheera joined us and we went to Macs so she could eat something and some of us could have ice cream. Finally, I left earlier and that was the end of my outing with them, some hours later alr. That was a good outing for me really thankful that Gen made this possible, coz I’ve been dying to meet friends for forever almost. It’s really amazing how God works, using people, events and things to fulfil my desires in that sense I’m also grateful to God for that day. This satisfied what I was still a little upset wishing for. Later that evening, I went for our church pastor’s welcome party at church.
Then, this took away my frustration and unhappiness about stuff and I felt better. And, this set me up for the most uplifting part of the week, and that was church on Sunday. It was like any other church service but somehow it just had a strangely bigger impact on me today. It began with worship which was ordinary but great to feel God’s presence and praise Him. But, the bit that impacted me was the message by our old pastor who came to preach in our church in the morning. It was about God’s grace. The passage was from Judges, which was about all the failure of the Israelites but most importantly it was about God’s grace despite their failures, and it purpose of the book to point to God as our King of Kings. But, on a personal note this meant a lot to me for my spiritually life at the moment. It’s like previously, when in the earlier parts of my time in AC where I felt like everything was falling apart for me and I was “forced to look to God”, this helped me to grow spiritually like never before in my life. But, as time has gone on, things have been so much better, and in a certain sense I have like forgotten what the Lord has already done for me, and me faith has sort of stagnated for some months now, as least in terms of the level of growth then and now. Today’s message was about that and I felt that like it was reassuring for me to now that if that is the case we should just seek the Lord.
Also, there was a time in the past where I was so good that I could trust the Lord in difficult circumstances and know that he has a plan for me. But, I rmb just after my A levels, I felt like my life isn’t very blessed but today reminded me that true blessing is not found in worldly things like wealth or even health or the meeting of our wants, but in growing our relationship with God and that is what I’m really after. We can seek God’s true blessing if we ask for it. But, I can’t believe that time I actually forgot that and had the audacity to feel that I’m not blessed. That was a good reminder for me. The other thing was to trust God in time of crisis, like in this economic crisis, and well anything in life, it’s like it was good that I was reminded that we have nothing to be anxious of in our lives for God is in control. We should look to God in any difficult situation. The next thing is that God is merciful even when we sin against Him. That was the thing that was most amazing for me, I have to be honest here and say that I’m imperfect and I still sin from time to time, so it was reassuring for me to know and be reminded that truly God is merciful and forgives. While we were still sinners Christ died for us, we were not deserving of mercy but God by His love gave amazing grace. And, there was also the mention of the fact that when times are good we tend to slip back into our bad ways again, and that in bad times then we go to God. So, it was like the Israelites responded to God’s blessing with sin. Thus, the challenge is to look within ourselves and confess to God our sins and to respond to God’s blessing by honouring Him. All we have to do is turn our eyes and focus them on God and through His grace we can be righteous before Him.
Finally, my baptism class today was also amazing for me. The class was on prayer. And, the two things that struck me most were the verse
9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives. 1 John 1: 9-10
It was just the reminder I needed. Well, that’s as far as I’ll say for that, it speaks for itself…but that was amazing…
The other bit I wanna to mention is about the Lord answering prayer. Many times when bad things happen to people question God and why He lets these things happen and why He doesn’t answer prayers sometimes. This is echoed in the song YOU FOUND ME by THE FRAY, won’t put the lyrics coz the post is too long alr. But, the thing is that the truth is that all things work for the good of those who love Him, and whatever it is God has a plan for our lives thru all our suffering. Also, God is more interested about our character than He is in our happiness. Most importantly, God has an ultimate purpose and God is in control, we should never question Him but trust the Lord, anything else is not trusting.
Therefore, I end this post here; indeed I’ve had A WEEK…!!! I just thank God that He has helped me in the tough times this week and given me wonderful moments, and most importantly, I thank God for the insights into His word that He has given me. Everything that has happened to me this week, is all cool man, just really happy and I know my life is gonna get better…yea (=
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