Trust The Lord - Nothing Is Impossible With God
Its been about one week since my last post. I talked about my long weekend in the last, about how amazing Passion AC was, to the boring Saturday at home alone, to the dinner at Seoul Garden and to the trips to East Coast Park and Dempsey Hill and stuff. I mean these were all great things, it was like life is so great, and it was the first time in a long time that i really felt so much like i was living life so fully, that was because Passion AC kinda reminded me that a life lived for God is a life lived fully. Even though, going out and enjoying myself is more like living life fully in terms of enjoying myself with pleasures, it could really just be in a true sense worship to God which is in other words also living for God, in that, everything we do which is pleasing to God becomes worship when we dedicate it to God and perform it with an awareness of His presence. Of course, sometimes we tend to forget that and enjoy life for ourselves selfishly and don't do it for God, then it defeats the whole purpose that we were put on this earth to do, which is to glorify the Lord. That's where we probably need to reflect about whether we are aware of God in all that we do. I believe that for the most part, i tried to do it for God and keep Him in mind as i went through the motions. But, one thing i guess, that we might also wonder about is if someone else does more activites in His life for Christ, does that necessarily mean that He/She is living life more fully. Rite now, the only thing i can say to that is that, its not how much we do but how we live for God with the life He's given us even if our lives are not the most "HAPPENING", i guess its the heart that counts, furthermore, God's plan for each and everyone's life is unique and is perfect, so as long as we are living according to God's will for our lives, we can be at peace and contented that we live life to the fullest in Christ. I mean, i often do wonder if perhaps there are more things God wants me to do with my life, coz if i'm not doing something, then, i don't think i can't say that i am living life to the fullest. But, i'm not sure if i need to make more of an effort or if it'll just come to me coz i've made all the necessary preparations. Anw, so that was where things were pretty good. And, even with issues here and there, like to due to troubles of getting along with people. I guess, God put in such moments of conflict, so that i can learn how to better love, get along and be a better friend to the people around me...which God planned so that as i asked the Lord to make me a better person and improve my relationship with others, He would train me with these conflicts, and its amazing how God really answered those prayer, i didn't realise that at first but on hindsight i realise God was actually answering my prayers in that i wanted to be a better person. I mean, the ability to get along with others is a mark of spiritual maturity, so God in that way was actually teaching me how to love, and i'm grateful for that on hindsight. But, that in no way prepared me for what lay ahead this past week...
The past week, i faced alot of struggles, which truly tested me if i had really grown through all my troubles. And, truth be told, i think this week, i actually failed to live up to what i've learned, when the troubles really hit me, i forgot how i should have reacted to them all. I failed the test. But, i think that failure, is also part of my learning and i think i really needed to face such struggles to realise that, i need to really rely on God and it mhas made me know that i'm not really trusting God enough. It seemed i had forgotten about Passion AC, about the weekend...i panicked the moment i returned to school, i saw how tough the tasks i had to face up to this week, but i didn't rmb to go back to the fact that God is way bigger than any of these problems. Its like i also felt like i spent too much time relaxing and enjoying myself during the long weekend that it made me worry about everything, and its like i expected things to improve just coz the long weekend and Passion AC turned out so well for me. In my heart, i knew and was just reminded that living the Christian life is not a bed of roses and we face struggles in life too, but perhaps it was my confidence that i would be able to apply that when i faced it myself that led to my downfall this week. I had forgotten as i will mention many more times till the end of this post, that i should have joy no matter what circumstances i'm facing. So yea, i knew that there would be difficulties but i forgot the fact that in living for God, that we should trust in Him. I forgot that, since during this long weekend i enjoyed myself, but was doing it for God in heart...that i shouldn't worry about anything coz when we do things for God and commit everything to Him b4 we do what we do, God will surely see that everything goes well in the end even though there may be troubles here and there in the process. Think about it just like when we stop to pray b4 we go into a difficult examination or like b4 we play in a competition. Many times, we bypass that coz we feel like we don't have the time to pray and got to get prepared as much as possible but we forget that we should make time to for our relationship with God, and that the most important thing to do is always to look to God first, coz it is through Him that we get our strength and accommplish great things.
My week began, with Tuesday, and i went to school late as usual, as in i'm allowed to go into school late coz of PE in the morn. And, everything seemed a little bit cold, i had maths lsn first, and hearing some of my classmates talk about all the homework stuff and especially the GP example book and it made me think about how i haven't been studying hard enough during the weekend and i fell back in my revision and i seemed almost clueless as to what was going on in school, i fell into too much of a relaxed state. Like, there many things i needed to do in the week, that i was only reminded of when i got back to school. So thats how i was sort of panicking. Then, we had the twenty min break where i was like waiting and doing nothing outside the next class, which was occupied for that 20min break i had. Had Chem lesson, where of course as usual, i sat alone, i mean, coz i'm not like that close to anyone, so anw it would be weird. But, at this point i was still closely sticking to "joy despite circumstances" motto and i didn't feel the slightess bit concerned. It would of course, be good if i had like a "gang" to be with i mean it in the sense of a loyal group of people who mix around and hang around together. In that sense, yea, i would then not be sitting alone. Just gives the kinda of feeling like you're being slighted, or no one really cares and like people are avoiding you as if you've caught a virus or something, when you sit alone too often. It usually feels like you're being discriminated against coz you're different. Even if yea of course they may be nice but help you only out of a moral obligation rather than as a person who really cares to help. I'm not being cynical but how kind are people? I mean how can one be expected to live with people who are nice, help you but then, ok avoid you or have no friendly intentions at all but to fulfill a moral obligation. It's kinda ironic that people help you yet they don't intend to have anything to do with you. But, at that point of course, this wasn't on my mind, coz i was happy even though i was sitting alone as i still kept reminding myself about Passion AC and stuff and i'm not sure but still had people who probably in a way acknowledged my presence, although i think maybe i mistook it for one. Somehow, after class i felt so burdened after like my Chem teacher was showing us the plan till our prelims, and i was still puzzled by why i felt that i wasn't missing out in terms of schoolwork, like i wasn't working as hard as the rest. And, then, had Chem lecture, where i begin to lose that joyful mentality, feeling now the feeling of being left behind sort of. Had break next, having had lunch i still had like 20min more to wait, and so of course i had nowhere to go if you no what i mean, like our class was significantly smaller due to some of the guys being away from school. And, i can't think of any other appropriate people to mix with in that there wasn't anyone really around. So, i headed to class to wait for the lesson to start...in the process, i was still trying to figure out why, on the start of school, despite keeping in mind the "joy despite circumstances motto", i felt like something was not rite with my school life, i.e. studies and people. In no way, was i feeling upset about my situation, it was the frustration of not knowing why i felt a strange feeling i couldn't explain. Then, of course, we had the lesson, i was there early, so spoke with our relief teacher actually b4 lesson, which started like so late coz of my classmates being late. Alone i sat again, it must have been weird that the teacher only seem to know me at first, and it didn't help that i sit someway away from the rest, she must have thought at first that i was like so of the class, but when the rest arrived, it was apparent how, it seem like she was talking to the class...and then oh me. Anw, i can't say her teaching was fantastic, but it was ok. Lastly, we had GP, and we hated it but we had to do GP essay so ya. The day i was more affected by the work load.
Then, came wednesday. So i went to school early in the morning, haven't gone to school at the proper time since, like 4 days ago at that time. So i was hoping that would make me go back into the proper school mood again which i didn't feel the day b4. The devotions that morning began my first reminder, that no matter what our failures or successess, that we shouldn't be discouraged or lose heart. And, to know that God's plan for us is perfect, and to trust that God will lead us to where He wants us to go and that we just gotta try our best. And, that life is not about all those success and whatever, but living for God is and is the source of our joy and meaning in life. So it doesn't matter whether we succeed or fail but that we do what we do to glorify the Lord. I after this, failed to take the reminder. Anw, so after assembly had 30min break then had consultation for Chem at STI, it felt kinda productive, so that was good. Then, waited outside for Gp lesson, everyone was there except those out of school for for CCA stuff. Not that, anything was wrong but, i didn't really feel like acknowledged of my presence, until of course, yea i had to pay the $5 for Chem stuff, of course, i mean a greeting would be nice if any by anyone. Well, ok wasn't complaining coz i can't expect anyone to be saying hi, since i normally would not be comfortable intiating a HI. Then again, it was no big deal compared to sitting alone for the most parts. So, yea had GP and of course as usual ya...but the only good thing was that our gp teacher said that i was the only one who did a good job for my compre assignment. Here, as was on Tuesday i was still keeping in line with that "joy despite circumstances". But, all that began to change soon. I mean, it built up over the week with like a little bit at a time, first Tuesday, i didn't care about it but was frustrated over schoolwork and now of course, i was getting abit irritated. So, i realised that i forgot to bring my econs notes, and so i thought i couldn't possibly go for lecture, so i had to skip lecture. Oops did i just say that..yea anw. I skipped lecture, and went to the class beside geog room where i was going to have the next lesson. Strangely, it felt good, skipping class for the first time in a long time...haha. Then, yea, had geog, nothing much. Then, the break came, i was hungry wanted to eat something in the canteen, was actually hoping to be able to find a group to be with, not that there was ever going to be anw, but i started to let all the bad feelings come that built up. In the end, i didn't feel like having school food(awful), so i just went hungry. But, then, seeing that i had no hope of not sitting there alone, i decided to go up to class, but bad thing was i didn't realise that the class was being used, so i had to wait outside, then, i had small disagreement coz, i couldn't find a class to go to and realise i should have stayed in the canteen but made the mistake of wanting to go up to the class, when it was full, and so i couldn't of course decide to go back. Then, while i was at the lift lobby on L2 i saw three of my classmates. And they too went up hoping to get to wait in class but realise the same thing i did that it was occupied, so they went stairs, as much as i wished i had some people to be with, it wasn't like it was a chance here. But, anw at this point i was alr almost totally losing my "joy despite circumstances" mentality almost completely. So anw, earlier when i had skipped lecture, i read the daily bread which had a verse reminding me about the joy despite circumstances but it didn't come to mind at this point, so i began to become upset about things. But, PCCG period, the discipline teacher was our temp teacher, so He was funny and that eased the situation, but next we had to stay for chem and many left so it was just 6 of us, and watching my classmates talk and stuff, i was alr becoming highly irritable, as it felt kinda like i was so not there. Then, was like they started playing hangman, and abit funny i guess. Then, like chem lesson started and when like our teacher was giving out stuff, its like i didn't get one, until teacher need to go get one from someone, tt made me all the more irritated as i was becoming. So yea, i wasn't happy at all by the end of the day.
Then Thursday, i went to school late coz i had chinese oral in the afternoon, so i skipped chem, geog and econs, coming in to school at 12. I was slightly early for maths lesson, so i sat in the class with the wind blowing at my face, and i felt so good, like God was beside me all the way, i felt inspired and happy. Though, still i little sore about the other day. Then, strangely, when we had maths class, like one of my classmates who is in my maths class, sat with me, so at least i didn't feel so isolated, tts was really a nice surprise. I would never have expected that. Then, i went for oral, and everything was arranged nicely for me, and i wondered why i was worried about everything, when God had everything planned alr. Anw, my topic was on looks and like whether it affects our success. It was easy but, i think i did badly for Chinese oral.
Finally, friday...i was by this day more upset than ever this whole week, i skipped chinese lesson, coz i finish oral alr, so i went canteen to do work, wished that i wasn't alone but was. Then, was glad that i somehow met my chem teacher and confirmed the venue for lesson. But, anw, so , i wasn't feeling great still anw, so i went up early to the class and waited. Class came, we had lesson, and i forgot to get my calculator onto my table. So i couldn't get it out of my bag, but i was as usual not very comfortable with asking anyone to help me get it. So, in the end, only after i had finished the first assignment which i did really badly for that i was discouraged, did i ask to borrow a calculator and that was even worst. I really don't know what i was thinking, but it was nice of my classmate there. That though had made me more upset alr. Then, in the 20min break, i was staying in the class with some of those who stayed in the class for awhile, was by now looking out of the window, feeling really down. Then, the rest of the class left except two of course who are in my maths class. When they left, they said bye to the other two, and after a long pause, and oh suddenly remembering that i was there, when they were almost a "mile" away said it to me too...quite a joke, but at least they remembered, that was the only good thing. Then, while waiting for class, fire alarm went on, it was quite stupid. Went for maths sat alone this time. Went for Geog sat alone. Couldn't take that upetting feeling, i left school early.
That was a summary of all the things that went on the past week, and so i realised that this whole week when things didn't turn out well, i forgot about the fact that i should have joy despite circumstances, and looking back, i got sad over stupid things. Three times, God sent me messages, to remind me to trust in God despite whatever is going on, the first two were, the devotion on Wednesday, my reading of the daily bread and on saturday, when i saw the screen saver on my com, it said, " BE JOYFUL ALWAYS, PRAY CONTINUALLY, GIVE THANKS IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES FOR THIS IS GOD'S WILL FOR YOU IN JESUS CHRIST", only at the third time did i finally respond to what God was trying to tell me. So yea, this week, i failed to apply the fact that i should trust the Lord and have joydespite circumstances. So, i should really be joyful no matter what coz God is in control and can do all things. I hope i'll do better next week. So anw, two other things happened over this weekend which reminded me of this and gave me back that joy and really made me realise what i should have done. I will post another post about that. So this coming week, Lord i pray you will help me to trust you no matter what and to have joy no matter what.
The past week, i faced alot of struggles, which truly tested me if i had really grown through all my troubles. And, truth be told, i think this week, i actually failed to live up to what i've learned, when the troubles really hit me, i forgot how i should have reacted to them all. I failed the test. But, i think that failure, is also part of my learning and i think i really needed to face such struggles to realise that, i need to really rely on God and it mhas made me know that i'm not really trusting God enough. It seemed i had forgotten about Passion AC, about the weekend...i panicked the moment i returned to school, i saw how tough the tasks i had to face up to this week, but i didn't rmb to go back to the fact that God is way bigger than any of these problems. Its like i also felt like i spent too much time relaxing and enjoying myself during the long weekend that it made me worry about everything, and its like i expected things to improve just coz the long weekend and Passion AC turned out so well for me. In my heart, i knew and was just reminded that living the Christian life is not a bed of roses and we face struggles in life too, but perhaps it was my confidence that i would be able to apply that when i faced it myself that led to my downfall this week. I had forgotten as i will mention many more times till the end of this post, that i should have joy no matter what circumstances i'm facing. So yea, i knew that there would be difficulties but i forgot the fact that in living for God, that we should trust in Him. I forgot that, since during this long weekend i enjoyed myself, but was doing it for God in heart...that i shouldn't worry about anything coz when we do things for God and commit everything to Him b4 we do what we do, God will surely see that everything goes well in the end even though there may be troubles here and there in the process. Think about it just like when we stop to pray b4 we go into a difficult examination or like b4 we play in a competition. Many times, we bypass that coz we feel like we don't have the time to pray and got to get prepared as much as possible but we forget that we should make time to for our relationship with God, and that the most important thing to do is always to look to God first, coz it is through Him that we get our strength and accommplish great things.
My week began, with Tuesday, and i went to school late as usual, as in i'm allowed to go into school late coz of PE in the morn. And, everything seemed a little bit cold, i had maths lsn first, and hearing some of my classmates talk about all the homework stuff and especially the GP example book and it made me think about how i haven't been studying hard enough during the weekend and i fell back in my revision and i seemed almost clueless as to what was going on in school, i fell into too much of a relaxed state. Like, there many things i needed to do in the week, that i was only reminded of when i got back to school. So thats how i was sort of panicking. Then, we had the twenty min break where i was like waiting and doing nothing outside the next class, which was occupied for that 20min break i had. Had Chem lesson, where of course as usual, i sat alone, i mean, coz i'm not like that close to anyone, so anw it would be weird. But, at this point i was still closely sticking to "joy despite circumstances" motto and i didn't feel the slightess bit concerned. It would of course, be good if i had like a "gang" to be with i mean it in the sense of a loyal group of people who mix around and hang around together. In that sense, yea, i would then not be sitting alone. Just gives the kinda of feeling like you're being slighted, or no one really cares and like people are avoiding you as if you've caught a virus or something, when you sit alone too often. It usually feels like you're being discriminated against coz you're different. Even if yea of course they may be nice but help you only out of a moral obligation rather than as a person who really cares to help. I'm not being cynical but how kind are people? I mean how can one be expected to live with people who are nice, help you but then, ok avoid you or have no friendly intentions at all but to fulfill a moral obligation. It's kinda ironic that people help you yet they don't intend to have anything to do with you. But, at that point of course, this wasn't on my mind, coz i was happy even though i was sitting alone as i still kept reminding myself about Passion AC and stuff and i'm not sure but still had people who probably in a way acknowledged my presence, although i think maybe i mistook it for one. Somehow, after class i felt so burdened after like my Chem teacher was showing us the plan till our prelims, and i was still puzzled by why i felt that i wasn't missing out in terms of schoolwork, like i wasn't working as hard as the rest. And, then, had Chem lecture, where i begin to lose that joyful mentality, feeling now the feeling of being left behind sort of. Had break next, having had lunch i still had like 20min more to wait, and so of course i had nowhere to go if you no what i mean, like our class was significantly smaller due to some of the guys being away from school. And, i can't think of any other appropriate people to mix with in that there wasn't anyone really around. So, i headed to class to wait for the lesson to start...in the process, i was still trying to figure out why, on the start of school, despite keeping in mind the "joy despite circumstances motto", i felt like something was not rite with my school life, i.e. studies and people. In no way, was i feeling upset about my situation, it was the frustration of not knowing why i felt a strange feeling i couldn't explain. Then, of course, we had the lesson, i was there early, so spoke with our relief teacher actually b4 lesson, which started like so late coz of my classmates being late. Alone i sat again, it must have been weird that the teacher only seem to know me at first, and it didn't help that i sit someway away from the rest, she must have thought at first that i was like so of the class, but when the rest arrived, it was apparent how, it seem like she was talking to the class...and then oh me. Anw, i can't say her teaching was fantastic, but it was ok. Lastly, we had GP, and we hated it but we had to do GP essay so ya. The day i was more affected by the work load.
Then, came wednesday. So i went to school early in the morning, haven't gone to school at the proper time since, like 4 days ago at that time. So i was hoping that would make me go back into the proper school mood again which i didn't feel the day b4. The devotions that morning began my first reminder, that no matter what our failures or successess, that we shouldn't be discouraged or lose heart. And, to know that God's plan for us is perfect, and to trust that God will lead us to where He wants us to go and that we just gotta try our best. And, that life is not about all those success and whatever, but living for God is and is the source of our joy and meaning in life. So it doesn't matter whether we succeed or fail but that we do what we do to glorify the Lord. I after this, failed to take the reminder. Anw, so after assembly had 30min break then had consultation for Chem at STI, it felt kinda productive, so that was good. Then, waited outside for Gp lesson, everyone was there except those out of school for for CCA stuff. Not that, anything was wrong but, i didn't really feel like acknowledged of my presence, until of course, yea i had to pay the $5 for Chem stuff, of course, i mean a greeting would be nice if any by anyone. Well, ok wasn't complaining coz i can't expect anyone to be saying hi, since i normally would not be comfortable intiating a HI. Then again, it was no big deal compared to sitting alone for the most parts. So, yea had GP and of course as usual ya...but the only good thing was that our gp teacher said that i was the only one who did a good job for my compre assignment. Here, as was on Tuesday i was still keeping in line with that "joy despite circumstances". But, all that began to change soon. I mean, it built up over the week with like a little bit at a time, first Tuesday, i didn't care about it but was frustrated over schoolwork and now of course, i was getting abit irritated. So, i realised that i forgot to bring my econs notes, and so i thought i couldn't possibly go for lecture, so i had to skip lecture. Oops did i just say that..yea anw. I skipped lecture, and went to the class beside geog room where i was going to have the next lesson. Strangely, it felt good, skipping class for the first time in a long time...haha. Then, yea, had geog, nothing much. Then, the break came, i was hungry wanted to eat something in the canteen, was actually hoping to be able to find a group to be with, not that there was ever going to be anw, but i started to let all the bad feelings come that built up. In the end, i didn't feel like having school food(awful), so i just went hungry. But, then, seeing that i had no hope of not sitting there alone, i decided to go up to class, but bad thing was i didn't realise that the class was being used, so i had to wait outside, then, i had small disagreement coz, i couldn't find a class to go to and realise i should have stayed in the canteen but made the mistake of wanting to go up to the class, when it was full, and so i couldn't of course decide to go back. Then, while i was at the lift lobby on L2 i saw three of my classmates. And they too went up hoping to get to wait in class but realise the same thing i did that it was occupied, so they went stairs, as much as i wished i had some people to be with, it wasn't like it was a chance here. But, anw at this point i was alr almost totally losing my "joy despite circumstances" mentality almost completely. So anw, earlier when i had skipped lecture, i read the daily bread which had a verse reminding me about the joy despite circumstances but it didn't come to mind at this point, so i began to become upset about things. But, PCCG period, the discipline teacher was our temp teacher, so He was funny and that eased the situation, but next we had to stay for chem and many left so it was just 6 of us, and watching my classmates talk and stuff, i was alr becoming highly irritable, as it felt kinda like i was so not there. Then, was like they started playing hangman, and abit funny i guess. Then, like chem lesson started and when like our teacher was giving out stuff, its like i didn't get one, until teacher need to go get one from someone, tt made me all the more irritated as i was becoming. So yea, i wasn't happy at all by the end of the day.
Then Thursday, i went to school late coz i had chinese oral in the afternoon, so i skipped chem, geog and econs, coming in to school at 12. I was slightly early for maths lesson, so i sat in the class with the wind blowing at my face, and i felt so good, like God was beside me all the way, i felt inspired and happy. Though, still i little sore about the other day. Then, strangely, when we had maths class, like one of my classmates who is in my maths class, sat with me, so at least i didn't feel so isolated, tts was really a nice surprise. I would never have expected that. Then, i went for oral, and everything was arranged nicely for me, and i wondered why i was worried about everything, when God had everything planned alr. Anw, my topic was on looks and like whether it affects our success. It was easy but, i think i did badly for Chinese oral.
Finally, friday...i was by this day more upset than ever this whole week, i skipped chinese lesson, coz i finish oral alr, so i went canteen to do work, wished that i wasn't alone but was. Then, was glad that i somehow met my chem teacher and confirmed the venue for lesson. But, anw, so , i wasn't feeling great still anw, so i went up early to the class and waited. Class came, we had lesson, and i forgot to get my calculator onto my table. So i couldn't get it out of my bag, but i was as usual not very comfortable with asking anyone to help me get it. So, in the end, only after i had finished the first assignment which i did really badly for that i was discouraged, did i ask to borrow a calculator and that was even worst. I really don't know what i was thinking, but it was nice of my classmate there. That though had made me more upset alr. Then, in the 20min break, i was staying in the class with some of those who stayed in the class for awhile, was by now looking out of the window, feeling really down. Then, the rest of the class left except two of course who are in my maths class. When they left, they said bye to the other two, and after a long pause, and oh suddenly remembering that i was there, when they were almost a "mile" away said it to me too...quite a joke, but at least they remembered, that was the only good thing. Then, while waiting for class, fire alarm went on, it was quite stupid. Went for maths sat alone this time. Went for Geog sat alone. Couldn't take that upetting feeling, i left school early.
That was a summary of all the things that went on the past week, and so i realised that this whole week when things didn't turn out well, i forgot about the fact that i should have joy despite circumstances, and looking back, i got sad over stupid things. Three times, God sent me messages, to remind me to trust in God despite whatever is going on, the first two were, the devotion on Wednesday, my reading of the daily bread and on saturday, when i saw the screen saver on my com, it said, " BE JOYFUL ALWAYS, PRAY CONTINUALLY, GIVE THANKS IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES FOR THIS IS GOD'S WILL FOR YOU IN JESUS CHRIST", only at the third time did i finally respond to what God was trying to tell me. So yea, this week, i failed to apply the fact that i should trust the Lord and have joydespite circumstances. So, i should really be joyful no matter what coz God is in control and can do all things. I hope i'll do better next week. So anw, two other things happened over this weekend which reminded me of this and gave me back that joy and really made me realise what i should have done. I will post another post about that. So this coming week, Lord i pray you will help me to trust you no matter what and to have joy no matter what.
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