Negativity ??? Not really...seeking the positives

I know that i never should have compared myself and my life with others and i should not have constantly moaned about my life yet in most of my blog entries i blogged about that. The thing is i knew it wasn't gd but those were the kinds of feelings i felt. Well, God has a plan for everyone and His plan for everyone is the best, so i should not have focused on that. I do actually realise that by perpetually moaning about my life it will cause people to look at my flaws and my bad aspects. I feel its really important that i say this because of all the negativity of my thoughts, it really isn't that bad...i mean i just hope i can start showing a positive side of me coz i'm not just about all that negative stuff. The only thing is that i'm just troubled and a little confused in trying to understand how to really live my life in the way that i should be. And, i guess i just really want to have meaningful friendships and all. It's almost like my love and passion for life has created the opposite impact and made it look like i'm so pessimistic towards life and thinking so negatively. I think its also partly because whenever i am not able to achieve and live life in what i hope is the way that life should be it seems like everythings so bad when it might not be. The truth is i really don't want or try to be negative or even try to dwell in self pity for the sake of it, i'm just desperately seeking to live my life the way it should be lived out. Contrary to wat it seems, i actually just wanna be happy. Happines and the meaning of life are two things that baffle me and it in a way makes me seem negative...although i don't deny there are some negatives, still i'm seeking positives.