A Long Time Coming for a Blogpost...
Ok. This is probably THE longest time I have gone without blogging since the creation of my blog way back in June 2007...it's been like almost three months since my last blog post. I seriously haven't been here for so long it kinda feels almost foreign to me already. It's not just that I haven't blogged for such a long time but also that since I started school again in april this year, I've blogged only about between once in a month to once in two months and by the time I actually blogged, I've long forgotten most of what I wanted to say and the experiences I want to share about.
But anyway, it's not like alot else has been happening to me, coz for me it's just been busy busy busy with school and, other stuff's just been few and far between. Never thought that I would be busier than I've ever been attending poly. I guess it's a combination of the continual assessment type syllabus, my greater involvement in after school activities and also taking vocal lessons. I must say that from the point of view of activities in my life, my life feels pretty fulfilled and I thank God for helping me reach this point where I can do most of the things He has set in my heart for me to do. And, of course, the course has been what I wanted. Although I'm still dreaming that one day I can be a singer...haha. (I'm just saying...).
One thing about going back to doing poly for me is that I'm starting to feel left behind by my generation, it's not just that I will be taking a longer time to get to the same level again, but also socially and emotionally I feel a gap right now. Like I'm not saying it's bad to take my time with this but it's like different when you are studying with classmates like 2 or three years younger than you are, the kind of stuff you would talk about is like so different. Some may be academically better than me but on an emotional level I can't seem to find level ground. And, so really the main issues in my life right now are probably relating to the busy schedule which has taken a toll on my health and spiritual life and the social aspect.
Ok, I can't believe I'm saying this but yet again I have not been able to blog thanks to my busy schedule, yea even during the holidays. (Due to Chess tournament) And, this time it's caused me to continue my post which btw was from before Christmas Eve, from here and now it's like the 30th of December. Anyway, just to clarify where this post was coming from...it was about October, November and early December...I'll just leave Christmas and the New Year for my next post. So basically, now that I just went one week without resuming this post, I shall just mention the two points I can still remember.
Firstly, I finally accept two schools of thought with respect to always having been unable to ever be part of a group of friends I could just spend time with and hang out and stuff. I accept that it's because they're probably not sure about whether I can really go out with them and join in the stuff they do and of course they're probably worried about how to accomodate me. The other is just that I'm yea handicapped and yea not like everyone else in that respect. Although I must say and clarfiy that, even with these reasons, the truth is that I am just like everyone else just with more difficulties than others, so I wish they just treated me like everyone else. But, yea to be honest, who wants to be a friend to someone who is unable to do all the stuff you do and who may be more of a liability than a friend.
It is sad to say this, but I feel like honestly it is only when people face a circumstance in their lives do that understand that they should treat other people the same regardless of their situation. And, seriously, like who would be so brave as to say that they wouldn't mind their kids perfectly healthy, having friends with disabilities, when they "should be making the most of their youth, and mixing with their able-bodied peers". I'm not saying that people don't befriend people with disabilities but there are alot of barriers, so I believe the friendships they have with their able-bodied peers are not as deep as perhaps the bond between able-bodied peers, maybe because of the different circumstance to relate to each other with. That is why, there are the organisations that bring together kids with the same disabilities so they have friends to relate to. I personally don't join that, because I want to be as much as possible a part of and go through the same stuff as what my normal able-bodied peers do. Since young, I have grown up in a family that has taught me that nothing should ever stop me from living a normal life and that regardless of anything, that we are all the same and why should the disabled not go through the same stuff as everyone else. I admit that there are difficulties but as much as possible the disabled should be able to be integrated into the regular system.
So anyway, that is something idealistic, which is hard to achieve but one that should be hoped for. At the end of the day, of course there is still the necessity for organisation that bring together people with the same situation to relate to them, but the should be just as much a part of society. And, the other thing is that, like which parent would want their children to be with someone who is disabled. I know that there are exceptions, but generally it is like that. We would probably agree that this should not be the case but if we really face that, would we still stand by it? Yea, my point is that I want to make it clear that even with my disability, that I am very much like everyone else just with more difficulties and so why can't people like me be like our able-bodied peers.
As for my second point, I realise that all this while that my health has been an issue for me and for a long time, and really, it's been a struggle for me to accept that as much as it affects me negatively, it is like all bad things we face, where we are to be joyful in spite of it and that God is in control and that all things work for the good of those of love Him. I was worried and upset all this while by a certain problem I have been having and all pain I have been feeling due to fatigue coz of my busy school schedule and some other issue, relating to health. But, I failed to realise that God really can help me in ways beyond all human understanding...ok, so He isn't going to miraculously take away all my problems. He can but we know that God has a plan through all things good and bad, so sometimes He doesn't do that. Regardless of this, God also does not give us more than we can handle. The truth is, there are some things we can't do anything about that we have to live with, painful as it may be, but God gives us the strength to handle these things. So really, I should trust in God, not that I should not do my best to try and deal with the situations I face, but it is through the strength which Christ gives us. I should never have let these things worry me, coz like if God put me where I am for a reason He wouldn't let me die of exhaustion or let my health issues stop me from living the life He intended for me. So as tired or troubled as I may be, I should know that I will make it through coz God is there for me and has a purpose for me. And, really if I need to make arrangements to cater to my situation, we can always look into it. But, I think I'll make it through anyway with God's help. I should just be happy and content, unaffected by my problems, coz I know God is in control and besides there is so much more to be thankful for...all the blessings...afterall, there's a life ahead of me to enjoy...
So yea, that would be about as much as time would allow me to say for this post...hope I can update my blog more regularly again...
But anyway, it's not like alot else has been happening to me, coz for me it's just been busy busy busy with school and, other stuff's just been few and far between. Never thought that I would be busier than I've ever been attending poly. I guess it's a combination of the continual assessment type syllabus, my greater involvement in after school activities and also taking vocal lessons. I must say that from the point of view of activities in my life, my life feels pretty fulfilled and I thank God for helping me reach this point where I can do most of the things He has set in my heart for me to do. And, of course, the course has been what I wanted. Although I'm still dreaming that one day I can be a singer...haha. (I'm just saying...).
One thing about going back to doing poly for me is that I'm starting to feel left behind by my generation, it's not just that I will be taking a longer time to get to the same level again, but also socially and emotionally I feel a gap right now. Like I'm not saying it's bad to take my time with this but it's like different when you are studying with classmates like 2 or three years younger than you are, the kind of stuff you would talk about is like so different. Some may be academically better than me but on an emotional level I can't seem to find level ground. And, so really the main issues in my life right now are probably relating to the busy schedule which has taken a toll on my health and spiritual life and the social aspect.
Ok, I can't believe I'm saying this but yet again I have not been able to blog thanks to my busy schedule, yea even during the holidays. (Due to Chess tournament) And, this time it's caused me to continue my post which btw was from before Christmas Eve, from here and now it's like the 30th of December. Anyway, just to clarify where this post was coming from...it was about October, November and early December...I'll just leave Christmas and the New Year for my next post. So basically, now that I just went one week without resuming this post, I shall just mention the two points I can still remember.
Firstly, I finally accept two schools of thought with respect to always having been unable to ever be part of a group of friends I could just spend time with and hang out and stuff. I accept that it's because they're probably not sure about whether I can really go out with them and join in the stuff they do and of course they're probably worried about how to accomodate me. The other is just that I'm yea handicapped and yea not like everyone else in that respect. Although I must say and clarfiy that, even with these reasons, the truth is that I am just like everyone else just with more difficulties than others, so I wish they just treated me like everyone else. But, yea to be honest, who wants to be a friend to someone who is unable to do all the stuff you do and who may be more of a liability than a friend.
It is sad to say this, but I feel like honestly it is only when people face a circumstance in their lives do that understand that they should treat other people the same regardless of their situation. And, seriously, like who would be so brave as to say that they wouldn't mind their kids perfectly healthy, having friends with disabilities, when they "should be making the most of their youth, and mixing with their able-bodied peers". I'm not saying that people don't befriend people with disabilities but there are alot of barriers, so I believe the friendships they have with their able-bodied peers are not as deep as perhaps the bond between able-bodied peers, maybe because of the different circumstance to relate to each other with. That is why, there are the organisations that bring together kids with the same disabilities so they have friends to relate to. I personally don't join that, because I want to be as much as possible a part of and go through the same stuff as what my normal able-bodied peers do. Since young, I have grown up in a family that has taught me that nothing should ever stop me from living a normal life and that regardless of anything, that we are all the same and why should the disabled not go through the same stuff as everyone else. I admit that there are difficulties but as much as possible the disabled should be able to be integrated into the regular system.
So anyway, that is something idealistic, which is hard to achieve but one that should be hoped for. At the end of the day, of course there is still the necessity for organisation that bring together people with the same situation to relate to them, but the should be just as much a part of society. And, the other thing is that, like which parent would want their children to be with someone who is disabled. I know that there are exceptions, but generally it is like that. We would probably agree that this should not be the case but if we really face that, would we still stand by it? Yea, my point is that I want to make it clear that even with my disability, that I am very much like everyone else just with more difficulties and so why can't people like me be like our able-bodied peers.
As for my second point, I realise that all this while that my health has been an issue for me and for a long time, and really, it's been a struggle for me to accept that as much as it affects me negatively, it is like all bad things we face, where we are to be joyful in spite of it and that God is in control and that all things work for the good of those of love Him. I was worried and upset all this while by a certain problem I have been having and all pain I have been feeling due to fatigue coz of my busy school schedule and some other issue, relating to health. But, I failed to realise that God really can help me in ways beyond all human understanding...ok, so He isn't going to miraculously take away all my problems. He can but we know that God has a plan through all things good and bad, so sometimes He doesn't do that. Regardless of this, God also does not give us more than we can handle. The truth is, there are some things we can't do anything about that we have to live with, painful as it may be, but God gives us the strength to handle these things. So really, I should trust in God, not that I should not do my best to try and deal with the situations I face, but it is through the strength which Christ gives us. I should never have let these things worry me, coz like if God put me where I am for a reason He wouldn't let me die of exhaustion or let my health issues stop me from living the life He intended for me. So as tired or troubled as I may be, I should know that I will make it through coz God is there for me and has a purpose for me. And, really if I need to make arrangements to cater to my situation, we can always look into it. But, I think I'll make it through anyway with God's help. I should just be happy and content, unaffected by my problems, coz I know God is in control and besides there is so much more to be thankful for...all the blessings...afterall, there's a life ahead of me to enjoy...
So yea, that would be about as much as time would allow me to say for this post...hope I can update my blog more regularly again...
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