A Dose of Reality
Well, so if you have read my last post it would appear like life is rosy for me. But, actually it hasn't been like that...I may have had so many great things happen to me by God's grace recently and was at a high with a dream job and everything was going great. But, things came crashing down a little bit more recently. Late last year in 2017, I started having breathing difficulties after a few bouts of flu with cough. I went to see a respiratory specialist who got me to nebulise with a saline solution. I still didn't feel that much better, so I ended up starting to use a bipap machine at night to assist me when breathing. Then, I also started having pain in my shoulder which made putting my arm up on the table to work on my computer painful and controlling my wheelchair became tough. I ended up having to rely on pain relief patches. With all these health issues, I found it hard at work and things were also not great at the office coz the project was more challenging than expected. In the end, I stopped playing power soccer and resigned from my job.
To be honest it was not an easy decision and it wasn't like I was giving up or allowing my condition stop me from living my life. But, I was seriously finding it hard to breathe and my arm was excruciatingly painful. I needed to take a break to recover. It was frustrating because the doctors could not tell me what was wrong with me and all I could do was try different treatments to see if any of it helps. For my arm, I did an MRI on my spine to rule out any nerve issue and in the end it was just assumed that I had either had some rotator cuff injury or frozen shoulder which can be for a prolonged period. The only treatment is physiotherapy which does not cure me but facilitates in the body's own recovery process which in my condition is much slower than a normal person's which can be anywhere from 6 months to 3 years. For my lungs, I can only hope that through the clearance of phlegm using the saline solution, the cough assist machine and acapella, the breathing support of the bipap at night to allow my lungs to be less strained and the maintenance of lung function through breath stacking exercises, that it will help me breathe better.
On top of all this I must confess I've quietly struggled with an overactive bladder for several years now and its been affecting me much more in recent times. I keep having to go to the toilet which is embarrassing and disruptive and if I try to hold, I have trouble voiding. That's the reason why I have been unable to attend bible study classes recently and am always hesitant about joining activities and going out. I've seen a specialist, who has prescribed medications but none have worked. The only thing I can do is manage my diet and hope I have good days when I am outside.
Sometimes bad things may happen and obstacles come in the way of our dreams. Just because we achieve our dreams doesn't mean our problems end there or that we don't have to keep working hard to live our dreams. What the Lord gives to us, can be taken away just as easily. Yes dreams do come true but bad things happen too. I was so caught up in the good times that I blissfully lived like there wasn't the harsh or practical reality of life that entails the sometimes unpleasant but necessary nitty gritty, the challenges to overcome and the bad things that occur in life. I realised that getting my job at relsig was perfect in that for the first time I had a product designer job title. But, just being a product designer is very generic and does mean you have found your true calling, one still has to find your place within the field of design or work your way to where you need to be. There is also of course the reality that there will be the not so fun parts of work, finding a job you enjoy means a lot of times it may not feel like work but at the end of the day work is still work and will be stressful still. And, there is also the matter of work life balance which I learned is almost impossible coz its like work on weekdays and try to do some leisure activity or meet friends on weekends but ends up being a time to catch up on sleep. Then there is my health issues which is like the bad things that happen to us that we have no control over. I must say I took for granted my health, thinking that I could live in my usual ways and that I would always be healthy; for a normal person I would understand but I "forget" that in my condition it is inevitable that I will get progressively weaker so I need to keep my health in check.
I just felt like I took a heavy dose of reality. I had become so frustrated with my situation and desperate coz there was just nothing I could do to make things better. I just had no way out that I cried out to the Lord. I seemed at first to have no answer but the Lord kind of told me that He didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, nor sun without rain, but he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way. I am still struggling with my health but I continue to live by God's sufficient grace and knowing His will will not take me where His grace cannot sustain me.
But my hope came in the form of the other things in life that I can still be grateful for. Firstly, through my job, I have made some friends whom I can hangout with, something I had very little of growing up. I even managed to plan and go for an amazing accessible korea trip. I even met ken from (These)abilities and met other amazing persons with disabilities. I also got a confidence booster by volunteering on Muscular Dystrophy Association flag day and being a "book" for the human library on Muscular Dystrophy Awareness Day event to bring awareness of the condition to the general public.
In the end, I have began to feel better. I just need to keep trusting in the Lord, and keep taking care of my health to get well soon and hopefully find my true calling, my niche in the field of design.
To be honest it was not an easy decision and it wasn't like I was giving up or allowing my condition stop me from living my life. But, I was seriously finding it hard to breathe and my arm was excruciatingly painful. I needed to take a break to recover. It was frustrating because the doctors could not tell me what was wrong with me and all I could do was try different treatments to see if any of it helps. For my arm, I did an MRI on my spine to rule out any nerve issue and in the end it was just assumed that I had either had some rotator cuff injury or frozen shoulder which can be for a prolonged period. The only treatment is physiotherapy which does not cure me but facilitates in the body's own recovery process which in my condition is much slower than a normal person's which can be anywhere from 6 months to 3 years. For my lungs, I can only hope that through the clearance of phlegm using the saline solution, the cough assist machine and acapella, the breathing support of the bipap at night to allow my lungs to be less strained and the maintenance of lung function through breath stacking exercises, that it will help me breathe better.
On top of all this I must confess I've quietly struggled with an overactive bladder for several years now and its been affecting me much more in recent times. I keep having to go to the toilet which is embarrassing and disruptive and if I try to hold, I have trouble voiding. That's the reason why I have been unable to attend bible study classes recently and am always hesitant about joining activities and going out. I've seen a specialist, who has prescribed medications but none have worked. The only thing I can do is manage my diet and hope I have good days when I am outside.
Sometimes bad things may happen and obstacles come in the way of our dreams. Just because we achieve our dreams doesn't mean our problems end there or that we don't have to keep working hard to live our dreams. What the Lord gives to us, can be taken away just as easily. Yes dreams do come true but bad things happen too. I was so caught up in the good times that I blissfully lived like there wasn't the harsh or practical reality of life that entails the sometimes unpleasant but necessary nitty gritty, the challenges to overcome and the bad things that occur in life. I realised that getting my job at relsig was perfect in that for the first time I had a product designer job title. But, just being a product designer is very generic and does mean you have found your true calling, one still has to find your place within the field of design or work your way to where you need to be. There is also of course the reality that there will be the not so fun parts of work, finding a job you enjoy means a lot of times it may not feel like work but at the end of the day work is still work and will be stressful still. And, there is also the matter of work life balance which I learned is almost impossible coz its like work on weekdays and try to do some leisure activity or meet friends on weekends but ends up being a time to catch up on sleep. Then there is my health issues which is like the bad things that happen to us that we have no control over. I must say I took for granted my health, thinking that I could live in my usual ways and that I would always be healthy; for a normal person I would understand but I "forget" that in my condition it is inevitable that I will get progressively weaker so I need to keep my health in check.
I just felt like I took a heavy dose of reality. I had become so frustrated with my situation and desperate coz there was just nothing I could do to make things better. I just had no way out that I cried out to the Lord. I seemed at first to have no answer but the Lord kind of told me that He didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, nor sun without rain, but he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way. I am still struggling with my health but I continue to live by God's sufficient grace and knowing His will will not take me where His grace cannot sustain me.
But my hope came in the form of the other things in life that I can still be grateful for. Firstly, through my job, I have made some friends whom I can hangout with, something I had very little of growing up. I even managed to plan and go for an amazing accessible korea trip. I even met ken from (These)abilities and met other amazing persons with disabilities. I also got a confidence booster by volunteering on Muscular Dystrophy Association flag day and being a "book" for the human library on Muscular Dystrophy Awareness Day event to bring awareness of the condition to the general public.
In the end, I have began to feel better. I just need to keep trusting in the Lord, and keep taking care of my health to get well soon and hopefully find my true calling, my niche in the field of design.
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