Just wanna be Passionate & Happy in Life
I really don’t know how I should describe last week coz I’m not even sure how I’m feeling about last week. It was a pretty uneventful start to the week but it didn’t end most boring. So yea basically, from Monday to Wednesday it was like any other week just did the usual stuff. Then, Thursday went to check out the Marina Barrage, which was quite interesting and educational, cool coz we got to see how it worked and the view from the roof wasn’t too bad. Somehow though, I did enjoy the gallery the most. And, I managed to squeeze in a walk in a park on Friday. But, as for the weekend, my Saturday was packed, had a workshop in the morning and chess training for the rest of the day. While, on Sunday had Church of course. The workshop I attended btw is part of the Athletes Career Programme, so learned stuff about finding a career that matches ones passion, skills and values, and networking. It was good coz I learned stuff but was kinda awkward for me, coz we had to mix with absolute strangers. And, as for my chess training, I recorded only my second win in a row this term but was awesome though tiring. So that was my week in summary. I guess if I were to put a word though to how I was last week personally and unrelated to the events of last week, I would say it was insecurity. The week itself though it was really like any other week, nothing more I could say.
My insecurity I would say began with the fact that it was feedback to me that I’m governed too much by my feelings. But, I mean that’s just me, I’m just the kind of person who feels lost if I’m not in touch with how I’m feeling. And, it’s not that I don’t know the truth or that my feelings are clouding the truth, it’s just that I want to not only know the truth but to feel the truth of whatever it is. The most important issue about this is the issue about my faith. It’s just that in recent times my passion and my spiritual feelings are not at the highest. Not that I doubt in any way, just my fervor for my faith hasn’t been at its greatest. And, I mean it can’t be anything out of the ordinary for there to be times like that, the Lord is my Saviour and my God and nothing can or will ever separate me from the love of God, I trust and believe that. Nothing is wrong with me, my faith is unshaken, and I only just want to revitalize that passion in me for God’s glory. There was no reason for me to feel like just because I was going on so much about feelings that my faith was just a mere emotional feeling. And, I just needed the assurance that truly my faith is genuine and that by faith I am saved, and that my sins are forgiven by the death on Jesus on the cross, and God forgives our sins when we confess them, coz of the question about my feelings.
The other reflection I had was about the fact that I realize again, as I mentioned before almost two years ago that I haven’t been genuinely happy for a long time in my life. I felt I got over that for awhile now but I’m beginning to feel that way again. It’s not that there’s no joy in my life despite difficult circumstances, I mean I still take joy from trusting and knowing God is there for me in difficult times and that He has something to bring out of these situations. But, I just wish that for once there would be no more drama or things that I hate happen to me. Cox I really just wanna live my life and not worry about anything and just be happy. And, yea here’s the great song by Leona Lewis, well the lyrics…yea I’m more of the lyrics kind of person…
Happy by Leona Lewis
Verse 1:
Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can't have everything
Don't cha take chances
Might feel the pain
Don't cha love in vain
Cause love won't set you free
I could stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be
Chorus:
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause I'm just trying to be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah
Verse 2:
Holding on tightly
Just can't let it go
Just trying to play my role
Slowly disappear, ohh
All these days I feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names
Get me outta here
I can't stand by your side, ohh no
Watch this life pass me by, pass me by
Chorus:
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause I'm just trying to be happy, ohh, happy, ohh
Bridge:
So and it's just that I can't see
The kind of stranger on this road
But don't say victim
Don't say anything
Chorus:
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Outro:
I just wanna be happy
Ohh, yeah, happy, ohh, happyI just wanna be, ohh
I just wanna be happy
Ohh, happy
But, somehow over time, I’ve been feeling like though I know the very purpose of our existence is to live for God’s glory and do what I’m passionate about since God puts these dreams and passions in us for a reason, I feel a need to achieve something.. And, it is true that life is not about trying to achieve great results and success as the world defines it. The thing is that since we live for God’s glory and He wants us to prosper and do our best in what we do, then, shouldn’t there be achievements and victories to show for. And, I guess since God has a plan for us to serve in areas we are passionate about and it drives perfection, we should excel in what we do. But, really life is not about what great achievements we have done and there’s nothing wrong with achievement, just that it should not be our goal in life. I mean at the end of the day what does good grades get you and what does the medals or trophies we win matter, they fade as time goes by. The key to living for God’s glory is to do what we do with a heart of worship, to work as working for God not Man and to serve others, as God would have us serve Him. I must admit that sometimes, I wish I have achieved something, when I see that others have made an achievement or even have got good grades in school. For me personally, now it is like how there are others who have done well and are in university doing what they like. What I got to remind myself though is that, truly it is more important that I do something I’m passionate about and try my best to do what I do for God’s glory.
There is however one issue that is confusing I think about getting good grades in school. I mean, in school we have to do several different subjects and there will always be subjects we like and ones we dislike. And, most of the time, we do better at some subjects than others. Of course there are those who can excel at all if not most of their subjects. But, I guess we are all different, some just have a passion for studying while others have a passion for certain subjects. The way I see it is that school is for learning and finding out what we are passionate about and are good at. It is just the path to finding a career that we are good at and are passionate about.
This brings me nicely to my next point, and that is about my thoughts on the workshop I went for in the weekend. The fact was that at the workshop the people I met there were all young athletes who represent the country in various sports. And, there they were talking about taking there passion for their sport and channeling that into their work life. But, it made me consider my very different situation. I mean, I do enjoy some areas of the mind sport that I play which is chess and some areas do interest me but I don’t really see it as my passion and seriously I’m no top chess player, I just happened to be the only disabled chess player to be involved in the chess scene. But, I wouldn’t say that representing the country in the Asean Para Games and to win it is impossible for me. I just feel really confused and am having trouble coming to terms with how I’ve suddenly become a top athlete out of nowhere. I am honored to be given this opportunity to represent the country but it has never crossed my mind till now that I would want to win a medal for the country. For me it is more important for me to have the experience, to enjoy myself, do my best and bring glory to God. And I guess, it does not necessarily mean winning, coz I need more meaning than just achieving a medal since medals really fade away.
Finally, there was the message at Church on Sunday about evangelism. The speaker spoke about catch the fire, to catch the Spirit of God and the passion and desire to save all Man. And, I must really agree that it is truly only when we feel the heart of God, and know that passion to save and that love for others, that we can really reach out and make the effort to bring others to Christ. But, I must say that recently, I don’t feel as passionate as I was at a point in time, when I tried to share the gospel with a friend. I stopped after a while, but after hearing the message I actually decided to follow up again. I believe at that time I went into it because I cared for a friend and the Lord provided me with the opportunity since not many others talked with me that much. But, I feel I’m getting back the desire and I pray to continue to do so with even greater passion. For me though, I feel that there are some ways we can fire up that passion again. And, that is to keep in mind the plight of the unsaved, to know God better and know His heart’s desire to save all Mankind, to know that love God showed to us and to respond in gratitude, to realize that that is one of our purposes here on earth since it is a commission to us, to share the joy that we know in Christ with others and be inspired by the passion of others. So that is what has fuelled my passion for evangelism, and I just need to rekindle that passion. And, to pray that the Lord will let me catch the fire again.
To end, I guess all I really just want is to be happy and live my life fully and well according to God’s will and bring glory to God coz to me that’s the most fulfilling and meaningful life; it is the only true way to live. And, in the process, I want to be truly passionate about what I’m doing.
My insecurity I would say began with the fact that it was feedback to me that I’m governed too much by my feelings. But, I mean that’s just me, I’m just the kind of person who feels lost if I’m not in touch with how I’m feeling. And, it’s not that I don’t know the truth or that my feelings are clouding the truth, it’s just that I want to not only know the truth but to feel the truth of whatever it is. The most important issue about this is the issue about my faith. It’s just that in recent times my passion and my spiritual feelings are not at the highest. Not that I doubt in any way, just my fervor for my faith hasn’t been at its greatest. And, I mean it can’t be anything out of the ordinary for there to be times like that, the Lord is my Saviour and my God and nothing can or will ever separate me from the love of God, I trust and believe that. Nothing is wrong with me, my faith is unshaken, and I only just want to revitalize that passion in me for God’s glory. There was no reason for me to feel like just because I was going on so much about feelings that my faith was just a mere emotional feeling. And, I just needed the assurance that truly my faith is genuine and that by faith I am saved, and that my sins are forgiven by the death on Jesus on the cross, and God forgives our sins when we confess them, coz of the question about my feelings.
The other reflection I had was about the fact that I realize again, as I mentioned before almost two years ago that I haven’t been genuinely happy for a long time in my life. I felt I got over that for awhile now but I’m beginning to feel that way again. It’s not that there’s no joy in my life despite difficult circumstances, I mean I still take joy from trusting and knowing God is there for me in difficult times and that He has something to bring out of these situations. But, I just wish that for once there would be no more drama or things that I hate happen to me. Cox I really just wanna live my life and not worry about anything and just be happy. And, yea here’s the great song by Leona Lewis, well the lyrics…yea I’m more of the lyrics kind of person…
Happy by Leona Lewis
Verse 1:
Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can't have everything
Don't cha take chances
Might feel the pain
Don't cha love in vain
Cause love won't set you free
I could stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be
Chorus:
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause I'm just trying to be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah
Verse 2:
Holding on tightly
Just can't let it go
Just trying to play my role
Slowly disappear, ohh
All these days I feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names
Get me outta here
I can't stand by your side, ohh no
Watch this life pass me by, pass me by
Chorus:
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause I'm just trying to be happy, ohh, happy, ohh
Bridge:
So and it's just that I can't see
The kind of stranger on this road
But don't say victim
Don't say anything
Chorus:
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Outro:
I just wanna be happy
Ohh, yeah, happy, ohh, happyI just wanna be, ohh
I just wanna be happy
Ohh, happy
But, somehow over time, I’ve been feeling like though I know the very purpose of our existence is to live for God’s glory and do what I’m passionate about since God puts these dreams and passions in us for a reason, I feel a need to achieve something.. And, it is true that life is not about trying to achieve great results and success as the world defines it. The thing is that since we live for God’s glory and He wants us to prosper and do our best in what we do, then, shouldn’t there be achievements and victories to show for. And, I guess since God has a plan for us to serve in areas we are passionate about and it drives perfection, we should excel in what we do. But, really life is not about what great achievements we have done and there’s nothing wrong with achievement, just that it should not be our goal in life. I mean at the end of the day what does good grades get you and what does the medals or trophies we win matter, they fade as time goes by. The key to living for God’s glory is to do what we do with a heart of worship, to work as working for God not Man and to serve others, as God would have us serve Him. I must admit that sometimes, I wish I have achieved something, when I see that others have made an achievement or even have got good grades in school. For me personally, now it is like how there are others who have done well and are in university doing what they like. What I got to remind myself though is that, truly it is more important that I do something I’m passionate about and try my best to do what I do for God’s glory.
There is however one issue that is confusing I think about getting good grades in school. I mean, in school we have to do several different subjects and there will always be subjects we like and ones we dislike. And, most of the time, we do better at some subjects than others. Of course there are those who can excel at all if not most of their subjects. But, I guess we are all different, some just have a passion for studying while others have a passion for certain subjects. The way I see it is that school is for learning and finding out what we are passionate about and are good at. It is just the path to finding a career that we are good at and are passionate about.
This brings me nicely to my next point, and that is about my thoughts on the workshop I went for in the weekend. The fact was that at the workshop the people I met there were all young athletes who represent the country in various sports. And, there they were talking about taking there passion for their sport and channeling that into their work life. But, it made me consider my very different situation. I mean, I do enjoy some areas of the mind sport that I play which is chess and some areas do interest me but I don’t really see it as my passion and seriously I’m no top chess player, I just happened to be the only disabled chess player to be involved in the chess scene. But, I wouldn’t say that representing the country in the Asean Para Games and to win it is impossible for me. I just feel really confused and am having trouble coming to terms with how I’ve suddenly become a top athlete out of nowhere. I am honored to be given this opportunity to represent the country but it has never crossed my mind till now that I would want to win a medal for the country. For me it is more important for me to have the experience, to enjoy myself, do my best and bring glory to God. And I guess, it does not necessarily mean winning, coz I need more meaning than just achieving a medal since medals really fade away.
Finally, there was the message at Church on Sunday about evangelism. The speaker spoke about catch the fire, to catch the Spirit of God and the passion and desire to save all Man. And, I must really agree that it is truly only when we feel the heart of God, and know that passion to save and that love for others, that we can really reach out and make the effort to bring others to Christ. But, I must say that recently, I don’t feel as passionate as I was at a point in time, when I tried to share the gospel with a friend. I stopped after a while, but after hearing the message I actually decided to follow up again. I believe at that time I went into it because I cared for a friend and the Lord provided me with the opportunity since not many others talked with me that much. But, I feel I’m getting back the desire and I pray to continue to do so with even greater passion. For me though, I feel that there are some ways we can fire up that passion again. And, that is to keep in mind the plight of the unsaved, to know God better and know His heart’s desire to save all Mankind, to know that love God showed to us and to respond in gratitude, to realize that that is one of our purposes here on earth since it is a commission to us, to share the joy that we know in Christ with others and be inspired by the passion of others. So that is what has fuelled my passion for evangelism, and I just need to rekindle that passion. And, to pray that the Lord will let me catch the fire again.
To end, I guess all I really just want is to be happy and live my life fully and well according to God’s will and bring glory to God coz to me that’s the most fulfilling and meaningful life; it is the only true way to live. And, in the process, I want to be truly passionate about what I’m doing.
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