Finding my way in this overwhelming world...
I guess I waited too long before posting for last week, coz to be honest I can barely remember what I even wanted to post about. So much for making a post after the end of each week…But, hopefully in trying to go through the events of last week in this post my thoughts from last week might just come back to me. But, I do of course have something in mind for this post, if all else fails, ok just kidding. Seriously though, there’s something that was kinda on my mind somewhere during the week, even almost till now. And, that is how I feel like I been doing so much and kind of aimlessly in some sense, that I feel sort of lost, maybe a little overwhelmed, but most crucially like I’ve lost some sense of direction in my life at the moment.
And, it’s not that things aren’t going well, in fact things are going pretty good. Also, it’s not that I don’t have in my heart and mind the fact the I’m living my life for God’s glory as is the true purpose God put us here on Earth. Just like I’m kind of confused about what I want and my vision of living life to the fullest that I have for myself. Overall, last week was quite fine actually, went out to visit quite a number of other parks and managed to do stuff I had to do at home.
So, on Monday, I went to MacRitchie Reservoir, Wednesday was to Admiralty Park, Thurday was back to MacRitchie, Friday was like Bukit Timah Hill/Zhenghua, and Sunday was Zhenghua Park/ Bukit Panjang. Well, so it was quite a number of kilometers of National Parks I covered into the third week of my trips to National Parks. I didn’t even realize that I was practically spending a lot of my week going to National Parks, like I probably over did it a little. It was my intention to go out maybe every alternate day last week. But, I ended up going out one too many times to visit parks. I feel like I probably need to spend time going other places and doing other things. I mean, I’ve realized that I have this opportunity with the time to do things I won’t normally get to do when I was busier.
However, I got so caught up in trying to check out as many National Parks as possible. The wake up call so to speak came when I was asked whether I really needed to go out almost every other day. Made me start to wonder really why I was even going that much, and it was pretty much just time with my dad when we went out. So it’s not like I had friends to go out with, as much as spending time with my dad was more than fine, and it wasn’t like I had some plan or something I wanted to accomplish from my trips. Sure, of course I was visiting parks coz I enjoy going through nature trails, but it was turning into something almost mechanical, it was becoming increasingly meaningless and I have no idea why. Again, I mean, I know that I have purpose and meaning in my life by living for what live was meant to be lived for and that is for God’s glory, and I know that in enjoying God’s creation in the form of nature, it was a spiritual thing and would fall into my idea of living life to the fullest and be part of living my life for God’s glory.
Somehow though, since I don’t have any immediate plans for my life, until next year, I just felt somewhat aimless, like I was drifting through life right now and I was confused about what I was doing with my life at this point. I began feel I was seeing the futility of living for enjoyment as much as it can be a spiritual thing. But, of course, living for enjoyment is not what we live for, but for God’s glory. Enjoyment however is part of life and just like what is said in Ecclesiates, it is meaningless really in the grand scheme of things. That is if we live purely for that. What I mean here is like even just as a part of life I find it is quite meaningless. Again I’m not discrediting the fact that it can be a spiritual thing if we thank God for all He has given us. Just that it really should be enough for me to just know what I’m living for, which is for God’s glory. Sure a lot of things in life are temporary and ultimately meaningless but it doesn’t mean we should completely not have anything to do with these things, just that God’s glory should be our focus. I mean, we all need that divine purpose that directs our lives and our hearts have been set on eternity,
That was my main thought for last week, but of course there were things. First, it was my trip to Admiralty Park on Wednesday, where we ended up inside Republic Polytechnic, it really just reminded me of what it was like to be back in school and like I really am looking forward to going back to school next year. It was sort of nostalgic in a way and yet filled me with the anticipation for next year. Well, of course, it has nothing to do with the poly mentioned here, but just seeing young people going about school activities, made me all the more miss school and wish I could get back to it soon.
Then, there was something amazing about last week, in that some of the things I actually talked about in my last blog post, I mean the topics, seem to be the buzz going around. I don’t know if I’m just imagining it but it certainly felt that way, like for example the National Parks and tourism stuff, and even about dating…lol. Ok, this is really random but yea whatever.
But, also contributing to my sense of confusion about life last week, as mentioned in my main thought for last week was the fact that I’ve managed to keep myself busier than I’ve been this whole year with so many things to do. I kind of felt overwhelmed a bit and felt like there was so much to do and so little time. And, I’m not totally complaining coz the boredom I felt for most of this year is now a thing of the past, just perhaps, need to give myself time to find my bearings.
And, somehow for last several weeks and few months I’ve felt like my eyes have been opened to a broader view of life and the world, beyond what I’ve ever seen, in all my efforts to do things and go out and see things. And, really I’ve always felt like I know a lot about life and the world but I’m seeing that maybe I’ve got so much more to learn actually, it is both daunting yet an exciting prospect. There’s just so much to life, it kind of seems impossible to take in everything.
Finally, last week I remember watching the movie Definitely, Maybe…and as a follow up to what I mentioned in my last post…maybe love isn’t that much about the attraction, but being able to click. And, anyway before I end, I just want to share a good piece of news, about last week and that is that I’ve finally won a game in my chess squad training. Ok, I guess that’s all I can say…
And, it’s not that things aren’t going well, in fact things are going pretty good. Also, it’s not that I don’t have in my heart and mind the fact the I’m living my life for God’s glory as is the true purpose God put us here on Earth. Just like I’m kind of confused about what I want and my vision of living life to the fullest that I have for myself. Overall, last week was quite fine actually, went out to visit quite a number of other parks and managed to do stuff I had to do at home.
So, on Monday, I went to MacRitchie Reservoir, Wednesday was to Admiralty Park, Thurday was back to MacRitchie, Friday was like Bukit Timah Hill/Zhenghua, and Sunday was Zhenghua Park/ Bukit Panjang. Well, so it was quite a number of kilometers of National Parks I covered into the third week of my trips to National Parks. I didn’t even realize that I was practically spending a lot of my week going to National Parks, like I probably over did it a little. It was my intention to go out maybe every alternate day last week. But, I ended up going out one too many times to visit parks. I feel like I probably need to spend time going other places and doing other things. I mean, I’ve realized that I have this opportunity with the time to do things I won’t normally get to do when I was busier.
However, I got so caught up in trying to check out as many National Parks as possible. The wake up call so to speak came when I was asked whether I really needed to go out almost every other day. Made me start to wonder really why I was even going that much, and it was pretty much just time with my dad when we went out. So it’s not like I had friends to go out with, as much as spending time with my dad was more than fine, and it wasn’t like I had some plan or something I wanted to accomplish from my trips. Sure, of course I was visiting parks coz I enjoy going through nature trails, but it was turning into something almost mechanical, it was becoming increasingly meaningless and I have no idea why. Again, I mean, I know that I have purpose and meaning in my life by living for what live was meant to be lived for and that is for God’s glory, and I know that in enjoying God’s creation in the form of nature, it was a spiritual thing and would fall into my idea of living life to the fullest and be part of living my life for God’s glory.
Somehow though, since I don’t have any immediate plans for my life, until next year, I just felt somewhat aimless, like I was drifting through life right now and I was confused about what I was doing with my life at this point. I began feel I was seeing the futility of living for enjoyment as much as it can be a spiritual thing. But, of course, living for enjoyment is not what we live for, but for God’s glory. Enjoyment however is part of life and just like what is said in Ecclesiates, it is meaningless really in the grand scheme of things. That is if we live purely for that. What I mean here is like even just as a part of life I find it is quite meaningless. Again I’m not discrediting the fact that it can be a spiritual thing if we thank God for all He has given us. Just that it really should be enough for me to just know what I’m living for, which is for God’s glory. Sure a lot of things in life are temporary and ultimately meaningless but it doesn’t mean we should completely not have anything to do with these things, just that God’s glory should be our focus. I mean, we all need that divine purpose that directs our lives and our hearts have been set on eternity,
That was my main thought for last week, but of course there were things. First, it was my trip to Admiralty Park on Wednesday, where we ended up inside Republic Polytechnic, it really just reminded me of what it was like to be back in school and like I really am looking forward to going back to school next year. It was sort of nostalgic in a way and yet filled me with the anticipation for next year. Well, of course, it has nothing to do with the poly mentioned here, but just seeing young people going about school activities, made me all the more miss school and wish I could get back to it soon.
Then, there was something amazing about last week, in that some of the things I actually talked about in my last blog post, I mean the topics, seem to be the buzz going around. I don’t know if I’m just imagining it but it certainly felt that way, like for example the National Parks and tourism stuff, and even about dating…lol. Ok, this is really random but yea whatever.
But, also contributing to my sense of confusion about life last week, as mentioned in my main thought for last week was the fact that I’ve managed to keep myself busier than I’ve been this whole year with so many things to do. I kind of felt overwhelmed a bit and felt like there was so much to do and so little time. And, I’m not totally complaining coz the boredom I felt for most of this year is now a thing of the past, just perhaps, need to give myself time to find my bearings.
And, somehow for last several weeks and few months I’ve felt like my eyes have been opened to a broader view of life and the world, beyond what I’ve ever seen, in all my efforts to do things and go out and see things. And, really I’ve always felt like I know a lot about life and the world but I’m seeing that maybe I’ve got so much more to learn actually, it is both daunting yet an exciting prospect. There’s just so much to life, it kind of seems impossible to take in everything.
Finally, last week I remember watching the movie Definitely, Maybe…and as a follow up to what I mentioned in my last post…maybe love isn’t that much about the attraction, but being able to click. And, anyway before I end, I just want to share a good piece of news, about last week and that is that I’ve finally won a game in my chess squad training. Ok, I guess that’s all I can say…
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