The Worst Year in my Life so Far...
The week started full of promise, potential and great hope...in fact beginning in an eventful way. But, at the end of the week I was left in despair at how my life has gone from exciting prospects of starting university and a full life to the sadness of having everything fall apart. All my hopes and dreams at the very moment dashed. However, I know it’s not over yet. I’m not discouraged just very disappointed with my life so far. I’ve never had harder moment to trust the Lord in my life than this, but I’m determined to keep the faith and push on and improve myself to achieve what I ought to no matter how great the mountain that stands in my way and prevents me from achieving my dreams for now. It will be temporary I know. Having said that, all that happened last week has been a major setback in my life so far.
At this point, I know that there are other alternatives for me, so it’s not the end of the world but, I can’t express in words how unimaginable sad I am that my only choices are to repeat JC, go try SIM and no guarantees either for next year, come back another year and try to gain admission in the main universities in Singapore or go to poly. The reason why even though I have many other choices that I’m sad is that, right now all my hopes and dreams for my life seem even further away and I have to settle for less than I would have hoped for. And, I know I would easily get into a reputable university overseas but it would be difficult considering my condition as much as that would be ideal.
So anw, the Singapore education system is crazy because it doesn’t have a place for students who would otherwise get into good universities overseas and you wonder why so many people want to leave the country. I have always felt this way and know it true but I wanted to get into the local universities because that was my best chance of getting a good education here since I can’t go overseas. And, I’m not despising the private universities here, in fact some people choose them even though they can go to the local universities, but it would have been a dream to get a degree in the course I love that is product or industrial design or architecture in a reputable university. And, anw if i want to do the course i love it has to be a local university namely, NUS and NTU. And, either than that poly is the only other choice. So you get what I mean everything in my life is just not going well. I have every reason to be upset. But, forgive me Lord that I complain even though I know you must have a greater plan for my life than this. I have not trusted in you enough Lord, but I need to trust and not be upset. I thought that the Lord would most certainly grant me my dream and I was cynical at first when I realised I couldn’t get into university, like I was thinking why is the Lord allowing this?
And, I was wondering where the hope and future He promised was, since for now I have not much to look forward to. But, I know the Lord has a better plan for my life, as much as it seems that my ideal options are all not possible at this moment. The thing is God works in mysterious ways, it may look like a hopeless situation but God can bring out the best possible result even beyond my wildest dreams. Thinking about if i could dream and think about my ideal situation than God’s plan for my life can’t be beyond my wildest dreams, so losing out on my ideal situation may not be a bad thing after all. So sad as everything in my life is right now because i can’t go into university and so my world literally has come crashing down since my dream of finding my passion and doing it in university and graduating and getting a job I love is very distant now and I’ve got nothing in my life going well for me. And, this is the worst year in my life so far because I’ve not gain anything from this year as of the things I want for my life, although I have become a better person and I’m representing the country in the Asean Para Games, but again chess is not something I would pursue as a so called “professional”, seriously even if I wanted to I’m not good enough, to me it is just a hobby.
So I have to really question myself and what I would want to do with my life now. And, I’m not forgetting that my existence is only for God’s glory. But, I’m going to let the Lord lead me into what He wants me to do for His glory even if for now it seems to be it is so far from my dreams. But, sometimes God uses us in different ways that may not be our passions or strengths even, for a life lived for God isn’t about achieving our dreams and desires but bringing glory to God. One thing is for sure though God give us our dreams and passions for a reason and wants the best, as much as there are times we have to do what we don’t want to or like to and face difficult and sad circumstances in life. But, that is the Christian life, it is not a bed of roses...what it is though is the only way to live and is the most fulfilling thing to do and living for the purpose we were put here for God’s glory and what else could we want more than to give glory to the one who deserves it.
And, here are two verses which I asked myself if the Lord said this where is that future and hope if now I can’t get into the course I want, but I realised that I should not question why things seem so hopeless now, and instead that somehow in spite of all this God has a plan for me that will be to prosper me. As, for the other verse from Romans it reminds me that God has a plan through even the bad things in my life.
“For I know the plans I have for you.” Declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29: 11
“All things work for the good of those who love Him.”
Romans 8: 28
The purpose God is putting me through this or allowing this sad thing to happen in my life, is either to prepare me to achieve my dreams later on, as a test of faith, to build character in me and make me a better person, to have a testimony of triumph over adversity, impact others and bring glory to God, or has a route for me to take that it better for me or he knows better what my passion is and is leading me to it. But, one thing is for sure whatever it is it is all for God’s glory and God intends only good to come out from this. And, really to improve myself, I believe I can learn to be more sociable and vocal, as much as that was not a fair reason not to grant me a place in university because I lacked a little in this department. Yes, I know it is not their obligation to and that since my result were not fantastic and it was on a discretionary basis that I even got an interview, but, I have the ability to excel in the course and besides a lot of people would not get thru on the interview, and what is a university for if I already fit the bill of an arts student even before I have been in the course, of course it’s to learn, too bad that is not what Singapore universities are looking for, they just want to have a good ranking at the end of it. Who can blame them? And, I’m not being bitter because I was not accepted, but really I sincerely with all my heart and with all the honesty I can muster up, from the depths of my soul believe that the education system has left many forgotten. Everyone who has passed the A Levels deserves a shot in mainstream universities locally; I’m hoping that the new universities in Singapore in future will do that job well.
Finally, if I had gotten all I wanted, I would have been tempted to believe that the Christian life is easy and that I would get all I want. But, what has happened has allowed me to continue to realise that life is about God’s glory and it doesn’t always mean we get what we want.
Now then, enough said about that, here’s to the events of last week. It began with Monday the 6th of July, I went out with my dad, sis and younger brother to have nice lunch and shopping and walk around at Marina Square. We also played pool. Anw, so it was generally a successful outing, although we had some issues during the trip due to some minor clashes of plans and opinions for what to do and where to go for lunch and some strange tension for some reason. But, in the end I must say we had quite some fun and I bought another new shirt. Tuesday and Wednesday were spent blogging, using the com and watching TV, and watching my sis and younger brother play tennis. And, in that time I received good news that I got an interview with NUS, but as I mentioned already it turned out to be bad news rather than good news after I had the interview on Thursday, the rest of the day was just sad and wondering what next. But, now I’m placing my trust in God that He will lead me to what He wants me to do and I’m excited although disappointed it didn’t go the way i hoped. However, I’m ok coz I know God has a better plan for me, as much as this is a sad and bad year considering I didn’t get into university. And, as for Friday, it was like any other day just that I had a lot on my mind as to what next. But, I sort of let go of my frustrations by screaming out some emo songs. Then, of course, Saturday I didn’t make it for chess training coz I went to the Church Camp afterglow. And, finally, I had church on Sunday. It was amazing that the sermon reminded me to praise God in all circumstances even right now as I’m facing a tough time right now and in youth class the stuff we talked about seem to relate a lot to the current readings of the old testament that I’ve been doing recently. And, the ideas in Romans Chapter 9 and 10 were very much thought provoking especially about God’s sovereign choice and predestination, and the part about being saved by believing that Jesus is our Lord.
Anw, digressing, one thing that was cool last week was the shows I watched on TV sort of reminded me of some of the stuff I’m passionate about. Like MTV Made makes me think about how I’m working hard to be much more sociable in showing how they turn absolute nerds into a well balanced person, not that I’m such a person but certainly inspires me to be more outgoing. And, two songs that caught my attention last week were No Surprise by Daughtry and 21 guns by Green Day. And, the show NextWorld is one of my absolute favourites on Discovery Channel showing all the cool new gadgets and technology to look out for in the future, that is exactly the kind of thing I love. And, the shows like glitch and game, reminding of some computer games I wanna get. As, for others there was travel, food and all kinds of fun stuff. And, somehow I was kinda attracted to the more uplifting kind of music recently, maybe coz I really do need some cheering up. But, anw I do know that despite all the bad things that have happened and having had the worst year ever almost, I trust that God has a better plan for me and I’m happy, positive and excited to see what is in store for me.
So to end, I just want to say that I am very upset and disappointed that I did not get into anything I hoped for in terms of my education and things in my life haven’t been going well, I have reason to be sad. But, having said that, I have even more reason still to praise God, because I know that no matter how bleak the situation seems, God has a good and perfect plan for my life that is the best for me and that I would love since I will be able to live life fully the way God intended for me to which is the best way possible. Right now, I’m at the dark moment and can’t see what good is going to happen with my future but in time I’m sure I’ll see the great thing that Lord has in stored for my life. Till then, this has been the worst year for me...but my hope still lives on...
At this point, I know that there are other alternatives for me, so it’s not the end of the world but, I can’t express in words how unimaginable sad I am that my only choices are to repeat JC, go try SIM and no guarantees either for next year, come back another year and try to gain admission in the main universities in Singapore or go to poly. The reason why even though I have many other choices that I’m sad is that, right now all my hopes and dreams for my life seem even further away and I have to settle for less than I would have hoped for. And, I know I would easily get into a reputable university overseas but it would be difficult considering my condition as much as that would be ideal.
So anw, the Singapore education system is crazy because it doesn’t have a place for students who would otherwise get into good universities overseas and you wonder why so many people want to leave the country. I have always felt this way and know it true but I wanted to get into the local universities because that was my best chance of getting a good education here since I can’t go overseas. And, I’m not despising the private universities here, in fact some people choose them even though they can go to the local universities, but it would have been a dream to get a degree in the course I love that is product or industrial design or architecture in a reputable university. And, anw if i want to do the course i love it has to be a local university namely, NUS and NTU. And, either than that poly is the only other choice. So you get what I mean everything in my life is just not going well. I have every reason to be upset. But, forgive me Lord that I complain even though I know you must have a greater plan for my life than this. I have not trusted in you enough Lord, but I need to trust and not be upset. I thought that the Lord would most certainly grant me my dream and I was cynical at first when I realised I couldn’t get into university, like I was thinking why is the Lord allowing this?
And, I was wondering where the hope and future He promised was, since for now I have not much to look forward to. But, I know the Lord has a better plan for my life, as much as it seems that my ideal options are all not possible at this moment. The thing is God works in mysterious ways, it may look like a hopeless situation but God can bring out the best possible result even beyond my wildest dreams. Thinking about if i could dream and think about my ideal situation than God’s plan for my life can’t be beyond my wildest dreams, so losing out on my ideal situation may not be a bad thing after all. So sad as everything in my life is right now because i can’t go into university and so my world literally has come crashing down since my dream of finding my passion and doing it in university and graduating and getting a job I love is very distant now and I’ve got nothing in my life going well for me. And, this is the worst year in my life so far because I’ve not gain anything from this year as of the things I want for my life, although I have become a better person and I’m representing the country in the Asean Para Games, but again chess is not something I would pursue as a so called “professional”, seriously even if I wanted to I’m not good enough, to me it is just a hobby.
So I have to really question myself and what I would want to do with my life now. And, I’m not forgetting that my existence is only for God’s glory. But, I’m going to let the Lord lead me into what He wants me to do for His glory even if for now it seems to be it is so far from my dreams. But, sometimes God uses us in different ways that may not be our passions or strengths even, for a life lived for God isn’t about achieving our dreams and desires but bringing glory to God. One thing is for sure though God give us our dreams and passions for a reason and wants the best, as much as there are times we have to do what we don’t want to or like to and face difficult and sad circumstances in life. But, that is the Christian life, it is not a bed of roses...what it is though is the only way to live and is the most fulfilling thing to do and living for the purpose we were put here for God’s glory and what else could we want more than to give glory to the one who deserves it.
And, here are two verses which I asked myself if the Lord said this where is that future and hope if now I can’t get into the course I want, but I realised that I should not question why things seem so hopeless now, and instead that somehow in spite of all this God has a plan for me that will be to prosper me. As, for the other verse from Romans it reminds me that God has a plan through even the bad things in my life.
“For I know the plans I have for you.” Declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29: 11
“All things work for the good of those who love Him.”
Romans 8: 28
The purpose God is putting me through this or allowing this sad thing to happen in my life, is either to prepare me to achieve my dreams later on, as a test of faith, to build character in me and make me a better person, to have a testimony of triumph over adversity, impact others and bring glory to God, or has a route for me to take that it better for me or he knows better what my passion is and is leading me to it. But, one thing is for sure whatever it is it is all for God’s glory and God intends only good to come out from this. And, really to improve myself, I believe I can learn to be more sociable and vocal, as much as that was not a fair reason not to grant me a place in university because I lacked a little in this department. Yes, I know it is not their obligation to and that since my result were not fantastic and it was on a discretionary basis that I even got an interview, but, I have the ability to excel in the course and besides a lot of people would not get thru on the interview, and what is a university for if I already fit the bill of an arts student even before I have been in the course, of course it’s to learn, too bad that is not what Singapore universities are looking for, they just want to have a good ranking at the end of it. Who can blame them? And, I’m not being bitter because I was not accepted, but really I sincerely with all my heart and with all the honesty I can muster up, from the depths of my soul believe that the education system has left many forgotten. Everyone who has passed the A Levels deserves a shot in mainstream universities locally; I’m hoping that the new universities in Singapore in future will do that job well.
Finally, if I had gotten all I wanted, I would have been tempted to believe that the Christian life is easy and that I would get all I want. But, what has happened has allowed me to continue to realise that life is about God’s glory and it doesn’t always mean we get what we want.
Now then, enough said about that, here’s to the events of last week. It began with Monday the 6th of July, I went out with my dad, sis and younger brother to have nice lunch and shopping and walk around at Marina Square. We also played pool. Anw, so it was generally a successful outing, although we had some issues during the trip due to some minor clashes of plans and opinions for what to do and where to go for lunch and some strange tension for some reason. But, in the end I must say we had quite some fun and I bought another new shirt. Tuesday and Wednesday were spent blogging, using the com and watching TV, and watching my sis and younger brother play tennis. And, in that time I received good news that I got an interview with NUS, but as I mentioned already it turned out to be bad news rather than good news after I had the interview on Thursday, the rest of the day was just sad and wondering what next. But, now I’m placing my trust in God that He will lead me to what He wants me to do and I’m excited although disappointed it didn’t go the way i hoped. However, I’m ok coz I know God has a better plan for me, as much as this is a sad and bad year considering I didn’t get into university. And, as for Friday, it was like any other day just that I had a lot on my mind as to what next. But, I sort of let go of my frustrations by screaming out some emo songs. Then, of course, Saturday I didn’t make it for chess training coz I went to the Church Camp afterglow. And, finally, I had church on Sunday. It was amazing that the sermon reminded me to praise God in all circumstances even right now as I’m facing a tough time right now and in youth class the stuff we talked about seem to relate a lot to the current readings of the old testament that I’ve been doing recently. And, the ideas in Romans Chapter 9 and 10 were very much thought provoking especially about God’s sovereign choice and predestination, and the part about being saved by believing that Jesus is our Lord.
Anw, digressing, one thing that was cool last week was the shows I watched on TV sort of reminded me of some of the stuff I’m passionate about. Like MTV Made makes me think about how I’m working hard to be much more sociable in showing how they turn absolute nerds into a well balanced person, not that I’m such a person but certainly inspires me to be more outgoing. And, two songs that caught my attention last week were No Surprise by Daughtry and 21 guns by Green Day. And, the show NextWorld is one of my absolute favourites on Discovery Channel showing all the cool new gadgets and technology to look out for in the future, that is exactly the kind of thing I love. And, the shows like glitch and game, reminding of some computer games I wanna get. As, for others there was travel, food and all kinds of fun stuff. And, somehow I was kinda attracted to the more uplifting kind of music recently, maybe coz I really do need some cheering up. But, anw I do know that despite all the bad things that have happened and having had the worst year ever almost, I trust that God has a better plan for me and I’m happy, positive and excited to see what is in store for me.
So to end, I just want to say that I am very upset and disappointed that I did not get into anything I hoped for in terms of my education and things in my life haven’t been going well, I have reason to be sad. But, having said that, I have even more reason still to praise God, because I know that no matter how bleak the situation seems, God has a good and perfect plan for my life that is the best for me and that I would love since I will be able to live life fully the way God intended for me to which is the best way possible. Right now, I’m at the dark moment and can’t see what good is going to happen with my future but in time I’m sure I’ll see the great thing that Lord has in stored for my life. Till then, this has been the worst year for me...but my hope still lives on...
Comments