The End Of It All...
Well, I know I’ve just broke my promise to myself to stop blogging until after A’s but I need to blog this anw coz it marks the end of my JC life, too important not to blog about it. Anw, wish I had pictures to show from the last day of school, but a pity I don’t have them, so here’s my take on it, but before that some thoughts since last Sunday. Firstly, the other time I wanted to blog about it but didn’t have the chance to. So, anw since last Sunday I’ve been listening to this song by Carrie Underwood, yea an old song, called I Just Can’t Live A Lie. Well, this says something I wanna say and that is that I be living a lie if I pretended that I didn’t need friends and I’ve made strides in that area however small, but sometimes I still don’t get God’s plan when I have no close friends, the thing is that I don’t know if I should I be complaining even and perhaps it was coz I didn’t do stuff. I just wanna admit, my negativity probably made things worst, but I’m bad at making friends I guess, and that’s the reason I don’t have close enough friends, the only thing is that that’s all I wanted from my JC life, lifelong friendships that will last. Ok, enough emoing.
The message at Chruch last Sunday I just wanna share coz it amazingly had many parallels to the Chapel on Monday in school, and was like God was trying to teach me about being nice to others. The message was about speech. Well, speech that is measured, speech that is constructive, speech that is congruent & speech that is wise. The verse had other stuff about the evils of harbouring, bitter and envy and selfish ambition in our hearts, it was like telling me not to be jealous of all the fun times that other people seem to have doing stuff together as friends. The verse also talked about wisdom that comes from above which is pure peace loving, considerate, submissive, merciful and bears good fruit and is impartial and sincere, and produces deeds done in humility. It mentioned how teachers will be judged more strictly and that we all stumble in many ways. The tongue is said to be used for praising but can also curse. So, we are to be careful with our tongues and say good things and be wise with our words.
And, during the course of the past week, I had some thoughts. To begin with, I thought about the reason to be righteous. Well, I realised that a lot of times I was doing what was right only because of what the law says is right or wrong according to God’s word, but I realised that it should not be about obeying laws but really obeying God with our hearts. So well, we should do what is right because of our love for God, just as we love someone and will be willing to listen. Next, it is to glorify God, for we bring glory to God by doing what He wants us to do not what we want to do. Finally, because Jesus paid the price for our sins, we surely cannot return to such ways.
But, the most amazing thing was chapel. We were reminded that worship to God should be to God alone and its not just about how the worship speaks to us and how it is so enjoyable and so wonderful and how it means to us, granted that these are good things. The songs we sang at this very last chapel were some of my favourites, Mighty To Save, Shout To The Lord, The Stand and Desert Song. The things said before the worship songs were so much like what I said in my blog post and the question was asked How Is Your Heart?...well, our hearts can only be complete with Christ in it, if any one finds the heart empty, know that God is the one who fills that gap. Anw, the message was on kindness. The example of the good Samaritan was used to show an act of compassion and kindness. This I feel makes life good, the world would be perfect if we were fully compassionate. Kindness is as something we do along life’s walk. The speaker spoke about kindness at work in terms of kindness with words which was so relevant to the church message about being wise and caring with our words. The e.g. given was about his serious boss who was actually very nice. I would say its like myself in a way, I always seem so serious but if only I could show a little more and say a little more, people could then see my true caring self. Anw, kindness is also about putting others first e.g. on the way to school, giving way to others. It is also being concern for the happiness of others. Also for kindness at home, it is kindness in little things like helping out in the chores or a word of appreciation. Kindness to all ppl, involes showing ppl that there are ppl who care for them esp. the lost lonely or unwanted or avoided.
And, one other thing I thought about this past week was the comprehension exercise I did which was about freedom and rights. I sometimes still struggle with this issue, like since there is only one way, one right way, shouldn’t we all follow that. But anw , this week I felt like God was telling me to know that He is all I need but I realised that I need to prepare fields for God to provide or bless me, so sometimes it makes me wonder what if I’m no doing all I can. But anw, each day I can really feel that God is really making me a better person, so I’m thankful I guess.
On Thursday, well the last day of school, we had the Baccalaureate Service. Well, the end of it all you could say, formal education and all. Attending the Baccalaureate Service was a great thing especially after missing honours nite, well right this one was important. Anw, the hall was well decorated with balloons and it made the atmosphere really special. The day began with the national anthem then devotions as usual which I thought was so good and reminded us about trusting the Lord. Thereafter, some honours’ nite awards were given out. Next, we had a break in which everyone took pictures, was amazing but didn’t take any. Then, we had a talk on OBA where the speaker had tons of great jokes. It made me think however, about making lifelong friends, have I been able to make lifelong friends in my school life, just as the speaker pointed out that what matters in school life is friendships forged, makes me wonder if I was wrong to complain about not having the one thing that matters after school life.
The call to worship began the service. Followed by the praise and worship led by teachers which had really great worship songs, like still, through it all and complete, this list of course is not exhaustive. One of the songs that felt meant a lot to me after the end of the day where I had so many problems that seemed overwhelming and was feeling so lost and sad…it made me look to God and I felt His awesome presence upon me…
The message at Chruch last Sunday I just wanna share coz it amazingly had many parallels to the Chapel on Monday in school, and was like God was trying to teach me about being nice to others. The message was about speech. Well, speech that is measured, speech that is constructive, speech that is congruent & speech that is wise. The verse had other stuff about the evils of harbouring, bitter and envy and selfish ambition in our hearts, it was like telling me not to be jealous of all the fun times that other people seem to have doing stuff together as friends. The verse also talked about wisdom that comes from above which is pure peace loving, considerate, submissive, merciful and bears good fruit and is impartial and sincere, and produces deeds done in humility. It mentioned how teachers will be judged more strictly and that we all stumble in many ways. The tongue is said to be used for praising but can also curse. So, we are to be careful with our tongues and say good things and be wise with our words.
And, during the course of the past week, I had some thoughts. To begin with, I thought about the reason to be righteous. Well, I realised that a lot of times I was doing what was right only because of what the law says is right or wrong according to God’s word, but I realised that it should not be about obeying laws but really obeying God with our hearts. So well, we should do what is right because of our love for God, just as we love someone and will be willing to listen. Next, it is to glorify God, for we bring glory to God by doing what He wants us to do not what we want to do. Finally, because Jesus paid the price for our sins, we surely cannot return to such ways.
But, the most amazing thing was chapel. We were reminded that worship to God should be to God alone and its not just about how the worship speaks to us and how it is so enjoyable and so wonderful and how it means to us, granted that these are good things. The songs we sang at this very last chapel were some of my favourites, Mighty To Save, Shout To The Lord, The Stand and Desert Song. The things said before the worship songs were so much like what I said in my blog post and the question was asked How Is Your Heart?...well, our hearts can only be complete with Christ in it, if any one finds the heart empty, know that God is the one who fills that gap. Anw, the message was on kindness. The example of the good Samaritan was used to show an act of compassion and kindness. This I feel makes life good, the world would be perfect if we were fully compassionate. Kindness is as something we do along life’s walk. The speaker spoke about kindness at work in terms of kindness with words which was so relevant to the church message about being wise and caring with our words. The e.g. given was about his serious boss who was actually very nice. I would say its like myself in a way, I always seem so serious but if only I could show a little more and say a little more, people could then see my true caring self. Anw, kindness is also about putting others first e.g. on the way to school, giving way to others. It is also being concern for the happiness of others. Also for kindness at home, it is kindness in little things like helping out in the chores or a word of appreciation. Kindness to all ppl, involes showing ppl that there are ppl who care for them esp. the lost lonely or unwanted or avoided.
And, one other thing I thought about this past week was the comprehension exercise I did which was about freedom and rights. I sometimes still struggle with this issue, like since there is only one way, one right way, shouldn’t we all follow that. But anw , this week I felt like God was telling me to know that He is all I need but I realised that I need to prepare fields for God to provide or bless me, so sometimes it makes me wonder what if I’m no doing all I can. But anw, each day I can really feel that God is really making me a better person, so I’m thankful I guess.
On Thursday, well the last day of school, we had the Baccalaureate Service. Well, the end of it all you could say, formal education and all. Attending the Baccalaureate Service was a great thing especially after missing honours nite, well right this one was important. Anw, the hall was well decorated with balloons and it made the atmosphere really special. The day began with the national anthem then devotions as usual which I thought was so good and reminded us about trusting the Lord. Thereafter, some honours’ nite awards were given out. Next, we had a break in which everyone took pictures, was amazing but didn’t take any. Then, we had a talk on OBA where the speaker had tons of great jokes. It made me think however, about making lifelong friends, have I been able to make lifelong friends in my school life, just as the speaker pointed out that what matters in school life is friendships forged, makes me wonder if I was wrong to complain about not having the one thing that matters after school life.
The call to worship began the service. Followed by the praise and worship led by teachers which had really great worship songs, like still, through it all and complete, this list of course is not exhaustive. One of the songs that felt meant a lot to me after the end of the day where I had so many problems that seemed overwhelming and was feeling so lost and sad…it made me look to God and I felt His awesome presence upon me…
Complete
Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice--my open heart.
I offer up my life.
I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again
So I lift my eyes to you, Lord
In Your strength will I break through, Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
And I will be complete in You.
Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice--my open heart.
I offer up my life.
I look to You, Lord.
Your love that never ends
Restores me again
So I lift my eyes to you Lord
And by faith, I will walk on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day,
And I will be complete in..
I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again
So I lift my eyes to you Lord
In your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know your love dispels all my fears.
Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And I pray I will hold on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day
And I will be complete in
I will be complete in
I will be complete in You
The message from the principal was then on the lessons we could learn from Noah and the great flood…I can’t rmb all the 11 things mentioned but were all on the lines of coping with life and its challenges and trusting and obeying God. But, one point that was about finding friends who will to go through thick and thin with u. And, as we ended the message, we read, “And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the years: “Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.” And he replied:” Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.” Next, we had the prayers by the president of the students’ council of our year and or juniors who are now taking over. Then, we sang as all the seniors before us have done, the song:
He Will Carry You
There is no problem too big, God cannot solve it.
There is no mountain too tall, He cannot move it
There is no storm too dark, God cannot calm it
There is no sorrow too deep, He cannot soothe it
If He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders
I know my brother that He will carry you
If He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders
I know my sister that He will carry you
He said,” Come unto me all who are weary and I will give you rest”.
Then, some thoughts were shared which very strangely seem to hit right home, well, coz like it seemed it was meant for me in that in a way it was perhaps something that had come across my mind before and maybe the advice was something I could really apply to myself. But, it didn’t really leave a pleasant taste in the mouth. Nonetheless, it sparked some thoughts in my head, that led to the breakdown later on which in the end proved to bring me to a conclusion to the matter that I’ve always struggled in, in terms of living life and how perhaps I sometimes feel that I don’t have all I need for living life fully the way God intended for it to be.
After that, we had the prayer and valedictory speech. This saying flashed on the powerpoint slide, “Grow along with me! The best is yet to be the last of life for which the first was made our times are in His Hand who saith, “A whole I planned, youth shows but half, trust God see all, nor be afraid! (By Robert Browning), as the slide presentation called “Our hearts, hopes & aims” followed, played with the song in the background, You Raise Me Up by Westlife. It was quite wonderful seeing the two years in ACJC being put into a slide. Man, makes me wish, I had done more to be more a part of the college and contribute much more to the awesome school spirit, well, coz I never actually shouted out any of the cheers, strange coz it would like be something I would have done but somehow in school just feel like stuff hold me back, which was quite true of my life in AC but truly I’m thankful for being able to be part of something I’ll never forget, and I’ve made a larger stride than I’ve ever done before in my life, in ACJC. Sure, there’s stuff I could have done but in the end whatever it is, I’d still count it one of the best years of my life.
One thing I really wanna say though is that, I don’t think I’ve fully been able to show as much of who I really am as I would have liked in my two years in ACJC, in that after my other meetings with people outside of school, I realise that I’ve been a much more fun person to be with, I practically chat about everything such that no one can stop me from talking, I come up with really lame jokes, sometimes intelligent ones, but also can bring laughter, well, in my own way I guess,(I can’t compete with those naturally gifted at that), and I can share meaningful stuff and say nice things to others. This is so unlike my quiet, reserved self in school, and sometimes I still wonder why I was never able to have that much time with people who would want to know me better, coz somehow, I only become myself when I really get to know people and I’m definitely not one who would go out and get to know people. Enough said, I’m happy that at least that I’ve tried my best to be who I really am and now at least I’ve mentioned about the kind of person I truly am it’s a load off. Anw, it’s random but here’s stuff, one may not know about me. Firstly, I’m Australian (yeah rite), ok fine I’ve said this before, but anw, everytime I mention this, I always hear Hey Mate and stuff, but just a funny thing, I’ve always sang the Singapore National Anthem and said the pledge, perhaps you could say it’s a triumph of the country’ s efforts to foster national identity. Another thing is that, I’ve only taken chem as a subject for ‘A’ Levels and ‘O’ Levels and no other science subject and a shocking thing is that at ‘O’ Levels I was a Lit Core student and History Elective student, but now I’m doing Geography at H2 Level and everyone thinks I’m good at it, coz I got an A for my first ever geography paper for J1 terms. And, the other thing is that my dream combi which is again shocking would be H2 Physics (No I’m really not saying this right, everyone hates it), but really I know it, H2 Maths H2 Art and H1 Geog or Econs. I’m also actually a cool, fun person to be with and can be quite witty and I love having fun, not like my serious self in school. And, as already mentioned, I talk a lot outside of school, EVERYONE SAYS I SHOULD BE A LAWYER and I think I’m actually quite suited for that but I actually would never consider it, coz well, I’ll have (NO LIFE), no offence. So yea…tts me…
Now, back to the Baccalaureate service, the next item was a song to be sung by the teachers and student leaders joined by the whole school, and it was one of the coolest bits, the students all group together and sang their hearts out to the song Find Us Faithful. Good thing, I was not left at the side coz it would really have been awkward, though it was not a great thing at first that no one considered that, but I’m grateful that they quickly realised and made sure I didn’t look out of place. Anw, people were like throwing the balloons off and blowing bubbles, really a strange atmosphere, everyone was like going wild.
Finally, we had the benediction and we sang for the LAST TIME THE COLLEGE ANTHEM….ACS FOREVER…….the choir even dragged on the last bit almost suggesting they didn’t wanna stop, like no one wanted the song to end, coz that marked the end of JC life. Then, thereafter, there was the reception where literally people were going absolutely crazy. Anw, people were taking pictures all over the place, oh actually, I didn’t get to take pictures with anyone except one with some of my classmates and GP teacher. After that, my class went out, but I couldn’t join them…anw, I guess, I can probably get them to crash my house one of these days after A’s…
As I look back on these two years, no matter what the circumstances and things that happened good or bad, its been a really great experience for me and I know I’ve grown a lot. Looking forward, just really hope to do well for my A’s and get into a course I want, and hopefully continue to learn and make more friends, in fact can’t wait for exams to be over, but just a little disturbed that I’m taken the A’s so soon. Now, anyway, the thoughts that were shared in the service really made me think about the whole friendship issue again and missing the chance to really mix with my class on the last day, all just made me look back at something that’s bothered me my whole JC life, like maybe I didn’t forge friendships that matter, not that the friendships I have don’t matter but it was never close enough to truly enjoy the experiences that friends would have had among each other. I mean, I was alone when we sat at hall a lot of times, and breaks weren’t times that I could always be with people. Studying was something I’ve never actually been able to do in school as a group. I only managed to go out twice with the class, a good thing already. In class, quite a number of times I sat alone. Never really had friends that I could laugh or cry or talk with; friends who would encourage, touch, support, help and share life experiences with. Talking more about the envy thing, I was always feeling like everyone else had more friends and close friends and had so many more life experiences shared with friends and stuff, whereas I had so few friends and experiences shared. It seemed that the message was that because I envied so much and complained constantly about my situation that in the end I ended up having little of no friends, coz I failed to look at the other half of the glass that was filled. It make me breakdown, coz I knew that I had coz myself to truly become isolated when I was so sad about my situation, at least there seemed hope last time but with all my mistakes, I can’t turn back time, but I guess, it is a lesson learnt and truly and can pick myself up and try to pick up the pieces and make new friends while saving the existing ones. You know I felt at the end of that day really upset coz I felt yea, I’ve wasted so much time worrying about the whole friendship issue, and really it occurred to me that I’ve failed to stop wallowing in all that unhappiness for a long time and I truly really missed out on making friendships that matter because when I realised that I had very few close friends and experiences with friends, I complained about it and in the end I really ended up with no friends because of that. Sometimes, I really wonder like I did that day, how I could possibly being living life the way God intended for us, which is with the purpose of worship, fellowship, discipleship, evangelism and mission, if I’m just so unable to have friends to share life experiences with in the context of my school life. I mean, since God intends for us to have fellowship and friends, why is it that I don’t have any friends to that extent. But, that they after praying to God and thinking about the whole issue, and at moments with tears in my eyes, I realised that the whole problem was that I was trying to glorify God according to my own will. I realised that I should be happy even with my situation where perhaps I don’t have the friendship I crave, but to trust in the path that God has set before me, perhaps God has some plan for me that does not require the friendship I think I need that I seem not to have now. I now know that I should trust that God provides and solves all problems, just as the song He Will Carry You says, and that nite when we faced troubles at home it gave me great comfort. But, I learnt that I should just accept whatever I have and use it for God’s glory, no matter how limited it seems. I realised that life is not about what I want but what God wants, we may not be able to enjoy all best things in life, like perhaps, travelling the world to experience the fullness of God’s creation, having the nicest and closest friends in the world, or even a job which we love the most or have the best life, but it is about enjoying whatever we have, making the most of what we have that matters, even if at times we felt we could have done much better, the thing is that God planned all the things that we would do and whatever it is, we can be sure despite mistakes along the way, all work for the good of those who love Him, and that is enough to be content. So, we are to offer everything to God and desire God above all else and He’ll give us the desires of our hearts. That nite, I just prayed for God to help me to offer all I am to Him and not continue to pursue these things for myself but for God, to have a passion and to do everything for God’s glory alone. I think many times, I’ve asking for friends out of my own desires, not for bringing God glory, so it meant a lot to me when I prayed for God to help me to focus on Him, for truly all I need is Jesus. And, the next day, I truly felt God’s presence upon me and I felt the joy, fulfilment and contentment in my heart as I truly understood now what it means to live for God’s glory which is all that we are here on this Earth for, not my personal satisfaction. So, I’m glad to say that, now it is the END OF IT ALL, coz I’m finally ended this search for what this friendship issue means and a live life to the fullest means which is living life fully based completely on God’s glory and making the most of whatever we have however little for God’s glory and not about doing everything. And, it’s the end of my chapter in ACJC and formal education, and I’m just really happy with the many years of formal education I’ve had, I’ve had so many great experiences and have learnt and grown so much. I just really love the school so much…and I don’t know what to say, its amazing the time I’ve had in ACJC, whatever my complains may have been. Glad that all of it has ended but I sure would miss all of the experiences in school, but I know though we leave the school we’ll always be a part of it. So yupp, really can’t wait to get my exams over by God’s grace and strength, and go out and really live life the way it should be lived, with my new found understanding and passion for living life the way God intended for me for His glory, that I know brings me great joy and fulfilment.
To end, to God be the glory, the best is yet to be….ACS FOEVER…!!!
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