Passion for Life...lack of creativity...

Well, i haven't blogged for quite a while coz i've been unwell for most of last week and this week...furthermore i've been really busy with school. To be more exact, last week i missed school on Thursday and went home after an hour of school on Friday, coz i was down with flu and this week as i was about to recover from my cold, it came back again and so i missed school on wednesday and so today Labour day of ccourse, still not feeling that well. Anw, there was something this week that really came up alot through my thoughts and just stuff around me i guess. I realise that i'm so super long-winded, repetitive, always harping on the same things, beating about the bush, boring and just so out of ideas...i seem also to be so much like a frog in the well. The thing is they say its a passing phase, that i feel like i'm not living life to the fullest...and so many a times they say life is precious and we should live each day like its our last...Still, i feel there's so much to life in which i'm missing out on. The funny thing is that i clearly don't treat my handicap at all like a handicap...and really it doesn't really restrict my life that much but somehow i just feel like i'm still not really doing things i would have done if i were normal yet i don't know wats holding me back. U know, the other day my mum sent me this website address to read http://www.attitudeisaltitude.com/aboutus-nick.php. It talks about this guy from USA the founder of like attitude is altitude thing, the thing is that its really amazing how he has no arms or legs and lives life so full, it puts normal people to SHAME...!!! So, right now i feel this way: that i'm not using the potential of my life, and i'm not doing enough. The thing is that in a way, the world makes it such that "less fortunate" people according to the world aren't "good enough", and seriously the world treats people just coz their different, unfairly. To a small extent, my life would then be limited. But, u know what actually the truth is, is that no matter who we are different or just the same, everyone is perfect and equal in God's sight. Whatever situation we are put in, it's in line with God's perfect plan. My only trouble rite now is that i really don't know why i'm unable to really make the most out of my life. I guess, rite now i'm not involved in enough, i'm not enjoying all that i hope to enjoy, i'm missing out on alot, i'm just so not living life to the max and there's still so much left about life that i don't have. The key areas rite now missing are like a social life, Co-curricular activity...i'm like only in the chess club and like i have absolutely no CIP, it scares me to think about what i'm going to write for my achievements and stuff, to be included in my testamonial at the end of the year. Moreover, i'm so not up to date with like everything, stuff i listen to are like many years old already, i've almost no idea wats happening in just so many things...and like i so don't have any leisure, other than computer games and occasional outings to what places so watever...I mean if i could seriously be more creative or maybe just know how to enjoy every single second of life...i won't be stuck here lamenting everytime on my blog about u know the normal stuff...live life to the fullest, live life to the fullest, live life to the fullest...and oh about enjoying life and all that repetitive stuff which bring me absolutely no where. I'm really really really passionate about living life, i just wanna do everything, have a life...really just be part of much more and taste the best that life has to offer.

....but then....as i always say, maybe thats not truly what living life to the fullest is all about....u know the truth is, why i'm i asking only what i can take out of life....and the truth that, a relationship with God is really how to be happy and to live for the purposes for our lives in which is given by God, is true the only real meaning in life. The thing is that i've already concluded for that the truth that everything is meaningless as is mentioned in the Bible...and really we can and should enjoy life and as is a portion of God's plan for our lives, but perhaps there are many parts of life in which i haven't been living out thats why i feel that lack of the sense of wholeness. Well, and one part of life i'm struggling with is learning how to enjoy myself...instead of always doing work and stuff. I guess i need to open myself up alot more, be less serious about life and have fun and be happy, appreciate all the little things and really be creative and explore new ways of looking at things and just well live life. I must also not lose track of the most important thing which is my relationship with God, and i'm just striving each day to be a better person trust the Lord and live as closely in line with God's plans and purposes for my life. Yea....

I guess i shouldn't let myself get confused about these things, strange that i need to keep reminding myself of how i should live life...God please help me...to live life to its full potential to what you planned for my life to be, a life thats in line with your purposes and that pleases you...tts my wish...

As i go through this difficult period like A Levels and school and classmates and stuff, just life i guess...just gonna keep trusting the Lord, for He'll make a way that i able to achieve the thing i need to...