Bemused, confused, disappointed and just feeling down..how now...
Today, it was the release of the ALevel results...it had much significance for me only because i was to get my chinese ALevel results...and just when my life's seeming so good and improving...fragile as life is, something blows me away...i get hit hard. Well, for some it wouldn't be a bad result...for some it may even be considered good...or maybe just ok, but anw i got a D for chinese, which came as a huge shock...!!!...No disrespect for those happy with a D for chinese but the reason i am so upset is that not only did i get an A for promos chinese but also for the mock exam and yet against the run of things i got only a D for chinese...this is really unbelievable...HOW...!!! To add salt to injury...i'm starting to feel, i dun know how true my feeling is but i feeling like everyone seems to detest me. I dun know if its because i just failed to do well in my chinese and am feeling inferior....or somehow i'm just really detestable. I really am in need of some encouragement now or for someone to just show me the good in me. Coz, i'm feeling kinda lousy. So anw, now i need to sacrifice more time again to redo my chinese...and my fear is that i didn't expect to need to retake chinese, and haven't been involved in anything chinese for so long that i can't do better the next time.
However, somehow i feel that u know i tried my best...and maybe it just wasn't to be...but still i'm trusting that the Lord has a plan for me...whose knows maybe i'll be getting an A the second time round, maybe this is just another step i have to take to achieve what i need. So in a way i'm still feeling fine...coz i still have another chance no like its the end or something. And, i feel that my results has taught me alot...like not to be so overconfident, that i can't control what happens and that all i can achieve is only because of God...tt kind of stuff. So, i'm just hoping to cherish the second chance and hopfully get an A this time round...so i'm just gonna put this unhappiness aside and move on.
Now, anw i realised that there are so many things that people around me do, that seem to show, that they don't really care or that i'm annoying or just detestable. I mean, i don't feel like its anybody's fault...but i'm just feeling this way. The cruelty of the results based world, i felt today...and thats just barely even close to the full extent of the coldness of the world...the reality of being discriminated against for being different or not as good according to the world standards, possibly seen in the fact that i barely have any friends, has made me realise that...the dream i've always had since young that the world can change for the better...so naively i realise is not really close to the reality of the world. Something i have always done i may have to relearn...i always thought that i shouldn't let things be but that i can really do something abt...but i realise that sometimes we just have to LET GO and let things be. I mean, we can't be expected to control or make everyone do what we feel they should do. Life's also got bad things and good things...we can't change or influence things completely...u just got to give it yr best shot...and take things as they come, just got to let it be and just be happy. But, i guess...there is that portion that we have some control over, and change isn't always impossible...just like what was said in the movie Ratatouille...change is nature. I'm just gonna be happy, and just accept the way things sometimes just are whether things are just good or just bad...and do only my best...
I'm just feeling rather down rite now...i didn't do well for chinese, not that i'm really too bothered by it i'm actually still pretty happy...As, I GOT A NEW PHONE, YEAH...NOKIA 5610 Xpress Music...its super sleak and got great functionality all in a small phone...and its meant for listening to music...so tts cool yea. But, the worrying thing is that i kinda feel lousy now, like i'm not good enough for people around me...but i know God created me, and i'm good in God eyes...i don't have to bother if people dun like me...although it would be nice if i had friends who can reassure me that whatever i am, whatever i become...tt i'm still wonderful in their eyes.
Finally, downcast after getting my results...i began to sing all the worship songs that i can rmb...and it gave me great comfort and peace, truly...God's so amazing and wonderful...it doesn't matter what happens God is always with us...He didn't promise that life would be a bed of roses but He did promise so much...like the comfort and peace that He so freely gives to those who trust in Him.
Still i'm happy no matter what...!!!
However, somehow i feel that u know i tried my best...and maybe it just wasn't to be...but still i'm trusting that the Lord has a plan for me...whose knows maybe i'll be getting an A the second time round, maybe this is just another step i have to take to achieve what i need. So in a way i'm still feeling fine...coz i still have another chance no like its the end or something. And, i feel that my results has taught me alot...like not to be so overconfident, that i can't control what happens and that all i can achieve is only because of God...tt kind of stuff. So, i'm just hoping to cherish the second chance and hopfully get an A this time round...so i'm just gonna put this unhappiness aside and move on.
Now, anw i realised that there are so many things that people around me do, that seem to show, that they don't really care or that i'm annoying or just detestable. I mean, i don't feel like its anybody's fault...but i'm just feeling this way. The cruelty of the results based world, i felt today...and thats just barely even close to the full extent of the coldness of the world...the reality of being discriminated against for being different or not as good according to the world standards, possibly seen in the fact that i barely have any friends, has made me realise that...the dream i've always had since young that the world can change for the better...so naively i realise is not really close to the reality of the world. Something i have always done i may have to relearn...i always thought that i shouldn't let things be but that i can really do something abt...but i realise that sometimes we just have to LET GO and let things be. I mean, we can't be expected to control or make everyone do what we feel they should do. Life's also got bad things and good things...we can't change or influence things completely...u just got to give it yr best shot...and take things as they come, just got to let it be and just be happy. But, i guess...there is that portion that we have some control over, and change isn't always impossible...just like what was said in the movie Ratatouille...change is nature. I'm just gonna be happy, and just accept the way things sometimes just are whether things are just good or just bad...and do only my best...
I'm just feeling rather down rite now...i didn't do well for chinese, not that i'm really too bothered by it i'm actually still pretty happy...As, I GOT A NEW PHONE, YEAH...NOKIA 5610 Xpress Music...its super sleak and got great functionality all in a small phone...and its meant for listening to music...so tts cool yea. But, the worrying thing is that i kinda feel lousy now, like i'm not good enough for people around me...but i know God created me, and i'm good in God eyes...i don't have to bother if people dun like me...although it would be nice if i had friends who can reassure me that whatever i am, whatever i become...tt i'm still wonderful in their eyes.
Finally, downcast after getting my results...i began to sing all the worship songs that i can rmb...and it gave me great comfort and peace, truly...God's so amazing and wonderful...it doesn't matter what happens God is always with us...He didn't promise that life would be a bed of roses but He did promise so much...like the comfort and peace that He so freely gives to those who trust in Him.
Still i'm happy no matter what...!!!
Comments
Don't be too sad about it! Its just the Singapore exam system. I am sure God wants more than just As from you.
Exam results are very important to self worth if you let it be. You need more of God and less of the world's expectations.