The Lonely Idealist
Well, i had a usual day today with time spent at my study table and computer table...alternating between work and play...yup nothing much....Anyway...
There are always many thoughts that come to my mind...well i guess it has something to do with my reflective nature...haha... and I always wanted to write them out and so now that i have created a blog i shall use this opportunity to express some of my thoughts....
Well, there are things that perpetually bother me which all boils down to one thing, and that is the constant search of my heart for the meaning in life...my life kind of seems almost like the main character of The English Teacher where he did "everything to perfection"but felt that something was "missing".This constant search for meaning and purpose in life is relevant to the title i've put for this blog entry because..ok...from the MBTI workshop i found that i was an INFP(the idealist) and the main aim of my personality type is to find the meaning in life...which i felt was very true...in everything i do all i seek is to lead a real meaningful life...it is always on my mind...and there is also a sense of loneliness that i feel.The title really describes how i feel that i am living my life.
Whenever i look around i see others that seem to lead much more meaningful and fun lives, and i always wonder" just what is it that makes life meaningful?"...Clearly something is lacking in my life. Still, i'm not sure if i'm trying too hard to attain something too idealistic...or maybe i just don't realise that i'm living meaningfully and am searching for something which i already have...
What i've noticed is that...there are a few main things that make life meaningful which include family, friends and most importantly GOD. I guess this is because nothing else in the world will be forever...only these things, can stand the test of time. ... In fact I always have this sense of loneliness in my heart which i feel has got something to do with this emptiness i feel from my life being not as meaningful as i perceive it should.This is because i feel very much distant from everyone and i guess friends, family and GOD takes away all loneliness and gives life meaning. Firstly, sometimes i feel really lonely...coz...well i don't have many friends...and even the friends i have, are usually merely acquaintances...or probably just slightly more than that... in terms of the fact that we do exchange a few more words than just "hi's". Though i must say that the 1AA5 from the first three months did make me feel greatly like a part of the class due to some great people who are no longer my classmates...and i'm not saying that my current class have not been nice in fact they have...i just feel that i haven't found genuinely close friends...then again maybe i'm being overly idealistic or critical...coz i guess i'm not much of a extrovert and it might be too much that i'm expecting. Having closer friends....indeed gives meaning to life(in terms of having unforgettable memories spent doing stuff together)...and that's one of the things i feel i'm lacking in my life.
Furthermore, i've got a great family but its been a while since we really had time to really bond...i guess its the hustle and bustle of our lives which made us caught up in our individual lives and so everyone seems so distant. U know i still realise that despite this...i'm already so fortunate.It's just that, I miss having fruitful times bonding with the family which is meaningful in life.
Finally, sometimes i feel really distant from God...still i actually do try my best to be close to God after all there's no greater love or friendship than God's...but it seems like many i know seem to be so much more in touch with God and i feel like i'm not experiencing God enough in my life. Thing is, God isn't pyhsically here...though its true we don't have to see God to know he's always there.But...Truly, it is God who ultimately gives our lives its meaning....its just that sometimes i find it isn't real in my live...what i seek is to find the purpose God has for me and this is the most meaningful thing to be able to do...fufilling the purpose set for me by God...and also having a closer relationship with God.Without the closeness between one and God, friends and family there is always a sense of loneliness... and eliminating this loneliness is kind of like filling that hole in my life...that gives life meaning...because then there is something to live for. However, there are many other things which gives life meaning...although the greatest one of all is God and in fact God wants to be and should be part of every aspect of our lives which includes the things which gives life meaning. What i mean is that God is all we need and when we "seek ye first the kingdom of God","all these things shall be added unto"us.There are many things that can be done to make my life meaningful...but...it still baffles me though...what are all things that really make life meaningful... and what the meaning of life really is...coz i don't seem to be making the most of my life. Though, God gives the greatest meaning to life what i feel is that there are certain areas in life that need meaning too...like what i'm studying for and in all that i do, which at the end of the day is for God but there must be more. I really want to be able to say that i enjoy a meaningful life and that i'm really living life, not just making a living.
I'll shall end with this, To "Live Life to the Fullest!"...this is my ultimate desire.
There are always many thoughts that come to my mind...well i guess it has something to do with my reflective nature...haha... and I always wanted to write them out and so now that i have created a blog i shall use this opportunity to express some of my thoughts....
Well, there are things that perpetually bother me which all boils down to one thing, and that is the constant search of my heart for the meaning in life...my life kind of seems almost like the main character of The English Teacher where he did "everything to perfection"but felt that something was "missing".This constant search for meaning and purpose in life is relevant to the title i've put for this blog entry because..ok...from the MBTI workshop i found that i was an INFP(the idealist) and the main aim of my personality type is to find the meaning in life...which i felt was very true...in everything i do all i seek is to lead a real meaningful life...it is always on my mind...and there is also a sense of loneliness that i feel.The title really describes how i feel that i am living my life.
Whenever i look around i see others that seem to lead much more meaningful and fun lives, and i always wonder" just what is it that makes life meaningful?"...Clearly something is lacking in my life. Still, i'm not sure if i'm trying too hard to attain something too idealistic...or maybe i just don't realise that i'm living meaningfully and am searching for something which i already have...
What i've noticed is that...there are a few main things that make life meaningful which include family, friends and most importantly GOD. I guess this is because nothing else in the world will be forever...only these things, can stand the test of time. ... In fact I always have this sense of loneliness in my heart which i feel has got something to do with this emptiness i feel from my life being not as meaningful as i perceive it should.This is because i feel very much distant from everyone and i guess friends, family and GOD takes away all loneliness and gives life meaning. Firstly, sometimes i feel really lonely...coz...well i don't have many friends...and even the friends i have, are usually merely acquaintances...or probably just slightly more than that... in terms of the fact that we do exchange a few more words than just "hi's". Though i must say that the 1AA5 from the first three months did make me feel greatly like a part of the class due to some great people who are no longer my classmates...and i'm not saying that my current class have not been nice in fact they have...i just feel that i haven't found genuinely close friends...then again maybe i'm being overly idealistic or critical...coz i guess i'm not much of a extrovert and it might be too much that i'm expecting. Having closer friends....indeed gives meaning to life(in terms of having unforgettable memories spent doing stuff together)...and that's one of the things i feel i'm lacking in my life.
Furthermore, i've got a great family but its been a while since we really had time to really bond...i guess its the hustle and bustle of our lives which made us caught up in our individual lives and so everyone seems so distant. U know i still realise that despite this...i'm already so fortunate.It's just that, I miss having fruitful times bonding with the family which is meaningful in life.
Finally, sometimes i feel really distant from God...still i actually do try my best to be close to God after all there's no greater love or friendship than God's...but it seems like many i know seem to be so much more in touch with God and i feel like i'm not experiencing God enough in my life. Thing is, God isn't pyhsically here...though its true we don't have to see God to know he's always there.But...Truly, it is God who ultimately gives our lives its meaning....its just that sometimes i find it isn't real in my live...what i seek is to find the purpose God has for me and this is the most meaningful thing to be able to do...fufilling the purpose set for me by God...and also having a closer relationship with God.Without the closeness between one and God, friends and family there is always a sense of loneliness... and eliminating this loneliness is kind of like filling that hole in my life...that gives life meaning...because then there is something to live for. However, there are many other things which gives life meaning...although the greatest one of all is God and in fact God wants to be and should be part of every aspect of our lives which includes the things which gives life meaning. What i mean is that God is all we need and when we "seek ye first the kingdom of God","all these things shall be added unto"us.There are many things that can be done to make my life meaningful...but...it still baffles me though...what are all things that really make life meaningful... and what the meaning of life really is...coz i don't seem to be making the most of my life. Though, God gives the greatest meaning to life what i feel is that there are certain areas in life that need meaning too...like what i'm studying for and in all that i do, which at the end of the day is for God but there must be more. I really want to be able to say that i enjoy a meaningful life and that i'm really living life, not just making a living.
I'll shall end with this, To "Live Life to the Fullest!"...this is my ultimate desire.
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