One Life, Make a difference.

The Pursuit of Greatness

2011-10-11T12:13:00.003+08:00

When I talk about the pursuit of greatness, I don't mean it in a selfish sort of way or some kind of self-glorification...I'm referring to being able to make a difference in this world and service to others, which glorifies God.

I'm a person who sees things beyond myself...my mindset is one that is with a broader sense of the world. I see everything on a big scale, everything in my life that I aspire to do and be is with the hopes that my life can make a difference much bigger than myself and bigger than this tiny dot on the map.

People say that I'm being way too ambitious, but like deep in my heart and in every one of us is a desire to be great. I can't accept it if I don't make a difference in this world before my life is over...The time in this life we are given is so precious, wouldn't it be such a waste to not make something out of our lives.

I believe many people at my age start to ask themselves what if any significance will their lives have and even question what they have already done with their lives. This feeling comes also as we see a rise in younger people making a name for themselves and make a difference in this world.

However, there is really nothing wrong with ambition it is neither good nor bad, the question is really the motive. God did not create us to be mediocre, he created us with a natural drive to be ambitious. He has a purpose for our lives that goes beyond ourselves.

For me personally, I feel kind of jealous in a way of people who have made difference in this world, it's like their lives seem to have so much more worth. It's sort of like if these people can make a difference in this world, why can't I?

But, I don't know maybe I'm equating worth to the wrong things???

In the book God's Answers To Life's Difficult Questions, there is the mention of Jabez who wanted God to bless him, he wanted something big, he wanted do something significant with my life. He didn't want to be ordinary or common, he deeply wanted God's blessing. There is actually nothing wrong with asking God to bless us, we can never out ask God, in fact He wants us to ask him to bless us. And, really if we do not ask how can we expect to receive.

In my life, there are many things that I can be grateful to God for blessing me with and there are also things that have been taken away from me. But, I admit that sometimes I feel like I want God to bless me more in the sense that I want to achieve my dreams and reaching out to people, to be able to make something of this life, make a difference in this world and live a fulfilling life.

Many people drift through life with no goals, no plan, no purpose or no ambition. But having no dream is drifting, to stop dreaming is to lose direction and to stop setting goals is stop growing. Growing is essential in being an emotionally healthy human. God wants us to stretch and develop and dream God has purpose for your life. The key to success is to discover the purpose and cooperate with it. Life is not intended to be half-hearted, God wants us to have ambitions.

The three misconception when it comes to having ambitions are that:

We often confuse fear with humility. Some people say that they could never do this and that, thinking they are humble, but that is fear and fear is a lack of faith. True humility is saying that with God's help I can do it, with God's blessing I will do it, I may not be able to do it on my own but with God's help I will do it. We may not have the talent but with God nothing is impossible.

Also. contentment does not mean we no goals, no desire or ambition. Contentment is enjoying each day to the fullest even though our goals have not been fulfilled yet.

People tend to equate small thinking with spirituality but why don't we serve God in a bigger way.

Well, the kind of greatness in life I'm talking about achieving in my life is like that of the lives of people such as Nick Vujicic and Joni Eareckson. I face similar situation to them in the fact that I have a disability like them, but both have made such an impact in peoples' lives and inspired so many people. If they can achieve so much in their lives, I feel the desperate need to be able to do the same. And, on the other hand, there are example of young celebrities who have achieved so much in a huge variety of fields at a young age and they make use of their position to give back to the communities round the world. It's easy to question my motives, but it is the position that they are in to be able to make a difference that I envy.

I want to be able to do design, make music, reach out to people and have my own organization to support important causes.

The lyrics of the song I Was Here by Lady Antebellum really express my feelings so aptly:

I wanna do something that matters, say something different

Something that sets the whole world on its ear

I wanna do something better with the time I've been given

I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life

Leave nothing less than something that says "I was here"

God's Prevailing Plan

2011-10-11T12:13:00.002+08:00

I really need to finally put my doubts and fears to rest, coz this whole about not being sure if I made the right decision to pursue my dreams which seems to be beyond what I'm capable of.

I read this article called Whose Dream Is It, which was exactly what I needed...coz it was about the exact same issue I have been having as to whether I'm chasing my own dream or if God put that dream in my heart.

#1 If God is for it, then its of Him.

We are a culture in need of an accurate view of what God is for.

God is not for greed, hate, jealousy, anger, bitterness, pride, selfish gain or deceit. So if any of the dreams in our hearts bring out these attributes in us, most likely…it is not of God.

God is for love, goodness, generosity, mercy, forgiveness, kindness and the expansion of the gospel. No matter how big, crazy sounding or wild our dreams are…if these things are represented, God is in it.

“What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?” -Romans 8:31

#2 God dreams are engaged, not isolated.

Every day God dreams are on the verge of ending.

Shocking statistics tell us that 90% of people who begin following God’s purpose for their lives will give up before they complete the tasks. As much as I don’t want to ever be apart of that percentage, I’m sure I already have been.

I’ve given up on God before He’s even had a chance to work because I needed to have things my way. My dreams were isolated. I’ve learned the hard way, I cannot bring my agenda to God and ask Him to bless it.

Maybe it would help to remember how much is at stake because we need things our way?

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. -Isaiah 55:8

#3 You may feel alone at first, but God will build a community around you.

As we pursue God dreams in our hearts people will discourage us. They may not do this intentionally but Satan needs us discouraged and will sometimes use those closest to us to bring us down.

You may have people that you thought would be friends forever with leave your side as you walk towards your dream. God created us with a need for community and when we feel alone, we will feel discouraged.

God always starts a movement of Him with one person but it always ends up with a community built around it. Know that your season of loneliness won’t stay forever. Be open to those God is bringing to you. He just may use the most unlikely person in your life.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” -Isaiah 41:1

I guess this has made me consider more accurately whether what I'm pursuing a God dream, but I can't say I know now if my dreams are what God wants me to do. However, I think it's important for me to know that even if it is a wrong decisions, God is there for me and is in control, I can turn any our bad choices around for good.

The whole reason I think that I've had such a struggle with this issue about whether I made the right decision to pursue my dreams, was because I failed to see that God is always there for me and even when I fall or lose my way or make wrong decisions. Therefore, I don't have to be afraid of making bad decisions because God will be there to pick me up again when I fall and guide me back to the right path.

It's sort of like a father being there for a child, giving the child room to make mistakes and learn from them, but providing the child with guidance and support, and picking the child when he/she falls down. And, the child knows that whatever situation he finds himself in, the father is there to help the child get through it and take control of the situation.

Well, no earthly father can really be in control of everything. However, we do have a heavenly father who is in control of everything. He is able to truly be there for us always and he can turn any situation around for good. There is really no mess God cannot get one out of. We can have all the plans in the world for our lives, but at the end of the day God takes all of it, good and bad, and achieves His purpose. God knows best and has ultimate control, so He is able to use our mistakes to achieve something good out of it or He directs us back to the path He wants for us.

God has given us freedom of choice, we can choose to ignore what is right God does not force his will on us. It is often the case that when we bring a problem on ourselves, we blame god as if it were his fault. When an accident, tragedy problem or crisis occurs we say it's God's will.

But the truth is that God's will is not always done, God has a will for our lives but he has given us a free will too. So when we choose to go our own way, he chooses to limit himself. He will allow us the freedom of choice to make mistakes and cause problems in our own lives. And, because everyone else has free choice, the mistakes and decisions of others can hurt us too.

However, God is in ultimate control of the final outcome. He can take all our mistakes and all the sins then turn them around and bring good out of bad. God sees what is going on, but he also has given us free choice and he does not intervene against our free will. He has limited himself. But he will use our bad choices, and even the bad things that happen to us to turn things around and bring good out of them in the final outcome if we let him.

Besides, God opens the door for us where He wants us to go through, and He shuts the doors to where He does not plan us to be. So if it's meant to be, it will work out perfectly...

Proverbs 19:21

New International Version (NIV)

²¹ Many are the plans in a person’s heart,

but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.

Chasing Life

2011-10-04T10:37:00.000+08:00

It almost feels like I've lost a piece of myself, for the way I used chronicle my life so regularly to be reduced to a rare once in a few months update...and right now i just don't know how to describe how my life has changed so much in the time that i've been away from here.

On one hand I wish I had grown up in my thinking and view of life earlier so that I could have been on the track i wanted to earlier, yet on the other hand there are so many things about me that I have lost as I've grown up that I wish i had back. If only there was way to combine my simple old self with my new found understanding of life and maturity.

But, i kinda like the way taylor swift puts it in on her official website that growing up "doesn't mean I should become somebody completely new and stop loving the things I used to love. It means I've just added more things to my list." So i guess there's a way to grow up without losing any part of who you are, I just really need to find the parts of me I lost back again.

I don't really know how to say how I feel like I've matured in my thinking but I just feel like I've a better understanding of who i am and who i want to be, and I feel like I'm seeing the world in a broader and clearer way. i also feel like I've learned how to be a better person and deal with what life throws at me in a better way. Just in every way, mentally and emotionally i've grown.

But, one negative thing about my life nowadays is that the busyness of my life has coz me to suffer spiritually and to have less time to reflect about life, which helps to keep my life centered. As for how my busy life has been since my last post before the start of the last semester to now the holiday after the first half of year 2...yea, it's just been completely about studying. And, yet my results for the last sem is 3.2 but thank God my overall gpa is still at 3.5. This however means that for the next half of year 2 I have to get slightly more 3.5 to maintain an overall gpa of 3.5.

As my course has gotten tougher and as I've struggled to get my drawing up to scratch, I've began to face doubts about my choice for my life. That was basically the biggest issue that plagued me in the last sem. I always kinda felt that my passion for my course would help me overcome any obstacles but my struggles with drawing has really caused me to question if I have what it takes. But, I've just got to trust the Lord and never give up, and hopefully if I'm doing the will of God, things will definitely work out.

Well, my life for the last sem was basically mostly school but I've also continued to be involved in singing. But, during the last sem i did become so busy that i barely attended choir and I stopped singing lessons during the whole month of August. And, yea i continue to stay away from playing chess, even though I've been asked to represent the country. But, now that it's the holiday I've returned to my singing lessons, and this up coming sem I intend to keep singing. And, i do admit that I had been so busy that I have not really gone for young adults class at church and I've not really been following my bible reading plan. But, i intend to continue these things regardless. And, the holiday has been good time for me to catch up on everything. I hope to ensure i'm well-prepared for the new sem especially in getting my drawing up to standard.

Sometimes I just can't understand about how the things that I seem to be chasing after seem to always get away from me and the things that i'm not after seems to present itself to me. Like how all this time playing chess wasn't really something I chose, it just happened that it was what i had access to. But it's only in recent years that I have begun to live on purpose, making deliberate decision on what i want in my life. So I've finally brought my life closer to the way i want it and closer to who i am and I couldn't be happier. I'm just really concern that I'm doing what i want kinda selfishly and not following what God wants me to do.

The way i came to the conclusion on what I want to do was because God has a calling for each and every one of us and he wants us to do something we are passionate about to serve him and glorify him and so i found out what i have a passion for and am pursuing these things. But, truth is that what I want to do isn't exactly what I seem to be good at. So I'm just not sure if I'm doing the right thing but I'm hoping that in doing that which I may not seem suited to it, God will help me to achieve what I can only do through him and the process point to how nothing is impossible with God.

And choosing the path i've chosen has been a huge sacrifice in the sense that I feel kinda left behind by my peers. Like while everyone else is either starting or finishing their university be it locally or abroad and starting to venture out into the world and experiencing life, here i am still trying to get a diploma and hopefully make it to university, mixing with people about 3 years younger. Somehow i feel like I'm missing out on the experience of getting through university together with my peers, but then again it's not like I've been able to ever hold down a proper group of friends or been able to actively participate in anything.

It's kinda of frustrating to have never been able to truly experience life in it's entirety, I mean aren't we all supposed to have great memories of when we were in school, the things we did and the experiences we shared with our friends. Truthfully speaking, I can't say I've had an eventful school life or the memories of school i can look back on because my life used to just revolve around finishing my homework, taking examinations, playing chess as my only co-curricular activity, playing computer games and watching tv as my only leisure activity, going to church and occasional family outings.

And even after I've made improvements in my life by finally making decisions on what I like to do with my life with the design and singing, I'm still missing out a lot. But I really wish that I had made those decisions early in my life so I could put myself in a better position to do design. Like I should have totally taken art earlier on, then again, i don't know if i would have done well enough in the exams for a subject like art. Just like how my maths used to be really crappy but now that I'm like in poly I breezed through maths. So now starting over has been tough but i guess i can take comfort that I'm doing what I love, just hope that I can make up for my lack of talent in it.

I admit that many others are less fortunate than me, with just surviving a day being the only thing they hope for. I just feel that there's just so much more I can do with what I've been given. So while I feel that I'm making positive progress with my life in trying to do the things I feel express who I am, I feel I'm losing out on the experiences I would have had in terms of uni life, and to experience life. But anyway, there are still so many other barriers I would have to break through even if I did make it to university and do a course in product design as planned thru A levels. To sum up really how I'm feeling about my life right now is that I feel like I'm making progress but I'm still being left behind...

That's basically how my life's been in my time away from here and how I'm feeing in all of this, but you know while some of my feelings here are not completely rational, I feel like these are legitimate concerns that we face at some point in our lives...but i guess it's a process we have to go through growing up and trying to find our place in this world, and in time I'm sure I'll see how some of these things didn't really matter and I'll come to terms with my decisions for my life...

Beginning of the Dream...

2011-04-10T19:00:00.000+08:00

If there's anything for me to blog about regarding the slightly more than one month of holiday that are coming to an end, it would be this...the highlight of my holiday, the musical event by msm at the esplanade, the Musical Rendezvous, that I was a part of.

I must say that it was really a dream come true for me, just to be able to perform and sing on stage at a venue like the esplanade, even if it's just as a choir member. I know that I'm not that great a singer coz I'm pretty new to this whole thing, so it's been such an honour to have performed at this event.

So much has changed in such a short time, from sitting at home with only thoughts of being able to sing for an audience, to starting singing lessons and then to my first time ever singing for an event. It's just so amazing.

This holiday may not have been very eventful apart from this, but I wouldn't trade it for anything in this world. This event alone will be a awesome and unforgettable memory for me and the great thing about this is that this is only the beginning of my journey of my pursuit of one of my greatest passions, singing. Well, product design is my other passion of course.

About the experience of performing at the esplanade, it was both exciting and nerve wrecking at the same time. However, now I truly understand, what performers mean by the 'high' of perofrming on stage, the feeling is really surreal, it's like you're on top of the world, and the feeling is addictive. And, yea it was great to get to know a group of like-minded performers, in terms of that passion for singing. And, being in front of the audience singing was great and I really hope that my appearance has inspired others, that no matter what circumstances we face, we all can live our dreams...

A Quick Update

2011-03-17T21:38:00.000+08:00

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” - Psalm 139:23-24
I've been feeling lately like I really want to be a better person, for the Lord to mould me into what He wants me to be...

Somehow, blogging is no longer a regular habit for me anymore, just feel like I never have the time to anymore these days. Yea, it's kind of the holidays for me right now, so you'd think I should have the time to, which is true but like nowadays it's like I wanna do so many things that I end up doing very little and stuff like my blogging have ended up taking a backseat. On the other hand, I do find that blogging does not have the same kind of appeal to me anymore, coz like things have just been going like crazy fast for me, that I can't even stop to take note of all the interesting stuff that happens, not that I've encountered much of interest to me in awhile.

Just looking back at my old blog posts, and how religiously I wrote blog post after blog post...I'm almost amazed at how I could have sustained it. It's like I feel like I kind of miss parts of that time, when I was so free to blog...haha. Yet, I'm also quite amazed to see how much I've changed and I realise now that I didn't know that the way I used to live was kind of blessed in it's own way.

Anyway, so there is alot of cool stuff going on in my life nowadays, like coz I'm finally more certain than ever about what I want in life and finally express my heart in many ways in my life, although yea I'm still pretty isolated these days...especially also that my siblings are all overseas. Yea, and you know the whole friends thing has always kind of eluded me. However, I shall talk about all the good stuff in my life nowadays.

Basically, i made some decisions in my life and I feel I've grown up alot in my thinking. So, I decided to cut down the number of things I've been doing to focus on what matters most to me. I have actually decided to quit chess. And, I'm focussing on my product design, singing and online stuff. Yea, and I know I haven't invested myself spiritually. I've decided to spent time learning singing by practising more and getting all the recording stuff to a higher level. Coz yea, I finally got myself a recording microphone and have since used that to create videos with better vocals and backing tracks using software I downloaded and it's awesome. I'm going to practise drawing more too. And, I'm going to be setting up a blogshop soon. I'm also taking song writing classes. And, yea I'm reading my bible according to where I stopped in my reading plan, so I intend to finish that soon. Also, the concert I'm going to be singing in is coming up real soon.

Finally, just a note about spiritually and my walk with God. I know that as I have began to opened myself up to the world, it's hard to stay focussed on the Lord and what our purpose is and I admit that I've strayed abit at times nowadays. But, I just sincerely pray that I'll find back the parts of me that I've lost a little of from in the past, so that I can get back to the heart of worship and closer to God again. I need and want to realise again that what matters is a live lived for God. That will always be my goal first and foremost. I just want to not care about the success that the world believes in coz I keep looking at how I've not gone the conventional route in life since missing out on a place in university. Coz, in truth it's a blessing in disguise coz now I'm where I'm supposed to be. I know the route I'm taking is competitive with alot riding on talent but the Lord must have put the passion in my heart for what I'm doing now for a reason. So yea, just hope things in my life continue getting better.

Remember September

2011-03-01T20:25:00.010+08:00

This is a post I was going to post on Jan 7 2011...but I only finished it today which is the 1st of March 2011.

So in the first month of 2011, while I was sick at home. The movie A Walk to Remember was on HBO, and so since I was too sick to do much else apart from rest and feeling bored, I decided to watch it. Of course, not that I didn't really want to watch coz it has been one of those movies that I did enjoy before, but I was like thinking it was going to be no fun since I watched it before. But anyway, i decided to watch it.

And, somehow having watched the movie many times before, it still touched me the way it did when I watched it some years ago. I just felt more than ever that I felt a connection with the movie. I read that the movie was based on a true story of a girl who was sick but met a guy who was willing to marry her even though she might not make it. This is the kind of love I've been writing about...not too long ago I mentioned in a status of mine on facebook that...

If we would live and see beyond circumstances only when we face circumstances in our lives, then we have to seriously question why we can't live like that in the first place, coz by doing so, we live life in its most purest sense...

What I meant was that people tend to live their lives a certain way but only when something happens do they change the way they live. Well, let's say for example someone gets married with someone and one party meets with an accident that disables that person. Are we still willing to accept this person? Well, it is easy to walk out but it would be too cruel to do that and I'm not saying it is a by any means a easy decision to stay on and I respect anyone who has such love that is unconditional. But, my question is if that person had already been in that condition before meeting the other person, would we still accept that person?

My opinion is that too often people tend to have certain boundaries on what they are willing to accept. But, the fact that there are certain things and people we are not willing to accept show that we are looking at life through tinted glasses. We are prejudiced against certain people and things. Of course, when it comes to right and wrong, it is clear that wrong cannot be accepted and right is what should be accepted. So my focus is on accepting differences not pertaining to right and wrong. So how can anyone be truly living or truly loving until we can live in a way that is beyond circumstances. My view is that there needs to be consistency in the way we live our lives, something seems fundamentally wrong if we change ourselves until we face difficult circumstances. But, then again, maybe that just the way we learn and become better people. That's why we face this life that is so difficult, it is like the training to become the people God wants us to be.

So what is living life in it's purest sense? I believe it is living life with an open heart and placing no conditions to the way we love and way we work. We should do everything, not for the sake of it but out of an honest and sincere place. And, i think that should be out of the love of God that overflows from within us and the passion and talents God has bestowed upon us. This is because the moment we place conditions for the person we like to be with then we are not truly loving, coz to love someone is to love because you love. And, in life we do not have to meet certain requirements for us to be happy and successful. It is about facing whatever life throws at us and everything we do is only for the goal of bringing glory to God. And, as long as we have given our best to serve the Lord be it for the church and in the secular world, that is the best we can ask for.

So how is this relevant to me? Well, the movie talks about the fulfillment of the girl's dying wishes and about unconditional love. I know that we never know how long we will live in this life here on earth but the truth is that in the condition I have, I will probably have a shorter life span than an average person and on top of that I face huge challenges in life. I just sometimes wish that one day I can experience this kind of love. And, really there is so much in this life I want to do before the end of my life...maybe it is selfish, but really don't we all have a right to find our own happiness. I mean like life would be perfect if everyone could live in such a pure sense...but I don't know if it's possible in such an imperfect world, I like to believe so...

On that note, I must say that the recent story on american idol of Chris Medina and how he showed such love for his fiance to stay with her even in the face of the condition she was in after her accident. And, recently I watched a show on TV called breakthrough, where a man who became paralysed on his wedding night and his wife continued to take care of him...so the show helped them to regained their lives and find intimacy in the relationship again despite the challenges. So perhaps, there is truly a love like that...

If only we could live like that from the very start...

As a side note, the show a walk to remember also reminded of some of the music that was really nice at that time. From the movie itself, my two favourite songs are Cry by Mandy Moore and Dare You To Move by Switchfoot.

The Simple Truth

2011-01-16T19:18:00.010+08:00

This post was to be posted on the 16 of Jan, but I only finished it today on the 1st of March. Alot has happened between that time to now...I fully recovered from my flu, a week after the 16th of January.

Ok, I know I said I was well already last week, i.e. the 7th of January. And, I said I was feeling so great. Well, it really didn't last...I finally went back to school on the 10th, after feeling slightly better during the weekend, although I still was not fully recovered. So yea, I was pretty stressed about missing the whole week and worried I was not getting better. However, though I did continue to feel sick for most of the week, with my on and off coughing episodes, I made it through the week and yea I'm almost completely recovered already. This time it's for real, so thank God I'm really finally ok again.

But, really, I don't know why but during last week being back in school and all. I just felt so like upset with everything and everything just seem to be going wrong. So yea, that's why i just like said I was disappointed with everything, this world, people, my life and everyone. I don't know why I said those things, just felt really depressed, I didn't think at first it was coz I was sick but certainly it was part of the reason. Just recently, my life has been very different, from my jc days to the gap year, to studying in poly. And, I'm changing as a person as I grow up. Somehow, my simple mindset has started to be clouded by worldly pressures. I just have put so much pressure on myself to do well in school coz, I didn't go to university and I really want to make it there again. And, I'm like behind all my peers, well, the guys would be overtaking me soon by mid this year and of course the rest of the gals are like finishing.

You know, everyday i still ask myself if I made the right decision going to poly, coz I could have gone to the uni for other courses, but to pursue product design, I'm taking a longer route, coz there would have been another option of retaking a's and truth is I would have made it in perhaps another country. I was like questioning myself, like why am i not so smart, like I've always been slower than many of my other classmates or peers perhaps, and like it's only now that I'm in poly that I'm finally understanding what I'm actually learning. So it gives me pressure when I feel like I'm starting to face difficulties in catching my subjects as quickly again. And, i feel that my whole social issue, having trouble fitting in with people seems to be back, just when I thought I was doing better with my current classmates. I just sometimes feel like this world is cruel coz i've always found it hard to fit being different. So like my flu, probably just made me tired and so suddenly feel so negative. But, all that is now over, and I'm feeling positive and well again.

This Sunday's message at church kind of reminded me about something important relating to my feeling the pressure to be successful in the way the world perceives it. The message was about obeying God and doing what is right, to surrender to God, and do what He wants us to do, to reach out and love others. That, this should be a natural outpouring of God's love in us. And, the speaker mentioned about, living a simple life and avoiding the pitfalls of materialsim. And, I realised that why am I so hung up about going to university anyway and wanting to do well, not that it is a bad thing but sometimes it can become too important. I needed to bring myself back to what really matters, that really I should be content with doing what the Lord wants me to do and it's not about how smart I am, how good I am or how successful in life, like life is only about doing what God wants me to do and that is the best life possible.

And one other thing I learned from the message is about service to God, to reach out to others, to help others in need just as in this verse:

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶ I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
Matthew 25:35

And, the significance for me is what it says at the end of the chapter that the righteous, referring to those who did these things as above will have eternal life. So, what it means is not that we need to do these things to have eternal life but it is that when we put our faith in Jesus Christ, we are forgiven of our sins and the holy spirit is in us. And, in experiencing this love that the Lord has shown us, we experience a natural out pouring of love that is expressed by service to God through helping and loving others. So it reminds us that as Christians of te importance of service.

In this world today, where everyone is chasing success, be it the american dream, the singapore dream or whatever dream, it is important to remind ourselves that what truly makes a difference in life is not how intelligent we are or how successful, it is a life lived in service to God. It is alright to chase our dreams, and be successful and in doesn't matter whether as a full time missionary or in the secular world, the most important thing is that we have a heart of service toward God and Man, and that we live soley for the glory of God in all these things.

A New Lease on Life

2011-01-07T14:45:00.000+08:00

I haven't gotten so sick in a long time, but for the first week of 2011 I fell sick and missed a whole week of school. As bad as that sounds...while it was bad...The thing is that it was so bad coz I had high fever for two days and i was in so much pain, it felt like it was the end of the world, at least for me...but after coming out of it thanks to God and all the prayers, I felt so so good, like the happiest I've ever felt in a long time. I don't know how to explain it but for the first time in a long time, I feel like my life is so perfect again in almost every way. It's like suddenly, all my feelings, passion, joy and everything in me just awakened. I felt inspired again to do the things I want to do in my life. And, it's like I've never felt so clear headed about my life before. I seemed also to know how to react to situations better than ever before. I think it's probably coz for the first time in a long time I truly rested and had time to reflect on my life. It's like I went from being quite sick and so things looked bleak especially when you are sick to just feeling so great that I'm finally on the road to recovery again. It's truly like a new lease on life...I hope that I can continue to feel so positive about my life, coz that's the best feeling ever.

One other great thing I did after feeling better was to pack up the drawers in my table. And, so I took out all my stuff, threw the useless, repacked some stuff and took some of my old stuff that are of sentimental value to me and stuff that i could use and place them where now i can make use of them and have them in view. But, what was so great about it was that looking through my old stuff kind of reminded me of all the things that made me good and made me who I am, the struggles and the joy. It made me feel like I had so many people who cared about, especially looking through the old cards i received. It was like finding myself at the core of who I am again. It was also quite funny seeing some of the old stuff I had. And, it was like almost therapeutic and i felt a sense of accomplishment packing my stuff. I don't know why but suddenly like I've become so organised, packing my stuff so neatly.

I feel like right now my life is pretty great apart from the loneliness at times. But, I just feel so happy about my life right now and I don't know why. It's like I'm at peace again. And, yea getting sick, reminded me that I need rely on God so much, well, we all do. Yea, i know we should remember God not just in times of need but in all seasons, rain or shine. But, it did give me a wake up call. I feel it's like brought me closer to God again, and I just felt like praising Him again and going back to spending more time reading my bible again. Anyway, I feel like so passionate about life again that I just want to go out there and live life, to pursue my dreams, live life to the fullest and bring glory to God. I watched quite abit of tv recently, and i watched a lot stuff that reminded me what my heart is drawn to. And, I like seem to remember what matters most to me in my life, God, family, friends and doing the things I've always wanted to do in my life. It's like I want to remember the list of things I've wanted to do in my life and try to make things happen in my life. Like, I want to continue to pursue my passion in product design, but I must say that in my life two of the things out of my my other dreams which I will not disclose here, is that in my life i want to have written a book and recorded a music album.

I think I might sound crazy right now but I feel on top of the world like I can do anything and live the life of my dreams. This is the beginning of the rest of my life and I just feel new life is being breathed into me to live my life as much as I used to feel or even more to live my life...

A Long Time Coming for a Blogpost...

2010-12-30T21:54:00.000+08:00

Ok. This is probably THE longest time I have gone without blogging since the creation of my blog way back in June 2007...it's been like almost three months since my last blog post. I seriously haven't been here for so long it kinda feels almost foreign to me already. It's not just that I haven't blogged for such a long time but also that since I started school again in april this year, I've blogged only about between once in a month to once in two months and by the time I actually blogged, I've long forgotten most of what I wanted to say and the experiences I want to share about.

But anyway, it's not like alot else has been happening to me, coz for me it's just been busy busy busy with school and, other stuff's just been few and far between. Never thought that I would be busier than I've ever been attending poly. I guess it's a combination of the continual assessment type syllabus, my greater involvement in after school activities and also taking vocal lessons. I must say that from the point of view of activities in my life, my life feels pretty fulfilled and I thank God for helping me reach this point where I can do most of the things He has set in my heart for me to do. And, of course, the course has been what I wanted. Although I'm still dreaming that one day I can be a singer...haha. (I'm just saying...).

One thing about going back to doing poly for me is that I'm starting to feel left behind by my generation, it's not just that I will be taking a longer time to get to the same level again, but also socially and emotionally I feel a gap right now. Like I'm not saying it's bad to take my time with this but it's like different when you are studying with classmates like 2 or three years younger than you are, the kind of stuff you would talk about is like so different. Some may be academically better than me but on an emotional level I can't seem to find level ground. And, so really the main issues in my life right now are probably relating to the busy schedule which has taken a toll on my health and spiritual life and the social aspect.

Ok, I can't believe I'm saying this but yet again I have not been able to blog thanks to my busy schedule, yea even during the holidays. (Due to Chess tournament) And, this time it's caused me to continue my post which btw was from before Christmas Eve, from here and now it's like the 30th of December. Anyway, just to clarify where this post was coming from...it was about October, November and early December...I'll just leave Christmas and the New Year for my next post. So basically, now that I just went one week without resuming this post, I shall just mention the two points I can still remember.

Firstly, I finally accept two schools of thought with respect to always having been unable to ever be part of a group of friends I could just spend time with and hang out and stuff. I accept that it's because they're probably not sure about whether I can really go out with them and join in the stuff they do and of course they're probably worried about how to accomodate me. The other is just that I'm yea handicapped and yea not like everyone else in that respect. Although I must say and clarfiy that, even with these reasons, the truth is that I am just like everyone else just with more difficulties than others, so I wish they just treated me like everyone else. But, yea to be honest, who wants to be a friend to someone who is unable to do all the stuff you do and who may be more of a liability than a friend.

It is sad to say this, but I feel like honestly it is only when people face a circumstance in their lives do that understand that they should treat other people the same regardless of their situation. And, seriously, like who would be so brave as to say that they wouldn't mind their kids perfectly healthy, having friends with disabilities, when they "should be making the most of their youth, and mixing with their able-bodied peers". I'm not saying that people don't befriend people with disabilities but there are alot of barriers, so I believe the friendships they have with their able-bodied peers are not as deep as perhaps the bond between able-bodied peers, maybe because of the different circumstance to relate to each other with. That is why, there are the organisations that bring together kids with the same disabilities so they have friends to relate to. I personally don't join that, because I want to be as much as possible a part of and go through the same stuff as what my normal able-bodied peers do. Since young, I have grown up in a family that has taught me that nothing should ever stop me from living a normal life and that regardless of anything, that we are all the same and why should the disabled not go through the same stuff as everyone else. I admit that there are difficulties but as much as possible the disabled should be able to be integrated into the regular system.

So anyway, that is something idealistic, which is hard to achieve but one that should be hoped for. At the end of the day, of course there is still the necessity for organisation that bring together people with the same situation to relate to them, but the should be just as much a part of society. And, the other thing is that, like which parent would want their children to be with someone who is disabled. I know that there are exceptions, but generally it is like that. We would probably agree that this should not be the case but if we really face that, would we still stand by it? Yea, my point is that I want to make it clear that even with my disability, that I am very much like everyone else just with more difficulties and so why can't people like me be like our able-bodied peers.

As for my second point, I realise that all this while that my health has been an issue for me and for a long time, and really, it's been a struggle for me to accept that as much as it affects me negatively, it is like all bad things we face, where we are to be joyful in spite of it and that God is in control and that all things work for the good of those of love Him. I was worried and upset all this while by a certain problem I have been having and all pain I have been feeling due to fatigue coz of my busy school schedule and some other issue, relating to health. But, I failed to realise that God really can help me in ways beyond all human understanding...ok, so He isn't going to miraculously take away all my problems. He can but we know that God has a plan through all things good and bad, so sometimes He doesn't do that. Regardless of this, God also does not give us more than we can handle. The truth is, there are some things we can't do anything about that we have to live with, painful as it may be, but God gives us the strength to handle these things. So really, I should trust in God, not that I should not do my best to try and deal with the situations I face, but it is through the strength which Christ gives us. I should never have let these things worry me, coz like if God put me where I am for a reason He wouldn't let me die of exhaustion or let my health issues stop me from living the life He intended for me. So as tired or troubled as I may be, I should know that I will make it through coz God is there for me and has a purpose for me. And, really if I need to make arrangements to cater to my situation, we can always look into it. But, I think I'll make it through anyway with God's help. I should just be happy and content, unaffected by my problems, coz I know God is in control and besides there is so much more to be thankful for...all the blessings...afterall, there's a life ahead of me to enjoy...

So yea, that would be about as much as time would allow me to say for this post...hope I can update my blog more regularly again...

Moving On...Back to a Clean Start....

2010-10-11T20:19:00.000+08:00

I'm going to keep this blog post short and sweet, coz I haven't blogged in a long time and I just want to share about four things to sum up everything from the last weeks of September to now, the second week of October.

Finally, I sincerely believe that the problem that has been bugging me for over year is over. All this while, I've had negative feelings thanks to the problem and haven't been able to be myself. So finally, it feels like I can start getting back to living life without any hindrances and be joyful and confident in myself. It's like there's nothing wrong with me anymore and I can begin to truly enjoy every moment and reach out to others more, now that it feels like nothing is in my way anymore. I can now start to live life like it should be lived. Having been dealing with this issue for so long, it kind of feels hard to remember how life was like before this whole problem took that away, so I hope that I can soon get back to how things were. It feels almost like I've been given a new lease on life and a clean, fresh, new start. I agree that life is never completely perfect and there are troubles we have to live with but, this problem has really made me a prisoner to it and now finally it's solved and I feel freed to live my life again unhindered.

And, speaking of life, at the beginning of the month, I had a kind of realisation that life is short. That was because I went to read up about my condition which suggests most people with my condition live up to the age of young adults, but with the advancement of technology beyond 50. Well, just not up to the average life span of a normal person. And, also everyday there is always news of someone who life was cut short. Truly, life is short and time is precious. We are indeed like a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow. It really kind of makes me wonder, really what is there of meaning in this world to chase after and even to fulfil God purposes for our lives, it just seems too short to make a difference. But, I realise that life is short but God certainly create us to live this short life for no reason or if it was meaningless. In fact, it is this fact that life is short that should motivate us to make the most of our time on earth, so that we can accomplish what God has purposed for us to do, to bring glory to His Name and share the good news to the world, and also to fill our lives with people we love, to treasure them, to share with them and touch their lives because though our lives on earth will one day come to an end and we part with the people we love, we know that we as Christians are part of God's kingdom, so the love we share with one another is not in vain.

Anyway then, this October has been quite special in more ways than one. Firstly, I received my results for my first sem in poly and I got 3.5, which was a pleasant surprise, coz I didn't have some issues during the sem, so that was good news and I was very happy. And, yea it was just the tenth day of the tenth month in the year 2010 yesterday.

On that note, I finally confessed something on the first of this month which was a bittersweet moment...Well, I finally told her that I liked her, although I thought she already knew which wasn't the case. So anyway, so it didn't work out, but it felt so good to finally know the truth and to say what I needed to say. So at last I can move on with my life and not hold on to this wishful thinking of mine that something could work out between us. Truth is, I barely knew her anyway. But, it's sad because I truly felt that she was THE ONE and I thought what I felt was true love. However, since it didn't work out, I guess I never really truly loved anyone coz it just isn't meant to be.

Alas, I'm now at this place in my life where I have to start anew. I finally, can put all my past behind me, the problems, the people and whatever, to refocus on what is important to me in my life, that is, to live my life to the fullest with joy and bring glory to God in all I do. There is so much to look forward to in the future...I'm doing the course I love, I will continue to grow spiritually and closer to God, I have my family, I will make new friends and one day find the one who is truly my soulmate and I'm just doing the things I love in life. And, most of all, I know what my destiny is, to live my life for God's glory and to one day see the ultimate glorfication when I go to be with the Lord. So I have full confidence in where I'm headed in life, and finally it seems bright coz all my problems are fading away and I know I'm going to be able to do things right this time and truly enjoy every moment that I have here on earth. Praise God!

I just hope things can just forever stay so promising, coz this way it seems perfect and I'm finally seeing who I truly am again with the dust all settling...so here's to moving on and finally getting to live my life afresh in putting all the things behind me, to live my life for who I was made to be and live the life I want to live with no regrets...To God be the Glory...

Light Up...

2010-09-16T12:22:00.001+08:00

I don't know why, but nowadays inspiration comes few and far between for me...for some reason, for several days already after about the first week of my holidays, I just didn't feel like doing anything and I felt apathetic to everything, probably a mixture of starting to be bored and feeling tired. After spending days doing some music recording, watching lots of TV and playing computer, nothing seemed appealing to me anymore. And, the only time I've gone out this holiday other than church or chess is to go to Ikea coz we're like renovating my room.

Anyway, it's like my passion for the things I love seemed to fade, and I start to let my mind wander, like why I'm doing what I'm doing even. But, I think the biggest contributing factor to this problem, is that sometimes, I allow the not so good things in my life, like the burdens, frustrations, guilt, mistakes and problems in my life to affect me. And, that is why my thought life kind of revolves around overcoming the struggles and issues of life and the purpose of life, coz everything I do in my life gets sifted through my value system and the purpose of it all.

It's like there are some many troubles on your mind that you can't appreciate and enjoy life, be it in the greatest joys to the simple joys in life. The only way to be truly joyful and happy, to enjoy life is to let go of these not so good things. It is easier said than done, especially because sometimes problems in life really affect you. The key to overcoming this issue is to just trust in God, that He is in control, that He has paid the ultimate price for our sins and that He gives us the power to overcome these problems.

About keeping in mind the purpose of life, just this week I was watching a show about video game addiction. I think a lot of times people get lost and lose track of their purpose in life, when they spend too much time on games that it takes over their lives. But, I realise that if we look at it from the perspective of doing it as a small hobby or as a professional is actually like way fine, although the thin line between addiction and just playing for fun, is when it becomes difficult to stop and affect ones day to day responsibilities. So that's why I feel it's important to me to always keep in mind the purpose of life to glorify God, well in my case, sometimes I feel like I get too focussed on certain things that I lose track of the purpose, therefore it is important to me.

And, as for why I can't just completely ignore how I feel and therefore not be affected by troubles...I fully understand that we can't and should not rely too much on our feelings that we lose track what is in front of you in reality. However, I feel that being in touch with your emotions, expresses one's heart and it really matters to me that I care about other peoples' feelings which is sometimes lost, when we look at things from a factual way. And, personally, I cherish being able to do things genuinely and from the heart. So, it's just that I want to do what I feel I really want to do and to be able to be truly feel like everything in my life feels right, so I can truly enjoy it, which is so often difficult with the troubles that life can bring sometimes. It's always like kind of up and down, not that it really bothers me but I mean we don't always feel the same all the time. I just want to not let any troubles hinder me from truly appreciating this life I have and this beautiful world we are living in. I mean, it's hard to be truly happy if you don't feel it...and it not that I feel a certain way for no reason, sometimes there are genuine issues that make me not feel as good as would like to...

And, speaking of using our emotions, I also watched Scene City Singapore, the two photographers on the show were asked to use emotions in their pictures from a cruise, about being away from Singapore which is their home. The show basically brought out like the issue of the number of Singaporeans living abroad. But, I was more intrigued by the impact it had on their picture when they put their emotions into it. Thus, I feel like it is an important and beautiful part of being a human being to feel emotions.

I guess, I got to just not allow anything to hold me back from enjoying my life. For the most part, it seems like I'm always seeing things in an emo kind of way, but I think that sometimes I just need to light up my life a little. I would draw a comparison to music. I need to sometimes take a break from the emo and just listen to something more upbeat. I just really need to breakout of this and look at things from different perspectives. I should just let go of everything that is holding me back and making me feel so weighed down and allow myself to be free to enjoy my life, to just be care-free and happy. And, I've learned to be confident in myself, to realise that I am doing all I can within my circumstances, and if people just don't like me, I can't force them to. So I just have to open up the dirty window, let the light shine through. To just be laid back, relax and just enjoy the beauty of the world me. You know the kind of happy kind of acoustic music...that's the kind of feel I'm going for...

Light up, light up, as if you have a choice...

Reality...

2010-08-30T13:58:00.000+08:00

One of the nights in the past week, I felt like I took a dose of reality. I really don't know how to explain it, but I feel like in looking back at my life...and how perhaps I was naive, I feel like I never really realised how real life really is, like there was so much about life I didn't know. And, by no means am I saying that we should lose that innocence, coz there's still great value being naive. I still believe in believing the best in everything.

Maybe it's coz I'm growing up and becoming an adult, I mean I'm like 20 already. I'm maybe finally seeing life for what it is, it isn't all rosy and perfect, there are real issues...I've always known that like nothing in life is perfect and there is always good and bad, but it's like now it's much more real, it's like things we have to face for real. It's like I have this completely new perspective on life.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about facing bad things in life, for bad circumstances never faze me coz I know that God is in control and has a purpose to accomplish, and He will bring good out of all circumstances good and bad. I do admit that I get problems in my life, in fact there are some that still persist that trouble me but I've learned to try to trust and leave it to God.

In fact, the sermon at church today was from psalms 46, about depression. About being downcast and troubled. So yea, I mean, we all have times when we face troubles and get depressed. However, instead of focussing on the troubles, we should focus on God who is our hope and he will comfort and help us.

But, my point is just that everything just feels so real now, like I'm really living this life and

And, in feeling like everything is so real, I began to think about my life and how I've been living it. Like, I really want to know if I've improved myself especially socially and as a person, that I'm not isolating myself, coz there are of course certain kinds of people that people stay away from like bitter people or nasty people. And, I got to be honest, I don't really think I'm like a total geek or something that is socially awkward. I'm more like someone who's like everyone else, just that I used to be very introverted, quiet and kind of closed off, kept to myself and not very open, therefore didn't have many friends.

For example, like in the movie yes man, the lead was not very open and was afraid to commit to anything and therefore, as his friend said, was going to make him become all alone. Well, it's a different thing but the point is that there was something about his way of life that was not right that caused his plight. So like for me personally, I just want to know if I'm making myself as approachable as possible and living in a way that is the best of me. I totally understand that our differences make us unique and I celebrate diversity.

But, in this case, when I talk about being like everyone else, I mean like a certain way we as people normally behave, like there is a right way to live our lives that allow us to really live our lives, like that allows us to have friends and socialise, and just lead a normal life, doing the things we as humans are created to do. Some people say it's because I choose to be who I am and not bother about what other people think of me that I have no friends, or that I choose to be honest and say what's on my mind, coz I don't believe in saying things just for the sake of being nice.

But, believe me I'm generally a nice person and I care about other people's feelings, so I say things not to hurt anyone but just to be honest and I try my best to speak the truth with love. Others say it's because I'm too quiet, or I don't join or mix with others enough or that I'm not open enough, or that I'm not being a friend or that I'm different. I can never quite understand why I've never really had many friends, but that's just the way it's been. I just want the reassurrance that on my part I've done all I can, that's all.

So yea, it never really felt so real to me, all these things I'm facing and about acceptance. I must say that I've always been like nervous when mixing with other people especially we people I don't know too well, and like I just don't know what to say or talk about. I have probably improved in this area a lot coz I 've tried to practise and step out of my comfort zones several times already, also I've been reading and watching stuff to try to improve myself. But, I still need to really have real friends to go out and do stuff together and do what friends would do for me to really break out and really make the final breakthrough, solving this problem once and for all. So suddenly thinking back on the people I 've met over the past several years and the things I've done, I realise that these things and these people coz it used to feel surreal to be involved in other people. And, so I'm also hoping to be able to be more involved in other people's lives, coz it is a joy to be able to and to I never want to be just by myself.

Anyway, in a separate thing this past week, I've been listening to songs by tyler ward and the whole bunch of people he sings with on youtube, they're like super good. This makes me kind of impatient, coz I'm still not sure if I'm good enough to start recording my own singing on youtube but I want to be able to sing well and record it to youtube. And, in fact, recently having got the iPad I downloaded some music software, and have been trying to write my own songs and play some of my favourite songs and learn to sing better. So, i'm still hoping and dreaming that one day I can be a great singer haha.

Finally, recently I've been going through so much, like I've never kept myself so occupied before, suddenly everything else doesn't matter to me but just living my life for the purpose I've been put here for. It's like I've learned to let go of what I can't control in life and leave it to God. And, I'm just doing my best in whatever I'm doing and trusting that the Lord knows what is best for my life, and that he will guide me in whatever path he has set for me.

August

2010-08-24T12:39:00.000+08:00

This August has been eventful, well in some ways for me but more for our country. The national day and then the youth olympic games. I must say I have been hesitant about making this blog post because I don't want unwanted attention on my blog, but I decided I would. Well, I must say that national day was ok...But, it was really the start of the youth olympics games that really made me proud to be from this country. At first, I was a little apathetic towards the youth olympic games, but having caught much of the action on TV, I must say that now I do feel excited about it and proud to be from the the host country. It really is such a huge thing for our country.

While this is not the olympics and people may therefore say that it is not as exciting as the real thing. Really, I would say that it is a misconception. For the ages of some of the athletes, the performances that they have put in are remarkable, that it is amazing to see and it is exciting to think of their future prospects in world sport. And, I really feel that the country has really organised the event very well. While some people may say that because of the short time frame of two years plus, it could have been better. But, I disagree, I believe we had more than enough time and we have done our best and have delievered. Sure, it could be better, but of course, anything can always be better, let's just be proud that we have done such a great job, thanks to all the people invovled. I believe the athletes themselves have really enjoyed the games, just like how a hockey team captain said about almost being distracted from the sports itself by the off the field activites for the youth olympic games.

Anyway, so yea, it's been quite exciting watching history been made here. And, i guess this is my piece of the yog here, coz i feel like since I'm not going to be watching and be involved in any of it live in person at least I should say something about this amazing history making event and ride on the yog bandwagon.

Doesn't Come Easy to me...

2010-08-21T11:08:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder how writing interesting blog posts comes so easy to others but doesn't come easy to me. It's like I always have a lot of words to write down in my blog posts and I seem to talk about more serious stuff which seem to revolve around the same thing, about life in a deeper sense. But, the funny thing is that I read other peoples' blogs and they just say a few nice sounding superficial things about the things happening around them as they go about their daily lives. And their posts are filled with interesting pictures and it seems so lively. I like a blog like that. It just makes people happy and able to appreciate the small things in life. It always makes me want to live life more fully when I see the events and activity filled lives of theirs and I wonder why I can't live such a life, so carefree and finding joy in everything in life.

I won't say that I'm the most happy person in the world but I'm generally pretty happy with my life, it's just that I seem to feel the weight of this world and of the issues in life. I prefer to deal with the difficult and sad things in life, than leave them alone and look at the world from a REAL perspective which is not always rosy. I prefer to look at matters of the heart and soul, the profound things in life. And, I use my own experiences of life, the difficulties, insecurities and deep personal issues that I believe are faced by everyone to write my blog posts. Deep inside, everyone faces their own struggles in life, be it in finding meaning and fulfilment in life, in relationships or the difficult questions in life. I want to be able to write other things but I just don't seem that have that external material to write from, I barely even have a social life and I don't go out and do stuff so much. It saddens me but that is the case. So I just write from within...and you know I've been trying and improving, just wish people would appreciate. If I could find a group of people who would let me be a part of their lives, maybe I can have a social life and go out enjoy life and do things, and therefore have a more interesting life to write about on this blog, with all the nice pictures and cool things to say.

But, love me or hate me, it's just the person that I am, and it's hard to change certain inherent traits that were born in me, although each day my character is changing to be more Christ-like. Please forgive me world that I don't conform to the norms and for just being myself, but that's just me. There are things I don't like about myself and things I like that I just have to accept. I like punk and emo, I'm introspective and I talk about the things most people just want to forget about. You may not like me, but sorry that's just who I am. However, believe me when I say this, I just want to be able to share interesting information on my blog about all the nice little things in life, I just don't have the material and creative blog posts don't come easily to me. But, with all my heart I'm trying to create a blog that is fun to read, so help me to improve.

My blog was here to let my heart out and hopefully through my life with all the joy and the pain, that you may see God's hand in my life in the storm or in the sunshine carrying me through, and you may perhaps be inspired and come to know of our one true God. I may sound negative or whatever, but that is really my only noble aim. Although, I wish my blog posts were more interesting like many others.

The Greatest Chess Player of All Time

2010-08-16T20:48:00.000+08:00

An eagerly awaiting crowd gathered in at a nicely prepared ballroom of a country club...It was annouced that only 22 players would get to play a chess game in a simul against the greatest chess player of all time, Garry Kasparov and 7 places had already been pre-determined. I was one of the pre-determined ones as I was invited to play by the organisers. So there would be a ballot for 15 places, and a select number from each different sector. This was in line with the event that was that "chess is for everybody". With so many waiting and hoping to play, there was every chance of either being the chosen or not being chosen. Eventually, the names were called out and the players were settled into their seats. The chosen ones were delighted, being given a-once-in-a-life-time-experience, while some who missed out on that chance were visibly disappointed.

Some time passed and the guest, Kasparov had not arrived yet. Everyone waited anxiously for his arrival. Before long, it was annouced that he was almost arriving, and everyone prepared the way and prepared their cameras. And, then, he had arrived and it was annouced again to everyone. Suddenly, the room door was thrust open and a smoke screen was deployed. To everyone's surprise, four armed SWAT police with machine guns came in, and the drum roll began, Kasparov and the organisers came in. It was all part of their theatrical entrance which in fact was to the surprise of Kasparov himself. After moving to front, there was a drum performance and Kasparov said a few words, even joking that the only time he really had military escorts was once in an university in another country which i can't remember.

Then, he proceeded to check the ratings of all the players. Having done that, he was asked to proceed with shaking hands, beginning with me! Thereafter, we began the simul chess game. (This is where a player goes to each table and makes his move and each player must make a move when he reaches your table). I managed to stay at the table for quite a while but more because it took some time as he went from table then because I played. I guess, I played ok, but I made a bad move at about move 10, by changing queens at the wrong time allowing his knight to get into a threatening position and a bad pawn move on the queenside sealed my fate. I missed actually a pretty simple move. But, he had already calculated everything on move 9 when he played Na3 and I couldn't see what he saw. The amazing thing was that true to the great person he is and what he says in his very own book, How Life Imitates Chess, he had such great vision when playing with me, he also did not capture a free pawn when he could because he knew he could get it later and instead he created more weaknesses in my position to eventually lead to a winning endgame, two pawns up. It was remarkable too that, he didn't really play fancy stuff, but he just took a small weakness and used that to win.

I must say that although I didn't play a good game, but it was a good experience playing such a great player. He had such a charisma, and you just could feel like he someone special and different from an average person. And, even in this short game, I learned so much about the way he thinks and it amazes me how well he plays the game. It was overall a great experience, to meet such a great chess player and I must say I never really been a chess fan in my life despite playing chess, coz I only played coz my brother is such a chess talent, but meeting Kasparov has inspired me. I know I probably will never be a great chess player but I now appreciate what it means to play good chess. To top things all of i was presented by Kasparov in front of the camera, his signed book.

Yea, so it was such a great experience to meet and play chess with Garry Kasparov, the greatest chess player of all time and I'm very grateful for this once-a-life-time-experience.

If Only They Knew...

2010-08-12T11:34:00.004+08:00

If only they knew that they'd inspired me and how much I wanted to be a part of their lives...and the amazing thing is that unknowingly to them I had made an impact on their lives, yet we're like strangers...

These were the words I wrote on my facebook personal message...and I came up with this that truly means something to me and is how I really felt. It was from all the reminiscing, the reflection and the finding out that I felt this way. With that I mean, remembering the times and the people that I've come across especially during my time in AC although also others, just thinking on hindsight how things were with me and everyone else, and how far we have come to be the people we are today living our own separate lives. I felt and still feel like the people I've come to know, have really inspired me in one way or another, be it by the godly lives lived in faith or in their passion for life. And, they just don't know that I'm inspired by them so much. Sometimes I just really wish I could be a part of their lives, not just as a person they knew vaguely, but to be a friend involved in their lives. Which is why now I know why we need friends because friends are able to inspire each other and make their lives better and even more meaningful. The funny thing about this, is then that somehow actually oblivious to them, my very life has inspired many of them too, and I'm not boasting that I've made an impact, but rather I found out through my means that I've actually made an impact on their lives. But, after all has been said and done, the relationship I have with them is just superficial, they just know me a little almost like strangers, coz we're like acquaintances. I was thinking if they knew this maybe things would have been different and maybe there was a connection that was lost behind unspoken words and actions that were held back.

This then made me wonder why I was so admiring godly people and why our soul would have this desire to please God. I at first didn't know how to explain why I had this feeling in my heart that made me marvel at godly people, to want to please God. But, it did make me realise that in me is actually a longing to please God and live a life that is filled with God. I guess, inherent in all of us is a desire for God, everything we do be it consciously or subconsciously is actually a search for God, even when we try to run, it always leads us back to God. In love and in fulfilment. But, why? That is because God is the creator of the universe, He is our Lord and our Saviour, He is our King. We realise that to live the godly life is the way life should be lived, it is good and we know it. When we see someone living with such faith and trust in their lives, where God is very much central to their lives, it is amazing and inspiring, because it is never easy yet it is ever so rewarding and such a blessing. It is like in a family where like each child wants to please their parents. Life just feels right when we live for God, because He first loved us and is our God, and we out of gratefulness to God for sending His son Jesus Christ to die for our sins, are forever indebted to Him.

And, just this week, I watched the show Not Easily Broken, which is suppose to be a christian film, but actually Fireproof is probably better coz it does not have the profanity and violence. Anyway, it is about marriage, but that is not what I will discuss here, rather I was reminded of something important through this film by the words towards the end of the film. The lead actor said that you cannot ask a car what its purpose is, you must ask the manufacturer, which he said is the same with the relationship between God and us. It is similar to the Bible verse about the clay and the potter. God created us for a purpose and that is to live for His glory, so that is what we must do , because that is what life really is about. Anything else we try to do in life just doesn't work or feel right because there just isn't any other way to live, a surrendered life lived for God is the best life.

But, we have all sinned and fallen short of God's glory, and it is only by God's grace given to us by Jesus' death on the cross that paid the ultimate price. In truth, we all know that we are imperfect and it was only Jesus Christ who died for our sins. And, even as Christians, we are not completely free from sin, coz we still live in a fallen world, but we have the help of the holy spirit. When we place our faith in God for salvation, all our sins past, present and future are forgiven. As Christians, we still make mistakes but our desire is to please God When we sin, we offend God and grief His spirit and our relationship with God is affected and needs to be restored. What we need to do is then to confess our sins to God, and He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins. This restores the relationship we have with God. I admit that I still make mistakes, but it makes me realise as with difficult circumstances time and time again that we need God and that we can't make it on our own, we need to rely on God. Just like the quote from the movie Not Easily Broken, sometimes He lets life turn us upside down to learn how to live the right side up. I just made a mistake but I trust in God's promise that, if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just, and will forgive us our sins.

And, just as Christ forgave us, we are to forgive others of their sins against us. This is also the case when someone sins against us repeatedly. This is because we are not God and we cannot judge, and so we have no right to withhold forgiveness. And, even when someone sins against us and is unrepentant, we are still to forgive. We are not to bear a grudge, to be bitter or angry because this attitude of the heart is not pleasing to God and we cannot have fellowship with God in this way. Therefore, reconciliation is the aim but if it is not possible, we are still to forgive.

Finally, God does not need us to accomplish His purpose, but He chooses us as His mode of evangelism, and we must not be too focussed on the work in the church that we forget about the work outside of it, just as what was said at the last sermon. So, we must go out and share the gospel. Coz, if only people know about Him through our sharing will we be able to be used by God to bring these people to Him. Just like in my last post about using our work and life to bring glory to God and for the salvation of others...

To end, I've been so inspired by godly people and our desire can only be to live a life that is pleasing to God because He is our God and that is the only true and good way to live. While, we still make mistakes, we desire to do only what is pleasing to God, we just have to confess and God will forgive and in the same way we are to forgive others. And, we have a part to play in God's purpose for the salvation of all man. I just want to involved with godly people and to please God in all that I do...

The Aim in the midst of the hustle and bustle of life...

2010-08-07T11:30:00.001+08:00

Finally, my 1st semester in NP product design is over, not that I don't like it and have been waiting for the end of the sem, but it's more like at last i have a good long break to rejuvenate myself and finally breathe abit. I mean, I've been so busy the past several months, and so there have been things I haven't been able to do in a while and I'm also very tired after such a hectic sem. I'm the kind of person who needs to time reflect and think about my life, to just keep myself on track and help me stay focussed on what is important to me and to not lose sight of my goals and aims in life. So I'm passionate about my course and stuff, and I have enjoyed it very much, but now I need the time to reflect and rest after such a hectic several months.

Right now, I have a three weeks break before I have my maths exam, and then, I have about two months of holiday. That is pretty much a really long break...so I guess, I will be resting and doing the other stuff I missed out on because I've been busy. Also, I'd probably continue practising my drawing, coz I still need to improve a lot more if I want to do well in design. It's kinda crazy that like after being so busy for so long, we suddenly have a huge break...like at the back of your mind something is saying, there's still this and that you need to do. Guess I need to get accustomed to it again, and tell myself I can rest for now.

On that note, there was one thing that really struck a chord with me last week. I was watching the biography channel about Carrie Underwood last week, and what she said at the end of the episode really reminded me of what I stand for and what my true aim in my life is. She said that she never expected to be in music at all but somehow God opened the doors for her and has blessed her with a career in music, and that she hopes that through her music and her life that, she will be able to convince others that there is a God out there who they need to know, then her job is done. That reminded me that in my pursuits in life, my one and only goal in all of it is to bring glory to God by pointing to His glory. Also, she has used her privilege of being a superstar to help people outside of music...

And, she was like what Randy Jackson said, made to do this, sing. Since, the age of 7 she says that she rehearsed speechs for winning awards for music. And, when she had a speech after winning the Country Music awards, she epically described how she was watching TV a few years ago and how now she is standing on the stage as a star having the best time of her life in front of people she watched at concerts. I know that if we believe that we will be great, we will, coz the difference between average people and great people is the belief that they will be/are great. Not for their own glory but for the glory of God, and when you find that calling, God is able to use you greatly. Well, I know not everyone will ultimately be great superstars but God will use us to do amazing things when we are doing what He called us to do. So, it really inspires me and makes me keep believing that one day i too can be great...

To end, with the right goal in bringing glory to God through the calling God has given us, we can be great, not for our own gain but for none other then that glory of God and the salvation of all people.

The things we miss out in fast forward...

2010-07-31T22:06:00.000+08:00

Before we even knew it, another term has almost gone by, I'm one week away now from the end of my first semester in NP. I've never been so busy in my life before and I must say it doesn't feel all that great coz there's so much in my heart that I wanted to share about how my life's been over the past several months in this year which have just flown by. I've managed to have most of what I want in my life now but something doesn't seem right coz I haven't really had time to be in the moment. I'm always moving forward so much, there's no time to stop and reflect about things, which has always allowed me to stay in touch with myself.

I think right now I just need to get through this term and figure out some kind of balance. I mean, coz my life is getting so close to the way I had envisioned all along with my main issue of friendship slowly getting to where it needs to be. And, I just need the time to remind myself of all the things I'm passionate about and all the things i care about. I need also to remind myself of my goal in everything which is to bring glory to God. Hopefully, that will take away all my confusion and apathy...coz I just need time to feel my life...

Everything has gone by so fast, it's almost like I'm living in fast foward... There is so much I'm missing out in my life by not being able to share it on this space...coz I mean what is the joy in keeping all the amazing things that are happening in my life be it good or bad that are shaping me each day in to a different person. It's like feeling like your life matters to someone...and they appreciate what you're going through...

Yea, so I just need time to find the awesome parts of who I used and bring that into the new person I am today, coz they were missed out in the speed that things have been going forward in my life...and if that happens maybe then will I finally reach where I want and need to be in my life...To embrace the new and yet stay true to who I was from the beginning in heart...

Time Flies...

2010-06-09T19:12:00.000+08:00

22th May – 9June

Time really flies...before I could even know it Term 1 has gone and it’s the term holidays now. To think I haven’t been able to blog for the whole time. I’ve been too busy since I’ve started poly, I’m don’t know if it is a good thing, but I know I’m doing what I love. So much has changed since I’ve began, like I have already got used to the hectic life in poly and I would say I’m doing better socially, maybe still not completely there yet like I’m still not joining the rest enough at things like lunch. However, at least I’m talking to my classmates more and joined some of them for the study group last week. School’s been ok and I’m keeping up with my work. My tests before this week were good and I’ve kept up with school assignments. I wouldn’t say just because I’m doing a course I’m passionate about means there’s nothing I don’t like about the course, like some of the subjects have been dry like MDA. Generally, though I’m enjoying this course. And, of course, who likes the exams.

But, things weren’t so good this week in my exams yesterday and the day before, which were not great coz in the first test I could not answer the last question and also it was so cold it affected me. And, for the maths test, I went to the washroom twice and could not finish my paper.

But, before this, this is what has been going on for the last two and a half weeks. The week from the 17th of May to the 21th of May was one of the busiest weeks and so message at church just before the week which was two and a half weeks ago(23th of May), seemed so relevant , reminding me not to let my busyness distract me from what is important, the ministry of God. I mean, really since I’ve started school, the busyness has made me at times forget the true point I’m doing what I’m doing and i just needed to make sure I keep myself in check and put God first in everything I do, since it is in everything that we are to bring glory to God, and to spend more with God and perhaps reflect more. So I went with that into the last week of May which was the week that I had to submit my first assignment for MP and made sure I had done all my work and was able to be less busy. Also, the whole class skipped math that Monday. But finally at the end of the week, we had a long weekend due to the holiday on the 28th of May, which is why I felt I had time to breathe as most of my work was done and had time to relax. Made me realise how I’ve left out so many things I used to love to do like listen to music. That was on the 27th of May. But, of course, I had the Sports and Wellness assignment to submit, the MP test to study for and the submission of drawings, but it was ok. Then, I had the MP test the next week which went pretty well. And, this was the week before the exams. Then, we had the study group over the weekend and which led to this week where I’ve completed my exams and am on holiday. There were some things that happened over the last week that did make me feel like I’m doing as well socially, but overall, I do agree with what I wrote above that I have made improvements.

But, what’s really been on my mind is how a problem has been affecting me and how I felt disappointed about my common tests that’s just finished. I’m just really frustrated that I had no way to control how the exams went not so smoothly this week, coz of some circumstances, but I really hope I did ok, so at least I won’t feel like it’s been unfair. I’m mean, I know I was unable to do my paper as well as i could before of what happened, so it’s disappointing for me. So I’m just praying that this problem won’t happen again and that God will be gracious and help me to do ok for the test. And, now as it is the holidays, I’m going to make sure I spend more time spiritually to read the Bible and worship the Lord in everything I do, to make up for the time I didn’t spend with God, coz I was so busy over the past few weeks. And, maybe I should try to continue this even when school starts again to arrange my time better so I don’t just get carried away by my busyness again. But, for now, I’ll just be relaxing this holiday and finish up my assignments too.

The Sunshine in the Midst of the Storm

2010-05-22T19:06:00.000+08:00

10th to 21th

It’s amazing what the Lord has done for me in the past week...things have taken a turn for the better. The way things change is so amazing, one moment it’s one way and next it’s another. I was feeling like a lot of things weren’t going well for me the weeks before, plus I was struggling to get my first major report and presentation out, and of course as I mentioned in my last post physically it’s been demanding. But, I got used to it, the schedule and long hours and stuff. However, I missed a few days of chess cca and CF, here and there during the past few weeks. I also had a break from singing lessons on Tuesday one week, where I had a combine lesson for a Friday slot, although I did have to go one of the Tuesdays.

But, the week from the 17th-21th of May began with me feeling like things weren’t going well but by the end of the week, by God’s grace I felt comforted and so much better. God showed me that all I need is Him. And God showed me that no matter how difficult things get, that He will take care of me so I should cast my anxieties on Him. God gave me strength and things feel so much better and I rested which made everything seem better.

By God’s grace, I got thru with HPD Assignment and I felt less discouraged about things, and I regained my confidence in doing well in the course.

Basically, in the past few weeks, having been so busy, I had no energy to do anything and my VTDS lesson was a complete waste of time for me as I struggled to do the work which was kind of demoralising. And, being tired, I felt like poly was much harder than I thought (physically), especially with the longer hours for PDI and ton of deadlines to meet...but like I said above, God gave me the strength and I didn’t feel tired anymore and I was more upbeat about everything. And, I chose not to let the little issues I was facing affect me, coz I believe that I couldn’t let the little things get me down, coz there's so much more in my life right now that is going the way I want, like being in a course I love.

But, even after such a roller coaster of two weeks from the 10th to the 21st of May, I continued to be very busy. It was difficult but I got by. Again, I struggled with feelings of being too preoccupied by my work, that I’ve neglected my spiritual life. But, at least, I was able to get my work done and get through everything smoothly, and I did manage to read my bible on a few occasions. So, I would say I felt like things were getting better in the week. There was just one thing I was a little starting to doubt my improvements socially. I so I felt this way: Just when I thought I've changed and opened myself up a lot more, I'm faced with the all too familiar taste of loneliness...so please tell me things will change coz I still believe I've made a breakthrough...But, I held onto the belief that I made improvements and tell myself, to keep moving forward and I will get the breakthrough. And, I must say I feel better about it now.

It was appropriate though in the midst of all this that the message at Church again, confirmed how I was feeling and the things I was going through. Like, God reminded me that, we will have problems in life, just as I have been facing problems. This is because of this fallen world we live in, but that if we cry out to God, he hears our cries. He may not take away our problems although sometimes he does, but God is sovereign and uses all the good and the bad things, to ultimately achieve His plans. So, I should trust in Him and not let the troubles bring me down, coz God is in control.

The Point of Everything I Ever Wanted

2010-05-08T19:00:00.001+08:00

26th of April to 8th May

I’ve been so tired and busy that I haven’t blogged in two weeks. There’s so much I wanna say but having been unable to blog due to time constraints for awhile, I can’t remember most of what I wanted to say. But, I feel like it’s so important for me to write about my life right now, coz it’s such an exciting time in my life now. So i hope to do my best to describe how life’s been like studying in a course I have a passion for in poly and to share my feelings in coming to terms with getting what I’ve wanted in my life.

What can i say about the last two weeks of school? It’s been crazy...like it’s just been non-stop hectic. It’s like everything just came one after another. The crazier days were Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday...it’s like for Tuesday I had school from 10 to 4, then I went home before going back to school for Chess Club from 6-8:30pm. Then, Wednesday I had lesson from 9am-5pm, and after that I stayed back for Christian Fellowship from 6-8pm something like that. This is the first time I ever joined CF in school, and I will talk about this later. As for Friday, I had lessons from 9am-5pm and, then, after going home for dinner I had singing lessons at MSM.

As for the lessons, I’ve enjoyed my lessons, especially the sketching class although still not good enough yet, and the history of design lessons. There’s also a module about creative thinking which is not bad too. The workshop lessons were quite interesting although it is not so great that I need to write reports, which of course is not as fun and easy as doing it, but well there’s no choice. As for the materials and manufacturing classes, there are pretty dry coz it’s still plain book study, but it’s all good with me...and I feel like I’ve done ok in my assignments so far although I’m kind of scared to think there are so many physics formulas i have to learn. Plus, I’m so not used to having to do like reports and stuff to present in class. Maths has been ok, except that I wish I didn’t have to take it coz it’s like all the old maths stuff and I’ve never done well at maths, but now that I have experience this type of maths before, there’s pressure for me to do well. It’s my opportunity to do well...

As for lunch breaks and stuff, I usually just go to the only place I’d eat at in the school, and if I see any of my classmates there I’d join them, if not I’ve been pretty ok eating there myself sometimes. But, I’m quite pleased that at least with my improvements socially, I’ve had more opportunities to mix with my classmates then those days, like I talk to some of them while waiting for class or maybe in class. I’m still working at improving myself and I’m optimistic that things will only get better. So yea, this is everything that has been happening in school, except last week till now I’ve been feeling very unwell due to over-exhaustion, so I didn’t go for like CF, singing lessons and chess training.

But, I’ve at least so far managed to finish my assignments, although not without problems adjusting to a new system of homework. To sum up my time in school so far it’s been like day time go to school, night time either I have some activity or I do homework and weekends, it either chess, or homework and of course Church. Don’t get me wrong, I’m living the way I love my life to be but I’m struggling to keep up with the pace of life I like to live at. So, it’s frustrating in a way, that I have the life I want yet my body is not coping as well as I would have liked. Now I think I know why it’s called a passion doing what I love, coz I suffer for it. But, I just pray the Lord will give me the strength to continue to live like this coz I know I gave me this passion for a reason and I want to have the strength do live my live with the purpose God has for me.

But, I must say that for the starting few weeks of school, having got into this course I love, I’ve suffered a little spiritually. However, there were a few things that helped me, first, it was CF which reminded me that Jesus, God is all we need and all we could ever want, just as the message the Sunday before reminded me of Jesus the Bread of Life. . Jesus is the Bread of Life

by Dr John Massey on Sunday, 02 May 2010. And, the fact that the few times I read my Bible in school, I managed to start some conversation of Christianity with some non-believers. But, I got to be honest since I started I’ve struggled to find time to read the Bible. And, I’ve been feeling like somehow since being in the course that I love, I’ve been so focussed on it that I feel like I’m selfishly enjoying what I’m doing and leaving God out of it and I seem to have forgotten what really matters and what really is important to me. It’s also as if I’ve gotten what I want from God and I don’t need Him anymore. But, the truth is, I know God is present in my life every step of the way and i need Him, and this course I’m doing is one which I feel is my calling. It is for God’s glory that I live. The real point of getting this which I wanted is not for my own personal satisfaction but also because I feel this is like the purpose God has for me in this world. And, truly, God is all I need and want. He is all I live for, it is not essentially really getting what I want per se that gives me the fulfilment but in doing everything I do for God’s glory that I find my fulfilment. It is God who gives me all I have to use for His glory.

Figuring Out This Life...

2010-04-25T20:33:00.001+08:00

So yea, last week was the first week of school for me after a years’ break...my first week in poly. I would say it was a week that had almost everything, but on a whole it was great. I mean, I quite like the environment, things went pretty smoothly and I’m just really enjoying studying in a course that I really have a passion for. And, I would say I made marked improvement from my JC days in terms of talking to other people and socialising.

But, I do feel like I still got work to do to be able to socialise in a way that comes naturally to me and like I must make an effort to be part of a group among the different groups that have already formed in my class. So that I have a group of friends I can mix with and friends for company in getting around school coz like I have to take a much longer route to get around school than the rest would. Like, right now it’s difficult coz the groups take their own routes to where are headed and it’s usually not accessible for me so by the time I get to where some of the groups are, I can’t find company. However, I’m positive that I’m making improvements and I’m working on getting to know my classmates better.

Anyway, before I give the wrong impression, I must stress that I’ve really enjoyed school so far, I mean for the first time in my life I can’t wait for each day to start coz I love the course so much and am so passionate about it I want to attend the classes. Even, work we need to do seems more like fun to me than work. And, I look forward for the next day at night that I can’t sleep. I also feel excited to face each new day and continue to mix with the interesting bunch of classmates I have. Mostly, I also feel the school has been helpful in facilitating me in the course which is another thing I’m happy about. That’s why like I said now every day feels like a dream to me coz it so awesome, that it’s surreal.

Truly, I can say I’m living the dream and it is all I could ever ask for. So, school has been pretty good, lessons fine and lunch break’s ok with many places to eat. The only thing would be that school hours are kind of long for me with two days of 9am-5pm school days and two days where I end at 4pm. But, I can deal with it especially when I get my new wheelchair soon. I always have been complaining that my life’s been so boring and not as busy as I like, in trying to live life to the fullest, but now I’ve truly got what I want and I’m so close to my goal of living life to the fullest.

I mean, now I’m so busy, I had to fit in my chess lessons on Thursday afternoon where I end school early only on that day and after a 9-5 day at school on Friday, I had singing lessons at night. While on Saturday’s I have chess training and Sunday it’s Church. Really in terms of activities I think I’m about there in terms of living life to the fullest although I still will continue to improve especially in terms of Church. The only thing left would be to reach where I need to be socially and to be fully content with all my circumstances.

Well, I have had to make some adjustments to cater to this new lifestyle now, like to find time to still be able to slow down, relax, read my Bible, spend time with God and reflect. Also, I need to find time to do my chess and practise my singing. So yea, this week was also sort of like getting accustomed to a new way of life, like to figure out my life. I did feel at some parts of this week I wasn’t really myself, coz I was so busy I couldn’t stop to keep my mind on the focus of all I am doing and that is to remember that what I’m doing is all for the glory of God. So, I’m really going to make sure that I find the balance in my life now and remind myself always what I’m truly living for. So I just pray that I will be able to truly live my life to the fullest and continue to build up myself spiritually and strengthen my faith and my relationship with Christ even as I get much busier from now on...

To end, I guess I’m really happy about this new experience and in a way a new lifestyle in that I’m doing what I’m passionate about every day. But, with these new circumstances that have been so exciting and amazing, I have had to make a lot of adjustments. I put it as figuring out this life coz now that I’ve many of the things I want in my life, I have to make sense of all this in terms of living my life for God’s glory. Yet, I must say this is a good problem to have, coz now I have been presented with all these new opportunities, it’s just a matter of taking them and focussing them into my ultimate goal to bring glory to God. So yea, I just feel so blessed in my life now and it’s been amazing so far in my poly journey, I just look forward to enjoying my life even more and continue to make progress socially even as I’m glad that others have made an effort to reach out to me and with my personal effort to improve, I’m sure I would miss out on it this time. And, as for my course, it’s my passion and I pray that God will give me the strength to excel in it and bring glory to His Name...and finally I see what life is really about...

Fresh Beginnings...

2010-04-15T09:58:00.005+08:00

I could not ask for more on a day like yesterday, it being my first time at a new school for the induction programme. And, this really marks the beginning of something new for me as it kicks off my new life at Ngee Ann Poly, as school starts next Monday. It's a new school, new people and most of all a new challenge as I take on the course of my dreams which will have many obstacles for me to overcome. But, I am glad with my choice and I won't look back. Coz, I know this is where I'm suppose to be. You know in life, there's this one thing which at that moment when you find it, you know that's what you should be doing with the rest of your life...that's exactly how I feel about my choice now.

I would not go into the details about the induction programme in terms of what went on, but I hope to describe my experience. Firstly, I must say I am extremely pleased with the school for all the arrangements they went out of their way to provide for me. I mean, what to build a washroom for me! It doesn't get better than that at all. And, the year 3s who helped me, were so awesome and helpful, it totally rocked man. The student leaders were also very helpful to me, like getting me invovled in everything as much as possible.

As for the events of the day, it was quite alright. There was a good mix of stuff we did so that the students were able to get to know the school, the people and the course. Well, I mean in terms of the activities, it was really all the usual orientation stuff but I guess I had fun. And, it was great meeting all the new people and my new classmates-to-be, although most of the students are younger than me. And everything went pretty smoothly for me and I was quite pleased with that. Also after meeting with the director and hearing all about the course I'm gonna take, I'm excited to start school.

Finally, it's a new start, it's a fresh beginning for me...I have a chance to start anew with a clean slate. I'm doing something completely like I've never done before and I'm doing my pre-uni education again at a different school and school system altogether. And, I'm meeting new people and it's a new environment. I'm excited but kind of anxious about my new course. However, I'm just following my heart and doing something I'm passionate about, hopefully by the grace of God He will see me through the three years here and I will be able to enjoy my time here, make the most of life at the new school and do well...

Forever Changed...

2010-04-15T09:58:00.000+08:00

Just a few days ago, which is just several days before the start of school, I received a call from a person from the school who asked me to consider transferring to another course because of my physical handicap. But, I had already arranged with the school regarding my admission to the course, so it seemed strange that I should be asked to reconsider. The person was talking about being fair to me and what not, and I do agree that he wasn’t in any way discriminating against me because of my condition and he was concern about my ability to cope in the course. However, the encounter has made me realise that I’m no longer living in a bubble but that I’m living in the real world. It’s a good thing on one hand coz now I know I’m on my way to becoming an adult, to face up to the world for what it really is.

But, on other hand, I realise that due to my condition, subconsciously this society is not so gracious, like people with disabilities have a lot of difficulties to overcome in living in the real world, with issues of finding employment and taking care of themselves. And, people sometimes look down on such people with disabilities and they feel that they will struggle coping with life because people have their own idea of the limitations of a disabled person. The truth is that everyone with disabilities has their own unique circumstances and we can’t just generalise them. The best thing is to try to match their abilities in a practical sense to what they want to do.

And, by the way, actually as many examples before, most kids with disabilities are actually very smart and kind individuals because they know what it is like to have difficulties and need help from others, and they know they have to adapt to their circumstances. And, I strongly feel that disabled people should have the right to pursue their dreams and live life as they want. I mean disabled people are the same as everyone else except that they face more challenges in life than others. I admit that disabled people have their limitations and some dreams have to be just dreams. However, I believe that for the most part there are ways and solutions that we can work out to enable disabled people to be as normal as possible and be as independent as possible.

So I must that I hate it when people try to tell me what I can't do just because of my condition...coz I believe we all have a right to fight for our dreams and why should anything stop me from living my life the way I want to...

To me it doesn’t feel right that anything in life like disabilities, setbacks or unfortunate circumstances should hinder anyone from living life to the fullest. And, I feel like where I’m headed in my life now pursuing my passion and my dream course is amazing. Also, for the first time in my life, I’m feel like I’m truly opening myself up more to others and I’m taking the initiative in my life to seize every opportunity and make the most of my life. I know that I’m not the same anymore and that my life is changed forever by the power of God. I’m no longer that shy person that lets opportunities slip by and misses out on everything life has to offer and can made of. I never was able to make my life what I wanted it to be because I didn’t have the courage to step out of my comfort zone and seize the opportunities in life.

So, being given this second chance to do it all again while doing what I love is more than I could ask for and I want to make amends and truly live life to the fullest. But, also I realise that it’s a dog eat dog world out there, and it has spurred me further to fend for myself and take the initiative to do what I want with my life and be independent and know what I want in life and get it. Coz, all my life I relied too heavily on others to make the decisions for me but now I’m determined to make a life for myself. I’m not going to sit back anymore and let life take me where it does; I’m going to life on purpose. And, most importantly, although I am determined to live my life the way I want to and go out and make a life for myself, I say this not because I trust myself but because I trust God and He will give me the courage and strength to step up and live my life to the best of my ability.

To end, I’m just really feeling a change in my life now both outwardly and inwardly, a change for the better. And, I know my life’s gonna get to where I want it to be, where I feel I’m living life to the fullest. I’m finally now breaking out of my shell to seize life with every breath that I breathe and make a life for myself. So I just praise God for everything for I know by His power I am forever changed...

Nothing Better than This...

2010-04-12T21:10:00.000+08:00

For the past few weeks, nothing much has gone on in my life...I mean I’ve just been at home doing my usual stuff and like the only times I’ve been out was for chess training and Church during weekends. Been sort of like that for long time now, coz I took a long break. But, of course I did more stuff last year. Anyway, haven’t been doing much recently because I’m going to be starting school in several days time already. I need to kind of get mentally prepared to go back into the academic life.

What I did have last week and accumulated over some weeks are some thoughts about stuff, reflections and stuff that inspired me. So, that’s what my post is going to be about this time...oh and forgive me if it is all kind of random, coz its stuff in my head being unloaded altogether into this post. Yea, my brain just works that way; it’s kind of all over the place...

Firstly, I’ve just been feeling like where I'm at now in my life feels so different from the way it was before...I mean, like I’ve never been on such a long break doing nothing much for quite a while and to be going to study in poly soon, which is so different from the path I was on when I first headed to junior college. The experience of JC is just has had such a different impact on me spiritually, emotionally and mentally than the way having had such a long break has influenced me. It’s just a completely new perspective to life, to something unconventional but just going where my heart leads me.

Which brings me nicely to my next point about my decision to go to poly after JC...starting out as a freshman again at poly is really like a second chance and like being 17 again. I mean, I get to relive my pre-uni days again. And, to make things greater, I’m now able to take in the experience more fully, because I would say I’m more mature and know how to appreciate school life a lot more. And, I’m doing a course I love. For me on a personal level it’s just really an opportunity to make up for how I missed out a lot before in JC where I didn't open myself up enough to make the most of school life, so yea. So I mean, who says we can only be 17 once haha...I felt bad with myself for trying to check and double check to make sure I was making the right decision to go to poly but, I realise it is the best choice in my situation because I can’t make it to the course I want at any uni and the second best way into uni is thru poly, so I know I’ve made the right decision. But, I guess I should trust the Lord more that His plans for me are best, coz double checking was kind of doubting...

Anyway, last week I was pretty upset that I care enough for certain friend to try to find out how they’re doing coz I know they’ve been through a tough time recently. And, I’ve been trying to talk to the person, who probably doesn’t see me as a true friend coz we barely know each other and I got ignored. And, she’d been complaining of knowing who her true friends are as being does who bother to talk to her or try to meet up. Here I am, trying to be a friend and it gets completely ignored...as if it’s for my benefit to care. I guess that’s how life is, we choose who our friends are and sometimes we reject others’ sincere desire for friendship. I must say too that I am guilty of that... But, it’s just kind of crazy that sometimes we overlook the ones who truly care...

However, one thing I’ve loved about last week was the few days where there were just like clear blue skies. It is always the clear blue skies on a sunny day that make me feel like life is wonderful that we need to truly enjoy the gift of life God has given us because it’s so beautiful. And, having been stuck at home for a long time, it makes me want to just go out and enjoy the nature. You know I always talk about living life to the fullest, I feel none more passionate about this than when see such nice weather and I just feel like going out there and basking in the glorious sunshine.

And, there is something else too that I have a strong passion for and that is music and singing. I never really mention it coz people probably think I’m crazy and that I’m such a dreamer, but one of my dreams is to be a lead singer in a band. Watching the video of the song Fearless by Taylor Swift made me feel so inspired and story is just amazing. So when I say I want to be a singer, think about it not in terms of the rock band kind of image but more like the person next door rising to stardom kind of thing. It really isn’t such a far-fetched dream, I mean being a recording artist and performing at the some concerts ain’t that out of reach. For me I feel inspired by her story because she was like the odd one out in school and when she gave out demos of her singing people didn’t take her seriously but in the end she has become such a huge hit star. It makes me feel this way: That it doesn't get better than going from being nobody to becoming a star and performing at sold out stadiums, showing everyone who didn't take you seriously who you really are...And, I admire how she has from her humble beginnings, breakout to become such a huge star, it gives everyone hope to truly believe they can achieve their dreams...

Anyway, recently I’ve been trying to find music from bands that are similar to my favourite band Boys Like Girls, and I found this band called Rocket to the Moon and I love their song If Only They Knew. Also I found this band called Maine and I like their song Into Your Arms. Also, MTV has recently played the song Hey, Soul Sister by Train several times and I think it’s quite a cool song too...

Finally, last but not least, the thing that inspired me maybe most last week was the message at Church on Sunday. It’s been awhile since I felt such a connection with a sermon message, not that other messages have not spoke to me, I’m they all do but this one in particular was sort of like a message I needed to hear. The message was about delighting in the presence of God. I must say that since my highs of the past few years and going through baptism and everything, I haven’t really hit the same highs spiritually this year. Not that I haven’t grown a lot in the past few years and even as I go through this year, but just still that same passion and spiritual feelings haven’t been strong. There were two points in the message one about the brokenness before the delighting and the other is about the Bacas in delighting, i.e. the valleys. Firstly, strangely I must say having got over the whole not being able to go into uni last year, having had such a long break and seeing the exciting new path of poly for me open up, things have been going quite well for me. Ironically, it should be in good times that it seems easier to praise God, feel His presence and to be spiritually feeling on top of the world. However, because things have been going relatively smoothly, I haven’t been able to worship at as deep a level than perhaps before.

Not that I’m ungrateful for the things the Lord has blessed me with in fact, I thank God for the good things He has done in my life. But, just haven’t been able to reach the previous highs spiritually that brokenness that some of my past experiences produced; that kind of delighting in spite of all the troubles. And, it’s not like things have been completely smooth this year that I’ve breezed through in an almost apathetic way, I still have faced some issues in my life, just that there hasn’t been something that has broken me in any way. Aside from this, I’m just like kind of at the valleys now spiritually if compared to how I was in the past few years. But, it is actually in bad times that we can truly come to really delight in God in a deeper way and reach those spiritual highs. And, I feel staying at home so much has not allowed me to really have experiences that will help me grow spiritually, but when I start going out and doing stuff soon, as God’s plan unfolds for me, I know it will improve the situation.

And, really prayer is the major mode by which we delight in God’s presence. And, I’ve been feeling like have been more mechanical than heartfelt coz I’ve been praying pretty much following like a general format. I believe that when we delight in God’s presence it should come naturally to prayer in a heartfelt and spontaneous way. So I’m just really praying that God will renew and fuel my passion for His Name that I can really commune in a heart to heart and fresh manner every time I talk to God. I want to just continue to draw closer to God and to feel His awesome presence for I know He exists within each and every one of us. And, because truly God is all we need and how great it is to delight in the presence of the Lord. If we can grasp even a little of how amazing our God is, we would rather be in His presence than have anything else. That is why in Psalms 23, the psalmist says that the Lord is my shepherd I shall not be in want. And, better is a day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere.

To end, everything is feeling great and I feel so inspired by so many things about life. So I just really want to go out there and life this amazing life coz there nothing better than being passionate and inspired in life. And, I just hope to get back to the highs in the many aspects of my life, even if it takes breaking down or going thru the valleys, coz I know there is the light at the end of the tunnel somewhere and the majestic view from the mountains highs in life just around the corner. Life is just so wonderful and I just can’t help but praise our glorious God, and I pray I will live my life fully and well bringing glory to God in all I do...

Holy Week

2010-04-07T20:38:00.003+08:00

Last week as we know was the Holy Week, well, it’s more commonly known as Easter. So yea, it is of course the week we celebrate the greatest event in history that changed the course of Mankind, that of the death and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. Well, I’m not going to write too much about the Holy Week, I will just share how I spent the week, the sermons at church and the happenings of the week.

Firstly, we had a Maundy Thursday Service, where we celebrated the Passover and remembered the days leading up to Jesus’ death on the cross. Before the start of the service, we had the Lord’s Supper, i.e. Holy Communion and had fellowship over a meal. Then, service began and first, we watched a video about Jesus before Pilate and the Crucifixion. Thereafter, we said a prayer of confession and the choir followed with a song item, Jesus Paid it All. Next, we said the prayer of thanksgiving. Continuing with the service, we sang songs of worship and finally Pastor shared the sermon...

The Death of the Son of God

Matt 27: 32-56

Matthew 27:32-56 (New International Version)

The Crucifixion
32As they were going out, they met a man from Cyrene, named Simon, and they forced him to carry the cross. 33They came to a place called Golgotha (which means The Place of the Skull). 34There they offered Jesus wine to drink, mixed with gall; but after tasting it, he refused to drink it. 35When they had crucified him, they divided up his clothes by casting lots.[a] 36And sitting down, they kept watch over him there. 37Above his head they placed the written charge against him: THIS IS JESUS, THE KING OF THE JEWS. 38Two robbers were crucified with him, one on his right and one on his left. 39Those who passed by hurled insults at him, shaking their heads 40and saying, "You who are going to destroy the temple and build it in three days, save yourself! Come down from the cross, if you are the Son of God!"

41In the same way the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the elders mocked him. 42"He saved others," they said, "but he can't save himself! He's the King of Israel! Let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in him. 43He trusts in God. Let God rescue him now if he wants him, for he said, 'I am the Son of God.' " 44In the same way the robbers who were crucified with him also heaped insults on him.

The Death of Jesus
45From the sixth hour until the ninth hour darkness came over all the land. 46About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi,[b] lama sabachthani?"—which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"[c]

47When some of those standing there heard this, they said, "He's calling Elijah."
48Immediately one of them ran and got a sponge. He filled it with wine vinegar, put it on a stick, and offered it to Jesus to drink. 49The rest said, "Now leave him alone. Let's see if Elijah comes to save him."

50And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.
51At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split. 52The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. 53They came out of the tombs, and after Jesus' resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many people.

54When the centurion and those with him who were guarding Jesus saw the earthquake and all that had happened, they were terrified, and exclaimed, "Surely he was the Son[d] of God!"
55Many women were there, watching from a distance. They had followed Jesus from Galilee to care for his needs. 56Among them were Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and Joses, and the mother of Zebedee's sons.

Based on what I remembered from the message...Firstly, we looked at the charge that was placed on the cross of Jesus which was: This is Jesus, the King of the Jews. Then, we came to the point about the fact that Jesus was born to die, like the lamb to the slaughter and therefore did not save Himself from death on the cross. And, when Jesus cried out in a loud voice,“Eloi, Eloi, lama sabacthani?”.- which means,”My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” It showed that Jesus was taking the sins of the world on His shoulders because, He could feel the Father turning His face away and the separation between Man and God by sin, and therefore said those words, why have you forsaken me? And, just before Jesus died, He cried out in a loud voice before giving up His spirit and dying. For Jesus to have suffered the way He did, normally would be impossible for a man to cry out loudly, but Jesus did, proving that He was truly the Son of God. And, the curtain in the temple separating Man from the Holy of Holies spilt in two from top to bottom, symbolising that there was now a direct way to God. Also, the earth shook and holy people were raised to life, so much so that a guard exclaimed that surely He is the Son of God, proving again the truth of who Jesus is, the Son of God. Therefore, Jesus died for our sins so that all of us humans who have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God may be forgiven of our sins and restored to God to have the hope of eternal life by Jesus who is the Son of God paying the price with death on a cross, belongs to those who believe in Him and trust in Him as a Saviour.
Friday was of course Good Friday, the day Jesus died the sins of all Mankind, but we didn’t have a Good Friday service.

Finally, Easter Sunday rounded the Holy Week off. Our church had the Easter service at a special time at 1:30pm after a lunch at 12:30pm. The service began with of course the call to worship and we worshipped with songs. Then, we had the congregational prayer and after that we watched a video about the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. Then, we had one of the youth in our church get baptised, followed by the presentation of a song. Thereafter, we had the offering and Holy Communion. Next, we had scripture reading and the message. And, at the end of the service, our Pastor prayed asking anyone who wanted to accept the Lord to raise their hands, and my mum’s friend whom she invited to our church after a few years of sharing the gospel with did so. So, that was the great thing about service that day. Below then is the message paraphrased by me...

Christ Rose From the Dead

Matt 28: 1-10; 1 Cor 15: 20-22

Matthew 28:1-10 (New International Version)

Matthew 28

The Resurrection
1After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb.

2There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. 3His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. 4The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.

5The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. 6He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. 7Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."

8So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. 9Suddenly Jesus met them. "Greetings," he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. 10Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go
to Galilee; there they will see me."

1 Corinthians 15:20-22 (New International Version)
20But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. 21For since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man. 22For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive.

1. Introduction: The Question of the Resurrection of Christ

The resurrection of Jesus Christ is fundamental to the Christian faith because whether or not this is the truth discerns the whether or not Jesus Christ is truly the Son of God. And, of course, we know that Jesus truly died and rose again, therefore He is the Son of God because He was able to conquer death which can only be by the work of God’s hands.

2. The Record of the Resurrection of Christ

The Bible is the Word of God and the truth, and the Resurrection of Jesus Christ is recorded in four books of the Bible, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, which all cover different aspects of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. And, we know that just like many years before the birth of Jesus Christ, it is in history that man like Alexander the Great exists factually, so it is a fact historically that Jesus Christ existed. And, the birth, life and death of Jesus as many other historical figures is recorded in history. Also, the resurrection of Jesus Christ is fact, as the empty tomb where Jesus laid in proves.

3. The reality of the Resurrection of Christ

The empty tomb indeed proves that Jesus Christ was resurrected from the dead as since He is not there, He must have risen from the dead, and so Jesus Christ is truly our Lord and saviour. There were a few other things Pastor mentioned as clear prove of the resurrection of Jesus Christ, and that is that from a cardiologist who heard many of His patients about seeing Jesus in Heaven or some seeing fire, when their hearts stopped and they ‘died’ temporarily with their spirit leaving them temporarily. He realised that the fact that people were saying this means there is truly God and it is Jesus Christ, so from an unbelieving person, He came to know Christ. And, Pastor also had many experiences where God saved him from life-threatening situations. Truly, it is a reality that Jesus Christ died and rose again on high.

4. The importance of the Resurrection of Christ

The resurrection of Jesus Christ is important because it is by His death and resurrection that Jesus conquered death and conquered death for all of Mankind. And, by His resurrection, we know that He is Christ our Lord. Everything we are and we have, even the lives we live would be futile if not for the death of Jesus Christ, just as Pastor mentioned that all His many years of preaching would be a waste if not for the resurrection of Jesus Christ. But, as we all know, Jesus is indeed resurrected as shown by the empty tomb.

5. Conclusion: The Response to the Resurrection of Christ

Therefore, our response can only be to accept our Lord Jesus Christ as our Lord and saviour, to forgive us our sins and grant us victory over death. For truly our Lord Jesus Christ has died for our sins and has risen again so that when we believe in Him, we too will conquer death and go to be with our Lord in Heaven.

To cap things off, I shall share my own thoughts and experience in this matter. Really, this Easter has been a time to reflect on what the Lord has done for me and on my commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ. And, I mean, it was a year ago on Easter Sunday that I finally took the step in obedience thru baptism. The Lord has indeed been so real to me in many ways in the past and even now as I mature I still feel that. But, anyway, truly I must it is so amazing that by the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, our sins have been forgiven and that by faith we are saved.

Easter Sunday

2010-04-04T20:36:00.000+08:00

Blessed Easter Sunday

Good Friday

2010-04-02T20:34:00.000+08:00

Blessed Good Friday

April Fools Day

2010-04-01T20:34:00.000+08:00

Poisson d'avril Heureux

2010-03-29T15:29:00.003+08:00

This is such a beautiful song...

When I Look At You

Everybody needs inspiration,
Everybody needs a song
A beautiful melody
When the nights so long

Cause there is no guarantee
That this life is easy...

Yea when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I...
I look at you

When the waves
Are flooding the shore and I can't
Find my way home anymore
That's when I, I...
I look at you

When I look At You I see forgiveness
I see the truth
You love me for who I am
Like the stars Hold the moon
Right there where they belong
And I Know I'm Not Alone.

Yea when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I...
I look at you

When the waves
Are flooding the shore and I can't
Find my way home anymore
That's when I, I...
I look at you

You appear just like a dream to me
Just like Kaleidoscope colors that
Cover Me, All I need every
Breath that I breathe don't you know
You're beautiful...

Yea Yea Yea

When the waves
Are flooding the shore and I can't
Find my way home anymore
That's when I, I...
I look at you
I look at you

Yea Yea Oh OH OH

And you appear Just like a dream
To me.

Life Philosophy...

2010-03-29T15:27:00.003+08:00

I just didn’t feel like sleeping for some nights again last week, and it is back to the same profound thought about consciousness that makes me fear sleeping, well it is not exactly a fear just don’t like the idea that when we sleep we lose our consciousness for awhile. I mean, in a way our consciousness is who we are, but of course when we wake up we regain our consciousness. However, it just feels different, like when you wake up we are at a different place in the future and where we were conscious is already in the past, it feels almost like we have left a part of ourselves behind. Maybe it’s my unfounded need to be present in the moment every time...

Anyway, I happened to watch a small portion of Star Wars: The Legacy Revealed on History Channel sometime last week and it focussed a lot on the history that inspired it and also the philosophy in it. And, one of the conversation quotes was quite interesting to me...Below is that quote...

Yoda: Premonitions, premonitions. These visions you have...

Anakin Skywalker: They are of pain, suffering. Death.

Yoda: Yourself you speak of, or someone you know?

Anakin Skywalker: Someone.

Yoda: Close to you?

Anakin Skywalker: Yes.

Yoda: Careful you must be when sensing the future Anakin. The fear of loss is a path to the dark side.

Anakin Skywalker: I won't let these visions come true, Master Yoda.

Yoda: Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed that is.

Anakin Skywalker: What must I do, Master Yoda?

Yoda: Train yourself to let go... of everything you fear to lose.

Of course, we can’t really take this too literally, but there is some truth in this. I mean, really it is true that if we hold on too tightly to what we have, it tends to slip out of our hands. In our attempts to avoid losing what we have, all too often we end up losing everything. But by letting go, we are able to cherish what we have and let nature take its course. And, we are able to get the things we want, coz we no longer have the negative energy of discontentment and wanting more. Just like in life, when we desperately try to hold onto life by trying to make the most of it, we start looking at other people and comparing our lives and we greed for more and more, which engulfs us and we forget what really matters and we end up losing instead. Maybe, it’s like the Bible verse in Matthew 16:25 that says that,” For whoever wants to save His life will lose it but whoever loses His life for me will find it.”

And, brings me nicely to my next point, that sometimes I just wish I could do more with my life, but I just lack the imagination, courage and opportunity...The issue is that I want to do more with my life, but I just don’t know the things I want to do specifically, like I mean I know the kind of stuff I want to do, just that I don’t know how to find the things I want to do and how to put myself in a position to have the opportunities to do the things I want to do. Certainly, I do feel like I’m definitely making steps in the right direction with the fact that I’m beginning to do more things that I want to do but I just am not there yet. I want to be more involved in various different activities and so till then I will be working towards this goal.

There was something else I also want to mention about last week, and that is that due to some issue the Lord spoke to me about something I couldn’t figure out. And, it’s funny that a few weeks back when Pastor visited, he asked me if the Lord was speaking to me recently and I didn’t really feel like I had but last week, I just felt like the Lord was speaking to me in so many ways and just feel closer to God again. Like spiritually I feeling good again and it was kind of therapeutic going back to AC for Fun-O-Rama...haha. But anyway, the Lord spoke to me about what I would call sensitivities. I always didn’t want to compromise in the past and when I felt like something had to be said, I would say it and make a point to tell the truth without any concern about being tactful. I felt like as long as I’m telling the truth, even if it is harsh it was ok. But, I realise that in some situations where it concerns a sensitive issue we have to take that into account, not forgetting that we are to speak the truth in love. And, in terms of making decisions as a leader, I believe that even if what the leader proposes to do is not wrong, if the people are not comfortable and it is very sensitive issue, there is good reason to compromise. Of course, here I am saying if the issue is not in black and white. That is because I believe that the leader should want the best for the people (altruism), so he/she should be sensitive to the peoples’ feelings. Just like in the book of Acts where a letter was sent to three places regarding abstaining from certain foods, it was not because it was wrong to eat these things but it was to be sensitive to the Jews who practised this. So it was relevant for my situation because there was an issue that I felt like it was fair for me to be given a compromise on an issue where it was sensitive to me and was a breach of my comfort level and not what was best for me even if it wasn’t wrong.

As for the events of the week, I went for Fun-O-Rama during the weekend and was glad I went for Fun-O-Rama but it was such a bummer now that I realised that I missed out on part of my purpose of going for it to meet old classmates and stuff only because I was probably there at a different time...But, at least according to my teacher those who were back were actually hoping to see me too. And, really it was great being back, coz I met the teachers and Principal, and also there is just something special about the place that touches me every time I’m there. While on Sunday, I had lunch with family.

Finally, everything seem to be going great in my life now, like everything is working out like I finally got the application my dad wanted for his IPhone for him and just things are going well and I’m looking forward to my next endeavour in my life with where I’m headed academically right now. So yea I’m just feeling like the world just keep dealing me the right cards, figuratively. Of course, I know everything’s going pretty well now and that is only because the Lord has blessed me. But, I just feel like everything is just going right that why I used that phrase to describe what it feels like now...

Freedom and Victory in Christ...

2010-03-21T20:30:00.009+08:00

Note: The date of this post is scheduled as 21st of March as that is where I'm writing from although I am only posting it now on the 28th of March

For some reason, I felt like sometimes we get so bogged down by life and all the burdens it carries, coz we are not perfect and we make mistakes, and we face difficulties in life along the way. But, we forget that we have such joy and freedom that comes from the death of Jesus Christ who took all our sins and we have a Saviour who if only we will seek in prayer promises to forgive and to comfort us from the burdens in our lives. (God does not take away our burdens, but He places His hand under ours and takes the weight off us.) Really, I realise how meaningful the hymn What A Friend We Have in Jesus is in an age where so much of the hype is on contemporary Christian music, I’m not saying that Christian music should be fixed to one genre, as long as it expresses the heart of worship it doesn’t really matter, but what I am saying is that there is actually a much richer message embedded in the words of songs and hymns of worship that are of old. Anyway, this particular hymn speaks of exactly what I am expressing here, that we have joy of knowing that we have a God who can take our burdens to and we can live freely knowing that there is no burden too great for God, that He can relieve us from, so we can live unhindered by our burdens. And, the sermon in Church was like the perfect way to continue...

Basically, this is the outline of that message....

The necessity of weakness

1. Lest we trust in our own our strength

2. Lest we steal the glory from God

3. Lest we forget victory belongs to God

That strength may be made perfect in weakness

1. Strengthen by His grace and mercy

2. Strengthen to be courageous

And we can be more than conquerors in weakness

1. A seemingly absurd strategy

2. A seemingly incomprehensible victory

The reason I say it is a perfect continuation is that not only do we have the joy and freedom of knowing Jesus has paid the price and knowing that we can take our burdens to God, is that He is able to show Himself strong in our weaknesses, it is in our weaknesses that He gets His Will done and we can be more than conquerors through Christ. That is the ultimate show of God’s love and His glory, that He died for us to take our burdens and that He shows Himself strong in our weakness. And, of course, we have the victory in Christ alone in so many ways.

And, like there were two things of the many things we mentioned during Youth class. On the day we did Acts 16 and recapped on Acts 15. I can’t remember exactly what we were talking about that let to this but like it was something to do with realising who our true friends are when we have certain difficult circumstances in our lives. And, I feel like as much as I used to have trouble finding friends and I could have been more sociable, it was because of my condition, I was able to see who were my real friends. That is because I believe people were not very friendly to me due to me being different. But, the few who were nice to me were the ones who could see beyond my differences and see me for who I am. Also, in Acts 16 the Lord prevented Paul and Silas from going to certain places to spread the gospel but opened the way to the places the Lord’s Will dictated. It feels so real in my life the way that God does His Will in my life, just like my path in my life now...the Lord closed the doors to university for me at this moment, but opened the path for me to study in a course I want before trying for university again. Not just in this, in many ways the Lord in fact has used this method to do His Will in my life. And, but no mean is it a bed of roses, it is sometimes through painful circumstances that the Lord directs us, and I have gone through experiences like that in my life.

So yea, these were the few things I felt the Lord spoke to me about for the Sunday on the 21st of March...

Beautiful Life...

2010-03-19T10:40:00.005+08:00

At some point last week I felt this way: Feeling awesome about my life, and like life is great and has so much potential, but it's kind of frustrating that I'm not going out and making the most of it...

I must say this it was more a positive feeling than negative feeling, because I felt an overwhelming feeling that life is really amazing, like everything felt perfect...the best feeling. I felt just how beautiful life is, like I realised that there are just so many great things about life, that we can experience here on earth. Life is really like an adventure and it is so exciting to see all the possiblities of life and what we can make of this life, the dreams that can come true. And, personally, I feel like as much as there are still some issues here and there, things yet to be fulfilled in my life that, my life right now and in the year ahead is awesome...I'm doing a lot of the things I've always wanted to do and things are working out quite nicely, like I'm enjoying life.

The only drawback about feeling this passion for life, is that somehow my love of life and feeling how great life can be, gives me a stress to want to make the most of this life, both to enjoy life and to make a difference. I mean, there are still many things I want from my life that I haven't had yet, like as much as I've gone out on a number of occassions last year, I've been at home a lot and it's hard to really make the most of life when I'm at home in front of my computer all the time. I need to be out there doing things and not wait for things to happen before I can really have opportunities to take and make something out of this life. I know that when I start it will give me chances for that but, I need really make sure I go out and do things more than just academically and to also make friends which I've struggled with in the past.

It sounds kind of silly, but I wasn't able to catch the movie Up last year, so last week having bought the dvd, I watched it. And, it somehow strikes a chord with me, because as much as my situation is different, I feel like the old man in the show coz my situation seems to hinder me from really going out there living the adventure of life. I just really wanna breakout and enjoy this adventure of life at the forefront of it all and not take a backseat in the safety of my comfort zone. Life has so much to offer and I have some much to give, I want to really live this life out to its fullest. And, last week, like I had a lot of free time and my mum wanted to take me out, but like I couldn't figure somewhere to go and something to do, so I ended up not doing anything and staying home for the week and the weekend.

One of the biggest barrier preventing me from doing more with my life I feel is that I can't seem to answer this questions that people going about their seem to know, what do I do now? I know this sounds a little unfair, insensitive and ungrateful, because there are people in the world who are struggling to even survive a day and here I am complaining about having nothing to do. However, it is because of my passion for life and that way that I am that I must do something more with my life than just make a living out of it. There is something inherent in us to tell us life has more than just making ends meet. For me that meaning comes only from living for what we were made to do, that is to bring glory to God, just sometimes I feel I need to do more with my life with this goal in mind.

I really wish that I knew what to do at every moment in my life, so I don't have to stress about figuring what to do with my life at every moment and how to make the most of it. Then again, it is a problem coz where's the adventure if we knew what we are to do at every moment. But, really, I just want to know what to do with my life and how I should spend my time in making the most of my time here on earth and making a difference. There is so much beauty in this life, it's so exciting, amazing and there is so much to experience and so much to contribute. I love life and I want to enjoy every second of it...life is just too amazing to not live it to the fullest...

Finally, I just want to say when all is said and done that, I believe despite all this in many I'm already so blessed. Some people may seem to have everything and do so many things but are just going about the motions of life at least, I am aware and am living on purpose, not just sailing through life. My family and I have really been blessed by God in so many ways, like everything we have and everything is just working out great at the moment. The most notable blessing our family received the week before was that my bro became the first Singaporean to win the National Age Group Chess Championships, the National Men's Chess Championships and the National Schools Individual Chess Championships all in one year.

To end, life is just so beautiful and so amazing, there's so much to experience and make of it, I feeling so exciting and passionate I just really feel an urge to just go out and make the most of life and live life to the fullest. It is frustrating that I haven't been able to do that, but I'm determined to live this life well. Everything seems to be going quite well in my life at the moment and I feel really awesome about my life. Just thank God for everything He has blessed us with and hope it reminds as perfect as now. And may all glory be unto God...

Mixed Emotions...

2010-03-15T11:10:00.000+08:00

Really didn't know what to blog about, but I knew I wanted to post youtube videos for the first time on a blog post on my blog...And, so I've posted several videos of songs that I feel reflect how I feel, some of which are my favourite songs. Last week, I felt like I just couldn't get how I truly feel, and I felt bad about stuff, but by the end of the week I had went from a heavy feeling maybe coz of the kind of songs I listened to, to feeling like everything is great, like not taking to heart all of the issues in my life, it just isn't an issue anymore to me, everything is great and almost perfect...But I must say, that I can't say that I'm sure of how I feel...like the words of the song, now I know how I feel about you now. So here's the different ways I feel as portrayed in these songs...

And, one point I must make about a phrase in the song The Only Exception, is " And up till now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness...but you are the only exception". This means something to me in two ways, one relating to what the song is meant to mean which is about love, and the other is in that I at some points in my life struggled with loneliness in terms of friendships, I tried to be content with my situation coz people would say I was being ungrateful and discontented by complaining about my situation but, I realise life is not meant to be lived in loneliness so I have every reason not to be satisfied with a life of loneliness.

Also, in the song two is better than one by my favourite band of all time, boys like girls...it's not like I went looking out for the persons' I know I care about, but it's almost like they just as the song goes,"came into my life".

Finally, in one of my favourite songs of all time, I'm with you, the part,"I don't know who you are but I...I'm with you". I feel like I don't know some of the people I care about, but still feel some kind of connection like I'm with whoever it is...

About You Now

Maybe I'm wrong
You decide
Shoulda been strong
Yet I lied
Nobody gets me like you

Couldn't keep hold of you then
How could I know what you meant
There was no friend to compare to
There's a mountain between us
But there's one thing I'm sure of
That I know how I feel about you

[Chorus]Can we bring yesterday back around
Cause I know how I feel about you now
I was dumb I was wrong
I've let you down
But I know how I feel about you now

I'll bet it takes one more chance
Don't let our next kiss be our last
I'm outta my mind just to show you
I know everything changes
I don't care where it takes us
Cause I know how I feel about you

[Chorus]Not a day passed me by
Not a day passed me by
When I don't think about you
And no moving on
Cause I know you're the one
And I can't be without you

[Chorus] (x2)

And I know how I feel about you now
Yea I know how I feel about you now

How you choose to express yourself
It's all your own and I can tell
It comes naturally, it comes naturally

You follow what you feel inside
It's intuitive you don't have to try
It comes naturally, mmmmmmm
It comes naturally

And it takes my breath away
What you do, so naturally

You are the thunder and I am the lightning
And I love the way you know who you are
And to me it's exciting
When you know it's meant to be
Everything comes naturally, it comes naturally
When you're with me, baby

Everything comes naturally, it comes naturally
Bay bay baby

You have a way of moving me
A force of nature, your energy
It comes naturally(you know it does)
It comes naturally

Mmmmmmmm yeah
And it takes my breath away(every time)
What you do, so naturally

You are the thunder and I am the lightning
And I love the way you know who you are
And to me it's exciting
When you know it's meant to be
Everything comes naturally, it comes naturally
When you're with me, baby

Everything comes naturally, it comes naturally
Bay bay baby

When we collide, sparks fly
When you look in my eyes, it takes my breath away(You are)

You are the thunder and I am the lightning
And I love the way you know who you are
And to me it's exciting
When you know it's meant to be
Everything comes naturally, it comes naturally
When you're with me, baby

Everything comes naturally, it comes naturally
Bay bay baby

Naturally
Everything baby comes naturally

Naturally
Bay bay baby

{Verse 1}When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it
And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darlin'

{Chorus}You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

{Verse 2}Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Or keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm content
With loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

{Chorus}You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

{Bridge}I've got a tight grip on reality, but I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving in the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

{Chorus}You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception[X2]

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, and I'm on my way to believing

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought"Hey, you know, this could be something"
Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing

So maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes
The way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay
I'm finally now believing

That maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember what you wore on the first dayYou came into my life and I thought, "Hey,"

Maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone

And I'm thinking ooo
I can't live without you
Cause, baby, two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
But I'll figure it out
When all is said and done
Two is better than one
Two is better than one

I'm Standing on a bridge
I'm waitin' in the dark I thought that you'd be here by now
Theres nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there's no sound

Isn't anyone tryin' to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are but I... I'm with you
I'm with you

I'm looking for a place
Searching for a face
Is anybody here i know
Cause nothing's going right
And everything's a mess
And no one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are but I... I'm with you
I'm with you

Oh why is everything so confusing
Maybe I'm just out of my mind
Yea yea yea

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I... I'm with you
I'm with you

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I... I'm with you
I'm with you

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are but I... I'm with you
I'm with you
I'm with you...

To end, maybe all this may turn out to mean nothing but perhaps it may be something...

Building Bridges

2010-03-06T18:03:00.000+08:00

I just wanna say before I blog this post that really I'm grateful for everything that I have and am, I feel really positive and like the past is the past and I'm just so exciting and looking forward to the future...

But, anyway, I been thinking about it in recent times, that really I feel like for so long I have been unable to build bridges in my life, in that I mean that, I have been unable to make connections with people and really just make friends and to form a social circle around me. I really feel like that has hindered me from living life completely the way I want to. I mean, if you have been able to have connections and friends, it certainly makes life a whole lot easier and more fun.

If you have friends, you can just easily find people to go out and do stuff with and for me there were some many events and stuff I wanted to attend but, I don't feel like I have friends to say hey want come with me to whatever it is. Like, for example last week I really wanted to go back to AC and for a long time I've been wanting to go back but there was never really that opportunity for me coz like I didn't have any people to go with nor was there a reason for me to do so.

And, like in a broader sense, there many other things in life I miss out on by not having what I called bridges built in my life. I've been trying hard to improve myself socially and I feel I've made progress, but somehow, I still have some hurdles to overcome, like I just still feel so awkward talking to other people.

So, I really need to be able to build these bridges in my life if I want to live the life I want, coz not only does it open up opportunities for myself, I also in the process have the benefit I having friends. And, I also can be a blessing to other people too. I also find that by making those connections, I'm more able to get the support I need especially with my unique circumstances where I rely on people a lot and in my short life so far, I feel like I never really had as much support from others as I would have liked because of my inability to make those connections.

And, I feel like I never really stepped out of my comfort zone to truly do the things I wanna do, I've always played it on the safe side and just not been bold enough to really not let others decide for me and make my own choices, up till A levels I would say. Like now I doing more of the stuff I wanna do like I'm going poly to do product design, my passion and I'm taking up singing lessons, it's just great.

Therefore, I just feel like I really want to really take every opportunity that comes my way and not let my fear stop me from doing the things I want to do, and I really hope I can start building more bridges in my life, so that I can truly live my life completely the way I want to. That's really all I can ask for...

The Sunny Side Up

2010-02-26T10:30:00.000+08:00

No, I’m not talking about the new album Sunny Side Up by singer/songwriter Paolo Nutini... (Like I’m trying to make use of his name to increase my blog’s publicity)... But, speaking of music and publicity, I’m still working on getting videos of me singing out on sites like youtube, myspace and facebook. I know like these days that practically everyone is doing that, but I don’t even know what I need to do that and like I don’t think I have the stuff I need.

Anyway, avoiding getting sidetracked, the point of this post that I have entitled The Sunny Side Up is that I’m looking in a new direction in my life as in my blog to view things from a positive standpoint. And, so appropriately the sunny side up, which refers to the bright side of things, is going to be my new theme. I know for the longest time my theme has been about the joy in spite of difficult circumstances and like about improving on all the negative stuff. It some ways it has been great coz it’s encouraging to others in difficult situations but it also made me look very, negative, almost depressing at times and it seemed like I was not unhappy and contented, always complaining...of course, it wasn’t meant to be that way but was to show a realness to life and it was my passion to pursue my ideals for life that made me look discontented when in actual fact I was just trying to be progressive and build a better future.

I do admit at times I do feel discontented and I envy, but that is only human and it’s not like I want superficially...the things I crave sometimes have been about making more with my life, coz I felt like my potential wasn’t maximised. I will still be on the journey of learning how to live life but just now I’m taking a new direction. The funny thing is that when we talk about good things always regarding life which is normally the case, we tend to question the how real that is a description of life, but for me is the other way round...I’ve been talking some much about the struggles of life, I need to now bring up the positive side of things so that my portrayal of life is as real as it gets. My last post felt too depressing for me, so here I am now with my new direction, The Sunny Side Up.

And, really I’ve been going on about all the problems and things hindering me from living the life I want. And, it was amazing that the two messages I received said this two things which is the same reason I writing this post. To free yourself from a problem you have to acknowledge it and face it with your eyes and heart open. All too often we focus so intently on solving the problems, that we forget to zoom out and celebrate what is good in our life already.

Due to my situation, certainly I do miss out on some things in life but I realise on a positive note, I am in many ways living the life of my dreams. Somehow, I’ve been looking too much at the bad things that I forget there are so many other things going for me in my life that make my life worth living, coz the good things make going through the bad times worth it. And, I realise in focussing on the good things, we are able to overcome the bad things in our lives. And, really the good things cover up for all the bad things in life. Just like a self fulfilling prophecy, when you focus on what is good, positive and great, life continues to give you more and more of these good things. It is a gratefulness that rewards us and it gives us a kind of contentment and peace to see the bright side of things coz all situations seem filled with hope and possibilities.

Also, above are two pictures related to the topic about the sunny side up, which made me put thought to the analogy about a fried egg. I realise the heat from the frying pan that cooks the egg is at the bottom of the egg which turns golden brown, whereas the sunny side up is largely unburnt. So it is like life, on one side there are the struggles and bad things and on the other side there are the good things in life. But, it is the heat below that cooks the egg and makes it ready to eat, so the struggles are what make us better people and it produces the good on the other side. Therefore, the learning point is that, instead of looking at the ugly side, we should look at the sunny side up, for the bad things on the ugly side are not important, but it is how the ugly side has produced the sunny side up which is good that is important.

To end, here’s a phrase from song we all knew all too well, “Always look on the bright side of life...” They say that it is usually sung at football matches and funerals which is kind of ironic, but believe me I mean it in a good way, to really be positive and the good in life even when good is not around.

Unconventional Life

2010-02-23T20:35:00.000+08:00

I don’t know why but it feels like I’m the only one in the world in the situation I’m in, in my life...Well, while everyone else is getting on with their lives, making the most of their lives, just enjoying unhindered relationships and seemingly going through life as though every is perfect in their personal lives, and like no problem can get in their way, I’m like in a vastly different place in my life... I know they say the grass is always greener on the other side, but somehow it feels like I’m the only one with withered grass in a sea of green grass.

Just looking at the way the past week in the first like 7 days of Chinese New Year went by for me, it seems like the way it was for me is so different from many others. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the good things we were able to enjoy this Chinese New Year, not that I don’t thank God for what He has done for me and my family, coz I do in fact appreciate these things, but there’s a certain expectation that is placed on the celebration of Chinese New Year which I felt wasn’t there...maybe it was the missing atmosphere I’m not sure. It just seems like there is always more for me to be unhappy about than be happy about, like I don’t want to be negative or anything, you know i do see the good in things even when good is not around, and I also see the side of the glass that is filled, it’s just I don’t understand why my life can’t be like everybody else’s?

It’s really like I’m living an unconventional life, I mean unconventional can be good coz it’s like unique but for me it’s more like a strange kind of unconventional. I’ve seen people surprised at the way things go in my life. Ok, with my family I think we are generally quite good, although I do think we’re not as close as I would like I would say, the way things are run at home probably not what one would expect, like we rarely help out at home and could do with less clashes I guess. Then, we are quite close to our paternal side immediate relatives, but for the maternal side it is a very different story...we are not close to our cousins at all I guess, it used to be better though not the case anymore.

And, to the way we celebrated Chinese New Year, we and all our relatives and cousins on the maternal side had dinner at our maternal grandmother’s house on the first day of Chinese New Year. Of course, for our own family we had the reunion dinner just among ourselves on the eve. But, anyway, my point is that like on the day we had dinner at our grandmother’s place, it’s like we didn’t really mix with each other, there just isn’t any bond there. Like, I mean the other people I see around, when the families come together they have fun and celebrate together, there is like some connection there which is present that is missing with us. And, that is like the only visitations we have on Chinese New Year.

And, personally like I didn’t have any chance to celebrate with friends, well this probably isn’t the case with everyone, but yea. And, moving away from the celebration of Chinese New Year, my life generally is unconventional, like my life I would say is pretty boring and uneventful compared to most people, for example, others seem to be doing so much more with their lives, going out and doing stuff I guess. I know I’ve lamented about this before many times but still feel that way coz I haven’t broken out of this shell.

Finally, I’m always facing so many personal issues and problems, it’s almost always so overwhelming and there are only few occasions where I feel unaffected by it, and I feel like everything is great. Again, I know that problems are part of life, in the process of growing and that every negative can be positive if we respond in the right way. But, this is a different kind of problem and a different kind of pain; it is something that I need to overcome coz it’s more of a problem, than a learning experience.

To end, I just really want a resolution to everything in my life, to all the different issues affecting me. Like, I don’t want to let anything get in the way of putting everything right, I want to break any barrier that is preventing from reaching out to others and from living the life the way I want to. I genuinely believe that there is a certain convention, a way of life that should exist...I feel like my life is kind of unconventional in some ways in that sense, just like you would expect a family to be close knit, just like you would expect there to be an atmosphere on a happy occasion, just like you would expect someone to enjoy this one life we have that is so short and just like I can live my life without worrying about the things everyone else wouldn’t have to. Life can’t be perfect and we can’t have everything but I just want my life to be at a certain level. I realise that in truth, everyone has their own fair share of things to deal with in their lives and we all are trying to do our best to live our lives, we each have a unique set of certain things going for us and another set not going for us. But, that’s where God has a plan to use our different lives and circumstances, to come together to accomplish the ultimate purpose for our lives that is to bring glory to God. Whatever, issues, flaws, faults, weaknesses and painful experiences, it is all part of who we are. It is about accepting who we are, and doing the best we can with what we’ve got. So I’m just hoping to be positive and work toward the goal and set things right in my life.

14th of February...

2010-02-15T11:54:00.000+08:00

First of all, a blessed and happy Chinese New Year of the Tiger to all...yea its the time of the year where we celebrate the New Year for a second time, with the visiting relatives, receving of Hong Baos, wearing new clothes, eating good food and celebrations. And, of course a time where we can thank God for the many blessings bestowed upon us by God.

And, now then, of course Happy Valentine's Day!

Yea, so before I go into the stuff I wanna say about CNY and Valentine's Day...this is another I've been hearing...thought it was pretty appropriate for Valentine's Day and anyway, Justin Bieber is like such a youtube sensation right now...

One Less Lonely Girl by Justin Bieber

There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl

How many I told you's
And start overs and shoulders
Have you cried on before
How many promises be honest girl
How many tears you let hit the floor
How many bags you'd packed
Just to take'em back, tell me that
How many either or's
But no more,
If you let me inside of your world
There'll be one less lonely girl

Oh oh
I saw so many pretty faces
Before I saw you, you
Now all I see is you
I'm coming for you
No no
Don't need these other pretty faces
Like I need you
And when your mine in the world

There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
I'm gonna put you first
I'll show you what you're worth
If you let me inside your world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl

Christmas wasn't merry, 14th of February
Not one of'em spent with you
How many dinner dates, set dinner plates
And he didn't even touch his food
How many torn photographs are you taping back
Tell me that you couldn't see an open door
But no more,
If you let me inside of your world
There'll be one less lonely girl

Oh oh
I saw so many pretty faces
Before I saw you, you
Now all I see is you
I'm coming for you
No no
Don't need these other pretty faces
Like I need you
And when your mine in this world

There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
I'm gonna put you first
I'll show you what you're worth
If you let me inside your world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl

I can fix up your broken heart
I can give you a brand new start
I can make you believe
I just wanna set one girl free to fall (free to fall)
She's free to fall (fall in love)
With me
My hearts locked and nowhere that I got the key
I'll take her and leave the world
With one less lonely girl

There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
I'm gonna put you first
I'll show you what you're worth
If you let me inside your world

There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
I'm gonna put you first
I'll show you what you're worth
If you let me inside your world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
Only you shawty

Yea, so about Valentines Day, in this world today where there are so many different takes on what love it is, but it is good to remind ourselves what the Bible says about what love is...

1 Corinthians 13

Love

1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

However, I'm not going say more about this verse, truly it speaks for itself what God wants to tell us is love. Love as in the unconditional love. We always turn to 1 Corithians 13 about love, but there is another way that the Bible talks about love in relationships and more specifically marriages. And, that is about the comparison between the love God has for the Church. We are to love as Christ loves the Church. It is the sacrificial, agape love that we're talking about. It is a love that puts other first...

And, just the other day watching the Korean Drama, in which one of the characters realised that by forcing someone she loved but who loved someone else to love her, she was not actually loving the person and instead was loving herself. And, now linking it to the song by Justin Bieber called one less lonely girl, one part of the song strikes me, that is the part that says, "I'm gonna put you first, I'll show you what you're worth..." That is the kind of love I want to write about here...Love is having the happiness of the other person at heart. It is to want the other person to be happy. But, one might then ask, is it wrong to want happiness for one's self? I guess it isn't wrong to be happy, every should want to be happy. However, that isn't love, love is about putting the other person first. And, there also is no happiness in something so one-sided and so selfish, it is the love of oneself. Of course, when you love someone, you want to be with the person and it is a natural progression if the other party feels the same way. The thing is that it is about putting the other person's happiness before your own, that we love the person, be it in being together with a person or giving up on unrequited love.

Also, I feel this can be applied to knowing whether we truly love a person or not, and that is if we care about the needs of the other person and that the other person is happy, then that is love. And, really that sparked me into reflection...like in a broader sense shouldn't we love others in this same way, to have the welfare of society at heart. I used to feel so strongly about altruism and somehow I don't know but I lost a little bit of the fervour in that aspect. Of course, now I still believe in that, like we should be altrusitic in the things we do and not do do things for personal gain, for in that way it makes the world a better place. I mean, I always see it that we should want to do good because it is good, and it should be the starting point. Like, we have a responsiblity to society and it should be our desire to make it a better place.

As for Chinese New Year then, well it's great and it is part of our culture and tradition as Chinese. It's a wonderful time to reunite with family and enjoy all the festivities. But, was in some ways a unique one this year, like the first day of CNY was also like Valentine's Day and was also on a Sunday. The point about it was that even as we celebrate Chinese New Year it is merely a tradition, but still Christ comes first. And, in fact the occasion is also an opportunity to share the gospel and thank God for His many blessings, which in a way is glorifying God. It is really epitomised by the Christian banners they have for Chinese New Year, the one that says glory to God. The point it was Christ first, as we began the day focussing on God first, and there is a difference between tradition and our beliefs, but even in this occasion we can glorify God.

Finally, about how I've been spending this Chinese New Year Holiday...So yea, had reunion dinner on the eve of Chinese New Year with just the immediate family which was great i guess. And, then on the first day of Chinese New Year, after receving our Hong Baos from our parents haha, we went to Church. Thereafter, we went to the airport for lunch, a little bit extreme, but was to avoid crowds and to be sure it wasn't close. Lastly, we went to our maternal grandmother's house for dinner with our relatives from the maternal side. As for anything remotely Valentine's Day, there really wasn't anything, I almost didn't feel like it was Valentine's Day. I do agree with the point of view that there really Valentine's Day is really just all a hype and that in dating everyday can feel like a Valentine's Day. But, it is a sweet reminder for those in relationships. It would definitely have been great to be able to celebrate it too but oh well maybe in the future haha.

So that's about it for the 14 of February...

Real Life

2010-02-13T11:32:00.000+08:00

Well, it’s been such a long while that I’ve been on this break in my life, and haven’t really been anywhere this year although occasionally I have. Like its been one year and a few months already, it’s crazy how time flies. So much in my life has changed since I left school, and so much has happened it feels like it’s been a long time that I’ve been living this way, at home doing whatever want to do. And, now I’ve got this new beginning in my life in this new year, as I go back to school again, it in a way like old times coz I’ll back to school life and stuff but different in that it’s a whole new path I’m taking in the pursuit of my dreams. I kind of miss the old times a lot but yet there’s so much in the past I wish I could undo. Ok, I must stress that I’m a believer in having no regrets coz like everything that has happened to me is for a reason good and bad...But, there are regrets I have in my life, about how immature I used to be, how naive and the mistakes I’ve made. The point is though that in spite of these regrets i have in my life I still don’t regret anything in my life in view of the greater scheme of things. And, that is not to say that I have given up on some of the positive childlike qualities, like the childlike faith and believing in the good in people. And, after all there have been good times too, coz no matter how brief it is worth it going through the bad times just for the moments of joy, besides I’ve found much joy even in the toughest of times.

For some reason, after tiring myself out for a few days in a row coz I was watching some Korean Drama series, like sitting up the whole day...one night, as I lay in bed trying to sleep, it felt like my life flashed before my eyes, as I just looked back at my life so far. It’s just that I feel like I’m at such a different place in my life right now and it’s like I can now see in retrospective with a much bigger picture, seeing like how far I’ve come. Everything’s just so different now...It’s like I’ve come full circle, I’ve made my mistakes and learned from them and now I’m moving on to a different stage.

Anyway, between last week and the week before, I went out twice, once to shop in town for Chinese New Year and the other to visit pastor. There was someone wearing a shirt that had the words, “the greatest blessing 4 dreams to come true.” The seemed to strike a chord with me and it was like reminding about how blessed I am to be pursuing my dreams. Apart from the chess, the singing lessons, shoe artwork, and playing on the computer, I watched quite a bit of TV. Like the Korean drama I watched and like this new show on discovery Sci-fi Science.

And, somehow I felt bad about the way I reacted to something during the week. I always feel like I think about achieve a certain quality that would make me a better person, it’s like seeking a kind of perfection, God’s standard, holiness...trying hard to live in way contrary to human nature. You know it’s like I’m being hard on myself, when I was even in the slightest way selfish, when I failed to love others selflessly, or maybe being ungrateful. It’s like being disappointed with oneself over something that every normal human being would struggle with. And, sometimes because of the high standards I set for myself, people seem to expect much more from me, not that I care about people expectations of me. The truth I know is that it is humanly impossible to make God’s standard’s but only with the help of the spirit, and of course, our faith in Christ is credited to us as righteousness. The thing though is that I don’t know whether I’m being too hard on myself by always pushing myself to better myself in areas it’s all too human to slip up in and feeling so bad about my mistakes. I guess it should be the aim to always better ourselves but I guess we’re all human so there’s no need to be so hard on ourselves.

In another instance, I was watching this show on TV where someone was sharing about coming to terms with tragedy. It was a person who had lost the whole family to a car accident and I was like thinking to myself yea indeed this is an amazing story because like how do we continue to live life when we face tragedy, like how do we have the hope to live on? I think the starting point should be to remember that bad things happen not because of God but because we live in this fallen world, and yes God can and does prevent bad things from happening, in the cases where He chooses not to prevent the tragedy from happening, we don’t know why but God’s will is perfect and He has reason for it. Of course, when tragedy strikes it is a painful experience, and it is perfectly alright and normal to be sad. There is certainly a time of grieving and a time to pull ourselves together. So there are three things that I feel we should keep in mind in coming to terms with tragedy. Firstly, there is meaning even in tragedy...Pain is God’s megaphone as C.S Lewis puts it, God uses the pain of tragedy to speak to us and remind us that we live in a fallen world but that He loves us and has a better place for us in Heaven. Also, it helps us to grow spiritually and leads us to seek God. Next, he who has a why to live can bear with almost any how. Hope is essential for life, where we have hope, we can overcome any obstacle. The hope that we as Christians have is in Christ, we have the hope of eternal life with Christ and judgement. Also, we the hope of knowing that our lives have a purpose, we have a destiny, a future and through our suffering the Lord is using for His glory. This brings me to my next point, and that is in life we have an ultimate goal and that is the purpose of bringing glory to God, it is not about the circumstances but using the circumstances in our lives to glorify God. So, we should not give up on our lives when we face tragedy because we are alive for a reason. From the book Soul Cravings, “A sense of destiny gives us the strength to face overwhelming obstacles and hardships. At the same time living a life with a powerful sense of purpose gives us the energy and enthusiasm to get up every morning and face the day.”

Anyway, here are the songs I've been listening to...

Innocence by Avril Lavigne

Waking up I see that everything is ok
The first time in my life and now it's so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great

I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

[Chorus]
This innocence is brilliance
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect
Please don't go away
I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere

I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

[Chorus]

It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
This innocence is brilliance
Makes you wanna cry
This innocence is brilliance
Please don't go away
Cus I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by

The Truth by Kris Allen

[Chorus]
Lyin' next to you
Wishing I could disappear, hey
Let you fall asleep
And vanish out into thin air, hey

It's the elephant in the room
And we pretend that we don't see it
It's the avalanche that looms
Above our heads, but we don't believe it

Tryin' to be perfect
Tryin' not to let you down, yeah
Honesty is honestly
The hardest thing for me right now, yeah

While the floors underneath our feet are crumblin'
The walls we built together tumblin'
I still stand here holdin' up the roof
'Cause it's easier than telling the truth

I still keep your photographs
I remember how we used to laugh
I can keep on losin' sleep
If you're okay with being torn in half

It's the elephant in the room
And we pretend that we don't see it
It's an avalanche that looms
Above our heads but we don't believe it

Tryin' to be perfect
Tryin' not to let you down, yeah
Honesty is honestly
The hardest thing for me right now, yeah

While the floors underneath our feet are crumblin'
The walls we built together tumblin'
I still stand here holdin' up the roof
'Cause it's easier than telling the truth

Stop ignoring that our hearts are mourning
And let the rain come in
Stop pretending that it's not ending
And let the end begin, oh yeah

Tryin' to be perfect,
Tryin' not to let you down, yeah
Honesty is honestly
The hardest thing for me right now, yeah

While the floors underneath our feet are crumblin'
The walls we built together tumblin'
I still stand here holdin' up the roof
'Cause it's easier than telling the truth

It's easier than telling the truth

My Shoe Artwork...

2010-02-06T09:42:00.000+08:00

2010-02-05T11:47:00.000+08:00

Ephesians 4

Living as Children of Light

17So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.

20You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. 21Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

25Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26"In your anger do not sin"[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold. 28He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.

29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

If there is one thing I learned from this verse is that I should get rid of all the bitterness and anger because of things in the past, and I should forgive...that is to let go of the past...that is the only way to heal my life and move on with my life...

Maybe that is one of the things that holds me back...but it isn't the case anymore...

Unto the Lord

2010-02-02T11:29:00.000+08:00

The message at Church last Sunday was a wonderful one, it was about our work being unto God not Man, about the art of worship to God in all that we do. And, amazingly, it was something I shared about the day before.

To me it is an encouragement to anyone feeling disillusioned about their work, like they are getting nothing for their hard work. Also, it is a message of purpose, and how everything we do has meaning when we do what we do as a worship unto God.

These are two verses that describe this worship to God in all we do, the one on top being one I picked out myself and the bottom two were used in the sermon...

Colossians 3:23-24
23Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Ephesians 6:5-8
5Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. 6Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but like slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. 7Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, 8because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free.

Ephesians 4:20-24
20You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. 21Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Basically, what all this means is this:

All that is done should be done as unto to the Lord

The Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, therefore we do not need Man's reward for it is God's reward the we desire.

We are to do our work with respect, fear and sincerity as working for the Lord

We are also to put away our old selves and put on the new, so that we may be a shining light for Christ

And, we are to do what is good and share with those in need both spiritually and physically.

Therefore, it doesn't matter what we are doing whether in the secular world or in the Church, it is to be unto to the Lord as a worship to Him too. And, remember that we profits us not to receive rewards from Man, but it is the reward in Heaven that awaits us that is what we should have our sights set on. Let this be an encouragement to do our best in our work...

God's Blessing and Promise...

2010-01-28T11:22:00.000+08:00

I know that everything we have is made possible by God alone and it is not by any merit of ours that we are blessed with what we have. And, certainly as much as the situation seem sad when I didn’t make it to the university last year, I realised and know that it was actually a blessing in disguise because if I had got into the course I wanted in university, I don’t think I would have made it, but as I did not make it, I could only go to poly and do the course, which will prepare me much better to do the course in university. And, my two years in JC weren’t wasted because it allowed me to grow spiritually and as a person. Also, the gap year gave me time to do stuff I wanted and improve myself further. But, I’m having trouble reconciling my posting to NP Product Design being a blessing and something to be congratulated for. I mean, God has blessed me by opening up the best path for me to do the course I want in poly and has blessed me with the results for my O Levels in 2006 that has allowed me to get into the course i want in poly, but I already knew I’d make it into the course I wanted in poly coz my score was good enough. I guess, even though my results were indeed good enough for the course it is still God who has made it possible. I think the reason I felt uncomfortable to be congratulated about my posting and that I was blessed in my posting was that it didn’t feel like a great thing happened since I was expecting to get in. But, I do feel blessed that I’m able to do the course I want to and doing it through the poly route at NP; and I'm grateful for it.

And, speaking of blessings, just the week before there was something I wanted to blog about but didn’t get a chance to and that is about God’s promise to bless us by prospering us and giving us success in what we do when we obey His commands. I believe that this is true in both ways, spiritually and in material terms. But, having said that, that does not mean that everything will always be rosy or we will live a life of luxury and comfort. But, as Christians we are blessed with every spiritual blessing in Christ. And, God not only transforms us into a people that possess the fruits of the spirit, He also provides for us physically. Moreover, it is according to God’s will that he blesses us and so we must trust that God has a plan, of course, we live in this fallen world and so there will be people that are not so blessed, because bad things happen, but all things work for the good of those who love Him. And, God blesses us so that we can be a blessing to others, but in this world there are people who are stingy which of course, is not the way God intended it to be. For, it is more blessed to give than to receive. Also, sometimes God limits His gift-giving to us so we do not stumble and fall away from Him.

We must however be careful to understand that it is in serving and obeying God through our gratitude that He blesses us and not that we obey Him so that we prosper and have success. And true success is to obey God and to become more like Christ, and to develop our relationship with God. One may ask then why good things happen to bad people and why they seem to prosper, while sometimes bad things happen to good people. But, know this, that those who have temporary riches on earth are in reality spiritual beggars because they do not have true riches—eternal life. And, in Christ we will find truth contentment, spiritual riches and eternal joy. So also, we must bear in mind that it is the eternal blessings from God and the intangible things in life that is most important, but there is nothing wrong with the temporary things here on earth and in fact it can be an act of worship when we thank God for it, just that it should not take our focus away from what truly matters, and that is our relationship with God. Finally, in John 16:23-24, it says, 23In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 24Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete. So, if it is in God’s will and we ask in faith, we will receive. Therefore, God wants to and will bless us if only we will believe and ask of Him according to His will.

Exploration of the Soul...

2010-01-23T12:06:00.000+08:00

I know that since this year, I’ve yet to blog about anything I’ve been doing. But, basically nothing much is happening right now and not much has happened at the start of this year. I started the year just relaxing at home and on the second day, the National Age Group chess championships were concluded. And, pretty much since then I’ve been at home for the most part, just doing my usual stuff. Of course, I’ve been having chess lessons on Tuesdays and trainings on Saturdays. Yea, and I’m still having vocal lessons. I’ve missed the past few youth fellowship sessions but I was able to attend the Centralised Learning in our Church. And, seriously, I’ve either been on my com doing random stuff like chess, social networking and playing or just watching TV, like now been watching all the tennis matches at Australian Open.

Anyway, I would like to take a different approach to my blog posting this year, so like I’m focussing more on the theme that sticks in my mind over the weeks and then writing about that rather than about the stuff I’d been doing during the week. Then again, it could change when I have more to write about when I get back to school. Regardless, just gonna mix things up a little.

So yea, since the week before, I sort of figured out the issue of God’s glory as our motivation to do our best. But, last week, I thought about passion and how it motivates us to achieve. And, about dreams, why it matters to our souls? You know so much of being human is the passion that we feel and it is certainly a God thing given to us, so I wanted to figure out how passion is one of the things that God uses to motivate us to do well and bring glory to His name. I wanted to explain why our souls gravitate towards greatness through the needs of the soul?

I thought very hard throughout the week to really understand how passion motivates us to do our best to achieve perfection. I believe that of course if you have a passion for something, you naturally do well at it because you enjoy it and you put your heart and soul into what you’re doing. But, I wondered about how it actually motivates us to do well. Passion firstly is to feel strongly about something. And, I guess, when we love to do something, we want to do it well because, of course it brings us greater joy when we do better at what we do, but this answer didn’t satisfy me. So, I guess, there is more to it..perhaps, it is that when we have a passion for something, we enjoy what we do, and have an appreciation for it, so of course we want to do well because we feel a greater sense of satisfaction since, it is not just something that love but something that we love and done well such that we can admire our work of art so to speak. I mean, for example a soccer player who loves playing the game knows that the beauty of the game lies in the goal after a well crafted move, a display of skill that gets him a goal or pass a player or even a save by the keeper that helps a team stay in the game, so when they do well they appreciate the beauty of the game, therefore, they seek to do well in appreciation of the game. And, we want to do well in our love for what we do and in our enjoyment of it. When we have a passion for something it means a whole lot to us and so we do well because it means something to us. As for why dreams are so important for us, is that that is sort of like what we want, what we hope for and the future that strive towards. So we want to achieve our dreams simply because they are our dreams, what we desire. But, more importantly, I believe dreams are put in our hearts by God for a reason, they are part of our shape that God uses for us to accomplish the purpose He has for our lives, and hints as to our calling. But, of course some dreams are not meant to be reached, however, some are. Either way they have a purpose the ones we don’t achieve are what spur us and the dreams we do achieve are part of the purpose God wants to use it for in our lives.

And, this brings me nicely to Pastor’s sermon of the soul thirsting for God and why we need God which was last week’s message. Basically, there are three main reasons that we need God, they are that He is our Creator, He is our Redeemer and He is our Provider. God created all of us so because of that He is the reason we exist so He is the ultimate purpose of our lives and He alone is the one who knows our role. And, since all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, it is only in Christ that we can be saved through His redemptive work on the cross, by putting our trust in Him. Finally, it is Christ who gives us strength, life and providence. There are three main things our soul needs, that is, love, destiny and meaning. And, in our pursuit of these things in life, we ultimately come to God, because all these only have significance in Christ. In love, we love Christ because He first loved us and we love others just as Christ loved us. In terms of our dreams and our future, ultimately these things are part of the purpose we are created in bringing glory to God. And, meaning is only found in Christ and in our relationship with Him, coz everything we do is for God’s glory so the things we do have meaning to achieve the ultimate purpose of glory to God.

I thought about the issue of contentment. To remind myself that truly it is in Christ that we have everything even if we have nothing. And, in life what are important are not the material things we have or the number of friends we have or even how eventful or exciting our lives are. What is important is our relationship with God, coz He is our God that we live for. And, what matters in life, the whole purpose of our existence is to bring glory to God, as long as we are living the life God intended for us and we are living for our purpose to bring glory to God that is all we really need. And, now I think I realise my mistake, that I haven’t been grateful enough, coz like the point is that when we receive things in life, it is an act of worship that brings glory to God when we thank Him for what he has richly blessed us with, and it is not about getting more stuff and doing more stuff, it is about receiving from God what He has blessed us with grateful heart. And, truly, seek ye first the kingdom and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you, and delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. He came so that we can have life and life in full. Somehow, I just get caught up looking at the lives of others and just wanting more with my life and I feel envious at times. It’s just that there’s all this I see with people having friends to spend time with each other like go out together, celebrating special occasions together, going over to their places, and just having experiences. And, like just being able to live my life to the fullest, experience life and be involved in events and activities. Also, like there’s this thing about the kind of home lifestyle. I realise that some of it is just discontentment and not being satisfied with the things I have in my life, but I still feel like I’m not all that ungrateful, it is just that I want to enjoy my life and make the most of my time, to really live life to the fullest. I know what my purposes in life are and that my relationship with God is most important, but I’m sure that God would want us to enjoy this gift of life, as much as I know the pursuit of pleasure, wealth and the acquiring of things are meaningless. However, I do believe I’m not after the material things in life but just to live my life in a big way. And, besides, it is not to say that we can’t enjoy our lives because in giving thanks to God it can be a spiritual thing. But, this doesn’t mean that we enjoy ourselves and get things with that purpose but in accepting what He has given us, coz He provides for us. Like, whatever our situation at any point in our lives, we are to be content and give thanks for what He has given us, because we know that God knows our heart’s desire and will provide for us wherever in His will if our desire’s are . It’s about trusting in Him. And, it isn’t a passive thing but a proactive thing, first and foremost God’s work and our relationship with Him is what our goal to work towards is in bringing glory to God, and the rest of the things can come into play. I guess in very much in human nature to want more, but it is not inherently wrong to want more, it is rather when it becomes too important to us that it is a bad thing. The issue I have is that, we should not be discontent, but to want more seems to be discontentment. We are to be content in all circumstances, so I must somehow be wrong in a way. Then again, don’t we all have things we want from our lives, are we supposed to not want anything anymore. But, I guess, it is alright for us to want things, just that whether or not we get what we want that we be at peace and are satisfied, coz we trust and know that God will provide for us.

So yea, I feel like there is still so much I don’t understand about life but I guess I’m seeking and getting closer to understanding our soul’s longings and how passion motivates us. Also, I’m figuring out about contentment and to differentiate discontentment from my desire for progress and to live my life to the fullest by striving each moment to do more with my life.

Living Life God's Way...

2010-01-17T11:17:00.000+08:00

I’ve learned in the past that the reason for our existence and everything is for God’s glory. And, we bring glory to God by doing everything we do as unto the Lord and we point to God’s glory by attributing our successes to Him. But, I realise now that I missed out a very crucial link and that is how what we do which is done for God’s glory actually brings glory to God.

To begin to answer this question we need to know what God’s glory is.

What is God's glory?

First, it is used for God's physical radiance. For example, Exodus 24:16, 17 says,
"And the glory of the Lord rested on Mount Sinai, and the cloud covered it for six days; and on the seventh day He called to Moses from the midst of the cloud. And to the eyes of the sons of Israel the appearance of the glory of the Lord was like a consuming fire on the mountain top."
Of course, it is impossible for me to glorify God in this way, because nothing I can do will add anything to His physical radiance. Even if I strap an atom bomb to my chest and detonate it, that burst of the bomb's radiance, no matter how brilliant, would not add to God's radiance at all.
Second, "glory" is used for God's character, for His moral purity and perfection. For example, Romans 3:23 says, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

Again, I cannot glorify God in this way, because nothing I do can make God more morally perfect or improve the purity of His character. He's already pure, already perfect, and I can't do anything to make Him more pure and perfect. However, if He is transforming me into His image, I can live a life that displays something of His character, and so reflect His glory for others to see.
Third, "glory" is used for God's standing or value in people's eyes. For example, Jeremiah 13:11 says, "'For as the waistband clings to the waist of a man, so I made the whole household of Israel and the whole household of Judah cling to Me', declares the Lord, 'that they might be for Me a people for renown, for praise, and for glory, but they did not listen.'"

I can try to glorify God in this way by encouraging others to hold Him in high esteem. Even if others don't respond, I certainly can glorify God by giving Him high standing in my own eyes, whether or not anyone else notices or approves.

And, we bring glory to God by living our lives God’s way and living out the purposes He has for our lives which are worship, fellowship, discipleship, mission and evangelism. This is because in doing these things we point to the greatness of God. We are commanded to recognise His glory, honour His glory, declare His glory, praise His glory, reflect His glory and live for His glory. The reason to bring glory to God is because He deserves it...

Basically, I think that it is in using our passions, interest and abilities to serve do we actually bring glory to God. But, then, the question begs, so what is Christian service? I believe that there are a number of aspects in this. Firstly, there is displaying Christ-likeness when going about our daily lives such as at work. Serve with our abilities in a way that shows Christ likeness which points to God’s glory, coz while we were still sinners Christ died for us, so we want to be Christ like to be with Christ and we can’t return to our old selves. Next, it is to share Christ with others whenever we have an opportunity at work. We can bring others to Christ and. Also, our work is part of a role to play in the body of Christ and also the new life that we have in Christ is one where we have the love of Christ in our hearts and we have a heart for the needs of people around us whether Christian or non-Christian. This is because our old selves that doomed to eternal death was one without unconditional and selfless love, but we were saved and given a new life in Christ which is one of love. And, finally, by using the abilities God has given us, we bring glory to God when we acknowledge it is Christ who has gives us the strength and by giving thanks to God for our achievements. The article something to live for and it means doing what God wants, living life God’s way.

And, as for how the five purposes can bring glory to God:
· Worship is a lifestyle of enjoying God, loving Him, and giving ourselves to Him. And, God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.
· As God has loved us, so we must love one another, and by this will all men know that we are God’s disciples. Thus, it brings glory to God.
· Becoming like Christ brings glory to God because as the spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like Him and reflect His glory even more.
· Serving others with our gifts brings glory to God because when we help others with the strength and energy that God supplies then God is given the glory.
· Sharing about Christ brings glory to God because as God’s grace brings more and more people to Christ, ...God will receive more and more glory.

And, God is so glorious that He deserves all glory, honour and power. This also means we give our best to God in glorifying Him because God is so great that we want to glorify Him to the best of our abilities. Also, since we know our purpose of our lives are to glorify God, don’t we want to give our best, and it brings glory to God when we live to our full potential coz only then are we who God wants us to be. We are given abilities for the purpose of serving god to bring Him glory, so we do our best for God. Our passion is given by God for a reason, so that we do our best in our passion and achieve perfection and bring glory to God. And, in our victory and successes our glory goes to God...

As for another issue that I’ve been thinking about, it’s regarding forgiveness, trust and reconciliation. We all need mercy coz we all stumble and fall and require getting back on track. We need to offer mercy to each other. God says when people sin, you should forgive and comfort them, so they won’t give up in despair. We should never hold grudges because bitterness and resentment destroy fellowship. We are imperfect and inevitably hurt each other, and it takes mercy and grace to maintain fellowship. God’s mercy to us is motivation for showing mercy to others. There is a difference between trust and forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past while trust has to do with future behaviour. Forgiveness is immediate while trust is built over time. And, as much as possible we should work things out and find a resolution but if we really can’t because of differing opinions and I stress here opinion which is different from right and wrong, at least seek reconciliation.

This brings me nicely to the next issue of right and wrong, personal choice and hospitality. I mean sure we all have a choice in life whether we do right or wrong or whatever, and sure we can’t control everyone and we can’t expect the whole world to comply and change the way we want them to. But, really I ask this question, do we really have a choice? I mean yes technically we all have a choice, however, since there is only one way, that is Jesus, can we really say we have a choice? Then, this takes us to another issue and that is hospitality, and the issue of loving the sinner but hating the sin. The thing is that we should love everyone regardless of who they are, but we cannot tolerate it if someone does something wrong and if whatever we do in any way seems to condone such things, we have distance ourselves from that.

To end, now I think I know how each of the different purposes for our lives as God has ordained actually does bring glory to God. And, really our state of mind that says glory to God does make everything we do have meaning as we do the things we do as unto God, but also the very things we do can have a practical link to glorifying God. And, I’ve learned that God’s glory is truly the real motivation to do our best in all that we do because God deserves our best for all He has done for us. Furthermore, we should forgive one another just as Christ forgave us and love one another. And, truly there is only one way, Jesus...God’s glory is the reason for everything, and we bring glory to God by living life God’s way...all glory to God.

Friendship/Fellowship...

2010-01-08T11:30:00.000+08:00

During the past week I was thinking more about relationships and social skills. And, when I say relationships I’m talking about friendship and fellowship. I know I’ve definitely improved my social skills coz I’ve learned a lot in the past few years but I know I still got some way to go to truly be able to be socially adept and to really step out of my shell. I’m certainly not like the geek that is socially awkward. But, I do admit that I’m not very sociable just coz I don’t know how to be.

Basically, though, I’m thinking about all this coz I do feel like I don’t know how to make conversation with people very well, I don’t speak up as much coz I’m shy in a way which it is not my true self, in fact contrary to what everyone thinks of me I actually talk a lot and I’m quite a loud person but in a good way I guess. Somehow, when I’m out I just lose that part of me. So I would say I’m a cool guy that’s just struggling to open up. That is like the reason why I don’t have that many friends, coz I just never talk to people enough and mix with people enough. At this point, I have already improved from the situation above, but now that I’m starting school all over again, I don’t want to make the same mistakes, I want to finally be able to be confident and be sociable and be able to talk to people. I want to truly be able to make friends. This is my chance to show who I really am coz I’ll be meeting new people so I don’t want to lose this opportunity.

I realised in my reflection about how in the past I’ve not done very well socially and how I was such a quiet person coz I didn’t know how to talk to people, that I had few friends due to the fact that I didn’t know how to be a friend to others. So I began asking myself about what it means to be a friend and why we even need friends. I wanted to know like why there is this craving in all of us to belong and to have friends. Like why do we feel lonely? I mean I myself felt lonely a lot especially in my JC years and therefore I felt like I wanted friends, but I haven’t actually thought of why. And, how can I make friends if I don’t even know what it is like to be a friend. I felt like as I’ve been thinking about all these and reading up on it, and with all the stuff I’ve experienced over the past few years that I’m feeling a change in me to be more others-centred, to have a new perspective and to be more sociable and open. So in this post, I hope to highlight not just for the blog post but to me all the stuff that I learned about being more sociable in this recent moment in my life where I’ve been trying to make sure that I’m ready to start school but this time with all the social skills with me and the answers to the question that are so very important to know for me in my quest to improve my social skills.

I know very well that even if we are surrounded by many people, even sometimes people we call friends, we can still feel oh so lonely, but it is our relationship with the people around us that is important. Still, I do need to have friends in my life and so I’m learning how to be a friend. It’s funny that in my JC years, a friend of mine did say that to have friends we must first be a friend, I thought I understood that but I questioned how I could be a friend if I don’t have friends which I realised was not true coz being a friend isn’t about having friends. However, now I think I fully understand it, all this while I never really learnt how to be a friend and/or even what it means to be a friend.

In my own knowledge, I believe that friendship is about companionship and sharing life together, of course you have all the other stuff like sticking with each other through good and bad times. But, I would think it is far too narrowed down, you can’t really put a finger to what friendship is coz it is usually based on our own experiences, and I have had few friends therefore the lack of understanding about what friendship is, so I just wish people understand why I’m so inward looking, it’s not that I do so intentionally, but I just haven’t experienced what it really means to be a friend.

You know it’s funny that my chess coach keeps telling me that when I play chess I need to spend more time thinking about what my opponent would move. And, that is what I have realised from my quest to learn about friendship and how to make friends, that friendship is about putting others before ourselves. And, in my endeavours to live life to the fullest, it may have seemed like I was being selfish and thinking about myself, but it’s just that I’m passionate about life and I just want to be able to do much more with my life and in fact, I don’t see that as me being discontent and desiring for more in my life beyond the purpose of our lives which is bringing glory to God. I’m not trying to have everything and I do not desire worldly things like money, fame and success as the world puts it. I’m not trying to satisfy myself or the flesh by having more in my life. I’m grateful for all I have but I just want to make more of my life. And, even if it means helping others, serving or contributing I want to fill my life with more of these things.

Also, I want to have friends so that I can share my life with others by going out and doing stuff together. And, really everyone has all been selfish in our lives at some point, it is human and it’s hard to move from being self-centred to being others-centred, so I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. But, believe me, I’m always trying my best to be others-centred and I’m believe so much in being altruistic, yes at times I fail, still I try to think of others. And, I don’t know but I feel like God is working in my life, previously I been learning about conflict management and now I’m learning more about fellowship and being a friend by thinking of others before myself. And, I realise that friendship is about meeting the needs of others, but somehow I never thought about it that way and I don’t really feel the heart for the needs of others, so I ask God to give me the heart for the needs of others. I care for people but I just never realised that there was so much need in this world that we could meet by being a friend.

So below are all the resources I found useful in understanding what friendship and fellowship is, and why we need friends and a church family.

To start off, here’s a quote I found on the net:

But no one can form a friendship until he/she realizes that the basis of being friends is meeting the needs of the other person. One must be a friend to have one.

This is what forms the basis of what I’ve learned is the key to being a friend and that what I kept n mind as I looked into the resources below...

From the book God’s Answers to Life’s Difficult Questions, in the section about loneliness which was one of the first things I learnt just after graduating about overcoming my lack of friends. But, the two things that I feel are so relevant to my quest here in learning what friendship. One is the part about minimising the hurt of loneliness. It says that we should not exaggerate it or rehearse it. And, that we should not allow loneliness to make us bitter and not allow resentment to build up in our lives. This is because resentment only makes us lonelier and builds a wall around our lives. Also, resentment drives people away coz no one like a cynic, a bitter person who is always complaining. We should strive to be a better person not a bitter person. So the point is that we can’t be a friend if we are resentful. The other thing was to empathise with other people’s needs which I realise is really part of being a friend. And, instead of focussing inward on ourselves we should focus outwardly on other people. Also, instead of looking at ourselves, we should look out to other people and start helping other lonely people. We should serve others just like how Paul in the Bible was lonely but never forget his goal to help other people. We need to stop building walls between us and others and start building bridges. We need to stop complaining but ask God to help us be a friend to someone and build a bridge instead of a wall. For love is the antidote to loneliness. Also, for those who may not have God in their lives, there is a reason that even though you have so many friends but you may still feel lonely, and that is where God can only fill that hole in the heart. And, He is the greatest friend we can ever have, for He is God and knows what is best for you.

Below is some of the stuff from the fellowship part in the Purpose Driven Life. About fellowship it says we were formed for God’s family. God is love and he treasures relationships. Life is all about love. Because God is love the most important lesson he wants us to learn is how to love. The reason that we should love is that life without love is really worthless, love will last forever, and we will be evaluated by our love. And, time is the best expression of love.
Also as Christians we are called to belong not just believe. We are a member of the body of Christ and with our own unique purpose that is vital in its functioning.

Life is meant to be shared. Fellowship is to experience life together.

· Authenticity is experienced in real fellowship. It is a genuine heart to heart sharing. It entails sharing our hurts, feelings, confessing our failures, disclosing our doubts, admitting our fears, acknowledge their weakness and asking for help and prayer.
· Mutuality is experienced in real fellowship. It is the art of giving and receiving. Building reciprocal relationships, sharing responsibilities and helping each other. We are more consistent in our faith when others walk with us and encourage us. It is about accountability, encouragement, serving and honouring mutually.
· Sympathy is experience in real fellowship. It is entering in and sharing the pain of others. Sympathy meets two fundamental human needs, the need to be understood and the need to have our feelings validated.
· Mercy is experienced in real fellowship. We need to offer each other mercy and be willing to receive it coz we can’t have fellowship without forgiveness.

Cultivating community

· Honesty. We have to care enough to lovingly speak the truth even when we rather gloss over a problem or ignore an issue.
· Humility. Pride destroys fellowship by building walls but humility builds bridges. It is thinking more of others and being focussed on serving others.
· Courtesy. It is respecting our differences, being considerate of each other’s feelings and being patient with people who irritate us.
· Confidentiality. A safe environment of warm acceptance and trusted confidentiality to open up and share our hurts, needs and mistakes.
· Frequency. It requires a lot of time to build deep relationships.

Why we need a church family?

· Firstly, it identifies a genuine believer, i.e. our love for one another will prove to the world that you are Jesus’ disciples.
· A church family moves us out of self-centred isolation. We learn how to get along in God’s family. We learn to care about others and share the experiences of others. It is about being committed to each other as we are to Christ. Jesus Christ laid down His life for us and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.
· Develops spiritual muscle. Full participation in church builds spiritual muscle. We help each other grow by doing our part in the church. We are commanded to love each other, pray for each other, encourage each other, admonish each other, greet each other, serve each other, teach each other, accept each other, honour each other, bear each other’s burdens, forgive each other submit to each other, be devoted to each other and many others. We grow stronger by learning from one another and being accountable to one another.
· The body of Christ needs you. We have a spiritual gift given to us by God to play a role in building up the church.
· You will share in Christ’s mission in the world. God create each of us to join Him in the work he does the good work gotten ready for us to do. We are instruments of Christ for the work of evangelism.
· Keep you from backsliding. A church family helps to keeps us on track with encouragement and spiritual protection.

Below are the resources on the net about what is a friend is and why we need friends.

What is a friend? A single soul, dwelling in two bodies" - Aristotle

True friendship is perhaps the only relation that survives the trials and tribulations of time and remains unconditional. A unique blend of affection, loyalty, love, respect, trust and loads of fun is perhaps what describes the true meaning of friendship. Similar interests, mutual respect and strong attachment with each other are what friends share between each other. These are just the general traits of a friendship.

To experience what is friendship, one must have true friends, who are indeed rare treasure.Friendship is a feeling of comfort and emotional safety with a person. It is when you do not have to weigh your thoughts and measure words, before keeping it forth before your friend. It is when someone knows you better than yourself and assures to be your side in every emotional crisis.

Friendship is much beyond roaming together and sharing good moments, it is when someone comes to rescue you from the worst phase of life. Friendship is eternal. Different people have different definitions of friendship. For some, it is the trust in an individual that he / she won't hurt you. For others, it is unconditional love. There are some who feel that friendship is companionship. People form definitions based on the kind of experiences they have had. This is one relation that has been nurtured since time immemorial. They say a person who has found a faithful friend has found a priceless treasure.

Psychologically speaking, friendship may be defined as 'a dynamic, mutual relationship between two individuals. As children become friends, they negotiate boundaries within which both partners function'. This helps them to function like healthy individuals in life as they learn to draw a line as and when needed in a relation. This greatly helps in the emotional development of an individual. However, any relation needs constant nurturing and development from all the people that are involved in one. Friendship cannot survive if one person makes all the effort to sustain it without any mutual recognition from others.

What is friendship? According to the dictionary a friendship is a cooperative and supportive relationship between two or more people. What does it take to be a good friend and make everlasting friendships? There are many different types of friendships that we will encounter in our lives. There are best friends, acquaintances and people we just consider friends. What truly is a friendship and what does it take to have friends that last a lifetime.

There are many factors in having a friendship, just like in a marriage. Without these factors, the relationship will not work. Friends are mostly connected because they share mutual interests. They want what is best for the other, show sympathy, honesty, don't judge, offer advice, support and listen to the other person. When we share a friendship with someone we are sharing ourselves. We are now opening a part of ourselves that we may only open to our best or closest friends.

Friendships tend to sometimes even be more deep than family. The saying we can choose our friends but we can't choose our family comes to mind quite often. When you make a connection with a person whom we enjoy talking to, confiding in and sharing our most inner thoughts we are deeply united in a way that we may never be with our family. To have a friend we must truly be a friend, what does this mean? Friendships that are selfish are not going to last, no selfish relationships do. In order to be a true friend you must be able to think about someone other than yourself.

What would your life be like without your friends? When thinking back in time to when we were younger what was it like when you had no one to play with? Did you feel left out and feel as if you were missing something? Why were friends important when we were younger? Was it possibly because we wanted to be with people our own age that shared interest in playing what we did? Was this not a connection that we didn't have with other people?

Our childhood friends that we have carried with us for many years share something with us that no one else in our lives will ever share. They share our childhood in a way that no new friendship ever could. This is not to say friends we meet when we are older are not still great friends, but those childhood friends were there and share in memories of growing up and going through all the issues we face in our younger years. Is there nothing more fun than going back in time with an old friend and remembering the things that were done together? This probably was that person who was there when you cried over your first break-up. This is also the person who didn't judge when something was done that shouldn't have been. These are the people who we entrust with secrets and they do keep them.

Those childhood relationships also were filled with sharing much more than feelings and stories. In some cases clothes and personal belongings were also shared. As grown-ups we don't usually go into our friend's closets and borrow clothes from them, yet as teenagers this is something quite common. Sharing personal items are things that we probably only will have done with our childhood friends.

Friendships would not survive without trust. Trust is one of the biggest issues that we are faced with throughout life. True friendships need trust on both sides. We must be able to fully trust this person and they must feel the same way about us. This person will be hearing our deepest feelings, listening to stories and sharing in feelings that we feel we can't tell anyone else. If we do not feel safe about what we are exposing to them we will never be secure.

We share many things throughout our lives with many different people; we have our families, our co-workers, our children and our friends. The key to making all these different types of friendships something treasured is to remember the importance of all the different types we have in our life. There will probably be no one we will be quite as united with and special as our childhood friendships. These are the ones the most history is shared with. Friends can be met at any point in your life and if you are truly a friend to them and reciprocate then they will still help fulfil our happiness. There is nothing better than sharing something happy or sad with someone we trust with all our heart. Friendships and sharing is truly the core to everything in our life and with this will come a unity of souls.

A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself". This quote aptly describes the role that a friend plays in your life. Friends are the ones who are always there for you, whether the times are good or bad. They never leave your side, even in the worst of circumstance. When you are sitting with a friend, you don’t feel the need to say words. He/she understands even you silence. Still, many people fail to recognize the importance of friends in their life. In the following lines, we have explained why friends are important and what role do they play in our life.

Why We Need Friends

Friends are always there for us, to laugh with us in the happy times and to provide us with a shoulder, when we feel like crying. They serve as one of the biggest supports in our life.
Friends are amongst those few people who accept us, rather like us, as we are. They never come into our life, expecting us to change for them. However, they do correct us when we are at fault.
It is said that whether you need to hear the bitter truth about yourself, go to your best friend. He/she will never lie to you, just to please you and win your favours. What he/she says is the truth about you.

You can always count on your friends, whether you need any advice or any help. They will shy away from none. The best part is that a friend’s advice will always be for your betterment, whether it hurts you or pleases you.

After family, friends are the one who care for you. They bring a smile on your face when you are sad and they go out of the way to make things alright for you.
Friends are the ones with whom we can share our darkest secrets, without being worried of them being leaked. They acknowledge our worst ideas and try to fulfil our silliest of wishes.
Friends feel happy at your success and sad at your failure. They share all your feelings and make you feel that there is somebody who still cares for you. When you have friends, you never ever feel lonely.

Friends love you and care for you. They always make you feel special and never expect anything in return, other than your love and friendship. They stay true to you throughout their lives.
That makes many of us wonder about our friends and our relation with them. Do you need friends? If yes, why? Why do you need friends? You have your work, some family members, and entertainment. What else do you need to live comfortably?

Friends- their value

We need friends because we want to share. We need friends because we need somebody who will be there with us when we fall into bad time. We need friends because we want to enjoy being in a group. We hate loneliness and family alone cannot make us feel in a group. For that we need friends. We need friends, because we want to let somebody know about our deepest thoughts, our ideas, and our real emotions. Only a good friend can help us share all these.

Friendship - celebrate it

We take many things for granted in our life. We take air for granted. We take it for granted that the sun will rise again. Similarly we take it for granted that the friendship will never suffer. But that is false. If we don't water the plant of our friendship regularly, our friendship will suffer and we may create distance with our close friends. We need to value them and value their friendship.

And, so these are the different resources that have taught me what it means to be a friend and have fellowship.

But, now to the main question that led me to all these thoughts, that is how to talk people? This is coz I find that most of the time I can’t make connections with people because I just don’t know what to talk about. And, so to understand how to talk to people, I had to ask what it means to be a friend and why we need friends coz really we talk to people so that we can make friends. And, now that I’ve got the definition down and the reason to make friends, I can now move on to what I learnt about talking to others. So the book How to Talk to Anyone was very useful for me. Part Two of the book was what I was interested in, and it goes like this: How to Know What to Say After You Say “Hi”. That’s exactly my problem and I don’t what to say when talking to people beyond the hi’s. There are basically 14 tricks in this section, they are 1. To match the person’s mood with, 2. Speak passionately 3. Have something on you that is interesting so people have something to say 4. Get someone to give you an intro to the person you want to talk to 5. Eavesdrop so you can join a conversation 6. Answer questions with engaging facts and not one word’s 7. Give interesting facts 8. Give an introduction with a conversational hook 9. Listen in for person’s favoured topic 10. Keep the spotlight on the other person 11. Parrot your conversation partner 12. Encore 13. Accentuate the positive 14. Listen to the latest news for conversation topics later on. All these things are really so helpful to me in speaking to other people, but I know in real life it’s hard to apply, and that is where I realise that to have confidence and practise is very important in becoming a good conversationalist. And, I realise coming up with topics to talk about isn’t so hard after all, in conversation it’s about sharing passions, interests, activities and just about life itself. And, it would also be good compliment people too. I believe the problem is just that we need to take on our own to really try to define who we are as a person and how we live our lives, and very often just drift by without knowing these things.

So to end, I’ve learned what it means to be a friend, how to be a friend, why we need friends and how to talk to people. Also, I’ve learnt what it means to have fellowship which helps me to not just understand being part of the church family but also in making friends and loving others. And, I’m feeling ever more confident that in this New Year I’ll be able to make friends...so with that I leave you with a poem.

To my very good friend

You have taken the time to be there when I needed you,
and you have listened to me when my life was changing.
You always cared enough to try to understand my feelings
and help me to understand myself.
More important your consideration and honesty
have shown me that your friendship is true.
Thank you for being such a good friend to me
and for all the joys we have known together.

Laura Medley

A Truly New 2010...

2010-01-04T10:47:00.000+08:00

First of all, Happy New Year everyone!!! Yea, it’s unbelievable but 2009 has just gone by so swiftly and has given way to the New Year 2010 already. I must say that last year was an interesting year for me, things may not have gone to plan but the way last year went was amazing, I actually did many things I wanted to do, experienced new things and learnt a lot. However, as much as I was upbeat about the prospects of 2009 at the beginning of last year, I in fact have greater reason to believe that this New Year is going to be great and not just live up to my positive expectations for the year but to surpass that. I truly have reason to be so upbeat about this New Year and that is coz of all the exciting new experiences I’ll be having this year.

So now, here’s what I can expect from this New Year of 2010...and resolutions too...

Definitely, this New Year will bring me much closer to living my life to the fullest as I fulfil my dream in doing product design in poly and also as I’ll be meeting new people in the process. I know for the others they probably had this last year be it university or the army, but for me I’m glad to say that I had what they didn’t last year a gap year, to really take a break and do the stuff they want. And, now it’s my turn to get to learn new things and meet new people. Basically, the New Year of 2010 will literally be new for me, coz there’s so much I’m going to experience this year that I’ve never had.

And, in terms of my other interests and activities, I’m going to continue my singing lessons, keep playing and improving my chess, resume my exercise, i.e. swimming. There will be many opportunities for me to pursue these things this year even though I’ll be busier with school and stuff. And, I probably might work on posting some demos on internet of my singing this year. I will also maybe work on my web design and try to set up my online shop again. And, I’m very sure I will go out and do more stuff with friends this year. I’m sure I will have that more events in my life that I’ve complained for a long time to be missing in my life, like just having more fun activities in my life. I mean, I hope that will work out as I try to improve myself socially. I may also take part in more activities with some of the associations too.

Also, in terms of my walk with God, in response to the call to be a living sacrifice for God as was the message in Church this first Sunday of the year perhaps I can serve in the Church and continue to live in worshipfulness to God. And, as a person, I believe that with the things I have learnt, I will be a better person, and I will still continue to learn and improve. It is also my resolution to be a better person in terms of my personal life and in dealing with other people.
Finally, in this New Year I look forward to our family being more united despite the fact that not all of us will be back at home. And, also there is anticipation that we will have a holiday at the end of the year. And, of course there is also so much to expect in the country this New Year like the opening of universal studios here.

There’s so much more to mention that haven’t come to mind yet but this New Year is definitely looking to be a great year for me and one that is packed with excitement and new experiences for me. I may not have celebrated the New Year in any special way but I know this year is going to be special. Everything seems to look to be good this year but of course there will also be bad times which although may be few and far between, will continue to shape me into a better person. This is the year for me to live my dreams and live life to the fullest. So, I can’t tell you how joyful I am to start this New Year. I just really thank God for what I know He will do for me this year and may all glory be to God. This is truly going to be a new 2010 and I can’t wait for the New Year to kick in... (=

My Story of 2009...

2010-01-01T10:44:00.000+08:00

The year 2009 was unlike any of the previous other years for me, and it brought with it both joy and heartbreak. However, I have certainly learned a lot as a person, have grown a lot spiritually and even managed to do some things that I wanted to do this past year. Perhaps the most important few things I have learnt are to trust in the Lord with joy in all circumstances, that God has a plan for my life to prosper and not to harm me and that God is in control with all things good or bad all working for the good of those who love Him. Also, I realised how blessed I have actually been in my life despite all that I have had to face and overcome. On top of that, I have gained a deeper understanding into Christian living and what it means to live for God’s glory.

And, this past year has been a milestone for me spiritually as with my baptism and my undertaking of a Bible reading plan in trying to learn God’s Word more. 2009 has indeed been an eventful year which I have gained much from and has been so amazing even though it has been something of gap year for me this year. So I just want to share how God has been able to do so much in my life this past year despite some huge setbacks and in fact I would say that no matter how painful some of the situations I faced were, they turned out to be blessings in disguise as
God showed me the even greater plans He had and has in store for me in my life.

Well, it all began with a 2009 where I had just recently graduated from Junior College and I was very upbeat and optimistic about the year as I looked forward to taking the next step of going to university. And, I couldn’t wait for the opportunities I felt would come my way during the year in living life to the fullest and taking what I had learnt from the previous year into the New Year. I had a positive outlook for 2009 coz I felt in my heart that if truly I believed that God was going to make this year good it would definitely be a good year. But, after hitting such a high spiritually the year before, things were not quite as great as they were and in fact I struggled to find that same level spiritually as I somehow allowed some problems in my life affect me and I had trouble having the same trust I had in God to give thanks and be joyful in all circumstances whether good or bad. The passion I had for God’s glory was just less fuelled and I had forgotten how I had that great conviction that a life lived to the fullest is a life lived for God. But, I realised that my spiritual drought so to speak was perhaps a test of my faith since in the year before I felt like my faith grew to the extent that I truly committed my life to Christ in a greater and more informed way, since it was as child that I accepted Christ. And, it helped that I worked with Pastor on the Purpose of Life giving my insights into living for God’s glory through the living out of His purposes for our lives. Also, I learnt much more about the existence of God and it really tied in with the whole theme of living for God’s glory coz He is our Creator God. It didn’t stop just there, at one point though I began to feel like I was so not blessed by God and God had to remind me to have faith and trust in Him coz He has a plan for my life. Like I realised that being in the body of Christ itself is a blessing, that every breath I breathe is a blessing, my family is a blessing, my needs being taken care of is a blessing and God’s grace has seen me through many years of education. And, that I been blessed by what the Lord has taught me and blessed coz I know the Lord has a plan to prosper me as much as at that point I didn’t see it. And, as I began to feel lonely while on the holiday coz I hadn’t seen anyone since school was out which in fact was all too familiar even when I was in school, but I turned to the book God’s answers to life’s difficult questions and I found something about loneliness that both comforted me and taught me how I could be responsible for my plight coz I built walls around me in my bitterness about being so alone, and that we are never alone for God is with us always. In another instance, I felt like I was so far from my dreams, wants and things were not going well for me, which is where I learn to trust that God has a good plan for me to live a good life.

But then, just a life is such a roller coaster ride, things got better again and I felt great again. I felt great again as I began to find back that faith that I had from my JC experience. I learnt more about loving others and living my life. I learned the reason to love that is that we are part of the body of Christ, love is the only thing that really matters coz we have nothing even if we have everything if we have not loved, love is a commandment and God is love, and we love because He first loved us. And, as for life, these were the verses that spoke to me... Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart, seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you. Christ came so that we may have life and life in full. As you know the Lord better he will in his power give you everything you need to live a truly good life. All these spoke to me because at that time there was so much I wanted in my life and for my life to be. I felt like my life was way too boring and uneventful. But, I learnt that Christian living is not meant to be boring but that life should be an adventure and there is certainly more to life than just chasing all these things that life has to offer. I learnt that in living for God’s glory it is not what we do or how much we do but that we do whatever we for God’s glory to the best of our abilities. And in no one but God alone can we truly live the good life. And, also the lessons in youth class about Romans strengthened my understanding that we are saved by faith not works, although we do make mistakes sometimes, we try our best to live a life pleasing to God and that life is but just a process of sanctification. So all these things encouraged me, and I began to feel so much better again. Things in my life began to take shape as I started to more things in my life that I wanted, my A level results were released and thankfully I did better than expected. But, I knew it would be hard to get into university because of the competition. However, that didn’t faze me and I trusted the Lord would help me. Later on though sometime after that I learned of my rejection and had to appeal, but I never gave up and I still continued to trust God. And, I came across this quote: If I have any worth it is to live my life for God. This reminded me about what I had already learnt which was that life is only meaning when we live for God’s glory. But, somehow, I lost some of that passion and I turned to God to rekindle that passion.

I also was on a Bible reading plan which up to today I have completed the New Testament and have half way through the Old Testament. And, by this time, I had already began baptism class, and the verse that says If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins helped me a lot and struggled through my mistakes and failures. And, I grew as a person as I got out of my shell and improved myself socially and managed to at least meet up with friends on one occasion despite being so distant from everyone. And, sometime just before my baptism, there were stuff that weren’t going well again and I began to question myself if I was really indeed ready for baptism. But, I was reminded that God is in control and I learnt even more to consider it pure joy when we face trials and tribulations. And, I realised that I had been trying too hard to fit God into my plans rather than surrendering to God but I needed to surrender to God for that is truly the best life. And, as I wrote a testimony of my faith for my baptism I was sort of comforted coz I realised that truly I had a testimony of true faith. So finally, I got baptised a step I felt I needed to take in faith.

Then, I had some things to be happy about as I got a new laptop and I even appeared in the Today Newspaper for chess. But, as day after day passed by with no reply regarding my appeal to the universities, I was reminded of this verse to: Be anxious for nothing but by prayer and supplication present you requests to the Lord. And, as I was upset that I was unable to make my life all the things I wanted my life to be. However, this disappointment brought me down to earth and made me realise that I should let go and let God do what He wills for my life, coz I can trust that He knows what is best for me. Following this, I went for the Church camp, which was the first time I really spent time with the younger youths and young adults from Church. Somehow of all the things the Church camp did for me, it actually made me feel insecure about how much I actually understood faith and in delving into the subject, I learnt to a greater extent that faith is not just believing but submitting to God’s authority coz God is God, it is not just intellectual but also involves cleaving to the Lord with all our heart. And, at this time my sis came back from overseas for a short holiday and we spent a lot of time out shopping. This made me think about what contentment really is in this materialistic world, coz as I looked around there was really so much to entice. Like when is enough really enough, and I basically came to the conclusion that it is fine to shop, just that money and material things should not become too important coz it is like a bonus on top of what is necessary and we should be thankful to God for all the things He has blessed us with when we are able to get ourselves something that we wanted.

Then, this is where things than took a serious nosedive, as I hit one of the lowest points ever in my life. For the second time I was disappointed and this time it hit me very hard, coz I never gave up and trusted that God would make a way for me but it seem God didn’t hear me. I was very upset, thinking why God would give me all my hopes and dreams and have them dashed. Everything felt hopeless. I had all my hopes in the year pinned on getting into university but now I had no choice but to take this year off. It felt like my life was all falling apart before my eyes. However, I convinced myself I needed to trust God and it was especially in such bleak moments that I had to have faith. I tried to find meaning in my circumstances and I placed my hope in God even when my world came crashing down. For as I read the book soul cravings on destiny about dreams. I realised that God gives us dreams for a reason. And, the verses the really kept me going were these: For I know the plans I have for u declares the Lord plans to prosper and not to harm you; All things work for the good of those who love him. All this was because I could not get into university and I felt like it was the worst year ever as all my hopes of going uni for the year were lost. But, God showed me the way and I realised that it was actually a blessing in the midst of storm as I learnt of my participation in my first ever ASEAN Para games, and best of all it was also a blessing in disguise coz I realised that I would not have been able to do the course I wanted to do since I had no skills or portfolio but now with the fact that I was unable to get into uni, I could use the poly route where I can get to do my dream course of PD in poly while honing my skills before going to do the same course in university later on. But, of course I had to wait for next year. And, it wasn’t like my JC years were a waste in fact, it made me grow spiritually. With this knowledge and how amazing it was that God was showing His sovereignty in my life that He indeed has a plan to prosper me, I felt like my life was great again coz I could still achieve in terms of my SHAPE what God wants me to do with my life in service through my vocation.

And, I began to do so much more with my life, living life to the fullest as I wanted. I went places, began swimming again, tried to start up a online shop, got myself some design books to work towards my poly course which requires a lot of drawing that I’m not used to and I went for the ASEAN Para Games in KL where I represented Singapore in Chess, which was one of my best experiences ever and a blessing from God for sure. To make things even greater I went with the whole family to KL to play in the open chess tournament which was sort of like a holiday for us.
Then, upon returning home, I faced some issues in my life that affected me physically and mentally, and I just faced so many troubles. Also, I felt very self conscious about my weaknesses. But, I learnt about God’s power in our weakness, and it allowed me to not be so affected by all my imperfections. So in a way I learnt to live with my weakness or thorn in the flesh so to speak. And, I also read the book the power to change your life, and it encouraged me as I looked to becoming a better person through all my short comings. And, as to the conflicts I faced, I learnt about restoring broken relationships and how to find resolution to disagreements and to seek reconciliation rather than resolution where there are differing opinions. Also, I learnt to seek God’s guidance in affairs of right and wrong, so as to be able to know whether to confront others and to do it in a non-judgemental way.

And, by October things in my life began to feel so far from what it was it the middle of the year, everything for the first time in a long time in my life was falling in place. I also began to improve myself in terms of taking the initiative of making things happen in my life, to go out and do stuff to fuel my passion for the things I love and my love for life. It was a new way of thinking, to go and do stuff and be more open. And, yea the fact that my year turned into a gap year, it gave me the blessing of spend more time with my dad going places. I lost track of who I am and I tried to rediscover my feelings i.e. song feel. It’s just that I wasn’t used to going out that much, I almost got too caught up with going out. It’s like I was losing sight of my goal and purpose, I was not sure if I was really fulfilling my inner passion and desire. So, I had to take some time to take everything in my stride, and recollect myself. It really brought back to understanding that sometimes we can fill our lives with so many things but can be meaningless if we lose track of our goal, it is more important to know what we are living for than just filling our lives with things.
Then as the end of the year loomed, I believed that God send some people to me to show me that perhaps I wasn’t as indiscriminate as I thought and that I was probably too unforgiving of people not being a friend to me. But, the key thing was that I realise that yes we should accept everyone regardless of who they are but that just as Jesus choose a select group of disciples whom He was slightly closer to, that it is a choice as to who we want to befriend more. And, it was most likely that I was worn down by the long year that I lost some of my passion and I didn’t have much happiness, as much as I always tried to be joyful in the many difficult circumstances I faced in my life so far. So I realised that just wanted be passionate and happy in life more, to really genuinely have something happen in the way that would make me happy and be driven by a love for life. What I learnt was that I had to really go out and make things happen to create the life that would make me happy, the life I want. And, to achieve a life beyond our dreams, I realised that I had to take chances in my life to really be able to achieve the greater reward outside of my comfort zone. After that, there were troubles that I faced, which somehow was like the pain that fuelled my passion again. And, in trying to share the gospel with a friend after I gained back my passion for things such as evangelism, I looked into the proof that Jesus is our God and how I feel Jesus Christ is real in my life. Then, everything just seem to come together to improve my life and myself, and I felt refreshed in my faith, with all the passion for God’s glory and heart of worship filling me again. And, things started to go well in my life, almost so much so that I could feel that God was working in my life for some greater work to come. I also began to open up and really start to pursue my dreams and my heart. I enrolled myself in singing lessons for one and I open my eyes to what I wanted as I consciously sought the things I wanted and in fact got many things that I really wanted both in tangible and intangible ways.

And, as the year drew to a close I began to reflect about life again and one thing in particular that came to my mind was this quote: Live like we’re dying dream as if we’ll live forever. And, anyway I took part in the Commonwealth Chess Championships, and it sort of took me out of my usual routines, so I kind of forgot my state of mind in the present, and the state of mind in the past which was of great faith, was inspired and was passionate. It is sort of like the state where I felt so at peace with my life in Christ. Finally, Christmas gave me an opportunity to invite a friend although for me turned out the friend of mine could not make it. And, in the midst of the Christmas parties I didn’t have and greetings from friends which I received only one, the service really allowed me to focus on Jesus Christ our Saviour and reminded me of the true message of Christmas and that is that God sent to us a light, a Saviour to not just the Jews but everyone who would put their faith in God that their sins would be forgiven in His death.

To end, on reflection upon this whole year I must say God has blessed me more than I imagined, sure there were difficult moments and bad things happened, but there were so many other positives and through the bad times I learnt so much, drew closer to God and in some cases it turned out to be blessings in disguise. I had such great hopes for the year, and as much as it seemed like my great hopes were going to be disappointed, things turned out such that now I have every reason to believe that this year has in fact been better than I expected and it is all thanks to God’s blessing on me.

Just Another Christmas...

2009-12-28T20:31:00.000+08:00

Can’t believe it, but its Christmas again...I mean, it seems only just like yesterday that we last celebrated Christmas and that it was the New Year. And, now it’s the Christmas of 2009 and the New Year looms. So, I’m a little slow in getting the post out but yea here’s about the Christmas week which btw turned out to be pretty awesome actually. It was a busy week but in a good way coz of all the preparation and events. I won’t say that this Christmas was any more special than previous years; it was really just another Christmas actually. And, I don’t mean that Christmas meant any less to me this year, I have always taken the celebration of Christmas to heart coz it marks such an important event in history, the birth of our Saviour Jesus Christ. Like, every Christian knows that every day is like Christmas coz no one knows for sure on which exact day Jesus was born. It was just that it was a slightly less festive Christmas, but having said that we were so fortunate to be able to enjoy the spirit of Christmas and good food as a family.

The week started with more of the last minute Christmas shopping. On both Monday and Tuesday, I went out shopping with my mum. And, I relaxed on Wednesday. Then Thursday of course was Christmas eve which the whole family spent at Church and I was happy coz I had like a new look for Christmas with everything I wore being newly bought. And, I thought the service was not bad. I was touched by everything. But Christmas gave me an opportunity to invite a friend although for me turned out the friend of mine could not make it. And, in the midst of the Christmas parties I didn’t have and greetings from friends which I received only one, the Christmas service really allowed me to focus on Jesus Christ our Saviour and reminded me of the true message of Christmas and that is that God sent to us a light, a Saviour to not just the Jews but everyone who would put their faith in God that their sins would be forgiven in His death. Then, on Christmas day we had already open our presents the night before so we didn’t have presents to open, but we had a nice Christmas dinner at home. And, boxing was kind of boring...while Sunday after Boxing Day was a complete contrast; it was an exciting and eventful day which left me feeling awesome. We had Church, and then watched the movie Avatar, had lunch, went home and slack for two hours then watched the movie step up on Channel 5, then watched the great show that was Singapore Idol and finally watched the match between Arsenal and Villa.

But, there were some other thoughts I had during the week apart from Christmas. First, it was a realisation i came to from my chess lesson during the week. My coach said that I tend to play what I want which is not always what the position needs or is not the best move possible. It confused me because now i realised that maybe in my life I’m doing that too and i thought it could be a reason why I’m not exactly living my best life. But, God does put things in our heart for a reason, and we have wants and desires. And, we should listen to our hearts, but of course what we want may not be what we really need, which is where the practical comes in and we have to consider also our needs, what is possible and our goals in life. Yes, our hearts are prone to wander and to desire worldly things, but that is where we need God to guide us, where we need to put our human nature down and let the spirit take control of all we are. And, we should delight ourselves in the Lord and desire after God’s own heart so that in that way we can get the desires of our heart, which is the best way to live life. I guess also that is where sometimes we ask God why this or that happens or a request we ask of God is not met, it is because God knows what is best and what we want is maybe not the best for us. And, applying it back to my chess, I realised that since my goal is winning and not about getting into a position I like, since my aim is to win what i want should be to play the best moves which may not be necessarily the position I want. It is not how i get there but playing or living with the goal in my mind. And, the other things were that i read somewhere that if we have an interest in something, we can memorize things better, which made me see that perhaps the reason I haven’t done so well in school is that I just didn’t feel interested enough, like I mean my passion is in design, which is nothing really related to the usual school subjects. Also, the message at Church on Sunday about glorying in our weakness meant much to me, in that it really encouraged me and i felt the things said were so true for me, like how we can glory in our weakness which shows God’s strength and power, and how it humbles us and even strengthens us. Made me feel less affected by the troubles in life, my personal issues and frustrations, to know that it should not pull us down but in fact can be something to glory in.

So yea, that was the Christmas week which was ordinary but just as meaningful. I don’t know but I just feel so awesome after last week, and I’m just looking forward now to the New Year and stuff.

Separate Worlds

2009-12-21T08:59:00.000+08:00

Well, where do I start? This is like two weeks from my last post and much has happened during the two weeks in that I spent a lot of the past two weeks being involved in my two main activities namely chess and vocals. But, like the week before, was focussed mainly on my chess coz I had the commonwealth chess championships, while last week was basically a review of the tournament and recuperation as I had fallen sick since last week till now where I am on the road to recovery. And, our cousins did come to visit twice.

That really sums up my last two weeks, I know it really is like nothing happened but the chess tournament did take a lot out of me and of the week, it was like 5 days. And, I’ve just been busy with random stuff at home apart from the extended rests I have been taking since the tiring tournament. Just somehow from the way I have described my past two weeks, there is something empty about it and feels like there’s really not much in my life right now, it’s like so scarce, wasted and few and far between. But, by no means am I saying that I take back my words about the fact that I feel like I’m filling my life with a lot of the things that I want, going all out for my dreams, reaching to others, getting a lot of stuff I want and things like that; you know just living my life to the fullest much more and feeling good spiritually and about most of my life right now. Just that, it feels like there is so much more that I want and need in my life not in a material sense but in terms of doing things in my life and having time with people and having people in my life.

Then again, there is this whole other category of things I wish were in my life which I don’t even know what it is, coz i don’t know all i really want to add to my life, to make me feel like I live a really fun and exciting life. For me i really have to feel like every step of the way in my life i giving my best to enjoy every moment in my life to make the most of every moment to achieve something to do something meaningful to move towards a goal and my ultimate purpose to be inspired passionate, doing the things i want, spending time with people. To put it simply i want to feel alive, like i’m living life to the fullest, like I ‘m living life unlimited and going to do things in life. Ok, I’ll put it down to one thing, just want to have an eventful life, whereby each and every day I go for some event, or do some activity relating to my interest or meet people, or contribute something or doing something purposeful or meaningful or just achieve something in my area of passion.

And, in view of all these things, it’s not that I don’t understand that as aptly put as it is, that Christ came so that we could have life and life in full, and not that I don’t know that true meaning in life comes from living for the purpose of our existence that is to bring glory to God. Yes, our relationship with God is of utmost importance and takes precedence, in fact it is the only things really truly matters in the end and when we seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness all these things shall be added unto us and delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart, I know and believe that. The point right is just that really I want to live my life in a bigger and greater way. You know I used to say these things and feel this way, I’ve said it many times in my blogging adventure that began almost 2 and a half years ago, coz really at every stage in my life that has always been my aim to live life to the fullest, and just not yet, not yet; I haven’t reach that stage where I can fully say I have achieved that, but then again isn’t that what life is about: learning and growing. We can’t possibly master the art of living life until we have lived this lifetime. For once, I’m finally feeling like I’ve gone back to a certain time in my life where feel lost in this ideal of living life to the fullest and where I feel so passionate about the things I’m passionate about in life. It’s like how we go through a time where we are searching for answers in life and then we find one and move on with our lives living in a more conscious way coz we know more about what our lives are about, then one day we come back to where we first started but with even more understanding, and it feels like you’ve rediscovered that passionate for knowing how to live life to the fullest but this time it is much clearer about how to go about it.

To me life is about going through a cycle of searching for something and learning more, and then coming back to the point of our search asking more questions again. Somehow I just feel it’s a combination of me be not completely well and having been so into the world of chess the week before, that has made me reflect on where I am in my life again coz I feel like I’ve been transported to a whole new place but back to a state of mind like the time in my life where I first began my whole search for the meaning in life and my ideals of living life to the fullest. It like being so engrossed in another world that I’ve almost forgotten the state of mind I’ve been in recent times, it’s like starting over, starting afresh but just with more knowledge, experience and greater awareness. It really is like I’ve been transported between separate worlds from the world of chess but more broadly the world of competition and the whole routine of it and other the hand the real world of like living life from day to day in my pursuit of a life lived to the fullest.

But, in returning back from the chess tournament to the usual life, I felt like I came back without the state of mind I’ve been in in the recent months rather to the time in my life where I did feel that there has got to be more to my life. Not that I was completely satisfied in recent times, coz in fact although I’m started to fill my life with a lot more of the things I want and am living more and more in the way that I want, there is still much that I hope to do more of in my life in keeping with my ideals that is living life to the fullest. And, I don’t put that down to discontentment, it’s just that I feel there is potential for so much more in my life and I’m not fully utilising that. But, my state of mind in recent times has been one of being at peace with everything as has mostly been the case since after coming to terms with what it means to living life to the fullest but perhaps more of being satisfied in knowing I’m making progress towards my goal of living life to the fullest. And, just being so bogged down by my routine which mostly pretty mundane that I was living as consciously as I used to be.

Perhaps taking me out of this routine made me see again what I had realised before this recent time. And, that is that there was potential for much more in my life as much as I know I have already made a lot of headway. As for the two very distinct things I correlated then, well, falling sick really somehow did make me feel inspired and passionate again, which brought me back to the time where the whole living life to the fullest began. This was because having been away from the many things in my life at that time, i.e. during my JC years, there were a lot of things regarding the affairs of the heart, and I felt passionate about some things but lost that in being away from everything since I took a break for this whole year. Suddenly, because of being ill for a couple of days last week, my passion was reignited, it’s like all the feelings I forgot how to feel just came back to me. Again, I felt the passion especially in regards to living life to the fullest.

Now then, I know that everything under the sun is meaningless but there is meaning in all things as long as we have the heart of worship in bringing glory to God in all we do. But, the question begs, if really I had the kind of life I crave with the eventful life I want, would I really be happy? You know what I know that if I had this life that I crave I know I will be satisfied even though inherently everything is meaningless. That is because I know my ultimate purpose which is to glorify God in the five areas and I see that as part of the lifestyle of living for God to be able to make the most of my life not just but enjoying this gift of life but sharing it with others and in the process make a difference.

However, really, for me I’m happy to be able to go out from time to time with my family which forms the majority of the outside events in my life so far, it just that I want to do more than just that, I want to have friends to be able to go out and do stuff. And, I know this past year I have felt like I was living life more fully partly because with my dad, I was able to go places and do stuff I wanted to do here on this island, but it’s just different going out and doing stuff with my dad only. There is still this sense of loneliness sometimes. I must stress that I really appreciate it and it meant a lot to me, to be able to spend time with my dad, I mean not everyone is so fortunate to be able to do that. The thing is that, somehow in some sense it was a little aimless, although I must say I learnt a lot going out to several different places. I don’t know what it was I guess the more the merrier or just it means more if we had more people to share the experiences with.

Actually it really isn’t that these times where we went out were not good, in fact they were great but more that I’m seeking for more events of different kinds and to be able to share not just with family but with other people. To sum all this up it is that I feel like I have so much in my life now and I’m filing my life with things that I want, and I’m living life to the fullest more, but still feel like there’s still nothing really going on in my life in terms of social life and going out and doing stuff with people, like how lots of people are having activities galore this holiday season and I’m not. One thing I must remind myself though is that even if I have nothing, in Christ I have everything.

Apart from this there has been just so much on my mind but I’ve been so busy and preoccupied with going through the motions in my life that I can’t rmb all of it and I’ve had to rest much that I haven’t really been able to sit down think my thought through and write them out. As a continuation to my thoughts about being successful, I thought about the motivation to win sometime during the past two weeks. I guess, the motivation to win should be that we want to give God the glory in our victory which is made possible through God, and really innate in us is the desire to win, we all want to be the best, for God wants us to achieve to the best of our abilities. And, it is not that then if we lose we are unable to glorify God, but in giving all we can for a victory and for God’s glory.

Also, I watched a show where one of the main characters was this person who was materialistic and wanted to buy something expensive and having saved up she bought the thing, then before she knew it there was another new thing that came out. Materialism is really like a vicious cycle of wanting, getting and wanting more again. But, I guess there’s nothing wrong in wanting things, it is down to the heart I feel. I feel materialism is when it becomes our focus and drives us, when it becomes too important. And, it is when we want things for the wrong reasons, like getting branded stuff just to boast. Ok, the point is that material things only provide temporary happiness, but true happiness is in living for God’s purposes. But, what about getting things we want...I mean then why should we even want any material things and with so many wants we just can’t have everything. And, yes a good guideline is to make sure we are not spending excessively, but if we should want to have what we want it just would also be too much. I feel that we should get the things we want wherever we can according to how God blesses us and thank God for it.

Then, I heard this story of someone wanting revenge for a wrong committed. So it made me consider the reason that we are to live and let live, that we have no right to take the law into our own hands. It is that ultimately God will punish those who have done wrong, there will be justice done. Therefore, we can rest knowing that the bad will face the consequences. And, we should let go of our hurt coz those who have hurt us can only continue to hurt us as long as we hold on to the hurt. The other thing I came across was this saying that when we work hard we can get what we want. Sort of like you reap what you sow, it really is so true coz really for the most part hard work gets us what we want. Finally, the last thing I was thinking about was whether true love can be lost by being apart or whether love can blossom where there wasn’t anything before by being apart.

To end, just felt like I been in separate worlds with the chess tournament on one week and back to my usual routines at home, but somehow it transported me to a time where I felt so passionately about needing to do more with my life to live life to the fullest. And, indeed in my life now I wish to do more...

Profound Life...

2009-12-08T12:56:00.000+08:00

It was a busy time for me last week but in a good way...Well, I mean I wasn’t really really busy or something, however, I was busy in the sense that relative to my usual schedules I have had significantly more things going on in my life at this point in my life the any other point in my life after my A Levels, with the exception of a number of occasions this year. So yea, it’s true that I’m feeling really happy that I’m living my life more fully and doing more of the things I wanna do, and I’m feeling good about most things. Still, there’s more that I’m aiming for especially with regards to having the opportunities to be involved in more outside activities and to go out with friends and do stuff, which is still lacking. And, there were a few stressful moments during the week. But, on a whole I must say i can’t complain about anything and I’m happy with the way things are heading and about the however little but significant things that have been added to my life, it’s been great and I’m grateful for it. That is why last week was good for me but wasn’t without the not so good.

Basically, to give an idea of how I spent my somewhat busier week last week, here’s a summary of it...Monday, I stayed at home and did the usual stuff again. Tuesday, went down to get my membership with HWA. Wednesday, I had chess lessons. Thursday, I went to the hospital for my check-up. And, Friday I had my vocal lessons. As for the weekend, I attended a church wedding on Saturday while on Sunday we went to church, had lunch outside and then visited my grandmother at the hospital.

As for last week I didn’t really encounter many situations which gave me things to think about but there were some random thoughts I did have during the course of the week, I was mostly either busy doing my own stuff or out getting something done. But to begin with the dominant thought of the week that I feel epitomises what my week was like last week. Last week, was like a continuation of my happiness from last week, where really I’ve been feeling like my life getting better and that I living more fully and doing the things I love and receiving things in life that I want or in some cases take steps towards some of my goals and dreams. However, on the other hand there were stuff at home that weren’t going that great and I did feel upset about some things. This led me to this thought that: Where there is joy in life there is also pain and suffering. And, what I meant by this is not just that there is good and bad things in life but also that there is joy even in the midst of pain and suffering, a joy brought about in difficult times in knowledge and hope of God’s work in our lives and His presence with us through whatever it is we are facing.

Somehow, last week I just began pondering about the shortness of life and the way to live life. I realise that just as much as we should live each day like it’s our last, we should dream like we’ll live forever and live for these dreams. I mean personally I know for a fact that in my condition I probably wouldn’t live as long as an average person, but then again we can never know, only God knows; anyone can be taken away at any moment. But, that should not stop us from dreaming and doing things we would do if we knew we could live forever because there are things much greater we can do with our lives in view of an eternity than we would have if we live for dreams within a short time frame since everything seems insignificant if we had no future. And, if we believe in a future, we can dream greater things and achieve greater things in our lives. And, the truth is that there is life after death, and a greater purpose for our lives than just the here and now, and that is to live for God’s glory, and we have dreams of things for a future beyond death that is for the ultimate purpose of glorifying God. I mean, there would be no point in doing anything if we were just a result of evolution and we perish after death on Earth, so clearly it is God who created us to bring glory to His name and to look forward to an eternity with God in heaven, and that is the purpose for our lives and we are motivated by our passions and dreams which leads us to fulfil a purpose in this life that ultimately glorifies God. One other thing I did wonder about regarding this issue of dreaming as if you’ll live forever, was really would anyone be together with someone who would live a much shorter life? Kind of reminds me of the movie a long time ago, A Walk to Remember. But, I guess, why not? If it be in God’s will that the person has a soul mate, then it will come true, just like God will not create your soul mate and not let you meet the person. And, besides, love is unconditional, so why should it matter that one party may not live as long. Where two people are truly in love, nothing else matters.

And, this brings me nicely to my other thought...that is about success and God’s glory. Basically, my question was what our motivation is and where is the ambition to be successful, since our purpose in life is to live for God’s glory. But, truth is ambition is actually a God thing, yes living for God’s glory means doing everything we do as unto God, however, it also means giving of our best to God our master. Then again, we need to ask ourselves what it truly means to be successful, is it to earn a lot of money, leave behind a legacy, do well in school or at work, have a nice car, have a nice house or win awards? Yes, in victory when we attribute it to God, it glorifies God and it has, meaning, significance and we fulfils our intrinsic purpose. But, it doesn’t mean that when we are not successful as the world puts it, we do not glorify God, whether or not we are winners or losers, successful or a failure, it does not matter, it is in the heart of worship and doing everything for God’s glory that ultimately glorifies God. And, let me just address this issue about what success really means, success as the world puts it is achieving some sort of status be it socially or in terms of wealth. What the true meaning of success though is actually in fulfilling the five purposes God has for our lives that lead to the ultimate reason for everything that is the glorification of God. The five purposes being, worship, fellowship, discipleship, mission and evangelism. That is not to say God wants us to live in mediocrity, in fact God wants us to live an above average life, He has a purpose for our lives to prosper us and give us a future and a hope. God wants us to use our full potential in the area He has set for us. God gave us our abilities for a reason and that is to be able to live for the purpose He has for our lives. When we don’t give it our best, we just can’t achieve what God want us to achieve with our lives. And, in the same way our passions and dreams are for a reason, they form part of our shape and who we are, and allows us to do our best in that area, thereby achieving something and at the same times bringing glory to God as we do it as unto the Lord. It is essentially all about our relationship with God and living for God in gratitude for His son Jesus Christ dying on the cross for our sins while we were undeserving so that we have eternal life.

Anyway, during the week I was angry with someone which made me consider something and that is whether I really have the right or reason to be angry. Also, I was forced to consider the topic of forgiveness/unforgiveness. I guess if someone really does something wrong it is ok for us to be angry but again we must be careful not to in our anger sin. However, more often than not we are not without fault, so we should not just get angry but we should examine ourselves and confess our part of the conflict before we get upset with someone. The anger should be at the wrong or failure of the person and not the person. What we must be careful of, though, is not to bear a grudge, so we should make things right as soon as possible. We should also seek God for discernment in knowing what is right and wrong in the situation. Next, in dealing with it, we should first seek some resolution to the problem, to share what we felt was wrong and how it has hurt us. The ideal situation would be the person realises the mistake and apologizes, and the other party should his or her mistakes too, and the two should find some common agreement and understanding. But, in the end, the main consideration should be to have reconciliation and work things out between each other to get back on good terms. And, there will always be honest disagreements and differing opinions, but as long as we can restore the relationship it is ok. The truths is we all make mistakes, so we should be patient with one another and forgive each other as Christ forgave us. And, all of this should be done gently and in love for love is unconditional. Coz, as Christians we are all here on this earth to learn to love and grow through this process of sanctification to reach the ultimate goal of becoming Christ-like.

Finally, here are some of my thoughts about the message at church on Sunday which really did speak to me in some ways. The speaker began the introduction talking about the fact that there are ups and downs, spiritually and in our walk with God. But, pointed out the joy and hope that is Christmas, which is a reminder of the hope that we have in Jesus Christ. And, with regards to the down times in our walk of faith and when there is this sense of emptiness, that is because we have not done these three things that is to come to, listen to and seek God, so that we can delight in God, in His presence, and feel the passion and joy that is in Christ who has blessed us. We must do these three things to allow ourselves to experience the full joy and blessing in Christ Jesus, and the promises in Him. So, the first point about coming to God. In essence, God is already here with us, He is everywhere. A lot of times I and like many of us at, at least one point in time have been in situations where we don’t feel God’s presence here with us. It is in such situations and especially in situations where bad things happen that we ask where God is, but it is not God who is not there but that we have turned away. The answer to it is to come to God for He is here and welcoming us into His presence. And, really at times when I say I don’t feel the passion and feel God’s presence as strongly, I don’t mean that I need to feel it and I also don’t mean that it is just that I feel it but in that we need to come back to Him. Those we are thirsty and hungry are told to come to Him, who is the Living Water and spend wine, milk and the bread of life, which will satisfy forever. And, this is to all people even if without money. How great is it that we can have this living water and bread of life for free? Coz in Christ we have the hope of eternal life which has already been paid for by Jesus. It really struck me these sentence, that is not about having the things we want in life that satisfies but it is in Christ that we are truly satisfied. And, again, how relevant to me at this point in my life now where I’ve been frustrated for so long not being able to live my life as fully as I would have liked and do the things I want in life and achieve my dreams, and now I’m getting a lot of the things I want in my life and getting closer to fulfilling some of my dreams, interests and passions. I need to remind myself of the times where I felt I had nothing or felt empty or didn’t have a lot in life, to remember that though I have nothing, I have everything in Christ. It is our relationship with God is the most important thing, and God should be at the heart of everything in our lives. Also, we should God first and all these things will be added unto us. So, it should not be the fact that I have all these things i want in my life that I will be ultimately satisfied but that it in Christ that I’m satisfied. Next, we are called to listen to God. A lot of times we just hear as in we just hear it with our ears, but we are told to listen which goes one step further, that is we are not just hearers but doers, coz we not only hear it but understand what it means. It means we put into action what we have learned and set it in our hearts. And, lastly, we are to Seek God and turn to Him. We do not live on our own terms but according to God’s will. Coz when we try to put God into a box and try to do God’s work our way, we fail and we will not live. But, it says in Isaiah 55:8-9,” For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, as the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” God knows best and so we should seek God’s will in our lives. Therefore, if you feel some emptiness in your Christian life maybe you are missing some of God’s blessings, so you must come, listen and seek.

To end, yea last week was a busy week. I’m happy coz my life is really going the way I want and I’m living more fully, but of course there are unhappy things in life too, yet there is still joy in the midst of everything in Christ Jesus. We should dream as if we’ll live forever and live as if we’ll die today, and our ultimate goal in life is to bring glory to God, sure it doesn’t always mean we are successful or we win, but just that we do what we do for God’s glory at the best of our abilities. We should, love one another and be patient with one another and forgive each other as Christ forgave us. And, finally, to experience the full delight in Christ we must come, listen and seek God. Life's just so profound...

The Greater Work yet to be done in My Life...

2009-12-01T13:17:00.001+08:00

It was an awesome week last week, everything was mostly just great. Sure, it is not like everything is perfect, but I must say last week made me quite happy. I went out quite a number of times during the week and did all the things I wanted to do and had to do. There wasn’t really a dull moment about last week at all. And, everything is just going quite well for me now. I feel that I’m getting even closer to my ideal scenario for life right now, like the whole living life to the fullest thing and the purpose driven life so to speak coz I doing much more of the stuff that I want in my life. Also, spiritually I feel that I’m definitely in a good place again at the moment. So yea all is good and it is amazing the way the Lord is working in my life at this point.

Well, my week kicked off with a typical Monday doing all the stuff I do at home, mostly on the computer that is. Then, on Tuesday afternoon, I went with my dad and sis to OC. While on Wednesday we went to Ion. Next, we took a break on Thursday and stayed home. And, of course, the best thing, the public holiday on Friday. My parents, grandmother, my sis and I went out to Orchard and shopped from Taka to Ion. As for the weekend, well, I went out with my parents and sis to Centre Point, basically I spent most of that time sitting around waiting for my mum and sis. And, finally, after going to Church, the whole family went to the city for a birthday lunch for my grandmother’s birthday yea. So that was how I spend my week. And, regarding the success of the shopping trip for me, I finally got my Fifa 10 game, some new music CDs, sneakers and a watch which is actually going to be my Christmas present from my mum.

Now then, last week I realise some really amazing things and had some thoughts and inspirations, so I hope to share that for the rest and main part of my blog post for last week...

To begin with, having completed my blog post for the week before on Monday last week about faith in Jesus Christ and my thoughts about it which spilled over into last week, I realised that there was something happening in my life with like how everything seemed to be coming together in a way that all made sense and were all relevant to my situation. It started first with this paragraph that I came across:

“Faith is not necessary when you know how things are going to work out, - that's knowledge. It's in the time of unknowing that having faith is what sees you through to the other side. Faith is what gives you strength. Faith is that light in your heart that keeps on shining even when it's all darkness outside. Now is the time to keep that faith alive!”

Really after going through that period of soul searching, I felt like my faith was and is getting stronger again, and this was like a great encouragement to me that it is in the times of not knowing and uncertainty that faith is exercised. And, this brought about a revitalisation spiritually for me last week as began to feel the passion for God’s name and the power faith and feeling of God’s presence here with me. The most amazing thing about was that I have prayed for sometime after having gone thru some months feeling spiritually at a low that God would rekindle the spiritual fire in me and the Lord has worked in an amazing way to help me with that through the circumstances, to get me out of that and to grow spiritually like now, in the way He has worked and is working in my life, I feel my faith, love, peace, joy and passion have increased and spiritually I’m at a much better place again almost like last time out and I just really feel good spiritually. So yea, all the things that have happened to me all now seem to make sense as God is seemingly using all of it to achieve in me the change and new found passion and understanding I need in my life now. It was also amazing that just as in my last post I was talking about how I felt uncertain about my belief, but I focus on the truth and not my feelings that, truly I believe in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour; it was just like the words in the book by Rick Warren about God’s answers to life’s difficult questions, the sentence somewhere in the chapter on depression which I read to my mum, about how we can sometimes not feel Christian but are Christians, which really spoke to me because it was so related to last week’s post about faith in Jesus. And, one other connection that I discovered was really how in the learning of acts in Youth about how the apostles spread the message of Jesus Christ is so related to last week’s post about faith in Jesus too; since the apostles tried to share about the resurrection of Jesus Christ through the signs and miracles, and how many believed and some didn’t. Lastly, I also found one other reason we can know that truly Jesus is our God and that is... Guilt, which is God’s way of telling us we have done wrong, and it, leads us to realise that we need someone to pay our sins and that is Jesus Christ coz all have sin and fallen short, therefore Jesus Christ the only one who died for us is our God who paid the price.

And, now looking at all that is going on in my life right now in perspective and overall, I really feel somehow that God is working in my life through the circumstances and through His speaking to me and all the struggles and ups and downs spiritually, that all that is part of the greater work that God has yet accomplish in my life. It’s just coz every time I go through some difficult moments and come out of it, I always feel like I learning, growing and becoming a better person, and I feel the passion within me come back with greater or just as much fire as in the best of times. And, things are really falling in place in my life, like I’m doing the things in life I enjoy and I’m doing everything I do for God’s glory in a worshipful way. I really feel I’m enjoying this gift of life. And, my relationship with God has grown in many ways, and I continue to maintain that connection with God through prayer, reading the Bible, Sunday school and worship. And, yes on my road of sanctification and being a better person, and becoming more like Christ, I’m certainly trying my best to learn and improve, and there has been progress. As for fellowship, I’m being more open to others and making friends, but still have to wait till I meet more people through school again to see if I’ve become sociable enough and can develop closer bonds with friends and also fellow believers in Christ although I probably can do more of that in Church. And, in terms of evangelism, I’ve be working on it with a friend so far and perhaps I could see where else I could do so. For mission and work wise, I’m going to start my course in product design next year my passion and my work which god created me to do in serving Him. But, I could probably do more by way of serving in some way in Church which I haven’t done so yet so far. So basically that is sort of like my progress report of life at this moment in time.

However, there was a point last week where I felt this way that: I thought I knew and figured out what I want in life but perhaps I don’t yet really know what I want in life. Back again to the topic of Christian living and living for God’s glory. But, that was because I felt like I’m not really doing all the things I want to do and I’m doing some things I don’t want to. So, I really made it a point during the week to really remind myself of my goal in life that is God’s glory and to really start being the person I want to be and doing all the things I want to do and not just feel like I’m aimlessly living my life. And, that is how last week I managed to reach a point where I felt good like I’m really filling my life with a lot more things that I feel are me and are what I want and like. And, things were going very much smoothly. Yea and it’s just that right now I feel I’m really living my life to the fullest, pursuing my dreams and doing all the things I want to do in my life. Like, I’ve got singing lessons, chess, the prospects of doing design in poly next year and I got some of the things I want in material terms too. Just so many things I’ve got going on in my life and things to look forward to and things I’m getting, doing and things I want and am working towards. And, I’m probably going to start going swimming again just as I went by the pool one of the days last week during the fine weather when I went out for a walk. Also, I’m going to really get started with setting up my online store seriously this time and perhaps learn more about web design. You get the point just really busy in my life now in a good way in that I’m really living life to the fullest in my books at the moment with like all the things I feel I need in life to be truly living life, a full life in Christ.

As for the other miscellaneous things, last week when my sis did some online transaction thing in buying from an online store, there was talk about a lot of financial and administrative work involved in life I guess. And, I didn’t understand a lot of it, which made me realise how I am still immature in the sense of the fact that I don’t yet know the many things that as an adult we need to know especially about money and all the necessary documents and administrative stuff, so I realise I have lots more to learn about life and adulthood. But, I guess it’s because since young till now my parents did pretty much all of these things and we were not really involved in these things or learning about handling these things, so I don’t know these things. So I guess, my realisation of that is really the start of my move towards adulthood and since I’m really sort of at my age moving from teenager to young adult.

Also, last week I was wondering again about my chess at this point. I’m really not sure if I really have a passion for chess. But, I did figure something from my chess lesson with my coach, I learned more about myself; how I like to be creative and invent in chess which made me realise yes industrial design is really what I like to do. Anyway the trouble is that actually chess has a lot of theory but there is still at least some room for creativity and tactics, i.e. over the board stuff. And my coach was telling me that I need to have more understanding rather than memory, which reminds very much of the mistake I made in my education in terms of maths and stuff, I more often than not tried to memorise everything instead of truly understanding what I was learning. Also, there are situations where we need to think and calculate in chess to know in which situations we should react in a certain way and when opponent can use certain tactics. But many a times I don’t put in enough effort into calculating things just like again in my studies where I relied too heavily on memorising rather than understanding.

To end, I’m just feeling great coz I’m not only getting but also doing all the things that I want in my life right now. It’s just great coz I’m finally making my own decisions about my life and doing what I want. I just never felt so free in my life to live my life limitlessly and pursue my perfect life. And, it is amazing the way that the Lord seems to be working in my life through all the circumstances to bring me back to Him and fire me up with a passion once again for worshipping God and living for His glory. Truly I can say with great conviction that the Lord is working towards a greater work yet to be done in my life...

Jesus is Our God...

2009-11-23T17:56:00.000+08:00

It was quite a nice week last week and it marked a somewhat momentous occasion as my family and I, celebrated my brother’s 21st birthday and my mum’s birthday respectively. For me personally, well I would say my week had two sides to it. On one hand, I was excited as I started vocal lessons, signed up for chess competitions which are coming soon in December, welcomed everyone in the family back home as in my brother and sister, connect with friends, enjoyed going out and doing stuff with family and just doing all the stuff I wanna do. I mean, certainly as much as there are barriers and issues that still exist but, I feel like I’m almost getting closer to living a more balanced and full life which is great for me. But, yea on the other hand, I was bothered by a few things...Having tried to share about Christ with a friend and sending some materials about Jesus as our God, I began to ponder the question of how do we know that Jesus is God? Of course, I do believe this as a Christian, but the question really did set me thinking. (This I shall share my thoughts on later in this post.) And, the other things that bothered me were some troubles at home and just some daily struggles I guess. However, on a whole though it was actually quite a good week, with the celebrations we had and the family all being back together again.

This week began as any other although yea we were already prepared for a more than ordinary week, since the whole family was home and we were going to celebrate two birthdays in the family. So, but Monday started off with my usual routines. However, having thought about it for so long and been given the green light, my passion I guess for singing got the better of me, I convinced my dad to take me to the nearby music school to sign up for vocal lessons. This actually I would say was the beginning of everything being more than my normal life as it is so far, be it this week or maybe in time to come. I guess I say this because really, I’ve not really stepped up and out of my comfort zone to really go do the things I want to do in my life, to pursue my dreams; but in this year alone I’ve made bold decisions to fulfil my passions even if the main decision regarding my education only will come to fruition next year, the vocal lessons is just one of those things. Like really imagine me taking vocal lessons...never thought I’d be doing this, but it’s just great. Then, Tuesday and Wednesday, ok fine was like usual but it came thick and fast, had chess lessons and slacked at home respectively. And, which brings me nicely to Thursday, which was anything from an ordinary Thursday coz it was my mum’s and my brother’s birthday. We all took the day off to celebrate...First, we had breakfast at Dempsey, then we watched a movie, i.e. 2012...haha, ok not exactly the perfect birthday movie but yea. Watching the end of the world on your birthday! Yea, haha... Following that we had a simple but specially cooked dinner at home and an ice cream cake. It was all good I guess... On Friday then, I had my very first vocal lesson which was really fun and my sis returned from Aust. For Saturday I stayed home for the day, but was all ready for THE MAIN EVENT OF THE WEEK, the whole family went out to Ritz Carlton for buffet dinner. It was to celebrate my mum’s and brother’s birthday proper coz now that my sis was back, we could go as a complete family. It was a fun night out and we all really enjoyed ourselves. And, on Sunday we all went to Church, and my sis and I we stayed back for Youth class. And, in the afternoon my dad, sis and I went out to the Marina Barrage in the only fine weather throughout the week to do kite-flying. So that was the events of last week.

Now then, back to my thoughts on the question about how we know that Jesus is God. I must say I was bothered in thinking about this because it seemed like I was questioning the truth in this and like questioning why I believe and have faith that Jesus is our God, but I guess it really wasn’t like that. It was more of really how do we know that Jesus is God, not that I don’t believe or anything, coz of course as I’ve said I believe in this, but it is what is the basis for my faith. You know like coz if I’m to share with others about Christ, I need to be able to give the basis for it to help others see the truth. So basically, I like to share from what I have learnt and how in a personal way that the Lord Jesus Christ is real to me; and on the other hand, I will share from a resources about this matter. Firstly, as I’ve shared in my testimony and stuff, God has been real to me in many ways; and that is the one and only Lord Jesus Christ in whom I have known for almost all my life, coz I’ve been in a Christian environment since young. That is how I know that it is not just a god whom I believe in but in our Lord Jesus Christ who is God. All that has happened in my life is a result of our God Jesus Christ; it is all in His plan for me. And, my faith is in Him and I serve and worship our Lord Jesus Christ. Also, it is not just in believing the truth of the matter that Jesus died for us on the cross so that by faith we can be saved, but in accepting and trusting in God’s saving grace and that He is Lord of our lives and is the Kings of Kings and Lord of Lords. And, it is in my choice that I choose to accept, submit and surrender to our God and Saviour Jesus Christ.

And, as for what I have learnt it is that Jesus is our God because it was only Jesus who came to this Earth the Son of God as a man, and He died for our sins on the cross, which can only be because He really was the Son of God, there is no other religion in this world that has a Son of God, i.e. God in human form die for us so that in believing in Him we will be saved and have eternal life. All other religions suggest that we need to do something good to go to Heaven but the truth and one and only truth is that it is only in Jesus Christ that we can go to Heaven, because His death and resurrection paid for our sins, so we can by faith stand before God and be with Him in Heaven, and nothing else can save us because we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. I mean, isn’t it obvious enough, we all know we are not perfect and we have done wrong, that no matter how many good deeds we do, we have all sinned, so we can’t do anything good enough to deserve to be saved, but for God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. Jesus and only Jesus paid the ultimate price for our sins as undeserving as we were and are. Also, there many types of evidence such as historical and circumstantial. And, the Word of God as in the Bible is the inspired text that contains all the truths from our Lord Jesus Christ and forms the foundation of all our beliefs.

Most of all, God has put a faith in my heart, and I have faith, I believe and trust in our Lord Jesus Christ who is our God as my Lord and saviour who is at the centre of my life and in the saving work of Jesus on the cross. Jesus Christ is in my life, and His presence is with me and I know that He is God. Sometimes, there really isn’t an explanation or clear evidence in that we don’t actually see our Lord Jesus Christ appear before our eyes, but that’s where it takes faith...and I just know somewhere deep inside of us as in me there is something that tells us that we know that truly Jesus is God, just there are many people who don’t know who our Lord Jesus Christ is or haven’t experience that relationship. So I have faith, trust and belief in Jesus Christ our Lord and saviour; and I have experienced the relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ, therefore I truly believe that Jesus is our God, the God we all in our hearts crave for, feel empty without, believe there must be is none other than our Lord Jesus Christ the only way, the truth and the light.

Here are some of the questions which are relevant to whom Jesus is, as our God, which I took from gotquestions.org:

Question: "What is Christianity and what do Christians believe?"

Answer: The core beliefs of Christianity are summarized in 1 Corinthians 15:1-4. Jesus died for our sins, was buried, was resurrected, and thereby offers salvation to all who will receive Him in faith. Unique among all other faiths, Christianity is more about a relationship than religious practices. Instead of adhering to a list of “do’s and don’ts,” the goal of a Christian is to cultivate a close walk with God. That relationship is made possible because of the work of Jesus Christ and the ministry of the Holy Spirit.

Beyond these core beliefs, there are many other items that are, or at least should be, indicative of what Christianity is and what Christianity believes. Christians believe that the Bible is the inspired, “God-breathed” Word of God and that its teaching is the final authority in all matters of faith and practice (2 Timothy 3:16; 2 Peter 1:20-21). Christians believe in one God that exists in three persons—the Father, the Son (Jesus Christ), and the Holy Spirit.Christians believe that mankind was created specifically to have a relationship with God, but sin separates all men from God (Romans 3:23; 5:12). Christianity teaches that Jesus Christ walked this earth, fully God, and yet fully man (Philippians 2:6-11), and died on the cross. Christians believe that after His death, Christ was buried, He rose again, and now lives at the right hand of the Father, making intercession for the believers forever (Hebrews 7:25). Christianity proclaims that Jesus’ death on the cross was sufficient to completely pay the sin debt owed by all men and this is what restores the broken relationship between God and man (Hebrews 9:11-14; 10:10; Romans 5:8; 6:23).

Christianity teaches that in order to be saved and be granted entrance into heaven after death, one must place one’s faith entirely in the finished work of Christ on the cross. If we believe that Christ died in our place and paid the price of our own sins, and rose again, then we are saved. There is nothing that anyone can do to earn salvation. We cannot be “good enough” to please God on our own, because we are all sinners (Isaiah 53:6; 64:6-7). There is nothing more to be done, because Christ has done all the work! When He was on the cross, Jesus said, “It is finished” (John 19:30), meaning that the work of redemption was completed.

According to Christianity, salvation is freedom from the old sin nature and freedom to pursue a right relationship with God. Where we were once slaves to sin, we are now slaves to Christ (Romans 6:15-22). As long as believers live on this earth in their sinful bodies, they will engage in a constant struggle with sin. However, Christians can have victory in the struggle with sin by studying and applying God’s Word in their lives and being controlled by the Holy Spirit—that is, submitting to the Spirit’s leading in everyday circumstances.

So, while many religious systems require that a person do or not do certain things, Christianity is about believing that Christ died on the cross as payment for our own sins and rose again. Our sin debt is paid and we can have fellowship with God. We can have victory over our sin nature and walk in fellowship and obedience with God. That is true biblical Christianity.

Question: "Is Jesus God? Did Jesus ever claim to be God?"

Answer: Jesus is never recorded in the Bible as saying the precise words, “I am God.” That does not mean, however, that He did not proclaim that He is God. Take for example Jesus’ words in John 10:30, “I and the Father are one.” We need only to look at the Jews’ reaction to His statement to know He was claiming to be God. They tried to stone Him for this very reason. “… you, a mere man, claim to be God” (John 10:33). The Jews understood exactly what Jesus was claiming—deity. Notice that Jesus does not deny His claim to be God. When Jesus declared, “I and the Father are one” (John 10:30), He was saying that He and the Father are of one nature and essence. John 8:58 is another example. Jesus declared, “I tell you the truth, before Abraham was born, I am!” The response of the Jews who heard this statement was to take up stones to kill Him for blasphemy, as the Mosaic Law commanded them to do (Leviticus 24:15).

John reiterates the concept of Jesus’ deity: “the Word was God” and “the Word became flesh” (John 1:1, 14). These verses clearly indicate that Jesus is God in the flesh. Acts 20:28 tells us, “Be shepherds of the church of God, which he bought with his own blood.” Who bought the church—the church of God—with His own blood? Jesus Christ. Acts 20:28 declares that God purchased His church with His own blood. Therefore, Jesus is God!

Thomas the disciple declared concerning Jesus, “My Lord and my God” (John 20:28). Jesus does not correct him. Titus 2:13 encourages us to wait for the coming of our God and Savior, Jesus Christ (see also 2 Peter 1:1). In Hebrews 1:8, the Father declares of Jesus, “But about the Son He says, ’Your throne, O God, will last forever and ever, and righteousness will be the scepter of your kingdom.’” The Father refers to Jesus as “O God” indicating that Jesus is indeed God.

In Revelation, an angel instructed the apostle John to only worship God (Revelation 19:10). Several times in Scripture Jesus receives worship (Matthew 2:11, 14:33, 28:9, 17; Luke 24:52; John 9:38). He never rebukes people for worshiping Him. If Jesus were not God, He would have told people to not worship Him, just as the angel in Revelation did. There are many other verses and passages of Scripture that argue for Jesus’ deity.The most important reason that Jesus has to be God is that if He is not God, His death would not have been sufficient to pay the penalty for the sins of the world (1 John 2:2). A created being, which Jesus would be if He were not God, could not pay the infinite penalty required for sin against an infinite God. Only God could pay such an infinite penalty. Only God could take on the sins of the world (2 Corinthians 5:21), die, and be resurrected, proving His victory over sin and death.

Question: "Is Jesus the only way to Heaven?"

Answer: "I'm basically a good person, so I'll go to heaven." "OK, so I do some bad things, but I do more good things, so I'll go to heaven." "God won't send me to hell just because I don't live by the Bible. Times have changed!" "Only really bad people like child molesters and murderers go to hell."

These are all common rationalizations, but the truth is that they are all lies. Satan, the ruler of the world, plants these thoughts in our heads. He, and anyone who follows his ways, is an enemy of God (1Peter 5:8). Satan is a deceiver and often disguises himself as someone good (2 Corinthians 11:14), but he has control over all the minds that do not belong to God. "The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God" (2 Corinthians 4:4).It is a lie to believe that God doesn't care about small sins or that hell is reserved for "bad people." All sin separates us from God, even a “little white lie.” Everyone has sinned, and no one is good enough to get to heaven on their own (Romans 3:23). Getting into heaven is not based on whether our good outweighs our bad; we will all lose out if that is the case. "And if by grace, then it is no longer by works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace" (Romans 11:6). We can do nothing good to earn our way to heaven (Titus 3:5)."

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it" (Matthew 7:13). Even if everyone else is living a life of sin in a culture where trusting in God is not popular, God will not excuse it. "As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient" (Ephesians 2:1-2).

When God created the world, it was perfect and good. Then he made Adam and Eve and gave them their own free will, so they would have a choice whether to follow and obey God. But they were tempted by Satan to disobey God, and they sinned. This separated them (and everyone that came after them, including us) from being able to have a close relationship with God. He is perfect and holy and must judge sin. As sinners, we couldn't reconcile ourselves to God on our own. So God made a way that we could be united with Him in heaven. "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" (John 3:16). "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 6:23). Jesus was born to die for our sins so that we would not have to. Three days after His death, He rose from the grave (Romans 4:25), proving Himself victorious over death. He bridged the gap between God and man so that we may have a personal relationship with Him if we only believe."

Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent" (John 17:3). Most people believe in God, even Satan does. But to receive salvation, we must turn to God, form a personal relationship, turn away from our sins, and follow Him. We must trust in Jesus with everything we have and everything we do. "This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference" (Romans 3:22). The Bible teaches that there is no other way to salvation than through Christ. Jesus says in John 14:6, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

Jesus is the only way of salvation because He is the only One who can pay our sin penalty (Romans 6:23). No other religion teaches the depth or seriousness of sin and its consequences. No other religion offers the infinite payment of sin that only Jesus Christ could provide. No other “religious founder” was God become man (John 1:1,14) – the only way an infinite debt could be paid. Jesus had to be God so that He could pay our debt. Jesus had to be man so He could die. Salvation is available only through faith in Jesus Christ! “Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved” (Acts 4:12).

To end, yea it was a good week last week with all the joy of celebrating two birthdays in the family and everyone being home together again, and I’m beginning to really be able to do all the things I wanna do. But, I was faced with the question about Jesus as our God in trying to share Christ with others, but I know and believe that Jesus is our God for He is my Lord and saviour who I have given my life to live for His glory in gratefulness of His love and saving grace by His work on the cross; and I know my faith is real and I know that I do really truly believe in our Lord Jesus Christ, yea sometimes we do have our doubts, fears and uncertainty about whether we truly believe, but if we seek God, He will reveal Himself to us. And, I know I believe in Jesus for Jesus is our God...

Pain the fuel for Passion...

2009-11-17T12:24:00.000+08:00

It was a pretty routine week last week and I literally just stayed home for most of the week, apart from a dinner, an awards ceremony, chess training and Church. But, I’m must stress that it was a stressful week, there was so much tension at home over all the things that aren’t going our way now. And, for me personally, there is still one or two issues in my life that have been causing me much misery and frustration. This prompted me to ask the question: When will this misery end? Coz, really I’m sick of having all these things that are out of my control affect my life and take away my happiness or even joy for that matter. All I want is just that everyone at home is happy together and I can live my life in joy and peace, without the issue that is taking my joy away, by constantly changing my mood.

A brief summary of my week, well, it was really just the usual way. Had chess lesson on Tuesday, and went out for dinner with my parents after we mistook that day for the dinner cum awards ceremony I was to attend on Thursday. Then, Thursday, we went for the Athlete Achievement Awards for the Asean Para Games Contingent which I was a part of; yea the dinner cum awards ceremony. Next, during the weekend I had my last chess squad training for this year, where I lost my last game coz I missed a winning move, blundered and lost. While, of course Sunday we had Church. And, I really felt strongly about the part 2 of the message on evangelism, the three points were the fact that in the world there are only two kinds of people, ones who are believers and Christ, and ones who are seeking, we are to have relationships with non-believers, and that God loves and wants everyone to be part of the body of Christ. This really meant something for me really, because I have experienced the fact that there are really people out there seeking for God and how great is it to know that, and what motivation to share the word of God with others...

But, through all the week with the tiffs, struggles, sadness and unhappiness; I felt a strange sense of peace and joy in Christ, because it filled me with a renewed passion for God. And, it reminds me of two of my favourite sayings in the Purpose Driven Life...And that is:

-Pain is the fuel of passion – it energizes us with an intensity to change that we don’t normally possess. C.S. Lewis Pain is God’s megaphone. It is God’s way of arousing us from spiritual lethargy. Your problems are not punishment; they are wake-up calls from a loving God. God is not mad at you; he’s mad about you, he will do whatever it takes to bring you back into fellowship with him. But there is an easier way to reignite your passion for God: Start asking God to give it to you, and keep on asking until you have it. Pray this throughout you day: Dear Jesus, more than anything else, I want to get to know you intimately.

-Your most profound and intimate experiences of worship will likely be in you darkest days – When your heart is broken, when you feel abandoned, when you’re out of options, when the pain is great – and you turn to God alone.

To end, I’m hoping for the issues in my life to be resolved, so I can live my life as I should with joy and peace in my heart. I hope my misery ends soon, but anyway no matter I’m taking comfort from knowing that all things work for the good of those who love Him. And, I’m just amazed at how pain is truly the fuel for passion as I’ve felt, and there’s no greater joy than being passionate and in close worship with God.

Just wanna be Passionate & Happy in Life

2009-11-10T14:54:00.000+08:00

I really don’t know how I should describe last week coz I’m not even sure how I’m feeling about last week. It was a pretty uneventful start to the week but it didn’t end most boring. So yea basically, from Monday to Wednesday it was like any other week just did the usual stuff. Then, Thursday went to check out the Marina Barrage, which was quite interesting and educational, cool coz we got to see how it worked and the view from the roof wasn’t too bad. Somehow though, I did enjoy the gallery the most. And, I managed to squeeze in a walk in a park on Friday. But, as for the weekend, my Saturday was packed, had a workshop in the morning and chess training for the rest of the day. While, on Sunday had Church of course. The workshop I attended btw is part of the Athletes Career Programme, so learned stuff about finding a career that matches ones passion, skills and values, and networking. It was good coz I learned stuff but was kinda awkward for me, coz we had to mix with absolute strangers. And, as for my chess training, I recorded only my second win in a row this term but was awesome though tiring. So that was my week in summary. I guess if I were to put a word though to how I was last week personally and unrelated to the events of last week, I would say it was insecurity. The week itself though it was really like any other week, nothing more I could say.

My insecurity I would say began with the fact that it was feedback to me that I’m governed too much by my feelings. But, I mean that’s just me, I’m just the kind of person who feels lost if I’m not in touch with how I’m feeling. And, it’s not that I don’t know the truth or that my feelings are clouding the truth, it’s just that I want to not only know the truth but to feel the truth of whatever it is. The most important issue about this is the issue about my faith. It’s just that in recent times my passion and my spiritual feelings are not at the highest. Not that I doubt in any way, just my fervor for my faith hasn’t been at its greatest. And, I mean it can’t be anything out of the ordinary for there to be times like that, the Lord is my Saviour and my God and nothing can or will ever separate me from the love of God, I trust and believe that. Nothing is wrong with me, my faith is unshaken, and I only just want to revitalize that passion in me for God’s glory. There was no reason for me to feel like just because I was going on so much about feelings that my faith was just a mere emotional feeling. And, I just needed the assurance that truly my faith is genuine and that by faith I am saved, and that my sins are forgiven by the death on Jesus on the cross, and God forgives our sins when we confess them, coz of the question about my feelings.

The other reflection I had was about the fact that I realize again, as I mentioned before almost two years ago that I haven’t been genuinely happy for a long time in my life. I felt I got over that for awhile now but I’m beginning to feel that way again. It’s not that there’s no joy in my life despite difficult circumstances, I mean I still take joy from trusting and knowing God is there for me in difficult times and that He has something to bring out of these situations. But, I just wish that for once there would be no more drama or things that I hate happen to me. Cox I really just wanna live my life and not worry about anything and just be happy. And, yea here’s the great song by Leona Lewis, well the lyrics…yea I’m more of the lyrics kind of person…

Happy by Leona Lewis

Verse 1:
Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can't have everything
Don't cha take chances
Might feel the pain
Don't cha love in vain
Cause love won't set you free
I could stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be

Chorus:
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause I'm just trying to be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah

Verse 2:
Holding on tightly
Just can't let it go
Just trying to play my role
Slowly disappear, ohh
All these days I feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names
Get me outta here
I can't stand by your side, ohh no
Watch this life pass me by, pass me by

Chorus:
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause I'm just trying to be happy, ohh, happy, ohh

Bridge:
So and it's just that I can't see
The kind of stranger on this road
But don't say victim
Don't say anything

Chorus:
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me

Outro:
I just wanna be happy
Ohh, yeah, happy, ohh, happyI just wanna be, ohh
I just wanna be happy
Ohh, happy

But, somehow over time, I’ve been feeling like though I know the very purpose of our existence is to live for God’s glory and do what I’m passionate about since God puts these dreams and passions in us for a reason, I feel a need to achieve something.. And, it is true that life is not about trying to achieve great results and success as the world defines it. The thing is that since we live for God’s glory and He wants us to prosper and do our best in what we do, then, shouldn’t there be achievements and victories to show for. And, I guess since God has a plan for us to serve in areas we are passionate about and it drives perfection, we should excel in what we do. But, really life is not about what great achievements we have done and there’s nothing wrong with achievement, just that it should not be our goal in life. I mean at the end of the day what does good grades get you and what does the medals or trophies we win matter, they fade as time goes by. The key to living for God’s glory is to do what we do with a heart of worship, to work as working for God not Man and to serve others, as God would have us serve Him. I must admit that sometimes, I wish I have achieved something, when I see that others have made an achievement or even have got good grades in school. For me personally, now it is like how there are others who have done well and are in university doing what they like. What I got to remind myself though is that, truly it is more important that I do something I’m passionate about and try my best to do what I do for God’s glory.

There is however one issue that is confusing I think about getting good grades in school. I mean, in school we have to do several different subjects and there will always be subjects we like and ones we dislike. And, most of the time, we do better at some subjects than others. Of course there are those who can excel at all if not most of their subjects. But, I guess we are all different, some just have a passion for studying while others have a passion for certain subjects. The way I see it is that school is for learning and finding out what we are passionate about and are good at. It is just the path to finding a career that we are good at and are passionate about.

This brings me nicely to my next point, and that is about my thoughts on the workshop I went for in the weekend. The fact was that at the workshop the people I met there were all young athletes who represent the country in various sports. And, there they were talking about taking there passion for their sport and channeling that into their work life. But, it made me consider my very different situation. I mean, I do enjoy some areas of the mind sport that I play which is chess and some areas do interest me but I don’t really see it as my passion and seriously I’m no top chess player, I just happened to be the only disabled chess player to be involved in the chess scene. But, I wouldn’t say that representing the country in the Asean Para Games and to win it is impossible for me. I just feel really confused and am having trouble coming to terms with how I’ve suddenly become a top athlete out of nowhere. I am honored to be given this opportunity to represent the country but it has never crossed my mind till now that I would want to win a medal for the country. For me it is more important for me to have the experience, to enjoy myself, do my best and bring glory to God. And I guess, it does not necessarily mean winning, coz I need more meaning than just achieving a medal since medals really fade away.

Finally, there was the message at Church on Sunday about evangelism. The speaker spoke about catch the fire, to catch the Spirit of God and the passion and desire to save all Man. And, I must really agree that it is truly only when we feel the heart of God, and know that passion to save and that love for others, that we can really reach out and make the effort to bring others to Christ. But, I must say that recently, I don’t feel as passionate as I was at a point in time, when I tried to share the gospel with a friend. I stopped after a while, but after hearing the message I actually decided to follow up again. I believe at that time I went into it because I cared for a friend and the Lord provided me with the opportunity since not many others talked with me that much. But, I feel I’m getting back the desire and I pray to continue to do so with even greater passion. For me though, I feel that there are some ways we can fire up that passion again. And, that is to keep in mind the plight of the unsaved, to know God better and know His heart’s desire to save all Mankind, to know that love God showed to us and to respond in gratitude, to realize that that is one of our purposes here on earth since it is a commission to us, to share the joy that we know in Christ with others and be inspired by the passion of others. So that is what has fuelled my passion for evangelism, and I just need to rekindle that passion. And, to pray that the Lord will let me catch the fire again.

To end, I guess all I really just want is to be happy and live my life fully and well according to God’s will and bring glory to God coz to me that’s the most fulfilling and meaningful life; it is the only true way to live. And, in the process, I want to be truly passionate about what I’m doing.

It's All a Choice...

2009-11-02T20:22:00.000+08:00

I must say that last week a pretty good week, I didn’t go out too much nor did I feel like I stayed home too much and had nothing to do. Things went quite well and there wasn’t anything that really upset me at all last week, in fact I felt great. But, there were a couple of things on my mind last week about life, my life, bitterness and about friendships. It sounds pretty much like this post is going to be a heavy one with the three things that I’ve mentioned that were on my mind last week that I would like to share in this post, but that’s not really it. I feel coming from a couple of good weeks gone by, it is more on a positive note that I’m sharing my thought from last week. It is about my new found understanding and insight into a world I haven’t really explored deeply. Also, it is about my passion to not just live ordinarily but to live my life in a full way. I know it seem like forever that I keep going off about living life to the full and about finding friendship, but these are the core few things that are so close to my heart and there is just so much to learn from life experiences about living life and relationships. And, I know I’ve come a long way in reaching a greater understanding of these ideals, so I’m just looking at these things from an improved perspective, about how I can continue to live my life in an even broader and greater sense, and to reach out farther to others beyond my small social circle. So, it is in the light of that progress and as I look positively to the future that I say these things…

Before I go into all that, here’s an overview of my week last week. I went out on Monday to HortPark and West Coast Park, had my chess lesson on Tuesday, rested on Wednesday, went out to Changi Beach Park on Thursday and checked out Ion Orchard again on Friday, this time from the underground link from Taka to Ion and from the basement up. And, on Saturday I was at East Coast in the late afternoon. Sunday, of course was church and there was some surprising news about youth class, and that is that we will be joining the young adult’s coz their teachers decided to stop teaching the class.

But, as to how last week went, West Coast Park was pleasant but not big, my chess lesson was ok, Changi Beach was not bad, caught some nice sea breeze. And, Ion Orchard was cool, I mean the underground link. But, we got caught in the rain at East Coast on Saturday, which surprisingly was interesting coz this is one of the rare occasions that I encountered having to watch as we waited for the rain to stop. In the end, there was no sign of the rain stopping so my dad had to run through the rain to get the car to get us back, coz as you know it rained island-wide on Saturday from late afternoon to almost 8pm or longer.

Since we’re at this juncture, I shall get into my thoughts about last week beginning with my afternoon at East Coast on Saturday. Well, apart from the raining, at the early part when I was strolling along with my parents at East Coast, there were these huge numbers of inconsiderate people cycling on the footpaths, and like on several occasions they nearly knocked into people. I was pretty angry that there were so many people doing that, sure I know it is a very common thing but I just find it very inconsiderate. I took a dig at some people cycling on the paths, not that they cared that I was lamenting about their inconsiderate act. However, it made me question myself, was I being a bitter person by getting upset over some peoples’ apparently inconsiderate act and telling them off? I mean, no one likes a bitter person who complains about everything, I was fearful that maybe this is something that has stumbled me in the area of making friends. But, then again, what was the right course of action, ignore the fact that there were cyclist coming out from nowhere on to the walking path such that we had to dive away from these inconsiderate cyclist or if not what should I have done? And, mind you, this is within a park not like on the road or something. The first thing that came to my mind was something mentioned in church about not confronting a person who has done wrong in a fit of anger but to point out the wrong in love. I guess, maybe I was too quick to get angry about the inconsiderate acts that were being committed. But, in this particular case, it would even make sense to try telling the people off about this, even if I was calmer, coz they wouldn’t care anyway. My mum’s advice was to live and let live and she said something on the lines of we can’t change the whole world…and if I would finish that with the fact that we can make a difference by being the change. But, I still believe just because we can’t change the whole world we can just let it go. Logically, I guess the right course of action was not to act on it in that instant but to let them be coz really there was nothing I could do, and it would only serve to make everyone feel upset by getting worked up about it.

However, I decided to look into what the Bible says about this in a broader sense, and I also looked up a section of the Purpose Driven Life. To begin with, I looked at it from the perspective of the Body of Christ in the PDL, that is in restoring broken relationships, I guess it is similar in that it is about someone doing a wrong to someone and in fact the next day after this incident there was an incident of a family member who treated me in a way that hurt me. So this was relevant…The course of action to deal with it, is to talk to the person, take initiative, sympathize, confess, cooperate, seek a solution and emphasize reconciliation. This is more for disagreements with each other, but I guess what we can take out of this is that instead of reacting angrily, we should confront a person in a way that is not in any way out of compulsion, but in the spirit of correcting someone or working things out.

And, in being tempted to be bitter here are the relevant verses from the Bible…

Hebrews 12:14
14Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. 15See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

Ephesians 4:30-32
30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Psalms 4:4
In your anger do not sin;

The Bible states clearly here that we to be careful not to sin in our anger, as in also this case when someone has wronged you, and we must work to keep the peace and forgive one another. In fact, when others sin against us we are asked to forgive them, more than we are to criticize their actions. So we should not condone a wrong but we should first forgive then point out the wrong, if we are certain they are in the wrong. The amazing thing is that two of the memory verses and messages at church are taken from two the verses here that have been relevant to my experiences last week Ephesians 4 and Colossians 3 are the two verses and both are about forgiving one another.

Below are verses regarding when others sin against us:

Matthew 6:14-15 (New International Version)
14For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Colossians 3:12-14 (New International Version)
12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

And, when we are tempted to bitter, we can trust that ultimately God will judge and punish the bad.

Psalms 73:17-18
17 till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny.
18 Surely you place them on slippery ground; you cast them down to ruin.

Therefore, I say it’s a choice that we have to let ourselves be bitter over the wrongs of others, or to forgive, not be angry but to point out and let God be the ultimate judge. Ok, it sounds a bit extreme for a small inconsiderate act but I guess this is in a broader sense about the wrong in this world. For me personally, I think I have to work on not being bitter, wherever a wrong is committed but to act in love and understanding.

Now then, to my main thoughts that I had throughout the week in regards to my life. Well, I don’t have a lot to say about this, but I must stress that it is the most important thing concerning me in my life now. And, the thing I feel is that really there is some much potential for my life and life itself, there is a whole life out there waiting to be lived, if only I will go out there and embrace it. But, here I am while others are out there trying hard to seize this opportunity and maximize the potential for life, either sitting at home or just going out occasionally to the park or mall. I’m by no means suggesting that a life lived to the fullest is about making the most out of life, but is about simplifying it and minimizing the things we do to focus on our purpose in life that is to live for God’s glory. But, it means filling our lives with things and activities contributing to this goal of pointing to God’s glory. And, I feel like I’m not doing enough in my life, to really achieve that sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. Of course to be honest there is the other side of me that wants to really enjoy my life more and to make the most out of my life in doing the things I want to do. I just want to have a life, and not feel like I have nothing fun or meaningful to do, as much as I know it is about doing everything for God’s glory regardless of what it is. Seeing all the stuff that’s been going on in other peoples’ lives, make me feel like I’m doing so little with my life. And, I mean, I’m being careful that it is not about being jealous and competing with other people, but more that I really have a passion and desire to do more with my life. That is really all I want just to do more with my life, and I know next year when I start school again, I have one area in my life that is purposeful. Although, this week I can’t of felt like perhaps I wanted to do architecture instead of product design, but I feel yea product design is still my no.1 passion and realistically I’m going to stick to my plan of doing PD in poly. Just want to ensure my life is also fulfilling outside of just my education. So yea want to continue to live life to the full in a greater way. I guess, perhaps it is a choice we can make to live our lives to the fullest…

Finally, somewhere in the week there was one person who continued to try to chat me up, and made me ask myself a thought provoking question, which to me was profound. I mean the question sounds simple enough, can/could we turn down a persons’ genuine desire for friendship? It was on both ends that I’ve experienced this before, in this case someone was trying to be my friend, and in the other, I was trying to be friends with someone. I appeared offline to avoid the person chatting me up, which is what I know some people have done to me. I know it sounds straight forward that like of course it’s a person’s personal choice. But, I mean, doesn’t it sound the least bit harsh and could it even be a prejudice? Aren’t we to have relationship to one another and to love one another? I guess, we can’t be friends with the whole world and inevitably some people form closer friends with others. And, sometimes as harsh as it is, it is a fact that there are some odd ones out, who are sidelined due to them being different, a kind of prejudice. But, not everyone is with prejudice and they just happen to click better with others that’s all, nothing personal. But, that isn’t really is it for anyone, I mean, I believe somewhere out there, there is always someone willing to be friend, even if not others. So I guess, the fact that it is a choice still remains…

To end, it’s all a choice, in life and in everything, but ultimately God is sovereign and knows what our choices will be. We should trust that He knows what is best for us and in Him we can make the right choices to live for God’s glory, which will enable us to live full lives and reach out to others.

Rediscovering Who I Am...

2009-10-27T12:32:00.000+08:00

Alright, so last week was kind of a week of reflection and rest, I took a break from trying to find things to go out and do everyday, like I’ve been out visiting parks way too much already and I had to take a break, just to figure out again what really I want to do with my life for the rest of this year. And, strangely after the week before was getting me confused about my vision for my life, last week, was about rediscovering who I really am and just finding back parts of who I am that I seem to have somehow lost track of in this very new and different life I’ve been living for the past year. It was great to be able to sort of trying to find back some of the amazing things about my life before this year, but more than that in looking at my life, there’s so much more I want to do with my life and fill my life with, to continue to improve my life. So yea…

For most of last week, I was at home doing the normal stuff I usually do, but did go out once last week to Vivocity and the SKS Bookstore. SKS Bookstore of course is where you can get a lot of Christian resources, Bibles, books, programmes and music. Went there to get a Bible my mum wanted to give to someone. It was great going there coz like when we went in they playing in the background some of the hillsong songs we sang so much of back in school during chapel and stuff, and just being surrounded by so many books, really brought me back to when I was listening and worshipping a lot more with singing and learning through reading books a lot, which was when I was spiritually at my peak. So that was Wednesday that I went out, and after that in the next few days, having made up my mind to finally complete all the necessary installations to my desktop computer to restore my computer to the way it was before, I did so and decided to go back to using my desktop which crashed quite a number of months ago, coz since it crashed I had been using my laptop all the time.

And, it felt great almost like old times where I used my computer, where I listened to music, especially my worship songs, while doing my usual social networking stuff. And yea, the only foreign thing to me though was the new version of windows live that I installed, which led to me finding the button to transfer all my friends on facebook onto my msn contact list. Haha, the funny thing was though, I had to start answering people’s queries about who I am. It is even so coincidental that while here I’m talking about people asking me who I am, my main thoughts about last week which I’m sharing here in my blog post is about rediscovering who I am. It’s not even like I planned it. But, oh well…And, anyway, it was fun going out to Vivo on the way there where I had lunch, and bought some music CDs. Just like being outside somewhere was good coz I really haven’t been to a shopping mall in quite a long while already, been staying too long on the sidelines. And, it gave me some ideas about stuff that would be nice and stuff I like.

The thing about last week was that from the beginning of last week to slightly over the middle part of last week, I felt like I became numb and like I lost my ability to feel. Where were my emotions? I didn’t feel like I could have passion or love in my heart for that moment. I guess I just lost track of my feelings and who I am. I just felt like apart from myself and I didn’t even know what I wanted even anymore. It was probably all these usual routines and doing all these stuff, either like the week earlier going out to parks or just staying at home. I guess it was a combination of all the things my life is at this point, with nothing much on and being alone a lot had left me depressed, not that I was upset by anything but I just think it was something to do with the chemicals in my brain. It really isn’t anything, but there has been issue in my life this year I’ve been having that has stressed me out all year with mood swings, NO NOT BIPOLAR, haha. Just some personal issue, not a health concern. So I woke up to the same issue again last week and it probably made me moody and not the way I normally am, and all my feelings seemed to fade away. However, just like wondering and waiting just focusing and doing my stuff, like the lyrics of this song, for when my feelings will come to me

I’m sorry it’s taking me so long to find out what I’m feeling, I wonder if it will come to me… (Feelings Show by Colbie Caillat).

I tried to find back my feelings to know what my passions are and who the people I care about the most are. And, it finally came back to me by the end of last week and into this week I’m feeling great again. I guess feelings are just subjective, fickle and sway with the wind and they come and go, but we should focus on what is true. But, I must say it wasn’t fun being without feeling in my heart it felt like the lyrics of this song by Marie Digby:

Feel

Feels like I spent all this time talking to walls
Feels like I gotta let go of the way it was before
Are your really there? Are you made of stone?
Am I talking to someone or am I here all alone

[Chorus]
Are you alive, don't you feel, feel, feel?
Show me you're here, show me your tears
Don't you feel, feel, feel, feel?
Show me, hold me, speak up and tell me something
Change my mind before it's too late
Are you alive, show me you're human
Can't you feel, feel, feel, feel?

Seems like you're stuck in a daze, slipping away, away
I'm sick of trying to reach you, can't you say what's on your mind
Baby we're losing the race to far behind, behind
Tell me that I'm not the only one who can try, who can fight the wall

[Chorus]

Sometimes the words they don't get through
What really speaks is what you do
Open up, let me inside, just wanna find you
Whoa, wake up, are you dead?

[Chorus]

At the end of the week when I felt better again, it was about the time when I felt everything was back to the way it was before and things were back to normal, like I felt I found myself, the kind of person I am now with all the positive things from the past, coz they were revived by things I realized last week. But, one I realized more frighteningly and sorely lacking in my life is friends. I realize that while others have many pictures with friends but I’m all alone and without such pictures. However, I know I’m not alone coz I’ve got my family and God. And, I know as I strive to continue to improve I’ll be able to establish friendships in the future.

This brings me to my next point and that is that I was watched the quite old show called the Sisterhood of Travelling Pants, and the words of the character Lena the quiet girl struck me. I mean in some ways I identify with her in that I’m quiet and always keeping to myself but so desperately want to open up to love, not really romantically as in this sense but always as friends, platonic I guess. It is tragic that her other friends who have had lost people in their lives weren’t afraid to open up to love and be loved, but she who had everything was afraid to open up, which I feel the same way.

So it touched me and made me see how I really should open myself up more. And, the best part was when the guy told Lena that she may not open herself up to others but that He sees through her, and when she replied with the act that being with Him, she felt like she knew who she was, which answered her question of who I am? It so amazing how soul mates and people who are meant to be together don’t have to make any effort to open up, but they just have to be who they are, and they will get or understand each other. And, I feel like there is someone, who makes me feel that way.

Anyway then, on Saturday, I had no chess training, so I stay home all day not doing anything really. But, I just remember talking that night about not giving up in always teaching and guiding as parents to children, and how sometimes I feel like parents think their kids push them away because they really don’t want to have to have them around but the fact is that actually crave the opposite. And, also about being perfect the way we are because not matter who we are with our flaws and all God still loves us. And, I talked about trusting the Lord and having joy and peace in Christ, despite all our circumstances.

This I didn’t realize would end up being some of the things mentioned in the message at church, which called Jesus, our GPS in troubled times, it was abit more like a sharing than a sermon but some things mentioned really resonated with my own beliefs and thoughts. The message was taken from

Matthew 11:28-29 (New International Version)
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Ok, to be honest, I can’t remember all the things about the message that I felt resonated with my heart, but I’ll try my best to recall. The first thing was about change, that life is about change, and how God can teach us and lead us, but also comfort us. This I feel really strongly about that in all things good or bad, i.e. a change, God has a good purpose out of it all. And, we are lead by God in times of change and uncertainty, in that we trust God through these times and let Him direct our paths. As for comfort in such times, God is the only one who can truly give us rest, because He is always there for us and He is willing to not necessarily take away the burdens in life but to place His hand under ours and take the weight of all our burdens.

And, the message moved on to take a more mission direction, but it is because of the speaker’s context that mission was liken to life’s journey, as she spends a lot of daily life doing missions.
So yea, in life as in doing missions, we are not alone on this journey no matter how tough things get at times. And, despite our all our flaws and imperfections, we can be yoked with Christ to share the burden of sharing God’s word to unbelievers and in our daily lives. Coz, we are perfect in our usual way as God loves us the way we are. And, God blesses us in living out the life and mission He had envisioned for our lives here on Earth, and gives us joy and peace in Him through doing His work. So we should come to Christ and let Him give our souls rest, in the knowledge that God is with us in our lives as we live out the great commission and the greatest commandment that the Lord has given to us to share the gospel and to love God with all our hearts and to love others.

So it was basically, the things about finding and rest and joy in Christ no matter how tough life gets and the fact that God accepts us the way we are that struck a chord with me. But, as for the part about mission, it did make me realize that I haven’t been as passionate about sharing the gospel as I used to and it really wake up me up from my apathy to try to regain that passion for the great commission by reminding myself at the state of Mankind and the love God showed us and the love we are to have for all those around us. And, of course, the fact that it is a command by God for us. I know I have been sharing with someone before, but halfway through I didn’t follow up anymore, because I felt I had done all I could already, so maybe I need to try harder and let God use whatever small effort to do His work through me.

So those were the stuff that spoke to me last week…and you might wonder what it has got to do with rediscovering myself and who I am, so I shall piece it all together in these concluding words. Basically, I felt a part of me was slipping away with all my feelings faded, it was like I was losing myself. So last week was about finding that back and with all the things that happened to me last week I felt I did rediscover myself.

It was the trip to the shopping mall that reminded me of things I like, the trip to the Christian Bookstore that rekindled my passion for God’s word and worshipping Him through songs, hillsongs, and how I went back to old times using my desktop computer to play worships songs and go online. And, about finding back my feelings and emotions, love and friendship.

Finally, then, the message on Sunday, reminded me of a lot of the beliefs my life stands for about joy in all circumstances in Christ and being made perfect in our weaknesses in Christ. So that’s how I rediscovered myself, the me combining all the good old stuff with the new and improved stuff. And, really I truly find who I am only in Christ for God created us for His glory as our purpose here on Earth, and in Christ you ask who I am? I say I am His…

So we are all perfect the way we are as says in an excerpt from this song:

Believe in Me – Demi Lovato

I'm losing myself
Trying to compete
With everyone else
Instead of just being me
I don't know where to turn
I've been stuck in this routine
I need to change my ways
Instead of always being weak

[Chorus]
I don't wanna be afraid
I wanna wake up feeling beautiful
Today
And know that I'm okay
Cause everyone's perfect in unusual way
You seeI just wanna believe in me

La la la la, la la la la

The mirror can lie
Doesn't show you what's inside
And it, it can tell you your full of life
It's amazing what you can hide
Just by putting on a smile

[Chorus]

Finding my way in this overwhelming world...

2009-10-20T10:09:00.000+08:00

I guess I waited too long before posting for last week, coz to be honest I can barely remember what I even wanted to post about. So much for making a post after the end of each week…But, hopefully in trying to go through the events of last week in this post my thoughts from last week might just come back to me. But, I do of course have something in mind for this post, if all else fails, ok just kidding. Seriously though, there’s something that was kinda on my mind somewhere during the week, even almost till now. And, that is how I feel like I been doing so much and kind of aimlessly in some sense, that I feel sort of lost, maybe a little overwhelmed, but most crucially like I’ve lost some sense of direction in my life at the moment.

And, it’s not that things aren’t going well, in fact things are going pretty good. Also, it’s not that I don’t have in my heart and mind the fact the I’m living my life for God’s glory as is the true purpose God put us here on Earth. Just like I’m kind of confused about what I want and my vision of living life to the fullest that I have for myself. Overall, last week was quite fine actually, went out to visit quite a number of other parks and managed to do stuff I had to do at home.

So, on Monday, I went to MacRitchie Reservoir, Wednesday was to Admiralty Park, Thurday was back to MacRitchie, Friday was like Bukit Timah Hill/Zhenghua, and Sunday was Zhenghua Park/ Bukit Panjang. Well, so it was quite a number of kilometers of National Parks I covered into the third week of my trips to National Parks. I didn’t even realize that I was practically spending a lot of my week going to National Parks, like I probably over did it a little. It was my intention to go out maybe every alternate day last week. But, I ended up going out one too many times to visit parks. I feel like I probably need to spend time going other places and doing other things. I mean, I’ve realized that I have this opportunity with the time to do things I won’t normally get to do when I was busier.

However, I got so caught up in trying to check out as many National Parks as possible. The wake up call so to speak came when I was asked whether I really needed to go out almost every other day. Made me start to wonder really why I was even going that much, and it was pretty much just time with my dad when we went out. So it’s not like I had friends to go out with, as much as spending time with my dad was more than fine, and it wasn’t like I had some plan or something I wanted to accomplish from my trips. Sure, of course I was visiting parks coz I enjoy going through nature trails, but it was turning into something almost mechanical, it was becoming increasingly meaningless and I have no idea why. Again, I mean, I know that I have purpose and meaning in my life by living for what live was meant to be lived for and that is for God’s glory, and I know that in enjoying God’s creation in the form of nature, it was a spiritual thing and would fall into my idea of living life to the fullest and be part of living my life for God’s glory.

Somehow though, since I don’t have any immediate plans for my life, until next year, I just felt somewhat aimless, like I was drifting through life right now and I was confused about what I was doing with my life at this point. I began feel I was seeing the futility of living for enjoyment as much as it can be a spiritual thing. But, of course, living for enjoyment is not what we live for, but for God’s glory. Enjoyment however is part of life and just like what is said in Ecclesiates, it is meaningless really in the grand scheme of things. That is if we live purely for that. What I mean here is like even just as a part of life I find it is quite meaningless. Again I’m not discrediting the fact that it can be a spiritual thing if we thank God for all He has given us. Just that it really should be enough for me to just know what I’m living for, which is for God’s glory. Sure a lot of things in life are temporary and ultimately meaningless but it doesn’t mean we should completely not have anything to do with these things, just that God’s glory should be our focus. I mean, we all need that divine purpose that directs our lives and our hearts have been set on eternity,

That was my main thought for last week, but of course there were things. First, it was my trip to Admiralty Park on Wednesday, where we ended up inside Republic Polytechnic, it really just reminded me of what it was like to be back in school and like I really am looking forward to going back to school next year. It was sort of nostalgic in a way and yet filled me with the anticipation for next year. Well, of course, it has nothing to do with the poly mentioned here, but just seeing young people going about school activities, made me all the more miss school and wish I could get back to it soon.

Then, there was something amazing about last week, in that some of the things I actually talked about in my last blog post, I mean the topics, seem to be the buzz going around. I don’t know if I’m just imagining it but it certainly felt that way, like for example the National Parks and tourism stuff, and even about dating…lol. Ok, this is really random but yea whatever.

But, also contributing to my sense of confusion about life last week, as mentioned in my main thought for last week was the fact that I’ve managed to keep myself busier than I’ve been this whole year with so many things to do. I kind of felt overwhelmed a bit and felt like there was so much to do and so little time. And, I’m not totally complaining coz the boredom I felt for most of this year is now a thing of the past, just perhaps, need to give myself time to find my bearings.

And, somehow for last several weeks and few months I’ve felt like my eyes have been opened to a broader view of life and the world, beyond what I’ve ever seen, in all my efforts to do things and go out and see things. And, really I’ve always felt like I know a lot about life and the world but I’m seeing that maybe I’ve got so much more to learn actually, it is both daunting yet an exciting prospect. There’s just so much to life, it kind of seems impossible to take in everything.

Finally, last week I remember watching the movie Definitely, Maybe…and as a follow up to what I mentioned in my last post…maybe love isn’t that much about the attraction, but being able to click. And, anyway before I end, I just want to share a good piece of news, about last week and that is that I’ve finally won a game in my chess squad training. Ok, I guess that’s all I can say…

Fallin' into Place...

2009-10-12T20:41:00.000+08:00

Last week was a good week, and it was a week of things changing for the better, a week where i felt like everything seem to be falling back in place. Sure, things haven’t become different a great deal, like i still have issues in my life, but certainly mostly things are going pretty well and i just feel for a fact that I’m making strides in improving my life and myself, and that everything is just finding its space in my life. Again, there are many things i have still yet to achieve but definitely I’m on the right track and there are all mostly within reach. And, like I’ve been occupied with lots of stuff to do, even if there aren’t big things and even if they are just seemingly mundane at times, i’ve been occupied with these things in a purposeful way. The things i’ve been doing at home have been, like my Bible reading, my chess, my usual social networking on the com, going out and visiting places in Singapore, watching TV, blogging, singing, playing and exercising. And things i have yet to do are like my online store, practise my drawing and swimming.

But, I just know that I’ve got to not procrastinate and just complete the things i wanna do, like i’ve started this week finishing a lot of my work. On a whole, the week was pleasant and i managed to avert any of the unhappy feelings i have been plagued by before, as much as there was one thing that should have, which thankfully i avoided. It was sort of like a rest week for me, since i went out a lot the week before. Strangely though, with all things i did, i did feel somewhat tired after last week. I went out once during the week to Pasir Ris park, where i check out the Ehub too. I got many brochures when i was there, so now i have more ideas on how to spend my time doing things around the island. Overall, it was a not bad week, and i had lots of inspirations and thoughts that have empassion me. So, i hope to share some of that in this post.

Thus, it all began with the first three days in which i rested at home mostly doing my usual stuff. Having spend time at home, i had some unpleasant and tense moments in relating to one another. This coupled with my own realisations like how i used to be more idealistic and how kind i was to others before. And, even with the Obama getting the Nobel Peace prize, it made me think about he’s preference for diplomacy over deterrence stance, and how i used to stand more strongly for that, but seem to have lost that abit. So that’s why i really felt like in the face of realism and realists, i have sort of lost some of my idealism as that try to say you can’t change the world. And, that is also why i say i wish i had back some of the old things that were good about me and the good things in my old way of life.

It is not that I’m looking back but in improving myself to make up for my personality weaknesses, i’m losing my old side which had some good things. So, i just want to retain the good things in me from before while embracing the new me, which is generally about being more open and living fully beyond my comfort zone. So, i really wanted to improve my relations with people too and find back some of my idealism. And, by the end of the week, i felt i made some progress which was good. Anw, for me the only thing i had fun watching and looked forward to was watching S Idol at least in the first three days of the week.

Next, on Thursday, I went out with my dad to Pasir Ris Park, where we walked the whole length of it, was pleasant but i still prefer East Coast, ok duh who doesn’t. We saw the mangrove swamps, the sea and even a snake! Then, later we went to the Ehub. And, i collected some brochures about Singapore attractions at the nearby shop houses just outside wild wild wet. Alright, so as you know I’ve been on a trip to explore all the national parks in Singapore, and this was one of the many trips i’ve had already. But, now with the brochures I get to have more places to visit in my gap year that I’m taking now.

So, it dawned on me once again, why the Lord might have allowed me to end up having this gap year, well there have been other reasons, but i realised a new one. That is to let me do what i said i wanted to be able to do in my grand scheme of living life to the fullest, that is to do the things we otherwise may not have the time for if we had work or school for me for that matter. Sure, i don’t get to travel around the world, but at least i get to explore our very own country, that’s amazing enough. So, i’m happy and determined to enjoy and make the most of my gap year. Yeah, i get to live life to the fullest my way!

And, furthermore, these are some of the thoughts i had regarding parenting, love and improving social skills which came about from watching TV. No and it’s not mindless TV or me trying to take only what happens in TV and replace reality, it’s real things that happen in real life. Firstly, about parenting, ok maybe I’m not in a position to say, but i have my views. My view generally relates to disciplining a child but is not what I’m going to discuss here. Rather, the topic is about who should be blamed when kids go bad, parents or the kids themselves. It is easy to start debating this and blame one or the other, or even both for that matter. But, the conclusion about this matter from the show i watched was, that it doesn’t really matter whose fault it is, and that neither parents nor kids should blame themselves, as much as it could be either, coz sometimes kids learn bad examples from parents or kids make wrong decisions. The key is that it is not important. What is more important is that parents’ never give up in guiding and teaching their kids no matter how old they are. Parents should look ahead, to try to improve the present and make the future better. Same goes for kids, they should try their best to be good and repay their parents by taking care of them when they grow older.

As for love and social skills, I got the realisation from the show MTV Made. Basically, watching how they turn geeks into socially adept individuals. I wouldn’t really compare myself with these people, but i must honestly admit that I’m that socially awkward person that sits alone at a table, has few friends and is in his own world, either studying (actually, i don’t study as much as people think i do), evidence is in that i didn’t get good grades, or playing computer games, which again is only partially true. But, anw i realised that i always say the reason i don’t communicate well socially is because i don’t know what to talk about. What i realised though, is the that is not really what is important, it is how i present myself and about being confident and going up and talking with people, just being myself and sharing in a natural way. And, that comes with practise which i don’t have coz i’m not really in many social situations, but i can work on it.

And, for love and dating, i feel that from my personal experience which i don’t have, i can say that i blew even the slightest bit of a friendship with someone i liked. And, that was because things were awkward due to my poor social skills, and after one phone conversation, we never spoke again. And, it began with just simple messages. Then, i wanted to let her know how i felt, but didn’t know the words to say. And, i ended up saying something that wasn’t nice. In fact, she probably was offended in a way. And, i don’t even know if she knew how i felt still. I apologised and we remained just acquaintances. But, i finally decided to say that she not reply me if she saw nothing between us. And, she never replied, but we did message sometimes but rarely, almost never. So that was how we left things, I never knew if i ever stood a chance or whether she knew how i felt, or I how she felt. And, i guess, in love sometimes there no second chances, as much as i wished. Till now, i don’t know if we are still even friends, coz she won’t chat with me but she’d reply some of my message if i did send them. I feel though I probably need to accept that nothing ever started and whatever there is between us it’s over. And, about what love is... Is love an attraction or something that has been nurtured? I know love as in the Bible which is unconditional. But, i mean i know that is the definition, just that doesn’t there still need to be that attraction also. I think it is important to feel that connection but that it also certainly needs to be worked on. Sometimes, though, i feel that friendships cannot be confused with love, although friendship can become love.

And, recently, i had people who tried to be friends with me and one of which was someone i don’t really like and in fact a lot of people find this person irritating. The person tried to start a conversation with me which was intrusive. It made me realise that perhaps, my situation is just like what is on the end, like I’m this person who people don’t really like, not because of anything i did wrong but just people find me strange, and i like certain people to be my friends, so i try making an effort to reach out to them. I realise why are people so harsh. I realised i myself have been so arrogant and harsh. Why can’t we accept people as friends when they genuinely want to be friends, even yea they are not like everyone else? I think we as a human race have think about what we are doing when we exclude others. We are called to love and befriend others for we are all God’s creation and He loves us all the way we are. I know everyone deserves the right to choose their friends carefully and mix with people they like, but if everyone keeps to this primitive way of thinking how can we ever as a society cater to these people who no one cares about? Coz, if everyone thinks that someone else will do this job of being friends to these lonely people, nothing will ever get done at all. And, as for love and the special someone, that is different of course, we can’t force anything. But, we should be open about it, let go and when one you’ve been waiting on passes by, you will, or perhaps the one you’re waiting for has been there all this while...

Finally, i just want to share about how i’m feeling like my life and the person that I am is falling into place and that things are great the way they are now. Well, it’s not that there is something drastic happening in my life, but that i feel like I’m growing more mature as a person, and i see all the areas of my life coming together to form my ideals of what living life to the fullest is. And, really i feel at peace with my life, like everything is going well, and i’m just trusting in God and having joy even with some issues still in my life. And, to top things all off, Pastor’s message on Sunday, really is something i feel is my next step. It was about using our gifts to serve in the Church. And, i been feeling for a long while now that i want to contribute to the Church coz seeing the others involved in Church more than me, i find it inspiring and i want to be a part of it. And, i totally agree, the most important thing for a Church to grow is for every member to contribute as one body as God meant for the Church. So yea, that was my wonderfully inspiring week that i had.

I’m just really learning so much about life right now, and everything seem to be falling into place in my life now, like now i know more clearly where i fit into in this world. And, I was to end remembering that everything in life i do is and should be for God’s glory alone, for that is our purpose in life to glorify God. I’m just feeling so joyful and inspired, I’m so passionate about life now, I just want to go out there and live this wonderful life out...